Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.

Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.

Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.

You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too trusting.

Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it.

It is better to copulate than never.

The more you love, the more you can love--and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had enough time, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.

Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

Never try to outstubborn a cat.

Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.

"All's fair in love and war"--what a contemptible lie!

Natural laws have no pity.

A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.

There is no conclusive evidence of life after death. But there is no evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will know. So why fret about it?

A woman is not property, and husbands who think otherwise are living in a dreamworld.

You live and learn. Or you don't live long.

Do not try to have the last word. You might get it.

Always store beer in a dark place.

If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people.

All societies are based on rules to protect pregnant women and young children. All else is surplusage, excrescence, adornment, luxury, or folly which can--and must--be dumped in emergency to preserve this prime function. As racial survival is the only universal morality, no other basic is possible. Attempts to formulate a "perfect society" on any foundation other than "Women and children first!" is not only witless, it is automatically genocidal. Nevertheless, starry-eyed idealists (all of them male) have tried endlessly--and no doubt will keep on trying.

It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier.

Sex should be friendly. Otherwise stick to mechanical toys; it's more sanitary.

Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.

An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

What are the facts? Again and again and again--what are the facts? Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what "the stars foretell", avoid opinion, care not what the neighbors think, never mind the unguessable "verdict of history"--what are the facts, and to how many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts are your single clue. Get the facts!

Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as "empty," "meaningless," or "dishonest," and scorn to use them. No matter how "pure" their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best.

$100 placed at 7 percent interest compounded quarterly for 200 years will increase to more than $100,000,000--by which time it will be worth nothing.

Dear, don't bore him with trivia or burden him with your past mistakes. The happiest way to deal with a man is never to tell him anything he does not need to know.

Rub her feet.

If you happen to be one of the fretful minority who can do creative work, never force an idea; you'll abort it if you do. Be patient and you'll give birth to it when the time is ripe. Learn to wait.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.

Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you.

In handling a stinging insect, move very slowly.

To be "matter of fact" about the world is to blunder into fantasy--and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful.

Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors--and miss.

Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields. But experts often think so. The narrower their field of knowledge the more likely they are to think so.

Political tags--such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth--are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire. The former are idealists acting from highest motives for the greatest good of the greatest number. The latter are surly curmudgeons, suspicious and lacking in altruism. But they are more comfortable neighbors than the other sort.

All cats are not gray after midnight. Endless variety--

Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other "sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful--just stupid.)

Anything free is worth what you paid for it.

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

Pessimist by policy, optimist by temperament--it is possible to be both. How? By never taking an unnecessary chance and by minimizing risks you can't avoid. This permits you to play out the game happily, untroubled by the certainty of the outcome.

Animals can be driven crazy by placing too many in too small a pen. Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself.

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

A generation which ignores history has no past--and no future.

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

Courage is the complement of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be courageous. (He is also a fool.)

If tempted by something that feels "altruistic," examine your motives and root out that self-deception. Then, if you still want to do it, wallow in it!

Whenever women have insisted on absolute equality with men, they have invariably wound up with the dirty end of the stick. What they are and what they can do makes them superior to men, and their proper tactic is to demand special privileges, all the traffic will bear. They should never settle merely for equality. For woman, "equality" is a disaster.

Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.

This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his mother's side. I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have little else to sustain them. Humoring them costs nothing and adds to happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply.

Formal courtesy between husband and wife is even more important than it is between strangers.

"I came, I saw, She conquered." The original Latin seems to have been garbled.