Wowza – I gotta say that, while being a cynical marketing ploy, singing great American song classics really did wonders for a show that's been in a three week funk. Or was it Bucky getting the axe the tonic that boosted everyone's spirits? I mean, he leaves and suddenly everyone gets better? Maybe he was spiking the water cooler at American Idol HQ. Whatever it was, Mr. Covington seemed to have taken all the bad mojo with him, like a scapegoat sent out into the desert carrying the sins of the populace. Of course, nothing can wash the stink off of Ace. And Kellie isn't going to be good or anything. Hmm... maybe it was the songs after all. Although if it does have something to do with sacrificing Bucky, maybe we should put Bucky in a capsule and shoot it out into space to fix that Global Warming thing. It’s worth a shot. I mean, they do have a spare and stuff (BTW, that was a reference to Bucky’s twin brother Rocky in case you were scratching your head just now).

Chris – My wife really, really liked Chris’ performance tonight.  My take was that it was very good in the context of “this is Chris Daughtry, the Constipated Goat”.  But as a performance, I just thought it was OK, perhaps a bit too slow and uninspired to make me a take notice.  I do have to give him props for coming out swinging and not falling flat on his face.  He didn’t even try to rock it up which is good for me, since I actually hate the whole, “I'm a screamy rocker” schtick.  But I wonder – whose version did he rip off? He sounded quite a bit like the lead singer of Live, actually. Does anyone know if Live did a cover of What a Wonderful World?

Paris – Okay, this is where Simon is just flat out wrong and how that “advice” made Paris veer off course in the competition.  Remember when Paris sang “Wind Beneath My Wings” (which was actually quite good for being a song I totally despise) and Simon told her to quit acting so old?  Well, that sort of screwed her up for many weeks, resulting in Paris trying to dance and dress weirdly and whatnot in an attempt to appear like a fun loving teenager.  But, and I hate to break it to Paris, but her dancing comes off a bit manic and tends to throw off her singing and tends to pull the mike away from her mouth at key song moments.  And some of the outfits have been downright distractingly bizarre.  But Paris is back, baby, and she was just the total, absolute, diggity-diggity-diggity shnizz.  That was so freakin’ GREAT on so many levels – professional singers can spend hours doing take after take and not sound that good.  The tone, the phrasing, the pitch, the emotion, the connection – it was all there. It was totally off the hook.  I cannot praise it more.  This is what Paris should have been doing all along, which was to sing her ass off and not worry about looking old or young or whatever shitty advice Simon gave her. Only quibble – she was dressed like a stewardess or something. Or a recent MBA graduate going to her first Wall Street interview.

Taylor – Again, Taylor singing the straight melody is terribly uninteresting.  So I was concerned that this was going to be another one of those off nights and started to get bored.  Of course, when the song seems to consist of pretty much the same words over and over again, it becomes a soul crushing kind of boredom.  And then, sometime after the middle part, he got the soul and the flow and then he just hit it out of the park by the end.  I know it was Sam Cooke’s version of Darling You Send Me, but it sounded closer to the end of Try a Little Tenderness, and it turned out to be a show stopper.

Elliott – So I finally figured out what bothers me about Elliott.  Elliott has a nice tone to his voice, can drop a sweet run here and there, and stays 95% on key.  But his voice has no power – it’s like I’m hearing it through the speakerphone of an entry level cell phone.  I am bothered that I have to strain to hear him..  Here’s my generic Elliott comment – he sounded okay, but it didn’t do anything for me.  I think I’ve used that a couple of times and had nothing else to add.  So here’s a little something – whenever he squints and smiles, it reminds me of Burgess Meredith from Rocky.  BTW, I have never seen any of the Rocky movies. Not even the first one. Honest.

Kellie – So right out of the gate, before she even steps foot on stage, Kellie throws out some incorrigibly stupid bit during the taped portion about supposedly not knowing that “lyrics” are the words to a song and then ends her segment with Rod by saying, “You took a load off my chest”. No Kellie, what you're used to saying is “you shot a – ”... never mind. Wake up boys and girls – it’s all an act.  The only part of Kellie that is dumb is that she doesn't know when to stop with the phony ditz routine. She thinks of this stuff beforehand and trots it out only when everyone is looking. So then she heads into yet another typically uninspired Pickler performance which sort of lulled me to sleep after a few measures.  And then I was awoken by some godawful caterwauling, and when I woke up, I realized that Kellie was still “singing”.  And then, amazingly, she got worse, getting waaay ahead of the band and screeching off-key (that final note was a doozy).  Totally off the rails awful.  Like she did it on purpose awful.  I have my suspicions about that – for one thing, she stood there slump shouldered with her arms to her sides, and that will not allow you to sing well.  Ryan commented that she had nailed it in rehearsal but she totally bombed live.  And she seemed to take the whole thing in stride, like it was mission accomplished and appeared to have prepared post-bomb material.  My only question is, why the hell would she do this?  I guess all my speculation ultimately doesn't make any sense, but man, it was bad.

Ace – With the big shoulder pads, the greased back pony tail, and intentional five o’clock shadow, Ace looked like one of those 80’s Wall Street douchebags, you know, the ones who keep snapping their gum, repeatedly touch their coke decayed nostrils, and keep talking about how awesome Miami Vice was this week.  The kind of douchebag who would have given Paris her job interview at the stockbrokerage and would have ended it by offering her some blow while making it a point to tell her how much he had spent for it, because that’s what douchebags do.  And that dude probably sings better than Ace. Because Ace sounded so lost, so dopey, so mopey, so bland, so... so... like Naughty By Nature said in their classic O.P.P., “it's like another word for kitten”. And that little run at the end? Sucked. The falsetto? Sucked. That's All indeed. Marry Me Ace Sign Count: 0. I wonder what happened to that last die hard? Maybe her friends made fun of her for being so behind the times. I mean, who wants to marry Ace anymore? Now, wanting to punch Ace in the face? That's the new craze taking over the nation. I believe it has just surpassed Crunking.

Katharine – After the last couple of weeks, I had a new nickname for Kat, which was Katharine McOff-key.  Because, man, when she tried killing those notes, she started killing our ears.  So this week, Katherine decided to play it safe and not even attempt anything resembling a big note, totally chickening out and doing such a weird rhythm thing in the middle part I wondered if she forgot the words and lost her place.  It’s the kind of performance she probably does in her sleep.  And while I am not so dumb as to say it was in any way bad, I though it was kind of dull and disappointing (and her fake smile and nod, as if to say, “Yes, my emoto-algorithms are very well programmed, thank you. I shall be receiving my true emotion chip any day now” is starting to creep me out).  Of course, I don’t know why I’m surprised when the judges go overboard about her performance (considering Katherine is the Queen of inappropriately positive feedback on American Idol), but I was floored that Simon inferred that Katherine made Paris look amateurish, because that just makes him look like the stupid judge on the panel.  I mean, not even Paula, the Queen of hyperbolic idiocy would go there.  And yet, there it was, another bombastic statement meant to provoke but is neither accurate nor makes any sense. Dumb bastard. BTW, if/when Rod Stewart makes an honest woman out of his baby-mama, the boy will no longer be technically considered a bastard. Because who didn't take one look at that cute little kid and think, “what an adorable bastard!”