The Sexes

The women's movement began with the admirable goal of gaining the vote for women and obtaining for them equal rights to education and employment. The feminist movement today, however, seeks to pretend away all differences between men and women. They push for legislation such as comparable worth which would effectively place all salary deicsions in the hands of the government. A ridiculous concept surely, but one which has received a disturbing amount of attention from politicians and bureaucrats.

Many of the current feminist programs serve to undermine the true advancement of women in society. Women's Studies programs in the universities, like Black Studies Programs, imply that the subject matter is not worthwhile dealing with in mainstream courses. It is a ghettoization of the study of female authors. Those who are deserving of study are hurt by these programs just as affirmative actions hurt the qualified minority student. Both programs carry with them the stigma of welfare to aid an otherwise undeserving person.

Women who are successful, but will not pay lip service to feminist ideals, are ignored or vilified. Women who have served under Reagan, such as Jeane Kirkpatrick, are ignored or vilified. They are certainly not held up as examples of what women should aspire to be for feminists do not truly want women to be independent and free-thinking. Acceptable thought in today's women's movement is agreement with the leaders of NOW (National Organization of Women) and like organizations.

Men build bridges and throw railroads across deserts, and yet they contend successfully that the job of sewing on a button is beyond them.
Heywood Brown

Never encourage a man to cook breakfast; it cause him to wonder if women are necessary.
Robert Heinlein

As far as I'm concerned, being any gender is a drag.
Patti Smith

A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item she doesn't want.
William Binger

Certain women should be struck regularly like gongs.
Noel Coward

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Agatha Christie

An ideal husband is one who treats his wife like a new car.
Dan Bennett

Twenty million young women rose to their feet with the cry "We will not be dictated to" and promptly became stenographers.
G.K. Chesterton

Men aren't necessities, they're luxuries.

If you are ever in doubt as to whether or not to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.
Thomas Carlyle

No woman has ever stepped on Little America [in the Antarctic] -- and we found it to be the most silent and peaceful place in the world.
Admiral Richard Byrd

The best way to get a woman to listen is to whisper.
Stan Burns

No woman is likely ever to be elected President -- they never reach the required legal age.
Jacob Braude

Women and music should never be dated.
Oliver Goldsmith

A woman can keep one secret -- the secret of her age.

The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost. They are added to the ages of other women.
Diane de Poitiers

I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body.
Dion Boucicault

The reason God made man before woman was that he didn't want any suggestions.
Sam Levenson

What could Adam have done to God that made Him put Eve in the garden?
Polish proverb

Getting married is a serious matter for a girl; not getting married is even more serious.
Nicholas Bentley

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.
George Ade

A man ought not to marry without having studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
Honore de Balzac

Architects cover their mistakes with ivy. The bride covers hers with mayonnaise.
The Atchison Globe

As soon as an American man loves a girl he wants to marry her. This is not only a blunder but it is rather absurd. It is so typical of American men, always wanting to do the noble thing.
Helen Lawrenson

Any married man should forget his mistakes -- no use two people remembering the same thing.
Duane Dewel

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
Albert Einstein

One of the chief reasons that widowers get married so quickly is because they find out that it bankrupts them to pay for the work that a wife has done for her board and clothes.
Dorothy Dix

The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it-- sometimes three.
Alexandre Dumas

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will.
Robert Frost

One of the best things about marriage is that it gets young people to bed at a decent hour.
M. Muuselmann

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not.
H.L. Mencken

American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers.
W. Somerset Maugham

I have always been convinced that if a woman once made up her mind to marry a man, nothing but instant flight could save him.
W.Somerset Maugham

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason -- there's a reason.
Molly McGee

Monogamy: A marriage system in which subscribers are requested to return one wife before taking another.
Leonard Levinson

Marriage: The most expensive way to get your laundry done.
Charles James

A friend married is a friend lost.
Henrik Ibsen

A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married.
Kin Hubbard

The only real argument for marriage is that it remains the best method for getting acquainted.
Herbert Broun

Marriage is all right, but I think it's carrying love a little bit too far.
Texas Guinan

The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
Wilson Mizner

A newly wed couple shouldn't expect the first few meals to be perfect. After all, it takes time to find the right restaurant.

American girls often marry someone they can't stand to spite someone they can.
James Thurber

Before marriage, when a woman speaks to a man in an undertone, he calls it "cooing"; after marriage, he calls it nagging.
Helen Rowland

When you see some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
Helen Rowland

Matrimony is a process by which the grocer acquired an account the florist had.
Francis Rodman

Marriage marks the end of many short follies - being one long stupidity.
Friedrich Nietzsche

No woman is worth the loss of a night's sleep.
Sir Thomas Beecham

Have you noticed that many jewels make women either incredibly fat or incredibly thin?
James Barrie

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have time.
Tallulah Bankhead

I refuse to admit that I'm more than fifty-two even though that does make my sons illegitimate.
Lady Astor

What would women say if men changed the length of their trousers every year?
Lady Astor

Going to a party with your wife is like going fishing with the game warden.
Amos 'n' Andy

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
Joey Adams

An extravagance is something you buy which is no earthly use to your wife.
Franklin P. Adams

There is no logical reason why girls shouldn't play baseball. It's not all that tough.
Hank Aaron

A woman's place is in the home. Why should she go out and take away a workingman's pay instead of staying home and stealing out of his jacket like a good wife.
Sam Levenson

It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen.
Mamie Van Doren

Men no longer prefer blondes. Today gentlemen seem to prefer gentlemen.
Anita Loos

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hedy Lamarr

Homeliness is the best guard of a young girl's virtue.
Mme. de Genlis

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.
Chauncey Depew

Skinny women don't enjoy being told they're skinny nowadays. They enjoy telling you how they got that way, as though starvation were an achievement.
Russell Baker

Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well dressed thermometer.
Erma Bombeck

Feminism is the theory and lesbianism is the practice.
Ti-Grace Atkinson

Feminists are all ugly and look like men.
Veronica Lujan

Feminists are forever discovering subtle new forms of sexism and then beating men around the head and shoulders with it. It is left to the rest of us to suffer the inevitable backlash this provokes among men. Besides, the feminists have the Federal Government behind them.
Mona Charen

The lesbian is the archtypical feminist, because she's not into men -- she's the independent woman par excellence.
Kate Millett

The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says: "It's a girl."
Shirley Chisholm

Man: Are you a lesbian? Flo Kennedy: Are you my alternative?

If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
Flo Kennedy

I wholeheartedly agree with the DWA [Dartmouth Women's Alliance] on one major policy: I, too, find men sexually unattractive.
Dartmouth male

A capacity for self-pity is the last thing a feminist surrenders.

If government has accommodated comparable worth more readily than private organizations, this is not because governments have found comparable worth easier to construe; governments can finance their follies by taxation, with no worries about buyer loyalty.
Michael Levin, Commentary

Who says women have to give up femininity to get equal rights? Anyway I don't want to go through a doorway ahead of a man -- it's much more fun to squeeze through together.
Perle Msta

To be in love is to be in a state of perpetual amnesia -- to mistake an ordinary young man for a Greek god or an ordinary young woman for a Greek goddess.
H.L. Mencken

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
John Barrymore

It's an extra dividend when you like the girl you're in love with.
Clark Gable

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
Stephen Leacock

Nothing so annoys a man as to hear a woman promise to love him "forever" when he merely wanted her to love him for a few weeks.
Helen Rowland

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.
Walt Disney

Love is a gross exageration of the difference between one person and everybody else.
George Bernard Shaw

I hate women because they always know where things are,
James Thurber

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

She is an excellent creature, but she can never remember which came first, the Greeks or the Romans.
Benjamin Disraeli, on his wife

Here lies my wife: here let her lie. Now she's at rest. And so am I.
John Dryden

When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute- and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein

God made men stronger but not necessarily more intelligent. He gave women intuition and femininity. And, used properly, that combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I've ever met.
Farrah Fawcett-Majors

I can never feel that setting fire to houses and churches and litter boxes and destroying valuable pictures really helps to convince people that women ought to be enfranchised.
Dame Millicent Fawcett, on Emmeline Parkhurst's suffragette movement

Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote. The relative positions to be assumed by man and woman in the working out of our civilization were assumed long ago by a higher intelligence than ours.
Grover Cleveland

A woman can look both moral and exciting -- if she also looks as if it was quite a struggle.
Edna Ferber

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.
W.C. Fields

The cannot be a battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Gerald Ford

It is not easy to be a pretty woman without causing mischief.
Anatole France

A woman without breasts is like a bed without pillows.
Anatole France

I think men were destined to become homemakers. After all, who ever heard of "Ms. Clean" or the "Woman from Glad"?

I'd rather see a woman elected...They understand they can't spend more money than the old man brings home.
Barry Goldwater

A crowd has the mind of a woman.
George Goodman

A woman will almost never tell you the truth, while most man defendents will. Women have a furtive, concealing nature, and to some extent they're pathological liars who can conceive of situations that never existed.
James D. C. Murray, veteran defense lawyer

High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.
Christopher Morley

When women kiss, it always reminds one of prizefighters shaking hands.
H.L. Mencken

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.
H.L. Mencken

Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing they die earlier.
H.L. Mencken

A man is only as good as the woman he feels.
Groucho Marx

There aren't many women now I'd like to see as President -- but there are fewer men.
Clare Boothe Luce

The best camouflage for a woman's bowlegs is a low neckline.
Margaret Lindsley

Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Alan Jay Lerner, in the musical, My Fair Lady

The word lady is used correctly only as follows... To differentiate between girls who put out and girls who don't. Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic use of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a lesbian.
Fran Lebowitz

Look Mr. President, I might sleep with them, but I'm damned if I'll eat lunch with them.
Bill Lawrence, American newsman, to JFK on admitting women to the Gridiron Club

An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.
Ring Lardner

Find a nice man, marry him, have babies and shut up.
Wauhillau Laflay, advertising executive, advice to career girls

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think.
Ladies Home Journal, 1947

If you wonder which is the stronger sex, watch which one twists the other around her little finger.
James Thurber

There is no such thing as a dangerous woman; there are only suseptible men.
Joseph Wood Krutch

The best thing is to look natural, but it takes makeup to look natural.
Calvin Klein

It would be preposterously naive to suggest that a B.A. can be made as attractive to girls as a marriage license.
Grayson Kirk, recent Columbia president

It is not a question of whether women should be educated at Dartmouth, it is a question of whether women should be educated at all.
Keeney Jones

And a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
Rudyard Kipling

A woman who writes commits two sins; she increases the number of books, and decreases the number of women.
Alphonse Karr

Sir, a woman preaching is like a dog's walking on its hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.
Samuel Johnson

A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner than when his wife talks Greek.
Samuel Johnson

Nature has given women so much power that the law has wisely given them very little.
Samuel Johnson

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other, to let her have it.
Lyndon B. Johnson

A gentleman is one who holds the door open for his wife as she takes out the garbage.

A gentleman is one who never strikes a woman without provocation.
H.L. Mencken

A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.
Lana Turner

The more intelligent and competent a woman is in her adult life, the less likely she is to have received an adequate amount of romantic attention in adolescence.
Susan Jacoby

My notion of a wife at forty is that a man should be able to change her, like a bank note, for two twenties.
Douglas Jerrold

Some women just talk blond.
Fred Foote

Her face was her chaperone.
Rupert Hughes

It don't make no difference what is is, a woman'll buy anything she thinks a store is losin' money on.
Kin Hubbard

Women are just like elephants to me; I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
Kin Hubbard

I never saw an athletic girl that thought she was strong enough to do indoor work.
Kin Hubbard

One of the difficult tasks in this world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
Edgar Watson Howe

A man does not buy his wife a fur coat to keep her warm, but to keep her pleasant.
Sir Seymour Hicks

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's -- she changes it more often.
Oliver Herford

Darling: A popular form of address used in speaking to a person of the opposite sex whose name you cannot at the moment recall.
Oliver Herford

Regard the society of women as a necessary unpleasantness of social life, and avoid it as much as possible.
Leo Tolstoy

The main symptom of falling in love is that you lose your intellectual prowess.
Fran Lebowitz

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
Sam Levenson

I'm totally against women in combat, because we live in a culture and a society that imposes on every man the concept of women and children first...If you had a man and a woman trying to go through some dangerous woods, the man's instinct would be to protect the woman. Therefore you weaken the man.
Grace Hopper, Commodore, U.S.N., Ret.

We have enough trouble with women without giving them M16 rifles.
Barry Goldwater, on drafting women

Nothing will ruin an interesting intelligent argument more quickly than the arrival of a pretty girl.
William Feather

That woman can speak eighteen languages and can't say no in any of them.
Dorothy Parker

Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
Mark Twain

Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not.
Robert Heinlein

There are no ugly women; there are only women who do not know how to look pretty.
Antoine Berryer

In New Hampshire, providing your wife with green wood for cooking used to be grounds for divorce.
Sarah Haskell

I asked the Burmese why, after centuries of following their men, the women now walk ahead. He said there were many unexploded land mines since the war.

Men have many faults;
Women have but two:
There's nothing good they say,
And nothing right they do.

A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to comprehend his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it.
Israel Zangwill

A woman is a person who reaches for a chair when she answers the telephone.
Milton Wright

I can always find plenty of women to sleep with but the kind of woman that is really hard for me to find is a typist who can read my writing.
Tom Wolfe

If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made cililization to impress our girlfriends.
Orson Welles

Once a woman has given you her heart you can never get rid of the rest of her.
Sir John Vanburgh

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash.
Sophie Tucker

No woman in my time will be Prime Minister or Chancellor or Foreign Secretary -- not the top jobs. Anyway I wouldn't want to be Prime Minister. You have to give yourself 100%.
Margaret Thatcher, in 1969

A lot of wolves hang around a woman with a past hoping that history will repeat itself .
Dick Stone

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
George Bernard Shaw

You can't kiss a girl unexpectedly -- only sooner than she thought you would.
Jack Seaman

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.
Mort Sahl

A dress has no meaning unless it makes a man want to take it off.
Francoise Sagan

In order to get at the cleavage you first have to cool them down low enough and you can get rid on the slip.
Prof. K. Russel, MIT Materials Department lecture

Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leves off something he looks worse.
Will Rogers

It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others.
Helen Rowland

The feminine vanity-case is the graveyard of masculine illusions.
Helen Rowland

There's something luxurious about having a girl light your cigarette. In fact, I got married once on account of that.
Harold Robbins

In the 1920's it was legs. My God, women hadn't shown their legs for 2000 years.
Robert Riley

Any man who thinks a woman is his intellectual equal is probably right.
Joe Rendini

My idea of a vacation is to rest quietly in the shade of a blond.
Dick Powell

Most hierarchies were established by men who now monoplize the upper levels, thus depriving women of their rightful share of opportunities to achieve incompetence.
Laurence J. Peter

Psychologist: A man who, when a beautiful girl enters the room, watches everyone else.
Bruce Patterson

Chaste is she whom no one has asked.

After thirty-five a man begins to have thoughts about women; before that he has feelings.
Austin O'Malley

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