Its that time....a time when you might be putting your pre-schooler or infant in a caregiver situation for the first time. And it is probably a time of mixed feelings.
There are a lot of institutions out there. Designer pre-schools with certified teachers in every classroom, no-frills pre-schools in a church basement. Daycare facilities....even nannies. You are bound to have a lot going through your mind. Worry....will your child really be safe? Jealousy.....other people will experience your child developing in ways FIRST that you might miss. Anxiousness....will your child do well? Guilt.....because you cant be there the way you would like to. Fear....that you could lose a little of your child's love. All these feelings are perfectly natural.
I was a stay at home mom for 14 years. So what qualifies me to speak about child care situations? Despite the fact that I stayed at home, I DID send both my children to pre-schools for a short time. Also, I worked in an accredited pre-school and was, until recently, employed as head afternoon teacher in a preschool for children ages 3 year-Pre K. I can see the situation from ALL sides....and from the CHILD'S point of view, as well. I have seen 4 year olds with aneorexic tendencies and OCD. I have seen kids spoiled rotten because their parents felt so bad about what they considered abandoning their child to a caregiver. I have seen kids left from 7 in the morning to 6 at night, who go home, eat, are bathed and put to bed. And I have seen nannies drop off children instead of their parents.
This is not meant to make ANYONE feel badly about putting their child in the hands of a caregiver. What I HOPE it will do is open the eyes of parents who have concerns......to view ALL sides of the child care question. The child care relationship is like a triangle. You, the parents, are one side, your child is the second side and the caregiver is the third side. Without support from ALL sides, the triangle falls apart.
Putting a baby in a school or daycare can be heartwrenching. You know you may not be there to see first steps or even hear first words. But the most important things are to NOT project your jealousy onto your child's caregiver. If you have chosen the right person or institution, they will understand your feelings and do their best to ease the transition from you being with your child 24/7 to a child care situation. DO discuss your child's development with their caregiver so that you can share in it. DONT obsess over timetables. My son didnt say a word till he was 22 months....then we couldnt get him to STOP talking :)
We all want a child that is prepared for their formal educational years. We want a child that can write MORE than their name, read a book or do simple math by the time they enter kindergarten. Why? Two reasons. For the child, yes. But, lets be honest.....we want it for OURSELVES, too. A child's progress reflects on his PARENTS, as well. Having a child who is top of their class is important....right? WRONG! What is important is that a child be a CHILD....that he or she enjoy their formative years, have fun and not be pressured into scholastic excellence by the age of 5 or 6. Thats not to say they should not learn. But they should learn with love and support, not with pressure to excel. I see too many kids who have never had a life. Their hours are filled with school and their off hours are filled with studying and, usually, a sport they dont really care much about. They dont have the time to get away and have much time with their friends because its been drummed into their heads that if they DONT go the extra mile, their futures will be ruined. Many parents believe if the child's time isnt taken up with practical pursuits, they will become lazy, unproductive, or get into mischief.
I have an 21 year old son who is presently in his senior year of college. He didnt even finish filling out his application, yet he was accepted. And he was NO bookworm...in fact there were times I tore my hair out trying to get him to study. I was worried for nothing....he was doing just fine. Did he attend a pre-school? Yes...for 2 years, 2 mornings a week from 9-12. Just enough to get him socialized and comfortable with other children. And this was at a time when pre-schools were just coming into their own. It was run through the local high school and the assistant teachers were students studying child care. It was a wonderful experience for my son and I am glad I sent him. But I had NO expectations....no anxious moments wondering if his pre-schooling was preparing him for kindergarten. I let him be a kid...and he did fine.
My daughter went to a more structured pre-school for one year before she entered kindergarten. She had Language, Math, Science...just like in elementary school. Her day started at 9 and ended at 4. She used to hold onto my leg crying and begging me not to leave her. I felt AWFUL. But most of it was an act. After I was gone, she would calm down and be fine. I had a choice....I didnt have to send her. But I felt she needed that preparation. Not necessarily the curriculum. Being different than my son...she needed more structure. For her, it was the right choice. Each child is unique, as are their needs.
You may not have a choice. Putting your child in a pre-school or daycare may be a necessity. But if you do your homework and have checked out the prospective school or care facility, and you find it to be a warm place where children are encouraged to be CHILDREN, and not angels or scholars, your child will do well. Dont worry that the little Jones boy made his alligator look more like an alligator or the Smith girl writes her name so neatly. Encourage your child, but dont give them goals comparative to other children. Its unrealistic and demoralizing. Let them, instead, learn how special they are through your support and love.
Knowing that you will have less time with your child, be prepared...see to it that the hours your son or daughter spends at home and with their families is the MOST memorable. We, as caregivers, love your children, but we are NOT their parents. We are not surrogates....we are teachers who do our best to make the time they are with us as fun and instructive as possible. We want children to look upon their pre-school/daycare experience as an adventure.
In conclusion, get on good terms with your child's caregiver. DONT treat them like your teenage babysitter....they arent. Most are women, like myself, with children of their own. Some are men...I have worked in a school where there were several male teachers and had a class with a gentleman who runs a small pre-school with his wife....they both teach their students. You couldnt call HIM a babysitter. The reason that childcare is as expensive as it is is because your child is NOT just being watched....they are being taught in addition to what they learn from you. So dont just drop your child off and run. Make it a point to chat for a minute or 2 with the teachers. Let them know you appreciate what they are doing to make your child happy and well adjusted when you cant be with them. But remember....despite the money you pay for the service, childcare is NOT a high paying position. Most caregivers cant support themselves on what they make....even full time. Its a labor of LOVE more than revenue. And that, too, is to be appreciated. Hopefully, in the near future, our government will realize that pre-schools/childcare centers are now the norm and begin to start subsidizing these institutions so that pay is increased, guaranteeing that quality, well trained teachers are being employed to care for our children.
Best of luck to you and your child in the coming school year!
Sandy
