IllustriousPotentate’s Exterior Christmas Decorations Quiz

Criteria	Value
1. Do you have icicle lights in any color other than blue or white?	5 pts.	Yes (0 pts.)	No (5 pts.)
2. Do you have flashers or chasers on your icicle lights?	5 pts.	Yes (0 pts.)	No (5 pts.)
3. Do you use both solid color and multi color light strands?	5 pts.	Yes (0 pts.)	No (5 pts.)
4. Do you have gaps in any rows of lights?	10 pts.	Yes (0 pts.)	No (10 pts.)
5. Do you turn on lights/set up decorations before Thanksgiving?	10 pts.	Yes (0 pts., skip to #5a.)	No (10 pts., skip to #6.)
5a. Do you turn on lights/set up decorations before Nov. 20?	0 pts.	Yes (0 pts., skip to #5b.)	No (-5 pts., skip to #6.)
5b. Do you turn on lights/set up decorations before Nov. 15?	0 pts.	Yes (0 pts., skip to #5c.)	No (-10 pts., skip to #6.)
5c. Do you turn on lights/set up decorations before Nov. 10?	0 pts.	Yes (0 pts., skip to #5d.)	No (-15 pts., skip to #6.)
5d. Do you turn on lights/set up decorations before Halloween?	0 pts.	Yes (-50 pts., skip to #6)	No (-25 pts., skip to #6)
6. Do you mix large bulb lights with small bulb lights?	10 pts.	Yes (0 pts.)	No (10 pts.)
7. Do you have more than one Santa decoration?	5 pts.	Yes (0 pts.)	No (5 pts.)
8. Do you have more than one reindeer decoration with a red nose?	10 pts.	Yes (0 pts.)	No (10 pts.)
9. Do you have your decorations plugged into a surge protector?	5 pts.	Yes (5 pts.)	No (0 pts.)
10. Except for testing, have you turned Christmas lights on in the daytime?	5 pts.	Yes (0 pts.)	No (0 pts.)
11. Do you have an artificial Christmas tree in your yard?	10 pts.	Yes (0 pts.)	No (10 pts.)
12. Does your display incorporate Elvis?	20 pts.	Yes (0 pts.)	No (20 pts.)

Scoring

Total the value of your answers by summing the point values in parentheses next to your answer. Since the total value of all the questions is 100 pts, put a percent sign (%) after the number of points you have—this will give you your percentage score. Use the chart below to see how well you did.

Score	Grade	Score	Grade
100%	Good job, you Martha Stewart wannabe. We’ll see who gets the last laugh when you get arrested for fraudulent stock trades.	45%	Now I can see why some jurisdictions license decorators…to keep crap like this from occurring.
95%	You’ve got a great display, the envy of the neighborhood. Keep it up!	40%	The pope/bishop/reverend/pastor/preacher called…you’ve been excommunicated for this atrocity.
90%	Good job! You know how to decorate for Christmas.	35%	Thankfully, you might be able to change this display to keep it from looking so ugly. I can’t say the same about you, though…
85%	That’s pretty good. Fix the little nitpicks, and you’ve got an awesome display.	30%	“Vee have ways of making you talk, Mr. Bond…” “The password’s ‘limburger’! Now get that horrible decoration out of my face!”
80%	You’re not too bad at decorating, but you’re not the master of it, either.	25%	And I bet you thought that pink flamingo looked good with a Santa hat on it, didn’t you?
75%	There’s stuff you need to fix, so do it now before the tacky monster arrives and makes your display look tacky.	20%	Craptastic.
70%	Your display is so close to tacky it ain’t even funny—you better do something now, or else.	15%	If you created this Christmas decoration display, I hate to see what your kids look like.
65%	Oh, so close to not being tacky, but yet you still FAIL the tacky test.	10%	I’m sorry those vandals wrecked your decorations. What do you mean “there weren’t any vandals?”
60%	Your display is ugly. Do the neighbors a favor and fix it.	5%	Don’t drink and decorate.
55%	I bet you leave this crap up until New Year’s Day, right? Figures.	0%	I bet you don’t even have any decorations, do you?
50%	You’re halfway between being great and being horrible. And I see the glass as half empty.	<0%	Why are you putting this crap up so early? Wait till after Thanksgiving, or even better, not at all.

Be sure to e-mail your score and NG user name to me at f6gatwister@comcast.net. Be sure to put “Christmas Decoration Score” in the subject line.