Erincita

Memiors
Tuesday, March 29, 2005

What is the difference between writing one's memiors and keeping a journal? I suppose that, if I wanted to write my memoirs, I could collect all my journals together and pick out the stuff that I thought was most life-changing, humorous or eventful and write it differently, perhaps in the present-tense, make it somehow exciting. The journals in my possession now number five. Six if you include the new one I just began (there's always a sense of accomplishment I feel when I fill a journal with my thoughts), nine if the other journals I kept in highschool, Paraguay and college ever turn up in storage somewhere. I can't imagine someone leafing through one and deciding to toss it. Keep in mind that I was in another country whenever Mom and Dad moved so they would have done the packing. I hate moving and I think my possessions are few in view of that. I have a wonderful desk/sewing table, an beautiful old beurau of my grandmother's that my parents salvaged when my stubborn grandfather tried to chuck everything to make moving painless (perhaps I get it from him), a bed and a few sets of shelves from (where else?) a garage sale. I have boxes of dishes, flatware and appliances in my closet if I ever decided to live on my own again, but I don't see myself moving again very soon, though it is inevitable. I was walking though the Policani's kitchen and down the hall to my bedroom late last night and marvelled at how at-home I feel in their house. It's really like a family in most ways. It's a communal house so we share chores and meals and lives to a point. At the end of the day, I am a tenant and they are my landlords so we try to keep each other at arm's length most of the time. Sometimes it's hard not to have people I really look up to who will get in my face and hold me accountable when needed. I have great friends who will do that, but it's not the same as an older couple who share my values and see things in the light of that wisdom that comes with age. Mom and Dad, of course, constitue an older couple who share most of my values, but they're so far away and are in no way objective about things, and I thank God for that. Sympathy is the best medicine sometimes. Things are cool and calm at this point in my life, but there's some stuff going on under the surface. The constant itch to go back to Chile, even just for a short visit, is becoming unbearable and I'm not sure if I should just ignore it. How hard could it be to buy a round-trip ticket for two weeks. I only worry about not wanting to leave once I get there. There was a time when I was all too comfortable with the idea of making Valdivia my home.

10:46 AM |

Land of a thousand bobby pins
Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Everyone seen me in my bridesmaid dress yet? If not, check out Dana's site. Wish I could have the pictures taken right before the wedding, when hair, makeup and dress were fresh and perfect. The last time I had this much fun dressing up was at Brian and Shannon's wedding. It's way more fun to be a part of one. I didn't know too many people at the wedding, but I was still considered somewhat important just because of the dress. The dress was like a uniform--and way nicer than the one I used to wear on the border!! I drove all the way back from Tacoma wearing the dress (I got some funny looks at the gas station) so Dana could take pictures and I could show my family how prettily my hair was done (we had some girls from Gene Juarez come in the morning to do hair and makeup). I finally changed out of the dress and sat on the floor so Kate could help me take out the 50-some bobby pins used to keep my hair up. It was kind of funny how my hair didn't seem to move; the hair spray kept it pretty well intact until I hopped in the shower.
So another friend is married, honeymooning in Mexico. I love how the word "honeymoon" is the same in Spanish: "luna de miel" (moon of honey). I was so involved in the planning of this one that my weddings is partially planned. It will be a winter wedding, indoors, and the colors will be silver and scarlet. The bridesmaid dresses will probably be silverish because everyone looks good in red and, being the bride, red wouldn't be too appropriate. My dress will be bright white, and it will have cap sleeves. As long as it has cap sleeves and is floor length, I don't care.

4:01 PM |

Risking Everything
Thursday, March 10, 2005

I feel like God is testing me in the sweetest way possible. Life is so good right now. It's fabulous. I love my job, my friends, and the family I'm living with. I have no financial problems and my relationship with Christ is more solid than it's ever been. Is it possible to make life better than it is right now or will pushing the limit turn everything into chaos and make it all come crashing down? The thing is that while life is full and lovely, it's also calm, and I'm ready to shake things up a bit. While this in no way means walking away from the Lord, it does mean taking a risk in a new endeavor I've never explored. I've talked it over with God and have asked for His blessing, and so far I feel He's given it. I'm at the threshold of something amazing but I feel that at any moment I might overstep His boundaries set for me and He'll close the door, telling me once again that I'm not ready; that I'll never be ready. I'm thankful for this protection but this kind of rejection will make me wish I'd never taken the risk. I suppose that's why we call it a risk. I just keep on praying. I've gotten through worse.

10:38 PM |