Chez Watt 2004 Winners

 

05JAN04:
Good gracious. I'd always assumed that the whole annoying "my
daughter" stalking horse was indicative of a festering desire to
support one or more of the supposed intellectual achievements of
Creationism or Intelligent Design Theory.

But now I find that you're really just dumb as a post.

I must admit that I am not easily flabbergasted, but you've managed
it, [...]. Your interpretations are so blissfully, naively, and
completely stupid that you are easily the most moronic poster that I
have ever seen out here. Ed is insane, but can at least reason at the
tactical level, along the lines of "you say this, I post my list."
McWelcher is morally bankrupt, but again can come up with surprisingly
inventive ways to avoid reality.

But you. You're just stupid. And I don't mean the typical 'nyah nyah
we're better than you' sort of stupid. I mean the 'drooling down your
cheek and onto your soiled clothes while scratching your ass' sort of
stupid. I mean the '17th century search for a perfect vacuum' sort of
stupid. I mean the 'compression of all heat, light, and matter down
to an infinitessimally small pinprick of cogitation which you then
forget in an overarching example of cosmic nihilism' sort of stupid.

You are, in the words of Tom Cruise, galactically stupid.

Please, by all means, continue to represent your cause with gusto.
There are times when I actually worry that as ID advocates hide behind
facades of ever-increasing sophistication that they will be able to
sell their snake-oil to an unsuspecting public. But with you, what
you see is what you get. "Stupid arguments for intelligent design?
Sure, got 'em right here. How many would you like? Do you want fries
with that?"

I can only fervently hope that by some strange quirk of fate you are
eventually paired on a Fox News 'roundtable to examine our navel'
panel with Stephen Hawking, Bruce Banner, William Dembski, and Charo.
You are then asked, in all seriousness, the same sort of questions
that you routinely encounter here in t.o. For example, Bill O'Reilly
can ask "[...] Tell us why it is that
shooting animals with a resulting change in their size [O'Reilly would
never use a word like 'morphology' or 'phenotype'] over time is not an
example of evolution?" You can then slowly and ever-so-slyly explain
that evolution doesn't kill animals, guns kill animals. O'Reilly will
nod sagely, Stephen Hawking will utter a noise that will sound
something like 'squawrk' and sadly drop dead on the spot, Charo will
look at you with the sort of slack-jawed loathing that only a lifetime
of being cast as a blithering idiot for money could foment, while
Bruce Banner will turn mean and green, slap his forehead with a hand
the size of a small rotisserie grill, and yell "Creationism hurt
Hulk's head!" just before jumping up and reducing you to a small red
stain on the floor. Dembski will just try to crawl away, but will
find solace in the fact that only an Intelligent Designer could
possibly have created a fool as big as you. The odds that a set of
genes could have survived via natural selection to generate an
intellect that so precisely corresponds to a null set are so low that
he will finally be able to push a verified example of NFL through a
referee'd journal with ease.

05FEB04:

Imagine this bit of dialog:

(I hand you a piece of cake.)

YOU: What a wonderful cake! You must give me the recipe!
ME: There was no recipe. My wife made the cake.
YOU: Of course there was a recipe! Just tell me what it is.
ME: I tell you, there was no recipe. My wife made the cake, and
that's final!
YOU: But surely she puts in eggs and flour and sugar. How much of
each did she put in?
ME: There is no recipe! Do you doubt my wife? Are you calling my
wife a liar? Listen, I'm telling you, my wife made the cake!
YOU: Well, how long did she bake it in the oven?
ME: Are you not listening to me? My wife made the cake! There was
no oven, there was no recipe, there were no ingredients! My wife made
the cake! See, she wrote right here in this note, "Dear Richard, I
made this cake." Proof that there was no recipe!

01MAR04:

Re: HMS Beagle has been Found:

>Apparently when it sank it was tilted over to one side. Over the years
>it's tilted the opposite way, or in other words, it recanted on its
>death bed.

Although I should point out that this one was winning until I cast my vote:
>The fool says in his heart, "If I call a man a fool, I have just
>proven him wrong."
> "...Luke... ..I am.your... ..father...".
> -Colossians 4 :14, Genesis 27:31, Genesis 2:24

01APR04:

> Accepting something that does not exist is the trademark of my intelligence+

01MAY04:

> Learning is good. Of course, I only learn things that I already agree with.

01JUN04:

> Wow, You couldn't get a clue if you were drenched in clue
> pheromones, dancing in a clue field in the middle of clue mating
> season, wearing a clue suit, and shouting, "Clooo! Cloooo!

01JUL04:

> Well forgive me for being offended for bending over backwards for 30
> years to accomodate the gay community and being met with their
> ingratitude.

01AUG04:

A tie for this month:
>> A Google search on the two words 'dinosaurs' and
>> 'gravity' now turns up nearly 60,000
>
>So? A search on "dinosaurs porn" brings over 70,000 results. Does
>this mean that the dinosaurs were driven to extinction by excessive
>wanking?


With:
>> Luckily though, they had an excellent lunch program though. Pi was
>> had by all. So much pi was laying around that they made wagon wheels
>> out of it at recess
>
> But they only got the cheaper biblical version, equal to 3. Their
> wagons did not roll all that well.
>
> "Rollin *thud* rollin *thud* rollin...
> Keep them *thud* dogies *thud* rollin'...
> Raw deal..."

08SEP04:

> Sigh. Sometimes I wish *I* was batshit insane. Life would be so
> exciting, the world so full of wonders. Hills would conceal sleeping
> dinosaurs, trees would quote stock prices at me, and Jesus would be my
> invisible roommate. We would sing the duet from the Magic Flute
> together. "Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-Papagena!" Jesus would sing with an
> accent I couldn't place, his voice hoarse from smoking a dozen Romeo y
> Julieta coronas a day. Man, that hallucinatory Jesus, he sure would
> love his cigars! He would tell me to love my neighbor, to honor my
> mother and father, and to see how many Hummers we could set on fire
> before the cops caught up with us. In the back of the police car,
> Jesus would make funny faces to crack me up.

01OCT04:

> Actually, what is possible is that radioactive elements (heavy
> elements) would have settled to the bottom. They would have created
> the necessary heat that could have exploded the gas and fossil fuels
> under the ground, thus causing volcanoes and igneous rock.
>
> Which brings up another point. Obsidian is rock that has been burned
> at tremendous levels of heat. If the earth started as a molten ball
> of substance that spun out of the sun, then why aren't all rocks,
> excepting metals, obsidian? I mean, you can take rock and burn it
> today. If everything started out as burnt, why can you still burn
> rock? Unless maybe the earth really did not come out of the sun.

01NOV04:

>> >> The book of Job talks about a creature called "behemoth". Many
> >> YEC's claim that this is a dinosaur. I guess they missed the
> >> phrase "and his force is in the navel of his belly." Notice the
> >> word "navel" in there? Dinosaurs were egg-layers. Creature that
> >> hatch from eggs don't have navels.
> >> I was having the E vs C argument with someone in another forum and
> >> he claimed that the behemoth description fit the description of a
> >> brontosaurus, when I noticed the mention of the navel. I thought
> >> that was a perfect refutation of the claim.
> >
> >
> > Does anyone think it might be a moth?
>
> Maybe "moves like a cedar" refers to the tree it was nailed to.

01DEC04:

Oh lord:

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
In bars as it is in taverns.
Give us this day a foamy head.
And forgive us our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
but deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager.

Amen


2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002