Well-intentioned people ask me almost every day whether we've heard from China yet. I equate this with the common "when are you due again?" question I used to get with both of my pregnancies; usually this would start about two months before I actually gave birth, and served to remind me daily of the uncomfortable wait still ahead. I'm so glad people care about us, and are interested. It's just hard to be reminded so often that Zitao isn't home yet. And this wait is very different - this isn't a matter of a baby not having gestated long enough to be born. I have a very distinct grief over missing it - whatever "it" may be - because Zitao is already here, and has been here, for nearly seven years now. I know her name and her face. She has toys, clothes, and a bed waiting for her at home. Time feels precious.

I know I've been grumpy and restless and tired and impatient. But I'm also intensely grateful that China is trusting us with one of their children, and so ready to bring my daughter home. We are so lucky to be adding to our family this way. I know things won't really be "settled" for a good while - but I'm ready to be done adding members to our family, and at least start the settling process. I want to stop worrying about the adoption itself, and start living life again.

All will be well. I just have to be patient a little while longer. (I'm trying to cheer myself up... maybe it'll work?)