THE TWISTED INTRODUCTION
THIS BOOK HAD TO BE WRITTEN. IT JUST HAD TO BE WRITTEN. I NEEDED THE MONEY SO THAT IS WHY I DECIDED TO WRITE IT. THIS BOOK IS SO POWERFUL, I HAD TO TAKE STEROIDS TO WRITE IT. THIS BOOK IS EXTREMELY INTENSE. THIS AINT NO MOTHER GOOSE BOOK ABOUT NURSERY RHYMES. IF YOU READ ABOUT JACK JUMPING OVER THE CANDLE STICK IN ONE OF MY BOOKS, THEN YOU CAN BE SURE THAT HE IS GETTING HIS ASS BURNED THE FUCK UP. OF COURSE THIS BOOK AINT FOR CHILDREN. THIS IS TOO SERIOUS A BOOK — SERIOUS AS LIFE ITSELF. THIS AINT NO KIDDY SHIT THAT I AM WRITING. IF YOU ARE A LITTLE KID THAT IS READING THIS, THEN FUCK YOU. LEAVE MY FUCKIN BOOK ALONE UNTIL YOU GROW UP. I DON'T NEED YOUR PIGGY BANK MONEY.
I MADE THIS BOOK EASY TO READ FOR THOSE OF YOU WITHOUT A THERAPEUTIC BACKGROUND. EVEN A TWENTY YEAR OLD WEST VIRGINIA FOURTH GRADER CAN UNDERSTAND MOST OF WHAT I SAY IN THIS BOOK. IF YOU ARE A REDNECK THAT IS LUCKY ENOUGH TO KNOW HOW TO READ, THEN THIS BOOK SHOULDN'T GIVE YOU ANY PROBLEMS. YOU CAN USE THIS BOOK TO DIAGNOSE AND CLASSIFY ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS AND ENEMIES. I PUT THE CHAPTERS IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE.
THIS BOOK WASN'T JUST FUN TO WRITE BECAUSE I WAS DRUNK MOST OF THE TIME. BUT THAT WAS THE MAIN REASON. IT TOOK ME ABOUT TWO YEARS TO WRITE THIS WONDERFUL BOOK. NOT CONTINUOUSLY THOUGH. I HAD TO STOP OCCASIONALLY TO EAT AND TAKE BATHROOM BREAKS AND SMOKE SOME WEED AND GET A LITTLE PUSSY. I KNOW THIS BOOK WILL BRING HAPPINESS TO THOUSANDS — AND MISERY TO MILLIONS.
THIS BOOK IS YEAR 2000 COMPLIANT. IT WILL BE AROUND WHILE THE REST OF THE CIVILIZED WORLD COLLAPSES AROUND IT. THAT'S BECAUSE THIS FUCKIN BOOK IS TIMELESS. IN TEN YEARS, YOU CAN READ THIS BOOK AND IT WILL STILL HAVE THE SAME POWER TO ENTERTAIN OR OFFEND YOU AS IT DOES NOW.
THIS BOOK IS WRITTEN IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS BECAUSE MY MESSAGE IS MUCH TOO IMPORTANT TO COMMUNICATE THROUGH LOWER CASE LETTERS. ACTUALLY, MY TYPE WRITER DOESN'T DO LOWER CASE LETTERS. SOME OF YOU PROBABLY DON'T LIKE THAT ABOUT MY BOOK. TOUGH! I AINT CHANGING MY BOOK AROUND JUST FOR YOU.
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR BUYING AND READING THIS BOOK, BUT I'M NOT GONNA BECAUSE I'M NOT THE TYPE OF PERSON THAT FUCKIN THANKS PEEPLE FOR SHIT LIKE THAT. SO DON'T SIT AROUND WAITING FOR A THANK YOU LETTER. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU ALL ARE THANKING ME FOR WRITING IT.
I WANT TO SAY IN CONCLUSION THAT YOU ARE A BUNCH OF SICK MOTHER FUCKERS FOR WANTING TO READ THIS BOOK. INSINCERELY,
DR SIMMONS
(THIS IS PAGE ONE OF THE BOOK.)
SAMPLES FROM THE WONDERFUL BOOK, ABNORMAL PEEPLE — DIAGNOSIS AND TREATMENT
BARNESANDNOBLE.COM IS CARRYING MY BOOK, ABNORMAL PEEPLE — DIAGNOSIS AND TREATMENT.
BARNESANDNOBLE.COM — "ABNORMAL PEEPLE — DIAGNOSIS AND TREATMENT"
COPYRIGHT © 1999 DR SIMMONS ALL RIGHTS RESERVED