Erincita

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

I'm home! I graduated and will go to work as a full fledged federal officer for the first time tomorrow. I will speak more about that later. I am in the process of creating a CD dedicated to Mr. Customs Inspector and in doing so have discovered the astonishing talent of David Gray. This music is breaking my heart and filling me with joy all at once. I can't stop listening to it. This creates a dilemma, because I want to pick just one track per artist when I make a CD, and I cannot choose. Here's my list so far:

The Promise ~Tracy Chapman
Everlong ~Foo Fighters
I Miss You ~Incubus
(TBA) ~Mary Chapin Carpenter
Still My Sunshine ~Len
Jupiter ~Jewel
December 1963 ~Billy Joel
Anything by David Gray...God Said No, Please Forgive Me, This Year's Love...this music is amazing!!!

So, you may have guessed that the elusive Mr. Customs Inspector has taken a sort of precedence in my life. That assumption would be correct, but he will remain elusive for some time. I don't often keep my readers guessing about things but I could have some fun with this (David Gray is killing me with his lyrics).
The plane ride home was interesting. On the second leg of the trip I had a very interesting 6 hours talking to Joseph, who sat next to me on the flight. Actually, we met while waiting in the pre-boarding area and decided to sit together since the flight wasn't at all full. It was just simple introductory conversation, but the little andecdotes here and there stayed in my mind because our life experiences are so different. That would have something to do with the fact that he has much more experience to speak from, being married with three kids. I guess you could say it was entertaining. "Antwone Fisher" was also the in-flight movie of the evening. The tears were rolling, I highly recommend it. (David Gray has an instrumental on the "Serendipity" soundtrack!! How does one draw emotion from an intstrumental? Instrumentals give me serenity at times, nothing more.)
Anyway, it was kind of wierd waking up this morning in my parent's house. My parents say I'm kind of rummy from the jet lag but I don't feel it. The time difference allowed me to get up early and have breakfast with Dana, a very good thing because it's doubtful that I will be here when she gets home from work. I'm trying not to get overwhelmed with what I have to do. I just need to pack and learn how to use this new cell phone. Most of the stress comes from the newness I'm approaching. Tonight I'll be sleeping in an apartment I've never seen, and tomorrow I'll have to work with the poker face that belies my limited experience. (Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I don't have a poker face. It's a mixed blessing that my expressions speak louder than words.) I guess I'll have to write my first day at work after the fact, huh?
I don't think I mentioned how magical Disney World was. A place where the climate feels like silk to your soul, drinks are never too strong nor too weak, firework shows are timed just for your special moments, and "the happiest place on Earth" rings truer than ever. It was a glorious day with Mr. Customs Inspector (heretofore to be reffered to as MCI). Has anyone ever felt priveleged to visit another country and be shown around by a native? That's what it was like. Disney World is his "special place". He enjoys it no matter what, and I enjoyed because there were stories he could tell every step of the way. And we only saw Epcot Center. I finally went inside the ball! Too cool. I love Florida. (I might just have to but more than one track by David Gray on the CD. I hope MCI likes ballads!)

11:07 AM |

Friday, April 25, 2003

I want to wish everyone a belated Happy Easter. God always keeps His promises. IFT (Inspections Field Training) is finally over. Everyone has been packing their books up, so ready to get out of here. I feel bad for those who have to stay another 5 weeks for Spanish--wait, let me take that back. I feel bad for the ones I LIKE. I have to hold myself back from rubbing it in the faces of those I dislike. There are only two of them. We will call them dickhead and little miss bitch, two endearing names that I am somewhat familiar with. Normally I hold back from expressing my dislike for others and opt to pray for them. Both methods work to calm me down but I feel the need for a little variety. :) Ironically, D and LMB were two of my favorite people when I first got here. For some reason the camraderie grew stale real quick and now the relationships are so moldy I am barely tolerating the sight of them. My gummi bears and caffeine are keeping me happy for now. They remind of Dana's dancing Jerry Bears.

10:58 AM |

Thursday, April 24, 2003

I feel like my entries haven't been at all eloquent lately. Perhaps my poetic side doesn't come out on the keyboard. I usually do better with my personal journal. Paper and pen is more authentic. Maybe this just feels too administrative and that's why I can't loosen up enough. I'm sitting in my last Inspections Field Training (IFT) class before the test, and for some odd reason our instructor has told us to check e-mail and study instead of giving us a review. I NEED that review. I'm depending on it. This particular brand of senioritis coming over me is preventing me from studying effectively and all I can do is skim the "bare bones" of all the material every 20 minutes. Once she narrows it down to what we need for the test tomorrow I will be able to cram. My only comfort is in knowing that I could probably fail these last two tests (and of course that's not going to happen) and still make it through with a passing grade. I'm so close now I can't believe it. It's been a long time coming.

5:17 AM |

Monday, April 21, 2003

I finally got off-base this weekend. I went with Mr. Customs Inspector to Jekyll Island to go bike riding, just enjoying the scenery and some good food. It's always hard to come back to FLETC and even harder to believe that such a nice place is so nearby. I've been promised a trip to Disneyworld this weekend! That's awesome, it will be my last weekend here and I can't think of anything I'd rather do. I'm looking forward to alot of things when I go home too, even just a lunch with some of my girlfriends. The 5 of us used to get together on Friday evenings and so many things have changed we have to plan a month in advance in order to get together. They postponed everything until May so I could be there. Then there's my cousin's wedding in June, my excuse to go to California. I just recently learned of another wedding in July that will be taking place in Seattle. My summer crush will be visiting from the midwest to attend and has invited me to accompany him. Then, of course, there's work. Better not to have any expectation on that, but I will be sure to keep you all posted.

4:06 AM |

Friday, April 18, 2003

We started beating the crap out of each other with batons today. Well, not really. We have padded shields and stuff. I'm told that this afternoon that the instructors are going to wear "red man" padded suits this afternoon and we'll have to fight off a simulated assault. These are batons, not clubs, meaning that once you take them out of the holster you jerk it really hard away from you and it extends to about three times its original length. The only problem with this method is that we get hot and sweaty practicing and once in awhile a baton goes flying across the room.

9:07 AM |

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

What does it all mean?
Thank God I don't have an excess of spare time. If I did I would drive myself insane with these vague questions without answers. Every once in ahwile I get into these moods where I'm wondering what God has in store for me, if He's expecting more of me, if He's disappointed. Are my standards for myself too high or too low? Why can't I just relax and "roll with it". When I put things into perspective (that is, MY perspective), that seems to be what I've been doing. I've been told by some that I have either drive or heart, but I look back on things and wonder what it really means to be a goal-oriented individual. I have some friends who've known what they've wanted to be or do since they were small, and most are either well on their way or have surmounted some pretty impressive obstacles. I look back on the things I've done and I'm not disappointed. I've experienced so much and have been presented with so many wonderful opportunities--you could even call them gifts--and it's impossible not to overflow with thankfulness for it all. And the constants that have been there throughout it all--my parents, Dana, my extended family and my family in Christ . . . could I really ask for more? The kicker is that I'm only 23 (24 in less than a month) and everyone's telling me that I have my whole life in front of me. That's an intimidating thought, like I have to think of impressive stuff to fill it up with. At this point, amazingly, I'm contented. I have the most important things in life and although the what remains cannot necessarily be considered superfluous, I know that I will never confuse who I am with what I do. I am not chasing after anything, only looking forward to the surprises. So this has been one of my ramblings. Feedback is always appreciated.

6:06 AM |

Monday, April 14, 2003

Okay, so I passed firearms. That's over and now I just can't wait to go home. Now we can really talk about stress because I don't know what to expect. I passed the trauma exam this morning, coming up tomorrow is the non-compliant physical evaluation (which our instructor assured us that we will all pass), and on Thursday is the dreaded Immigration Law III exam--35% of our grade. I'm not ready yet but I will be.
I'm finally getting off-campus once in awhile. I had a very nice date on Friday night with a Customs Inspector. He was a perfect gentleman and took me out to a Mexican restaurant. It was so nice he took me out again on Saturday night to Applebee's and then to see Anger Management. Not a great flick but nice company so I didn't mind. I did a good amount of studying and ironing on Sunday, which is my normal routine, and plan to do some hard-core studying this week as well. I can't believe there's only a few weeks left! They'll probably last forever.

11:23 AM |

Saturday, April 05, 2003

I still can't believe I did it. And with a 295 no less! I apologize to those who haven't heard from me in awhile. This pistol qualification marked a real crossroads to me (after all, a great deal of my future prospects were hanging in the balance), and I just didn't feel right about communicating with anyone until I had a little more certainty that I would make it through this training. You can tell that was working hard to stay positive, but it was difficult. I only scored 233 on qual day and remedial shooting was a complete mess. I began to feel doubts and even started thinking about the future without this job. Since I don't have a plan 'B' I couldn't keep myself too occupied with those thoughts and was able to fight them back. I prayed that I would accept whatever fate God had for me and then pleaded that He would allow me to pass shooting. I was deleriously happy last night. All 5 of us who hadn't qualified the first time around scored a 280 or above. That means we've only lost one person in our group so far and if we all work together we should all be able to get through the rest. Next week is our hell week. Two very difficult law tests, non-compliant take-down evaluations, and fraudulent documents exam. My friend Bryce is going to be in Georgia on Monday!!! Yay!!! He got a good internship opportunity somewhere near Atlanta and hopefully we'll be able to get together before I head back to Washington.
. . . It's Monday. I decided not to publish the previous post right away because I was out of sorts when I wrote it and wanted to make sure it sounded okay. I actually studied a little on Sunday...not a common occurance for me. We've finally started on fresh material that I haven't seen before. This morning we have a documents exam, the first time so far that I will see an exam I haven't already taken. It's a little different because it's not multiple choice. The instructor hands out a set of documents to all students. We have to decide if they are counterfeit or bona fide and give two reasons why we came to our conclusion. It's not as easy as it sounds and has alot more terminology to the process than one might expect. I think the "art" of counterfeiting is fascinating but the some instructors have the gift of making even interesting stuff seem dry.
As you all know (hopefully), we "sprang forward" on Sunday. Yet another precious hour lost. I'm adjusting surprisingly well, but I suppose that once you're forced to get up at five it can't get much worse. I will never again do this on a regular basis if I can help it. I happen to like getting up while it's still dark though. The gnats and mosquitos aren't biting, the grasshoppers and frogs are still making plenty of noise, and the heat and humidity are still pleasant rather than suffocating. In the courtyard at the building I live in there's a pool, and for the first time I saw someone getting some morning exercise there. I didn't bring a swimsuit and probably wouldn't wear one even if I had. I'm missing Sherie's hot tub. Ten minutes until class. I should get going...

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8:54 AM |