What
is Love? . . . Dave
Dorpat Most
of us believe we know what love is. However, I am
convinced that most of us in America have little
understanding of what true love is. For one thing our
language is quite bankrupt in its use of the word. We
apply it to such a wide range of objects, activities and
ideas. For instance, I love my Lord, my wife, children (and
other relatives), my work, golf, donuts, the body of
Christ, video games, the 700 Club, movies swimming,
singing, music, eating, sleeping, etc., etc., etc. Almost
all of those things would indicate that love has
different definitions. My love for Jesus is different
than my love for Donni (my wife). My love for our kids is
different than either of the first two and my love for
donuts, golf, etc. are also all different. Some
of you may not know that the original language of the New
Testament, Greek, has many words for love. Philia is
a Greek word that means brother love. Storge is
family love. Agape is a word for love that, at New
Testament times, was in the Greek dictionary but hardly
used at all. Eros was the big word for love. Today
it means primarily that which is erotic, sexually lustful.
Back then it was comparable to the way we use the word
love today. It included romantic love but was used also
to describe the attainment of that which was the best,
the most valued and wonderful. In spite of the fact that eros
was the word for love in daily conversation on the
streets of Athens and everywhere Greek was spoken, it
does not appear anywhere in the Bible! Philia is
in the Bible but not too often. The big word in the Bible
is the rarely used word, Agape! It’s almost
as if God had hidden it in the Greek language and then
brought it out for his Son and his apostles to use to
teach us the answer to “What is love?” Love
is a choice. How can this be?!! What about all the
romance novels, the movies and love songs? You can’t
choose real love. It just happens. Your eyes meet across
a crowded room, etc. Romantic love is wonderful and I
highly recommend it. However, it can be and often is a
feeling that comes and goes. For instance, I was struck
by cupid’s arrow the summer after my eighth grade. I
had been confirmed and could now go to Lutherhaven for
youth summer camp. Across the table at dinner was this
beautiful brunette with the biggest brown eyes I’d
ever seen. Neither of us could hardly eat (and, as many
know, I “love” food). This went on for the
whole week. I came home and announced to my mother that I
was in love. Today, I don’t even remember her name.
Some would describe this as puppy love or a mere
infatuation, but I honestly can’t tell the
difference. I believe, if we let ourselves do it, we can
fall in love with anyone who catches our eye. Romance is
wonderful and it should be nurtured in every marriage,
but it is not the essence of “true love.” It is
too fickle. It is not the foundation of marriage, Agape
is. Agape is the Greek word used in the New Testament
for marital love – the love which expresses itself
in laying down one's life for the beloved whether or not
he or she deserves it. Biblically
it is clear that love is a choice. For instance, in
Matthew 19:19, Jesus says “Love (agape) your
neighbor as yourself.” How do we love ourselves?
Well, when I get to the bathroom in the morning, my heart
begins to beat and my breathing becomes heavy - I am soon
going to see myself in the mirror. And when I do I almost
swoon. Hands and knees shaking I can barely keep myself
from kissing the vision of beauty before me. What a sick
joke! Is this how we love ourselves? Obviously not,
especially in my case. We love ourselves by choosing to
take care of, protect, feed, clothe, wash, etc. ourselves. Jesus
also says “love (agape) each other as I
have loved you” (John 15:12). How did Jesus love
us? He gives himself for us. On the cross was he overcome
by the emotions of love for us who put him there? He died
for us, but I don’t think it involved a lot of
romance or good feelings. Hell (which he experienced on
the cross) is not a “feel good” place. It was a
choice, obedience to the Father (Philippians 2:8), to
save us soiled lost sinners. Again
and again in the Old and New Testaments, God tells us to
love. He even commands us to love our enemies. One cannot
command feelings. Ever try to feel good about someone who
had hurt you? But you can decide to do kind and good
things for them and, I’ve found it to be true, that
as you do, the good feelings follow. Our
sinful human nature has trouble with this, but
remembering what true love is, we can combat that enemy.
I found the following equation to be true as the gracious
work of the Holy Spirit guides us: “Decision
+ prayer + action = agape.” Years
ago, when my wife was busy with the superhuman task of
keeping house and caring for seven kids and I was a busy
pastor, we found that it would be very easy to have
terrible conflicts if we hadn’t learned what true
love was. A typical example: I arrive home from a busy
day in the office, visiting homes and the hospital,
meeting deadlines for meetings, sermon and Bible class
preparation, and entering the house I say “Hi,
honey, I’m home.” In response I hear growls
and complaints and discontent. If I let my old sinful
nature take over, I ask myself, “What have I done
to deserve this?” Answer: nothing! I have
faithfully been working for God and for my family. I’ve
had a tough day and this is what I get? And the growls
become two sided and war is at hand. But, if I remember
that God has told me to love my wife, even when she doesn’t
seem too lovable, and if I know that true, agape love
is a decision, I can make that decision with the Holy
Spirit's help. After all, I don’t know what’s
been going on today in her life. Maybe the kids have
tracked mud on her newly polished floor, or the cat has
knocked over her favorite vase, or the school called
about problems, or it’s that time of the month. She
may be especially in need of my love! So
I make the decision and I pray, calling on Jesus to help
me and I say things and do things that are loving even
though I may not feel like it. And that is NOT hypocrisy.
It is obedience to God’s will. Our culture puts
great stock in our feelings. “That’s where
the truth is to be found.” Baloney! As sinners,
our feelings are often our greatest enemy. The truth that
we are to follow is the will and Word of God. He has
chosen to love us first so that we can pass that love on.
If we do, I find that the feelings follow. We’ve
been married for more than 48 years and although since my
wife’s stroke six years ago there hasn’t been a
lot of romance, I love her more than ever! David
Dorpat 20435
1st Place So. Des
Moines, WA 98198 |