Chez Watt Winners 2005

17JAN05:
> Let's spend a day at school at the non-naturalistic high school. The
> morning home room begins with readings from Newton and Darwin, since
> they're only value judgements, and just another way to look at the
> world. On the way to class, a late student walks off a roof, thinking
> that gravity is suspended in cases of dire need and supplication
> through prayer to his particular deity.
>
> First class is civics. No value judgements are allowed. No cultures are
> prefererred. The period is spent considering all the possible ways
> humans could interact to govern themselves, including giving the vote
> to supernatural entities, and discussing which entity, Buddha or
> Cthulu, would make a better example for Divine Right in feudal society.
>
> Second period is mathematics. Todays lesson is sacred numbers and their
> significance in everyday life, including tarot, I Ching, lucky streaks
> at the casino and how to control lucky numbers, and how non-real
> numbers corresponding to imaginary objects can be used to make
> arithmetic completely personalized.
>
> Third class of the day is history. Miracles are discussed and compared.
> Legends are given equal weight with historical people. LastWednesdayism
> is the topic for homework, but students can use ingestion by spiritual
> canines as a valid excuse for not turning it in.
>
> Fourth class is chemistry. Any result from lab experiments is valid,
> since non-material factors may have influenced the result. There is no
> way to tell if last weeks class blew it self up because of getting the
> formula wrong, or because of malignant influences sent by the football
> team.
>
> Fifth class is foreign languages. Glossololia.
> Sixth period is spent in study hall. Without naturalistic bounds on
> education, students spend the last hour trying to isolate one useful
> fact from the day's teaching that they will be able to carry forward to
> the next day and eventually use in a productive life. Without any
> guidance in this exercise from teachers or parents, many of them simply
> spend this time openly weeping and cursing the school board.
> Naturalism, as they say, is a fact of life

21MAR05 (Thanks to Harvest Dancer for conducting this vote):

This month is a tie:
> Evolution (e.g. microevolution and speciation) is a fact.
> However, the evolution of species is an unobserved myth.

And

> The Hebrew word "oph" that is used in Leviticus to describe the >bat
> simply means feathered animal that flies. It accurately describes
> the bat.

01APR05:

> "We've been attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of the
> culture," says Pastor Ray Mummert, defending the Dover School
> District's awkward attempt to introduce ID into the public school
> classroom.

02MAY05:

Another tie:

> The fossils buried lowest in the fossil record are the
> stupidest and least mobile, the ones who were least able to flee the
> flood waters and escape (temporarily) to higher ground. This is known
> colloquially as the "grass runs faster than velociraptors" theory.

And:

> In normal usage Civil and Environmental engineers don't deal with
> near c velocities unless something has gone horribly, horribly wrong

03JUN05:

> This guy's just moved in next door. I believe he is an alien, and
> arrived on earth fully formed about a week ago. He insists this is
> untrue, and that he developed from a single cell into his present
> state. I found this a little hard to swallow, so I asked him to prove
> it. He showed me a biology textbook, and also half a dozen pictures
> showing a person not dissimilar to himself in various stages of
> development. I asked him if he could supply transitionals to fill in
> the gaps. He found a couple more pictures. I asked him if he could
> supply transitionals to fill in the gaps. He couldn't. I have
> examined him minutely over the past week, and can find no evidence that
> he is changing NOW. He was completely unable to demonstrate to my
> satisfaction any evidence to support his proposition. So I shot him.

18JUL05:

>>> If you can observe, test, and repeat an animal evolving
>>> above the species level, you will have proven that
>>> evolution is possible.

>>
>>Then it has been done. We have observed speciation.
>
> Speciation occurs at the species level, not above.

09AUG05:

>>1. Name all the planets of our solar system in order from the sun
>>outward.
>
> 1, 2, 3, 4, 4.5*, 5, 6, 7, 8.5.
>
>>2. Describe the essential features of communism.
>
> A wafer of unleavened bread and a mouthful of cheap red wine.
>
>>3. Write an essay on why you do, or do not, believe in God.
>
> I had a revelation from God that He does not exist. Who am I to argue with God?
>
>>4. When did World War II begin? When did it end?
>
> 1914-1989
>
>>5. Do humans and apes share a common ancestor?
>
> They share an uncommon ancestor.
>
>>6. Write a short paragraph in a language other than English.
>
> Man saugt sumpfwasser.
>
>>7. Explain what causes a solar eclipse.
>
> Linear alignment.
>
>>8. What's the current time and date in Sydney Australia, London
>>England, Santiago Chile, New Delhi India, and Ho Chi Minh City
>>Vietnam?
>
> The current time is the voltage time divided by the resistance
> time.
>
> The date is Peaches LaRue, pride and glory of the Golden West
> Saloon.
>
>>9. What causes earthquakes?
>
> Too many Chinese doing the polka at the same time.
>
>>10. Briefly describe the plot of your favorite play.
> The heroine is deceived by the villain and comes to a bad end.
> The hero marries her best friend. The villain's goose is cooked by goose cookers.
>>11. Who's your favorite classical composer? Why?
>
> Bach - it's an easy name to spell.
>
>>12. What do Professors do during the summer?
>
> Professors do things? That's news to me.
>
>>13. Describe, using examples, four different ways of calculating
>> a grade point average.
> With a fortran program, with a basic program, with a calculator,
> and with an abacus.
>
>>14. What is the chemical formula for common table salt?
>
> NaCl*H2O (Common table salt is not anhydrous.)
>
>>15. What is a Calorie?
>
> An evil thing that tastes good.
>
>>16. Write a one page essay on whether Canada should send troops to Iraq?
>
> The troops should stay home. The rest of the Canadians should be sent to Iraq.
>
>>17. Name all the major streets to the North, East, West, and South of the campus.
> Trick question - there are no major streets near the campus.
>
>>18. Who's the President of the University? Who's the Dean of
>>your Faculty?
>
> I don't know, but I know who the librarian is. Ook, ook.
>
>>19. Should gays and lesbians be allowed to marry?
>
> It's a moot question. Gays don't even want to marry straight
> women, let alone lesbians.
>
>>20. Were the Beatles better than Coldplay? Explain your answer.
>
> Yes. Won't.
>
>>21. Explain why astrology is rubbish.
>
> I'm a cancer. We cancer's are skeptical.
>
>>22. What are your chances of being murdered?
>
> Very good, or so I have been told.
>
>>23. How many people died as a result of the December 2004 tsunami?
>
> All of them.
>
>>24. What happened on September 11, 2001 and why did it >>happen?
>
> My TV went out. I suppose it had something to do with not
> paying the electricity bill. I never did hear whether there was any
> news that day.
>
>>25. How many men have walked on the moon?
>
> Three men have walked on the moon.
>
>>26. When did Alexander the Great live?
>
> You mean Alexander Nevsky? 1219-1263 IIRC.
>
>>27. Do you prefer Michelangelo, Monet, or Warhol?
>
> It depends. I always get Monet and Manet mixed up; I adore one
> and despise the other, but I'm never sure who is who. If Monet is
> the wrong one then it is Michelangelo.

13SEP05:

>> You are so ignorant that you don't know the difference between
>> abiogenesis (how life began) and evolution (how life changes).
>
> I'm not interested in word games. I know the difference, they still
> mean one and the same.

03OCT05:

> The real question is, WHAT CAUSES GENETIC VARIATION? If evolutionists
> can ever provide us with a testable mechanism for what causes genetic
> variation, we will finally have a real, testable scientifiic theory.

12NOV05:

>>>> Dudes, when I wrote a piddley little book describing how to keep
>>>> tarantulas as pets, it was more thoroughly reviewed (by some of the
>>>> very best arachnologists in the US) than Behe's, uh, opus.
>>>
>>> ISBN!
>>
>> Too late -- it's out of print now.
>
> So now your book is a HASBN.

14DEC05:

> Tsk. What part of " frequent changes of one of the G::C pairings to
> A::T, due to the intermediate formation of the deaminated 5-methyl
> cytidine to thymidine producing the intermediate mismatched
> 5'GC3'::3'TG5'." don't you understand?

 

Home 2004 2003 2002