Holly Hollingsworth
I came from a broken home; my parents were divorced when I was seven years old. My father raised me in a good Christian home ensuring my regular attendance at church, Sunday School and later confirmation classes. I would say that I was definitely raised with the knowledge of God's presence and love, my father always setting the example for me to follow. Unfortunately this knowledge was in my mind only; I felt nothing in my heart. As I grew older, I grew farther and farther from the church and the Lord. My belief in God became one of convenience only - my convenience.
Just shy of my twenty-first birthday, I joined the United States Marine Corps. Upon graduation from boot camp, the only thing that mattered to me was to be the best marine possible. I had a feeling of commitment and belonging -- the Corps became my God. It took priority over everything -- God, my family, even my country.
I became a very distrusting and bitter individual. If you were not or had not been a military man, I didn't trust you. I had few friends, putting my trust and confidence only in a few select marines.
I felt that my country and government had sold us out; they were free to spill the blood of young Marines to promote their political agenda and quickly forgot our sacrifices. The veteran was just a disposable tool, easily forgotten and discarded when there was no more use for him.
I attended church with my wife and children, but it was in body only. It was to please Karen and because some part of me said I should. I disliked being around people and couldn't get away from them fast enough after a service.
A couple of men from the church we were attending talked me into attending a veterans outreach program with them. It was a weekend event that began on a Friday night. When we arrived, I found myself sitting in a gymnasium with other veterans, waiting to hear some minister speak. To say the least, I was very apprehensive about the entire situation. That night I experienced the great wisdom of our Heavenly Father. Onto the stage stepped a tall man who introduced himself and to my amazement he was a former Marine, Viet Nam veteran. "Maybe this won't be so bad," I thought. The only people I trusted were Marines, surely a fellow Marine wouldn't lie to me.
During his talk that night and the following day I could feel this wall around my heart begin to crumble and fall down. I would almost be to the point of tears and then a voice inside me would say: "You don't need this; these people have problems; there's nothing wrong with you." At that point the wall would be rebuilt, bigger and stronger than before. No one was going to sell me a bill of goods, not even a Marine.
This war inside me went on constantly until Saturday evening when the group went to the sanctuary for a service. As everyone got up to return to the gym, I was feeling as low as I ever had in my whole life. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get up from the pew and follow the others. I broke down and began to cry. Suddenly I had this awful feeling that I had known about God all my life and had turned my back on him. Now I would be held accountable.
One of my friends realized I wasn't with the group anymore and found me there in the pew. Sitting next to me he led me in a prayer of acceptance of Jesus as my personal Savior. Immediately, it was as though a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. All the hate and distrust I had felt for people was suddenly gone.
Exiting the building I could smell the clean, fresh smell of a spring rain. For me it was a reminder from the Father of how I had been cleansed by the blood of Jesus.
The Lord's mercy and love did not end there. I had suffered from Meneire's Disease for nearly thirteen years. My illness had nearly caused me to be medically retired from the Corps. I had thought it was cured through surgery several years prior. Several months after my acceptance of Christ, I again began to experience the symptoms of meneire's. This time they were quite severe and I was informed that a type of brain surgery was probably my only option. Without the surgery I would be discharged; with it I would be unfit for duty. It appeared to be a no win situation for me.
At first I couldn't understand why God was doing this to me? I prayed for understanding and wisdom to accept the situation. At the urging of my wife and friends, I decided to attend a healing service at our church. That night my God again showed great mercy and love as He healed me of my illness. It has been four years now and no symptoms. I am a Marine First Sergeant, still actively deployed with men twenty years my junior. To quote the lyrics of a popular song, "Our God is an awesome God, He reigns from heaven above, with wisdom, power and love, our God is an awesome God."
[Holly Hollingsworth has been an active member along with his family at Trinity Lutheran, Walden, New York. Holly is on active duty with the United States Marine Corp.]