Erincita

Sunday, June 30, 2002

Wow, my first night at "home". The first night in over 5 years where "home" is synonymous to "family", and "family" is synonymous to Mom and Dad. I feel younger and slightly uncomfortable. I should be in the U-district, probably busying myself with a book or something and wondering when Phil's getting home. Truth be told, that's what I'm thinking about at the moment. I've moved out on uncertain terms. Are we no longer serious? Are we still a couple? I don't think either of us wants to tackle those questions until we get used to the new situation. We never actually "dated", so it's wierd. We lived in the same house for 8 months and then decided to be a couple for the next 4. I won't see him everyday anymore, and I've gotten so damn used to it that I'm a little scared of how the change is going to be.
Phil's Dad called the house this morning and Phil was already gone. He said that he thought I was wonderful for Phil and I was flattered. But he doesn't know anything about us. He only met me once and I know that Phil isn't terribly open about anything, even to his Dad. I'm far too critical and irrational at times. Phil tolerates me when I'd prefer that he argue with me and humbles me when I realize how easily I lose my temper. I know things about Phil that only a wife should know about her husband. I knew these things even before we became a couple. It's going to be wierd sleeping in a strange bed tonight. I wonder if I'll be surprised at where I am when I wake up.

9:48 PM |

Saturday, June 29, 2002

I want to apologize to my fellow jovials, and other interested audience, for my absence. I did, in fact, try to post yesterday but somehow my entry was deleted and is now floating around in cyberspace. No matter, what I had to write wasn't terribly interesting. Today, Saturday, is a refreshing change from the last two rainy days we've had in Seattle, and it is once again sunny and breezy, though thankfully not too hot. This will most likely be the last night I spend at my current residence in the U-district. Tomorrow I expect to move my remaining belongings to the Mercer Island house and live with Mommy and Daddy, who will constantly breath down my neck until I get a job. Unfortunately, this is probably the kind of motivation I need in order to "get my ass in gear", as they say. Today, however, is a lazy hazy Saturday. Phil, Min-Sun and myself went to the Greenlake Bar & Grill, one of my favorite brunch restaurants, and dined on salmon ceasar, quiche and grilled chicken sandwiches. Min-Sun and I each had a Mimosa and Phil a Bloody Mary. I am comfortably full now as we all sit in the Greenlake Library checking e-mail and looking forward to seeing The Borne Identity, starring the ultra-sexy Matt Damon.
Went salsa dancing last night. It wasn't as fun as I had hoped. I guess it's only once in a blue moon that you get really lucky and have a good time. Then again, my best nights were Saturdays and the last two nights I've gone have been Friday nights. I got to Beso del Sol at 11pm and danced with a few guys who have become friends over time since we are such regulars, and then was invited onto the dance floor by an East Indian who was "new in town". I just wanted to dance but chatted with him awhile anyway. I was getting bored by about 12:30 so made an excuse about needing to be home by 1am and made my exit. I wish Min-Sun would have come. Some of the shorter guys were actually asking about her...

2:37 PM |

Friday, June 28, 2002

*sigh* Still no comments. Dana says I know how she feels. No love. Speaking of Dana, I'm honored to announce that Dana has been promoted to management! "Cashier Manager" or something like that. This means more responsibility and, of course, more money. Yay Dana! Let us all wish her luck in this new venture at the wonderful world of comp. I am deliriously proud. I am still unempolyed. I never dreamed I'd hate that word so much. Must get to work and getting a job to go to work to.
Well, we are now online on Mercer Island. The house has already been improved by my parents and myself. Lots of yardwork and heavy cleaning. Mom is presently unpacking and will be helping her with that soon. Most of the miscellaneous junk that we don't have the heart to chuck will be stored within my mother's infamous creation: the "box bed". It's simply a mattress placed on top of 12 small boxes full of stuff we're unlikely to use with much frequency.
Chances are, I will be single again very soon. Phil and I agreed on this before we got serious. We were actually close friends for 8 months before we became a couple, and I'm looking forward to going back to that friendship. Less obligation, more freedom. I expect that most people will thing that this is strange, and I can't exactly disagree. I just didn't see the point of dating anyone else when the person who treated me with the most respect and love was right down the hall. After this I want to stay very, very single and get back to myself again blah blah blah crap crap crap. It's a confusing situation so we'll leave it at that.

11:27 AM |

Saturday, June 22, 2002

I am thoroughly and lucidly pissed, having had a full-night's sleep since last night's incident. For the first time I was "used" for my car. I did not go into this blindly, I knew that she needed a ride and since I consider her a close friend, I didn't mind too much. After all, for all the time that I was car-less in Seattle I bummed many a-ride from friends. BUT, I never asked them to go 20-some miles out of their way to not only pick me up, but to take me somewhere that I had no interest in going to in order to see people I didn't know nor cared to meet, especially when I had conflicting plans!!! I was planning to go dancing last night, and eventually I got to the club in Wallingford, not more than a few miles from where I live. My "friend" asked me to take her to downtown Seattle to club Medusa. It wasn't so much the distance as the fact that I was driving downtown at night. I HATE driving down there. Anyway, I went around in circles winding my way through all the one-way streets following her ill-made directions and finally gave up after we had driven the entire length of the pier--twice!!! Ever heard of gas money? I'm not one to hide my irritation, especially when I'm driving, so I told her that I would not pay for her cover to the club. I had been planning on doing so because she paid for my lunch when I was out of cash a few weeks back, but she had wasted well-over $5 using my gas. After she finished whining and "feeling bad" (aka giving me a guilt trip) about not being able to see her friends, she had the nerve to give me some stupid shpeal about how toyotas for some reason get better milage!! Excuse me, honey (and I actually used this term of endearment to soften the blow), but it's not the gas milage, it's the fact that I've gone completely out of my way for you, and though you're sure you've seen the place before, we didn't find it. Do you think I doubt its existence or something?! I've probably seen it too, but this does not help the situation!! (I'm having a hard time refraining from using obscenities at the moment). Here's the kicker: After we spent an hour downtown and finally got back on I-5 (this despite her constant whining that we were probably really close and would have gotten there had we gotten out of the car and walked--who did you expect to pay for parking), she tells me that she wants to go home and call another friend with a car who also doesn't know these people either and convince him to give her a ride. I suppose she could do that with her looks but her damsel in distress act has absolutely no effect on me--I know her too well. Finally I took her home (even though she had earlier agreed to accompany me to go salsa dancing), saying that I would feel better the next time I saw her. She hopes I don't "hate her". I don't, sweetie, though I seriously doubt you're reading this, but you could use a little lesson in manners when it comes to asking people to do favors for you.
Speaking of favors, I shouldn't neglect to mention yet another examples of Dana's angelic character. Phil and I were out renting a few movies the other night ("Kate & Leopold", "From Hell", and "A Night at the Roxbury") and I locked my keys in the car. Without a word, Dana came all the way from Factoria to the U-district to unlock my car--didn't complain once. She's just the best sister ever. I also finally got her to try bubble tea but she wasn't impressed. I LOVE BUBBLE TEA! Yum! Chao mis hijitos, espero que pronto tenga mas noticias, pero por ahora me despido con amor y besitos...

11:00 AM |

Thursday, June 20, 2002

Poor Phil has pharyngitis--aka post-nasal drip. He almost never gets sick, a fact that doesn't surprise me. He's probably built up an immunity to most common health problems from working with sick people every day. I have to be especially careful because I tend to be more prone than most to catch an airborne illness, so far I seem to be okay. Mom's going to be here tomorrow! I'm very excited to see her, but not in the mood to do any moving today. I don't have any other plans really, but I've been wanting to get a haircut. It's been months since I made the horrible mistake of getting bangs, and now they've grown so much that I'm considering getting layers to help them blend in. Hmmm. Yesterday I watched 3 movies (I'm turning into my sister!!). "Ferris Bueller's Day Off", "Saturday Night Fever", and "Kate & Leopold". You can't go wrong with the first. The second was not of my generation so it didn't really draw me in too much, and the third I've been wanting to see since it came out in theatres. Typical romantic comedy, but how can you go wrong with Hugh Jackman? I mean, he's AUSTRALIAN!! Anyone here familiar with my peculiar attraction to the aussies? I'm a sucker for accents, and the aussie accent just kills me. It's exotic, but not stuck-up like the British accent, and they've got all these interesting little sayings. When I was still deeply invlolved with Ash, I had a website with aussie slang bookmarked because I had to look it up every time he wrote me an e-mail. I should find that again...
I found in my pocket a piece of paper from one of the fortune cookies that Phil and I had recently. I'm trying to remember what restaurant it was. It says, "There is a true and sincere friendship between you both." Very nice, I think.

11:06 AM |

Wednesday, June 19, 2002

Another beautiful day. I love summers in Seattle! I've been wondering how open I should be on this website. As long as it's about me, it's probably okay, but I'm still kind of ashamed. I don't know who this matters to, but I feel like I've totally lost the zeal I once had for Christ. Most of you may not care, and some might even be pleased, but it worries me, because christianity has become a large part of my identity, and though I'm no longer after God's heart, I believe He's still watching me with a grievous heart. I've gotten used to the idea almost to the point that it no longer bothers me. This distance from God was not intentional. I did, however, intentionally separate myself from Marshill, my church. I did this because I was far too attached to the community there, and I realized that I was jeapordizing my future. I almost gae up the idea of the INS (an occupation that since has become very attractive to me) altogether simply because I didn't think I could bear to leave Marshill. It's funny that when I share this sentiment with brothers and sisters in the church, they don't think I should leave. I say that I'm not happy to be leaving, but I'm excited at the prospect of going somewhere new and trust that God will place me where He wants me. I truly believe this. I trust Jesus, not myself. He has FINISHED His work on the cross, so even being in sin, I trust Him. The fact that I am grieved by my own sin sort of proves to me that I believe in Him, but it's strange that I'd sooner confess them to God than to my Christian friends, because if I admit it to them, THEY will be the ones to hold me accountable and go to great lengths to make me stop. This is a showing of my free will. God takes action aggresively and passively. He will let me continue down this path but will not forsake me. I know this because I've done this before and when I was I knew that I couldn't take it anymore, He came close, broke me, and showed me that He would carry me through and all I had to do was trust Him. That was the moment that I first believe and thanked Him for saving me, no strings attached. My rebirth and growth and Christ has been a wonderful time, and it's not over. I don't know if I'm regressing and will have to somehow scratch my way back to where I used to me when I inevitably make the choice to repent, but my growth is at a standstill, and maybe this pause will result in a great lesson and another growth spurt. We shall see.

2:17 PM |

Monday, June 17, 2002

I am writing from Dr. B's home, where Phil is going to be housesitting for awhile. He let me come over last night so I could make him dinner (ain't that just the sweetest thing?). But really, I enjoyed poking around a fully-stocked kitchen complete with high-tech equipment and a variety of pots and pans that even Uncle Scott would be proud of. She's given him full use of the kitchen as long as we clean up after ourselves, so I made cheese ravioli with bread and salad, then we settled in to watch "All the Pretty Horses". Chick flick, decent. It seems so long since I've seen a truly good movie! It's so bad that I almost force myself to go to a movie theatre. Any suggestions? "Sum of All Fears" was the same: decent. Truth be told, nothing has really gotten a good reaction out of me since "The Matrix". Hopefully the sequel will be comparably good. In response to Dana's last entry, I feel compelled to apologize for insinuating that she's moving in with the 'rents to save money. It's a bonus, a nice one--but there will be sacrifice!!! Oh yes, oh yes. Mainly, it's their house, their rules. But be forwarned! If I am, in fact, required to pay rent, I demand that there be no curfew. Did you hear that, Mom and Dad. ARE YOU READING THIS? IS ANYBODY READING THIS? GOD HELP ME, DOES ANYBODY CARE ENOUGH!!?? Ha ha, just kidding. But please, please post if you do (I expect to hear something from Sarah in the near future, for some reason she takes an interest). Let's see, what else? I am determined to make myself register with Monster.com and/or start to aggresively look for work. I'm starting to run out of things to make my life busy, though my plans presently include moving into the Mercer Island home and actually unpacking my share. Dana would like me to help with all that Mom's stored at her house, we shall see (what's in it for me, sis?).

9:13 AM |

Saturday, June 15, 2002

First off, I must give all credit to my sister, Dana, for creating this website. The fact that I have a website should not mislead others in thinking that I have somehow acquired a knack for computers. Today is a lazy Saturday and in about 15 minutes Dana and I will go to Crossroads to see "Sum of All Fears", a film that, miraculously, she has not seen yet. I'm not looking forward to going home today because I will be alone, alone, alone. I'm much happier when I have people around me (which is probably why most people think I'm a generally happy person!). My closest friends are those who don't get embarassed by my tendency to embarass myself, which I do frequently for kicks. I have also been reviewing CDs and MP3s already downloaded in order to make a list of songs for my sweetie, Phil, so that I can give him something to remember me by when I move in with my parents. Going "back home" seems to be a growing trend among college grads, but it's not an empowering confession to make. I do, however, want to emphasize that my primary motivation for moving back is NOT to save money. The truth is that I've developed a respect for my parents since being separated from them for so long, and I'm hoping that living with them will help me to glean the wisdom that I didn't care to soak up as a highschooler.

3:37 PM |