"Wrestling with Demons, Dancing with Angels"
  G. Lloyd Rediger 

When was the last time you wrestled with demons or danced with angels? Maybe it was more recently than you realize. Perhaps you know.

In this essay we are opening the subject of spiritual beings for our personal examination. This means, of course, we are expanding the context of our thinking into the spiritual realm where rational thinking and the material world are only a small part of reality.

This spiritual realm is not separate, or even different from our rational perception. It is simply bigger … so much bigger that we must open ourselves to the intuitive, imaginative, discerned sphere or spirit-energy-lifeforce … God. Since this is not the typical way we perceive our existence consciously, nor the way we think ourselves through the day, we must make a shift in our perception and thinking. This is not simply a matter of thinking new thoughts, or even religious, parochial thoughts, it is a matter of opening ourselves to that which is higher than ourselves, yet includes ourselves.

I ask you to bring your own best theology and experience to this discussion of spiritual experience, yet be willing to open yourself to much more than your theology and experience. For there is a constant interplay between what has been termed “human beings having a spiritual experience versus spiritual beings having a human experience.” These are not antithetical experiences, of course; they are a function of our rational need to categorize and control our perceptual experience. In our present state we must live in a human-material world while participating in the spiritual realm. My intent is to join you on this spiritual quest, not lead you. For we all begin by bowing before the awesome reality of a God we cannot define nor control. Therefore worship and payer are our modes of expanded awareness, but a trusting openness is required to pass beyond the theology, traditions, and gods we create.

My usual reference points for this wondrous experience of openness are Exodus 3:14-5, Isaiah 6:1-8 and 55:8-9. No doubt you have favorite references as well.

I am asking us to be open not only to the goodness of the spiritual realm, but also to the other dynamics and spiritual beings which participate with us. For our interactions in the spiritual realm are constant and dynamic. If we are not practiced in the awareness of this participation, all of this may seem strange, ethereal … even weird. But I believe God wants us to participate freely in the spiritual realm, for it is the source of our eternal existence. With Jesus as our model, we understand that we will encounter tormenting demons and comforting, supportive angels, even as he did. And we must learn to “exorcise” out demons and accept the grace offered by our angels.

By now we have encountered the barriers and limitations of our rationality, our language, our intuitions. The words we use here are simply our rational tools for moving more deeply into our spirituality. If other words are more comfortable for you, please translate as you participate in this essay. Walter Wink’s books on “The Powers That Be” are a valuable guide.

A full discussion of all the issues in spirituality is clearly beyond the limits of this essay. I only wish to focus on several experiences typical to clergy in our contemporary scene, and treat them with both the insights of our rationality and our spirituality. For me there are scriptural reference points that deal with spiritual struggle and with spiritual guidance and grace. I think often of Jacob’s wrestling with the spiritual being as recorded in Genesis 32. And I think of angels coming to minister to Jesus after the ordeal of his temptation (Mt 4:11). We will need to translate such passages to our own experience as we wrestle with some of the vulnerabilities and comforts of the human experience; in particular, the clergy role in our contemporary world.

Spirituality in general and in the theological sense tends to be enigmatic and disconcerting for clergy. Though some wear a parochial version as a professional badge, and others discount it, many find themselves somewhat confused when expected to justify the reality of spirituality and ourselves as practitioners of whatever it is. Pastoral colleagues and parishioners recognize the unique place of spirituality and its practitioners in their material-tangible-rational experience. But we feel somewhat uncomfortable in associations with other professionals, and especially with those in the other helping professions. For many of them now accept some form of spiritual reality, yet are not sure of what it is, nor who we are. It is encouraging, however, to see how readily spirituality is now accepted among professionals, even with its mysteries. For spiritual energy (power) has come to play a part in healing, conflict management, therapy, and human interactions of all kinds. Yet this acceptance is a mixed blessing. For with acceptance has come some turf struggles. Many in the helping professions now imagine they are competent to deal in spirituality … their own version, of course. A few even seem to feel they invented spirituality and its practice. Then in our own midst, we have the “designers of spirituality,” who thrive on clever new jargon, rituals, and personal performance. Needless to say, with our seemingly new contemporary status in the everyday world, we will need to practice our spiritual disciplines diligently in order to avoid ego-turf struggles, parochial or judgmentalism, and the usual dangers of transference and countertransference.

THREE DEMONS AFFLICTING PASTORS

The pastoral scene of our day presents unique characteristics, yet in many ways it is the same as throughout human history. Thus the maladies listed here are simply part of the human experience. Yet in other ways, they are painful struggles for survival and identity. But all three are now so common for pastors that I pick them out of the everyday mix of pastoral experience of conscious review. No matter how “successful” or prominent or strong, most pastors will wrestle with the demons called depression, burnout, and role confusion sometime in their career. We wrestle with these “demons” in ways similar to nonordained persons, yet with a role factor unique to us. By introducing the idea of actual spiritual beings here, we move beyond acceptance of spirituality. This is not a regression to ancient superstitions and myths about little green imps. Rather, it is an effort to understand the spiritual realm in terms of beings that interact with us in ways different from the triune God of our traditional theologies. While the references to demons and angels here and in Scripture may be understood metaphorically, they may also be understood as actual beings.

The following discussion of three maladies as both human disorders and experiences of demonic interaction in our lives is only a brief review of salient issues involved. If any of these seem especially pertinent or troublesome for you, I urge you to consult a certified pastoral counselor or a mental health professional who takes religious faith seriously.

DEPRESSION

Depression, as discussed here, is more than discouragement, more than exhaustion, and different from, though related to, a mental disorder usually termed bipolar disorder. This disorder has been studied and argued about for many years. We can note from the studies that there is a biochemical/genetic version that tends to be chronic and must be managed medically, along with cognitive therapy. And there is another generic type expressed in a variety of forms and induced or abetted by environment, traumatic circumstances, pessimistic adult models, and inappropriate thought patterns. It may be sustained by sleeplessness, poor nutrition, lack of exercise, inadequate sunlight, chemical pollutants, exhaustion-burnout, persistent criticism and abuse, addictions, low self-esteem, and debilitating disease and disability. Depression is a function of the conscious and unconscious mind, therefore, how we manage our thinking and attitudes is a major factor in both the illness and recovery from it. This second type of depression tends to be episodic, unless sustained by habitual negative thinking and/or biochemical breakdown.

The thinking process, conscious and preconscious, is the venue most available for both cognitive therapy and for self-therapy. Since most of us have not learned to monitor our conscious thinking, much less note and understand the signals from our unconscious mind, an informed, guided, or self-disciplined regime is necessary in order to change the negative thought patterns that mark this most common type of depression. Developing insight (self-awareness) to this degree requires highly motivated rational-spiritual efforts, and then some energy available for transforming insight into remedial behavior. Since low energy and motivation is a characteristic of depression, it is highly valuable to have a competent professional or mentoring partner(s) in the effort to end this type of depression. Typically, persons who try to talk themselves out of depression only dig their black hole deeper. Thus the old clinical humor: “When you find yourself in a deep, dark hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.” But of course, when seriously depressed we may not even recognize that we are in a deep, dark pit, much less know how to stop digging it deeper. And when our darkness becomes chronic (perceived as normal or hopeless), a therapeutic intervention is required.

Therapists who focus on behavior and cognition, such as Albert Ellis, Aaron Beck, and David Burns teach us to identify “depressogenic” thoughts and follow them to their illogical and depressing conclusions. Then to undo and reframe such thoughts and interpretations of events and experiences so that new, appropriate thoughts lead us to healthy conclusions, thereby ending our depression. Ego therapists and object relations therapists teach that deeper and usually unconscious motivations and traumas have significant influence in depressive thinking. Relational therapists promote a systems approach in which the depressed person plus spouse, committed friend, and/or support group work on the depression together.

Those of us with a theological-spiritual perspective tend to see value in the above approaches, but promote the necessity of understanding and participating in the mystical yet real power of prayer and belief in grace and healing from God, along with the spiritual energy/support of the community of faith. These are valuable, not just because they seem like good ideas, but because we have countless testimonials and now medical research that demonstrate the therapeutic value of spiritual beliefs and healing practices.

Let us apply these ideas to typical depressions in pastors. The following descriptions can be part of chronic, clinical depression. But most typically these ideas and thoughts relate to episodic and nonchronic depressions. First of all, because pastors tend to think in moral-theological categories, we are likely to think of depression as bad and therefore evil, or at least as caused by sinful pathology, which means I have done something bad that makes me feel this way. Guilt feelings are very common, with ideas such as I have done something seriously wrong, or have failed in some inexcusable way, or am so messed up that even God probably won’t help me.

Vulnerability to criticism, either through its persistence or because it attacks me where I have low self-esteem anyway, can abet depression. If the criticism becomes vicious attacks that no one opposes, and no one defends me, I may be overwhelmed with shock, anger, and fear. Through criticism is common for spiritual leaders throughout history, we are seeing an escalation of traumatic abuse of spiritual leaders within congregations in recent years. Such terrorism is so shocking that many pastors have no adequate training and resources for dealing with it effectively. A form of depression called “victim thinking” is common in such circumstances. Victim thinking feeds on itself by seeking sympathy instead of resolution, by becoming self-destructive, and by developing paranoid attitudes. For a full discussion of such traumatic abuse, consult my book entitled: Clergy Killers: Guidance for Pastors and Congregations Under Attack (Westminster John Knox Press).

Depression can also be learned and a role process for pastors. “Learned Helplessness” (see Martin Seligman’s Learned Optimism, Pocket Books) is an apt name for the distorted developmental pattern in some people’s lives whereby they come to believe that bad things will continue to happen to them no matter what they do. Since the idealized model for pastors is the kind, gentle, nonassertive professional who will not fight back even if attacked, it is easy for this expectation to become an habitual attitude in my role as pastor, such that I literally have no healthy defenses for taking care of myself in hostile situations. And since conflict and traumatic abuse are becoming more common to pastors, depression is inevitable for some.

Boredom is one of the secret syndromes of clergy, even among those who are busy and effective. Can an ordained person become bored with the highest calling and the most honorable profession in the world? Yes. And since I am assumed to be a close partner with God, boredom seems to border on blasphemy. Yet, even the practice of pastoral duties and personal spiritual disciplines can become boring when we simply “go through the motions” and “perform” the pastoral rituals. Many of us have learned that leading worship is not the same as worshiping. Just as we warn parishioners that “lip service” is not true spiritual dedication, so we relearn that in order to worship and fulfill our ministry, we must move beyond ritual and habit. Boredom is a form of depression.

BURNOUT

Let us turn now, more briefly, to the second malady/demon so common among clergy. Burnout is a term from pop psychology rather than from clinical diagnosis, yet it names one of the most serious maladies and long-term threats to health in our society. A recent estimate of the reasons for visits to physicians indicated that approximately 90 percent are stress-related. Stress is both a pop psychology and clinical term. Clinically it names the stimulation factor in human life, which is necessary for healthful functioning. But there is both good stress and bad stress (see Hans Selye). Good stress is the stimulation and excitement that comes from appropriate activities and the satisfactions derived from participating in them. Bad stress is typically a combination of healthy stimulation overdone, plus unrealistic obligations and expectations, along with the burden of traumatic losses, accidents, burdensome relationships, and stress-inducing habits.

Researchers have noted that there is now an implied but powerful social contract in our society, which teaches that those who are not constantly on the go overachieving, and accepting of every obligation, are underachievers, less respectable, and even lazy. This social pressure, coupled with our need for approval or job-survival, pushes us towards the 24-7 syndrome in which our lives become devoted to sustaining a driven, unrelenting schedule. Whether or not such a schedule is filled with meaningful work is not the issue. We feel we must look busy, act overworked, and avoid relaxation and peaceful practices. In my book, Coping With Clergy Burnout, written some years ago, the discussion reminded us that as human beings we have limits and only so much energy available. When we exceed such limits, our organism begins to break down. And if the excesses persist, serious physical-mental-spiritual losses occur.

The pastoral version of burnout is typically the result of trying to “be all things to all people,” a sincere but unrealistic effort to fulfill all needs in a congregation, to compete successfully with other pastors, along with the habit of “busyness” now so common. When such a lifestyle becomes a habit (it only takes a year or two), we find ourselves feeling guilty and inadequate if we are not overworked. The demon of burnout has now ended our effective spiritual ministry and begun a depression.

ROLE CONFUSION

This third demon may come to us in clergy garb, demands for us to develop more and more skills for use in the congregation, and the loss of traditional clergy role features such as moral-theological authority, role respect, and automatic community leadership. Through we still preach, officiate at religious functions, and do some pastoral counseling, we sense that the power of our role has eroded significantly. Clergy scandals, secularism, the megachurch movement, and even ecumenism and interfaith collegiality, can contribute to loss of clarity regarding our roles and functions. Then if we allow ourselves to get into a state of unfitness physically-mentally-spiritually, and begin to doubt our call to pastoral ministry, we are likely to flounder. Such a condition borders on depression.

THE ANGELS SUPPORTING PASTORS

Perhaps the discomforts and torments from the above named demons is more familiar to us these days than the ministry of angels to nurture and guide us. Again, we need to translate the term “angel” into a sensible presence and ministration that our rational consciousness can assimilate. By using this term I do not disregard the sustaining, discerning guidance of the Holy Spirit, nor attempt to distance us from the immediate presence of Jesus Christ or God our creator. Rather, I am pointing towards the ministrations coming from God yet mediated through spiritual beings, or through human beings willing to serve as “angels” to those in need. Angels also serve such functions as messengers, guides, and defenders in biblical references. And when I suggest that our relationships with angels is like a “dance,” I am referring to the grace-filled, dynamic, joyous results of our encounters with God’s representatives, as contrasted with the torments from demons.

As we have considered the spiritual and mental perspectives on three typical clergy maladies, we have noted our humanness and vulnerabilities. Now we turn to the prescriptions, and our God-given potential to heal, mature, and with God’s help transform our problems and disorders into opportunities for more effective and joyful lifestyles and ministries. In a sense, we are all “wounded healers” (see Henri Nouwen). Our scars and experience can be assets in pastoral ministry, as long as they become part of our wholeness, rather than excuses for incompetence.

We are learning that the prescriptions for maladies and vulnerabilities are based upon responsible stewardship of our personhood. This means that the starting place for recovery and growth is not quick fixes, nor faddish formulas, nor the “trying harder” that leads to burnout. Rather, our primary accountability to God and our calling is to learn and accept the disciplines of healthful fitness of body-mind-spirit. This basic fitness is discussed fully in my most recent book entitled Fit to be a Pastor: A Call to Physical, Mental & Spiritual Fitness (Westminister John Knox Press, 2000). Here are the five dynamic principles of body-mind-spirit fitness: (1) eat smart (less, more nutritional); (2) exercise more (active body, mind, spirit); (3) drink water (healthful, cleansing fluids); (4) think free (openness to grow); (5) pray high (seek God’s not personal purposes).

There are other ingredients in our prescriptions, of course. Healing is crucial, for all of us need healing from something … for something. We may not even know we have become sick and need healing. Further, healing is not just finding comfort and coping with our malady. It is becoming whole, for healing is part of our salvation as it includes not only prescriptions, rest, and recuperation, but also includes hearing the gospel (truth), confession, forgiveness, restitution, and absolution.

Attitude is an undervalued ingredient. This is the perspective and frame of mind with which we see, evaluate, and act upon our opportunities and problems. Euphoria, denial, and induced jocularity do not constitute a positive attitude. Honesty, respect, hope, love, and discernment do.

Simplicity, silence, and rest are the trilogy of peace, and are prescriptive ingredients. These allow no space for demons, yet accept the dance of angels.

Healthy relationships are another vital ingredient. There is a strong tendency among pastors to become loners. This is a dangerous lifestyle, for it deprives us of accountability, support, realistic love, and the synergy of togetherness. Though we may become demons to each other, we can also become angels. Closing the door on appropriate relationships makes us more susceptible to wily demons, and less likely to consort with God’s angels.

When was the last time you prayerfully reviewed your wrestling with demons, and your dancing with angels? I pray this has been one of those times.

Published in the Clergy Journal, July 2001