"Clergy Sex Scandals:
What We Have Learned, What is New"
G. Lloyd Rediger
Sex doesn’t go away. It is built into us, into society, into the planet. Even God is sexual—when we mean generative. Sex is a dynamic chaos—part of the swirling mass of spiritual energy that constitutes the universe. It is unpredictable, yet dependable. It is strength, pleasure, and creativity. It is volatile, vulnerable, and disastrous. It is mine … yours … ours … God’s. Sex doesn’t go away. Important.
Many of us have lived through “The Sexual Revolution.” This is approximately the years of World War I and II into the present. Though human sexuality—global sexuality—is not new, in this era it has become a dynamic, expansive burst of awareness and potential we may accurately call an eruption rather than a revolution. For the passions and creativity of sexuality are generated deep within us. We are learning that we explore it at our own risk.
The contemporary wave of clergy sex scandals is a reverberation of the clergy misconduct and malfeasance that shocked us in the seventies and eighties. In fact, many of the current scandals are about abuse and malfeasance that occurred during that period, and convulsions and sea changes we call modernism-postmodernism.
In earlier times sex had boundaries, limits, controls. Freedom, access, and globalization now seem to say anything is possible. And as taboos, superstitions, and traditions are discarded, we find a biochemical-social-spiritual environment for which we are ill prepared. Clergy should be prepared to lead the way through this revolution. We are not. In fact, we are as vulnerable (human) as anyone. However, when we “fall,” something powerful and precious is lost. Therefore, our mandate is to learn how to manage and teach our personal and shared sexual stewardship. This learning must take place in authentic relationships, as well as in classrooms and isolated experiences. And it must become a studied challenge for theologians, denominational officials, laity, and pastors.
WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED
The learning capacity of human beings is both phenomenal and illusionary. We see, stumble, create, and learn in the process. Yet what we learn does not necessarily translate into changed thinking and behavior. We change incrementally, unless forced into transformation by a confluence of overwhelming experiences. This pattern applies to the sexual eruption. Anne Bathurst Gilson has called it “Eros Breaking Free.” James B. Nelson called it “Embodiment.” So we look back on the earlier clergy sex scandals and see what we have learned, should have learned, and must now relearn in expanded forms. It is instructive to list and reflect on these learnings. For if we are discerning, we may avoid some disasters, and even generate a fresh theology, ethics, and experience of God’s gift of sexuality.
We have learned that sexuality doesn’t go away. Testosterone and estrogen are produced by our bodies continuously, unless impairment or aging intervene. We are not typically conscious of the effects of these powerful hormones, and don’t yet know all the effects. But we are learning that we must learn to intentionally shift our management of these hormones from the amygdala (powerful emotional reactions) to the hippocampus (memory evaluations), and then, hopefully, to the pre-frontal lobe for a cognitive (responsible) decision (see Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence, chapter 2, for a description of this process).
We have learned the shock of sexual betrayal by designated spiritual leaders—pastors, denominational officials, seminary professors, pastoral counselors, lay leaders. I still recall the dawning awareness of seminary professors who preyed on students, sexually harassed staff, and didn’t even try to hide this. At national conventions of church leaders and psychotherapists, “sleeping around” was a favorite pastime. The precipitous rise in divorces among spiritual leaders reflected this trend. In my pastoral counseling with pastors and church officials I worked with some who complained that denominational officials were interfering in their private lives when they tried to discipline sexual misconduct. Others experienced enormous guilt trips that lead them to seek repentance and forgiveness in pastoral counseling appointments in my office. I was awed to see the consequences of sexual misconduct by spiritual leaders. Soon national authors were writing books, I among them, trying to aid organized religion in sorting out these issues. The result was a notable flurry of conferences, study groups, and Codes of Conduct devised in denominational offices in an effort to repair and prevent damage. We are learning the meaning of “boundaries” and “limits.”
We have learned that when the elected, ordained leaders of organized religion are unwilling to clean up the sexual malfeasance in their venues, outsiders will not only protest, they are likely to intervene. In the seventies and eighties, organized religion was shocked by legal interventions in congregations, seminaries, and denominational offices. This was a valuable wakeup call that forced rethinking of the traditional “Good Ol’ Boys” way of administering organized religion. Clergy were forced to rethink their call and the accountability of their role. Laypersons were stunned into accepting a shared responsibility for the morality of organized religion and its designated leaders. Congregations, denominations, and clergy have learned they must now carry liability insurance that covers malpractice. We have benefited from this continuing threat of interventions when spiritual leaders lose a sense of moral responsibility. Yet, it is apparent that awareness and Codes of Conduct have not yet resolved the clergy sexual misconduct predicaments.
We have learned the enormity of pain and damage clergy sexual malfeasance causes. For a short time (or is this still the perspective of some?) after the first wave of clergy sex scandals, it seemed easy to believe it was better not to pry or talk about such matters, except behind closed doors and among those who could control information and responses. But we have learned that persons abused by clergy are often injured severely, with long-term damage. Often these victim/survivors were ignored, given perfunctory attention, warned to be silent, or “paid off” in some way. With the intervention of lawyers and the courts, such responses are less likely now. Moreover, we have learned that there are multiple victim/survivors in each instance—congregations, spouses/families, colleagues, and the perpetrator. The church is malfeasant and hypocritical if it does not respond with competent caring and support.
We have learned that the sexual misconduct of spiritual leaders takes multiple forms. Pedophilia/ephobophilia is especially tragic, as youthful lives and trust are violated. We also know that some personality disorders and addictions predispose to sexual misconduct. And we know now that pastors, in particular, have unique opportunities to indulge in cybersex. Victim/survivors are diverse and their responses varied. There is no one simple formula for understanding or remedying these tragedies.
We have learned that the clergy role is fraught with vulnerabilities for malfeasance. The “Star Factor” (pedestal treatment) is included in the clergy role. This is nearly the only profession where people gather regularly to listen to one person “declare the Word of the Lord,” and sundry opinions. Pastors are not thought of nor treated like other persons. There is deference, privilege, and power included in the role. This is heady stuff … even for those who deny it or do it poorly. The “Intimacy Factor” is also integral to the role. Pastors are allowed to know secrets and be more personal than laypersons. Such closeness often produces naïve trust, exemption, and even seduction for which many are ill-prepared. Yet typical intimacies of clergy are “half-intimacies.” That is, the confidentiality and emotions are usually one-way or co-dependencies. Further, the pastor’s reputation depends on respect and integrity. Questions of immorality destroy clergy careers. Ideas of “Free Sex” and “Open Marriage,” though popular now, are incompatible with effective pastoring. We are reminded frequently that sex and love are not synonymous.
We have learned the three key words of pasturing: relationships, relationships, relationships. Pastoring is built upon relationships … healthy relationships. Effective pastors establish clear communications and caring interactions with congregational leaders and parishioners. For though there is a built-in authority and connectedness between pastor and parishioners, the relationship must be nurtured, lest it deteriorate. The pastor must build a support base that nurtures, supports, and holds accountable. Effective pastors encourage healthy relationships within the congregation, healthy relationships with the community, healthy relationships with God, and healthy relationships with our planet. We are learning the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships, for when we do not, our relationships can seduce and trap us.
We have learned and are learning that our society, and most of the developed world, now lives according to an “Ethics of Consequences,” rather than an ethics of beliefs. This of course, is a sea change (paradigm shift) in human relationships. Though organized religion still preaches and teaches theology and the practices of spirituality, it too, now operates out of a set of pragmatic practices. An illustration is the reality of the business model as the basis of policy and administrative decisions in denominations, congregations, and seminaries. This Ethics of Consequences (“EthCon”) is more deeply entrenched in our thinking and practice than we may think. And, it is not all bad. However, EthCon is an enormous shift from what we imagine is the basis of our behavior and decision-making. We still recite our creeds and doctrines, but we break the speed limit whenever we need to, as long as no traffic officer is visible. We still live lifestyles far beyond our true needs, though two-thirds of the global family lives in poverty and injustice. And more than a few of us practice our sexuality, not according to our stated beliefs, but according to what pleases us at the moment. We are learning that spiritual disciplines are the prescription for lost faith and confused ethics. For when we blend healthy beliefs and spiritually disciplined motivations, we achieve healthy consequences. Healthy sexuality is more deeply pleasurable and satisfying than “feel good” sexuality, with its consequential vulnerabilities and malfeasance.
WHAT IS NEW THIS TIME
The present eruption of clergy sex scandals includes all of the learnings just listed. It also includes factors that are similar. The list includes indications of disturbing trends, as well as hopeful improvements.
Awareness is different this time. A general knowledge that a small but significant number of clergy have been and are involved in sexual misconduct is helping organized religion as well as society in general to put these scandals in a more realistic perspective. However, our general awareness still includes misconceptions, prejudices, and false assurances.
Code of Conduct are now part of nearly every donomination’s policies and training. They have been tested and refined to meet clinical and legal requirements. However, parishioners are still not fully informed of these safeguards and guidelines. And many still think religious codes of conduct are for clergy only.
Legal trends and attitudes have changed, though laws are still much the same. Organized religion knows now that courts can intervene when civil or criminal laws are violated. Yet lawsuits now encumber our efforts to reform. America’s love affair with litigation now has lawsuits, counter-lawsuits, serial lawsuits, and threats of lawsuits. This tends not only to frighten and distract, it diverts attention from repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation, and reverence in our stewardship of sexuality and justice. We have failed to offer a viable alternative to litigation.
Cybersex is one of the most insidious new versions of sexual misconduct yet devised. Though its primary dynamic, pornography with masturbation, is not new, this computerized version provides secrecy, narcissistic gratification, addictive habits, diversion from healthy relationships and practices, and alienation from God’s purposes for our sexuality. Since cybersex is so secretive and seductive, organized religion must give serious attention to countering this evil with realistic teachings and practices of healthy, joyful sexuality.
Autogenesis is the new/old recognition that each of us is responsible for our own sexual sicknesses, healing, and health. No one can do these for us. No Code of Behavior, lawsuit, New Years resolution, or escapism will suffice. Thank God, a growing number of clergy are finding that physical-mental-spiritual fitness and healthy lifestyles are the basis for healthy sexuality.
Clergy sexual malfeasance has and is causing great pain and confusion. Yet, if we take time to understand it, such malfeasance can point us to the truth about human sexuality. “You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (John 8:32).
Published in the Clergy Journal, March 2003
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