After three rather uneventful Idols in a row, we finally get multiple fashion disasters in one show. It looks like the wardrobe people are mainly to blame, because many of the outfits had a hideous 80’s sensibility to them. Whoever designed these duds (indeed!) should have their fashion licenses revoked.

Asia’h Epperson – I don’t know how the pants were paradoxically form fitting and wrinkly at the same time, and yet they were exactly that. It looked as if she was wearing an elephant’s crotch for pants, and I could barely concentrate on her performance. It sounded fine, except for those inevitable notes that Asia’h drops. I think she has a permanent case of laryngitis or something. It was a high energy performance and she nailed most of it, but I can’t stand it when they start their performance by walking down the stairs. Simon was off the mark here about comparisons to Whitney since this is one of those lesser Whitney songs and nowhere near as big as her prototypical ballads. I Wanna Dance With Somebody is no I Will Always Love You.

Kady Malloy – The beginning of the song was so amorphous and amelodic that I had no idea what she was singing – like, I didn’t recognize the song and I couldn’t even make out the words. Then she missed her first big note, unable to scoop up to it. Again, there were some well sung notes here and there, but it was overall a big mess and it doesn’t look like Kady is ever going to get it together for Idol. Kady sported what appeared to be 3-inch heels stolen from a hooker (or perhaps Danny’s closet). I had never noticed before how ginormous her boobs were – or should I say boob, as the red bandeau under her blue top smooshed her cleavage together, making it look like she had one wide mono-breast.

Amanda Overmyer – This was another high energy, amped up performance (undoubtedly aided by the hyperactive camera work), and while Amanda was able to keep the slurring and gargling noises down to a minimum (and actually sounded less drunk than Paula this time) , she has to work on her mic technique. She kept putting it too close then pulling out too far, and her voice cut in and out so much I thought Asia’h was singing. Amanda ended the song ready to fly off and fight crime. And sorry girls (and some guys, I guess), Amanda’s taken.

Carly Smithson – Carly’s claimed her most embarrassing moment was getting her leg stuck in a railing, ignoring the fact that her former record company sunk $2 million into her first album and it racked up sales of 400 units. That is not a typo – it’s not 400K units, it’s just 400 units, or an investment of $5,000 per album sold. Now that’s embarrassing. Carly’s lower and middle registers are very good, with a rich, fat sound that is dead on pitch-wise. But when she starts to climb up, she begins straining and yelling and getting very, very shrill in the process (it reminds me of a referee whistle). I find it uncomfortable to listen to, and I haven’t found any of her performances better than uneven considering she always picks a song that goes up and big. I am mystified how she gets so much praise from the judges – can they not hear this glaring (and blaring) problem? Carly’s hairstyle was a welcome change from the Cher inspired straight, long, and black look, but someone should get fired for hooking her up with Mom Jeans.

Kristy Lee Cook – Apparently, to make a song “country” means to yodel a few notes here and there. When I close my eyes, Kristy is boring to listen to. There is no charisma or distinctiveness to her voice, and even if she hits 90% of her notes, none of them are of any value. When I watch Kristy, I’m put off by her sizable collection of facial deformations and her proclivity towards singing with her eyes closed, not as if she were concentrating, but as if she were asleep. I guess that makes the two of us. The constant fluttering and twitching of her eyelids makes it look like she’s in REM state. Perhaps she is dreaming that she is Chinese?

Ramiele Malubay – Ramiele and Kady must have shared the same stylist because they both wore red lycra-ish tops underneath and they both wore 3-inch hooker heels. Ramiele’s outfit was a color clashing mess, a combination of the aforementioned red top, purple dress, and a droopy, formless gray cardigan. Hey, at least no camel toe this week! For the third week in a row, I felt that she didn’t get to the big place that I thought she would go to. I’m starting to buy into Randy’s theory that she’s overthinking the performance and is too inhibited by the fear of failure to just go for it an unleash the vocal pyrotechnics. As it is, however, I’d have to say I really like Ramiele’s voice a lot, and it might be my favorite among the girls. It’s really silky and buttery, and she’s almost flawless pitch wise. If she could either find the right song or get enough confidence to knock a note or two out of the park, she will go very far in the competition.

Brooke White – Brooke sounded sick tonight, as her voice cracked frequently and sounded hoarse. Even so, I liked what she was doing with Love Is A Battlefield until I realized that it wasn’t going to any sort of climax or finish – it was like a loop that played three times over, just sitting there (much like Brooke, who didn’t move from her seat at the foot of the stage even once). By the end of the song, it just felt repetitive. There’s something about Brooke where she looks older each week (she now looks like she’s 35 or so), while Amanda actually looked younger this week.

Syesha Mercado – Frankly, I didn’t think her performance was any good. She was quite shrill with the high notes, and she yelled from the chorus until the end of the song, hitting one bum note after another. There were times when it was painful to listen to. My wife is put off by her attitude, which seems smug and self-satisfied. She is definitely not as good as she thinks she is. The only distinctive thing about Syesha is her hair, because while she has the potential to be one of the better vocalists in the competition, her performances aren’t anything special. My wife thought the outfit was ghastly – as a rule, shorts made out of fancy, shimmery fabric look stupid. There are no such things as dressy shorts.