fatt-dad's quotation collection


1. Never tell everything at once. - Ken Venturi, Ken Venturi's Two Great Rules of Life

"The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed." – Chinese Proverb

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it - Bob Hope

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. - Mark Twain

A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you - Bert Leston Taylor, The So-Called Human Race (1922)

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down - Robert Benchley

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized – Fred Allen

A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the library - Westheimer's Discovery

A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home – Rodney Dangerfield

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling - Arthur Brisbane, "The Book of Today"

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience - Doug Larson

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. - Dan Quayle

A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything - Samuel Johnson, (attributed)

A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure – Segal's Law

A poem is no place for an idea. - Edgar Watson Howe, Country Town Sayings, 1911

A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way. - John Tudor

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people - Peter McArthur

A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand - Bertrand Russell

Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. - Thomas Jefferson, Letter to Nathaniel Macon, January 12, 1819

After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted - De la Lastra's Corollary

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. - Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more - Mark Twain

Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie

An egotist is a person of low taste-more interested in himself than in me. - Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides. - John H. Patterson

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction. - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high - Adrienne E. Gusoff

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. - Voltaire (1694-1778)

Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths – Bertrand Russell

As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. - Proverbs 23:7

Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. - Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
2) Advising the President.
3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
- David Letterman

Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything. - Aesop

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important - Eugene McCarthy

Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't. - Margaret Thatcher

Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it. - Andre Gide

Belladonna: In Italian, a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. - Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world. - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. - Carl Sagan

Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but, unlike charity, it should end there - Clare Booth Luce

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff - Frank Zappa

Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know. - Andrι Maurois

Criticism is prejudice made plausible – H. L. Mencken

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl yore mistakes - Brendan Hills

Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up. - G. K. Chesterton

Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation. - Kin Hubbard

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles M. Schulz

Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work. - Gallagher

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners - E. Joseph Crossman

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. - Jason Hutchison

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. - Will Durant

Education is not filling a bucket but lighting a fire. - William Butler Yeats

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation. - Anonymous

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes. - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

Fast, Cheap, Good: Choose any two. - Anonymous

Figures won't lie, but liars will figure. - Charles H. Grosvenor

Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between. - David Letterman

First secure an independent income, then practice virtue. - Greek Proverb

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is. - P. J. O'Rourke

Fool's jump in where angels fail to tred

Football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by committee meetings. - George F. Will , journalist, political commentator, 1994

Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. - A. J. Liebling

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person - Mark Twain

Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment – Unknown, quoted by Jim Horning

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. - Oscar Levant

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. - George Carlen

Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. - Martin Mull

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation perfectly delightful. - Sydney Smith, referring to Macaulay

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. - Winston Churchill, Sir (1874-1965)

He is a fool that makes his doctor his heir" - Ben Franklin

He knows all about art, but he doesn't know what he likes. - James Thurber

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you -- he really is an idiot. - Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever - Chinese Proverb

He who praises you for what you lack wishes to take from you what you have. - Don Juan Manuel

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? - Jay Leno

He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch - Unknown

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

History repeats itself; that's one of the things that's wrong with history. - Clarence Darrow

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. - George Carlin

How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. - Henry David Thoreau

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner – Douglas Adams

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I always keep a supply of liquor handy in case I see a snake -- which I also keep handy. - W. C. Fields

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. - Lily Tomlin

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end –Margaret Thatcher

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises. - Neil Armstrong

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. - Dick Martin

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns

I cannot believe that war is the best solution. No one won the last war and no one will win the next. - Eleanor Roosevelt

I cannot teach anybody anything; I can only make them think. - Socrates (470-399 B.C.)

I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones. - John Cage

I could be president of Sikorsky for six months before they found me out, but the president would only have my job for six seconds before he'd kill himself. - Walter R. 'Dick' Faull , Test pilot

I date this girl for two years--and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name." - Mike Binder

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either - Jack Benny

I don't give a damn for a man who can spell a word only one way. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. - Groucho Marx, In the film A Day at the Races

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. - Elvis Presley (1935-1977)

I don't know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers (1879-1935)

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house. - Lewis Grizzard

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it by not dying! - Woody Allen (1935- )

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. - Sam Kinison

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it - Mae West (1892-1980)

I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers - Khalil Gibran

I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves – Bruce Grocott

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work - Thomas Edison

I have noticed that nothing I have never said ever did me any harm - Calvin Coolidge

I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run. - Babe Ruth

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them - George Bush

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! - Tom Lehrer

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves – August Strindberg, A Madman's Diary, 1895

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by - Douglas Adams

I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book - Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception - Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat - Michael McShane

I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence - Doug MacLeod

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph - Shirley Temple Black

I think that the film 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness. - Alicia Silverstone

I think that we played hard, but it was a lackadaisical hard - Otis Burdsong (NJ Nets after loosing)

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people - J. Danforth Quayle

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong – Bertrand Russell

Idealism increases in direct proportion to one's distance from the problem - John Galsworthy

Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything. - Floyd Dell

If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

If a person wants to be atheistic it's his God-given right to be an atheist. Michael Patton

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? - Steven Wright

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. - George Bernard Shaw

If everybody is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking - George S. Patton, General (1885-1945)

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive. - Samuel Goldwyn

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: PRESIDENT CAN'T SWIM - Lyndon B. Johnson

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder - Pope John Paul I

If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will. - Paul Harvey

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking. - Lyndon B. Johnson

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. - Professor Irwin Corey

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure - J. Danforth Quayle

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it? - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm - Vince Lombardi

If you develop an ear for sounds that are musical it is like developing an ego. You begin to refuse sounds that are not musical and that way cut yourself off from a good deal of experience. - John Cage

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. - Steven Wright

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriter – Solomon Short

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters - Solomon Short

Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically! - Steven Wright

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining. - Jef Raskin, interviewed in Doctor Dobb's Journal

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. - Laurence J. Peter

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams

In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. - Andy Warhol

In the land of the blind, the one-armed man is king – Surse Pierpoint

Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain' - Michael McClary

Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care. - William Safire

It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. - Harry S Truman

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place - H. L. Mencken

It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument - William G. McAdoo

It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as an Airport' appear - Douglas Adams

It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right - especially when one is right - Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra

It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. - Carl Sagan

It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others - John Andrew Holmes

It takes less time to do a thing right than explain why you did it wrong. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I've never let my school interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
Just be thankful you're not getting all the government you're paying for. - Will Rogers (1879-1935)

Keep your mouth shut and your bowels open - laura elizabeth kenady
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone. - Tommy Cooper

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it - Cullen Hightower

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made - Otto von Bismarck

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation - Judith Martin, (Miss Manners)

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards - Soren Kierkegaard

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip - Will Rogers

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet - Mae West

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music - Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars - Hobart Brown

Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace - Oscar Wilde

More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly - Woody Allen (Born 1935)

Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses. - Margaret Millar

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right. - Dan Quale (speaking to the Christian coalition about the need for abstinence in avoiding aids.)

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was - Rodney Dangerfield

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference. - Anonymous

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. - Anonymous

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. - Henry Kissinger

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation - Fran Lebowitz

No good deed goes unpunished. - Clare Booth Luce

No one gossips about other people's secret virtues – Bertrand Russell

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. - Edward Shepherd Mead

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you - Kin Hubbard

Nothing would please the Kremlin more than to have the people of this country choose a second rate president. - Richard M. Nixon (1913-1994), Former U.S. President

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. - Henry Ford (1863-1947)

Of those who say nothing, few are silent - Thomas Neill

Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box. - Italian Proverb

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork - Edward Abbey

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. - Will Durant

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time – Nancy Astor

Only sick music makes money today. - Friedrich Nietzsche, Der Fall Wagner, Section 5

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)

People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like - Abraham Lincoln, in a book review

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught – Sir Winston Churchill

Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first - Ronald Reagan, Former U.S. President

Pro is to con as progress is to congress - Anonymous

Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough For Love

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water – W C. Fields

Result! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work - Thomas Edison

Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength. - Eric Hoffer

Sanity is a madness put to good use - George Santayana

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. - Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"

Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple - Barry Switzer

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with – W. C. Fields

Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25 - Mary Anne Tebedo, R-Sen. Colorado Springs, CO

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. - Bill Vaughan

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy - Isaac Newton

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see - Arthur Schopenhauer

Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much - John Wayne, Advice on acting

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish - Euripides

Teaching is not a lost art, but the regard for it is a lost tradition - Jacques Barzun

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer. - Victor Borge

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. - Joan Rivers

The future is much like the present, only longer – Dan Quisenberry

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one - Elbert Hubbard

The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. - George Jessel

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television – Unknown

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary. - Vince Lombardi

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory - Paul Fix

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth - Niels Bohr

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. - Elizabeth Taylor

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. - Hubert H. Humphrey

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause - Mark Twain

The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines. - Henry J. Tillman

The strongest man in the world is the man who stands alone – Thomas H. Huxley

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive. - Robert Heinlein, "Job", 1984

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time – Bertrand Russell

The town where I grew up has a zip code of E-I-E-I-O - Martin Mull

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. - Franklin P. Jones

The trouble with normal is it always gets worse - Bruce Cockburn

The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. - Harlan Ellison

The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest. - Kilgore Trout, (Philip Jose Farmer), "Venus on the Half Shell"

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts – Bertrand Russell

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. - Larry Hardiman

The worst thing about Europe is that you can't go out in the middle of the night and get a Slurpee. - Tellis Frank

There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun. - Pablo Picasso

There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures - James Thurber

There are two types of people--those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.' - Frederick L Collins

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge – Bertrand Russell

There is never enough time, unless you're serving it - Malcolm Forbes

There must be more to life than having everything - Maurice Sendak

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot - Steven Wright

Things are more like they are now than they have ever been – Gerald R. Ford

Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. - Ronald Reagan

Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire their astuteness. - Cullen Hightower

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. - George Santayana, The Life of Reason, Volume 1, 1905

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead - Benjamin Franklin

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer - Farmers' Almanac, 1978

To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it. - G. K. Chesterton

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair - George Burns

Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity - Albert Camus

Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence - Henrik Tikkanen

Try to learn something about everything and everything about something - Thomas H. Huxley

Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew's Passion' on a ukelele. - Bagdikian's Observation

Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character - Oscar Levant
We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. - Arthur Schopenhauer

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on? - Henry David Thoreau

What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure. - Samuel Johnson
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left - Oscar Levant

When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic - Steven Wright

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years" - Mark Twain

When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both. - Al Franken, "Oh, the Things I Know", 2002

Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried – Mae West

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy - Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something – Plato

Women like silent men. They think they're listening - Marcel Archard

Women should be obscene and not heard – Groucho Marx

Would those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry. - John Lennon

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred - Woody Allen

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans - Ronald Reagan, quoted in Observer, March 29 1981

You cannot plow a field by turning it over in your mind - Anonymous

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough. - Joe E. Louis
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