Erincita

Saturday, August 23, 2003

Have I been truely blessed because I like my job? The more I read about Dana's Rodeo woes, the more apprehensive I become about searching for other jobs. I have no problems with the line of work I'm in now, but I never had the idea of sticking with any career for more then 10 years, assuming I get to become a wife and mother someday. If I thought that having a good career was crucial to my happiness as an individual, I'd already be looking for an employer that valued a college degree. But no, I want to be a mom. Someone (and she knows who she is) says that she lost her individuality when she had kids. My response to that is, weren't you SUPPOSED to lose it when you got MARRIED? I thought that it was part of the whole marriage gig, and that it was a good thing. I think that having children is a privelege as well as a full-time occupation. I was offended and felt that I was being threatened: Don't EVER give up your job, "or else"! Or else what? My career in Customs & Border Protection isn't a particular part of the legacy I want to leave behind. My sweet old grandma is one of the people in this world I admire the most. Not because she was beautician, but because she threw herself into being a good mother. She's living proof that money isn't everything when it comes to raising good kids. I'd like to know how in the world she did it. All I know is that, through no fault of her own, she did it the hard way.

9:31 PM |

Thursday, August 21, 2003

I'm at the library applying for jobs. This is eeriely and upsettingly familiar, but I'm forcing myself to do it anyway. I actually didn't finish any applications today, it was just a day to familiarize myself. I was in this same situation almost 2 years ago. 2 years!! And I feel like I've only held this job since May! Anyhow, today's been a good day for no particular reason. I didn't get tired, I was mostly pleasant and people were mostly pleasant with me, I ate some chocolate (something I should do on a more regular basis), I got calls from good friends, and the weather is gorgeous.

5:25 PM |

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

I get up early in the mornings. I enjoy letting my mind wander instead of rushing to get ready for work and hoping I'm not late, and once I have that first cup of coffee the regret of not staying in bed starts to fade away. On this particular morning I came across one of several journals I've kept in the past. This one, however, was a journal that I started and kept up with only spuratically, and the last entry was sometime in October 2001. The journal consists of a series of letters intended for my future husband who, at the time, was anonymous. I was inspired by a seminar I attended years ago to keep him in my prayers and perhaps present it as a wedding gift to him one day. So, now that my future husband has a name, what am I to do with it? I never kept up with it because I didn't want to get an image in my mind of what he would look like, what his hobbies would be, what his family would be like etc etc. Frankly, without any knowledge of the person, it's difficult to pray for him. I was certain that God would surprise me with someone who was, quite simply, perfect for me, and only He would know who was perfect for ME. I've heard that people often want someone who is alot like themselves, but if I had someone like myself, one of us would have to DIE, so Chris suits me nicely. :)
Mom has told me that I should be discreet with the details of the actual proposal, but I don't see why. I know for a fact that Chris doesn't want me to be shy about it, all he wants to hear is who I've told, what their reactions were and the like. He proposed to me in Vancouver B.C. It was a complete surprise because although I knew he was planning on proposing sometime soon, he threw me for a loop by taking me jewelry shopping on the 8th, so I figured he hadn't bought me a ring yet. I suppose he was just checking to make sure he got the right one. If he was at all excited and wanting to tell me he hid it very well. We drove to Vancouver on Saturday evening all dressed up in search of a nice restaurant and ended up in an charming Italian cucina called Cincin. It was a lovely ambience. The entrance was from the Robson street, but the actual dining area was tucked away upstairs and the aroma was magnificent. We had a couple of drinks and some fresh-baked bread at the bar and ordered pasta and pizza for dinner. I think he was planning to take me to Stanley Park but a throng of people were moving in the opposite direction. We discovered that there was an international festival in progress and Saturday was the grand finale, when all the countries would compete with their own fireworks show. Well, OF COURSE we had to go. Fireworks have had an important place in our relationship since Disney World, and Lord knows I'm not going to forget them now! He was standing behind me with his arms around me as we stood on the shore watching the show, and he asked me if I could have imagined we'd be there in the five months that had passed since we had our own private display of fireworks in Disney World. I didn't say anything until he finally told me to look down, and it was only when I tore my eyes away from the fireworks that I realized he was presenting me with a ring. "Will you marry me?" My jaw dropped wide open at the sight and some time passed before I whirled around, threw my arms around him and said yes. I can't believe I'm engaged!

12:05 PM |

Sunday, August 10, 2003

11:42 PM |

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

Well well, it seems that Dana has revamped my site again. It's "lovely" (if we ever get sound bytes with the website you will hear the wacky way Dana says "lovely". So now everyone can take a good look at MCI (aka Chris). Isn't he a stud? Such a cutie. Aside from "the mayonnaise is bad" incident, the weekend was very nice. I loved playing with baby Elena and talking with Ciana about the adventures of pre and post-pregnancy drama. It was definitely a girly outing, at least on my side. I had to work the swing shift on Monday, but before I left Seattle, Dana and I had time for a little jaunt down to Noah's for bagels and coffee. Always a nice tradition. Why is it so hard to go back to highschool times? Dana and I were sitting outside enjoying our breakfast when a couple of the B sisters (I think that there were 6 or 7 of them) pulled in. We made eye contact and an awkward "hello". I am never going to a highschool reunion. I'll go as far to say that my highschool experience has played a large part in who I am now, but it's not a time I'd like to revisit. After breakfast I treated myself to my once-year-manicure--I even got a pedicure! It's not just the nails, it's the whole pampering experience that I love. Wanting to look pretty for Chris when he visits this weekend gave me a good excuse too. The ankle is healing reasonably well. I'm on light duty at work until I'm good enought to run again. I can wear my uniform but I'm upset that they disarmed me. It's not as if my arms are out of comission. I have other gripes about work but I'll keep them to myself because overall I'm enjoying it. I have a prayer request for anyone who prays out there. Chris and I have our hopes up that he might be able to swap with someone in the area and work in Washington near where I'm working. We're hoping for the best and preparing for the worst, as my dad always advises, but I have a good feeling about this. I'll keep you all posted!

5:39 PM |

Monday, August 04, 2003

I realize this is still very "Dana-esque," but at least the naked lady is gone. Here's a picture to tide you over.

1:55 PM |

Friday, August 01, 2003

I suppose that one of the worst downsides to living alone is lack of human contact, and by that I mean physical contact. In this day and age, our never-ending means of communication that never need include face-to-face confrontations have made it possible to go weeks on end without touching another person, even for a handshake. Every so often, once a month I would guess, I begin to feel starved for a sincere, heart-felt bear hug, the kind that surrounds you and makes you feel loved and safe for a few moments. Nothing in particular seems to bring on the need, save for the prolonged lack thereof. So I guess that's why I'm writing right now: I need a hug and there's no one within reasonable proximity who would consider it appropriate to give me one. I've already resigned myself to the fact that I will have to wait until Sunday when I get to visit Seattle and force Dana to give me one, as much as her need for hugs and such differs from my own. I'm sappy I suppose.

11:10 PM |