DR SIMMONS TWISTED CHARITY PAGE
MY FAVORITE CHARITIES
FOUNDATION TO MAKE WOMEN HORNIER — THIS IS PROBABLY THE MOST WONDERFULLEST CAUSE IN THE WORLD. SUCCESS WITH THIS PROJECT WOULD BENEFIT ALMOST EVERY HETEROSEXUAL MAN ON EARTH. WE WOULD BE HAPPIER SEXUALLY. WE WOULD HAVE MORE MONEY. AND WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO MAKE STUPID COMMITMENTS WHERE WE END UP FATHERING CHILDREN WHICH DRAIN THE MONEY, ENERGY AND OUR ENTHUSIASM FOR LIFE RIGHT THE FUCK OUT OF US. RIGHT NOW THEY ARE EXPERIMENTING WITH GENETIC TECHNOLOGY TO MAKE THIS DREAM A REALITY. BUT THEY NEED MORE MONEY AND YOUR SUPPORT. INSTEAD OF BUYING YOUR EIGHT YEAR OLD A STUPID BIRTHDAY PRESENT, USE THAT MONEY TO SUPPORT THIS WONDERFUL CAUSE. I SAID DO IT.
FEED THE RICH CAMPAIGN — THE RICH ARE UNFAIRLY IGNORED BY SO MANY CHARITIES. IT'S PITIFUL. WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING TO CHANGE THAT. WELFARE ONLY BENEFITS THE POOR AND THE LAZY AND THE IGNORANT. WE HAVE GOT TO DO ALL WE CAN TO HELP ALL THE DISADVANTAGED RICH PEEPLE IN THIS COUNTRY.
BRING PORNO TO BASIC CABLE — I'M TIRED OF HAVING TO CALL MY CABLE COMPANY AT TWO IN THE MORNING TO ORDER PAY PER VIEW EVERY TIME I GET HORNY. WE NEED TO GET THIS STUFF PUT ON BASIC CABLE TV. I'M PAYING A LOT OF MONEY EACH MONTH TO HAVE DIFFERENT CHANNELS PUMPED INTO MY HOUSE THROUGH THE CABLE LINE. I GET ALL THESE STUPID HOME SHOPPING CHANNELS AND THIS RELIGIOUS CHANNEL AND A COUPLE OF C-SPAN CHANNELS. WHY CAN'T THEY SNEAK SOME PORN THROUGH THERE TOO? WHEN I ORDER THE SHIT THROUGH PAY PER VIEW, IT ALWAYS COSTS SO DAMN MUCH. SOMETIMES I ONLY WATCH IT FOR TEN MINUTES UNTIL I CAN GET MY NUT AND THEN GO TO BED.
LEGALIZE PROSTITUTION THE WORLD OVER. — IT SUCKS THAT A WOMAN CAN'T DO WHAT SHE WANTS WITH HER OWN BODY. ACTUALLY IT'S MORE THAN JUST ONE WOMAN. IT'S A BUNCH OF THEM. WOMEN AROUND THE WORLD ARE NOT ALLOWED THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE WHAT TO DO WITH THEIR OWN BODIES BECAUSE SELF SERVING MORALISTS WANT TO CONTROL THEM. NEITHER CAN MEN DO WHAT THEY WANT WITH THEIR OWN MONEY. I THINK THAT IS WRONG. I WORKED HARD FOR MY MONEY. I DESERVE TO SPEND IT ON SOME ASS WHEN I NEED IT. PROSTITUTION IS THE EARTH'S OLDEST PROFESSION. GIVE IT SOME FUCKIN RESPECT.
CURE DR SIMMONS OF ALCOHOLISM — I DON'T WANT TO END UP AN ALCOHOLIC. BUT THEN AGAIN, I LOVE DRINKING. WHEN I DRINK, I FEEL LIKE I GOT SELF ESTEEM RUNNING THROUGH MY VEINS. I GOTTA TAKE STEPS TO KEEP ALCOHOL FROM CONTROLLING MY LIFE, AS LONG AS I CAN KEEP GETTING DRUNK OFF MY ASS AND USE ALCOHOL AS A WAY TO ESCAPE ALL MY PROBLEMS THAT I JUST CAN'T DEAL WITH. I JUST DON'T WANT TO GET ADDICTED TO THE STUFF. I WANT TO BE CURED IN A WAY THAT ALLOWS ME TO KEEP GETTING WASTED OFF MY ASS. IS THAT ASKING TOO MUCH?
LEGALIZE MARIWANNA SO THAT I CAN GET HIGH CHEAPER FOUNDATION — I'M TIRED OF BUYING DRUGS FROM SCUM. I'M TIRED OF PAYING TOP DOLLAR FOR LOW QUALITY BUD BECAUSE THE SHIT IS ILLEGAL. LEGALIZE IT. ALL BECAUSE PEEPLE ENJOY USING IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT IS WRONG OR IMMORAL. BESIDES, I GOT A LOT OF PUSSY FROM WOMEN THAT I GOT HIGH FIRST.
GET ME LAID WITH BEAUTIFUL PRETENTIOUS WOMEN FOUNDATION — I CAN GET SEX FROM SLUTS BECAUSE THEY ARE HORNY AS HELL AND HAVE NO BRAINS. I CAN GET PUSSY FROM PROSTITUTES BECAUSE I GOT MONEY. AND I CAN GET PUSSY FROM MEDICALLY RETARDED WOMEN BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER. BUT REAL PRETTY PRETENTIOUS WOMEN ALWAYS BLOW ME OFF LIKE I'M A BUBBLE GUM WRAPPER IN THE WIND. HELP ME CHANGE THAT.
SUPPORT GROUP FOR SPOUSES OF SHOPAHOLICS — IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW, SHOPAHOLICS ARE BITCHES THAT ARE ADDICTED TO SPENDING THEIR HUSBAND'S HARD EARNED MONEY TO SATISFY THEIR COMPULSIVE DESIRES. AND THESE WOMEN DON'T PUT OUT NEARLY ENOUGH FOR THE AMOUNT OF TROUBLE THEY CAUSE THEIR POOR HUSBANDS. SOMETIMES THE HUSBANDS OF SHOPAHOLICS NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. THIS IS THE PLACE.
PROJECT PUSSY — THIS IS A CHARITY THAT I FOUNDED. SO YOU KNOW IT MUST BE GOOD. THIS IS LIKE A BIG BROTHER CAMPAIGN WHERE SOME ROLE MODEL TYPE GUY HELPS ANOTHER GUY WHO IS MUCH LESS GIFTED WITH WOMEN LEARN TO SCORE WITH THE BABES. PLEASE SUPPORT THIS WONDERFUL CHARITY AND HELP A GUY GET LAID.
FORNICATE FOR A CURE FOR HERPES — HERPES IS A BAD BAD DISEASE THAT REALLY SUCKS. ME AND YOU HAVE GOT TO PUT AN END TO IT. EVERY YEAR FROM MAY 1 TO MAY 7, A BUNCH OF WOMEN VOLUNTEERS GRACIOUSLY AGREE TO SHARE THEIR BODIES FOR THIS WONDERFUL CAUSE. FOR A SMALL DONATION, A GUY CAN GET SEX FROM THESE CARING VOLUNTEERS. I WISH I COULD TELL YOU THE LOCATION WHERE THEY HAVE IT, BUT THE POLICE WOULD TRY TO ARREST EVERYONE IF THEY FOUND OUT WHERE IT WAS. THIS CHARITY WAS STARTED IN MAY 2000, SO IT IS NEW. I WAS THERE AND I MADE A LOT OF DONATIONS AND GOT A LOT OF ASS. IT FEELS REALLY GOOD HELPING OUT A WORTHY CAUSE.
DR SIMMONS TWISTED POPULATION CONTROL MOVEMENT — FACE IT FOLKS! THE EARTH HAS TOO MANY FUCKIN PEEPLE. THAT IS WHY LIFE IS STARTING TO SUCK MORE AND MORE. REAL ESTATE PRICES GO UP AND TREES GET CUT DOWN. POLLUTION INCREASES. WORLD TENSION INCREASES SINCE WE ARE ALL PILED ON TOP OF EACH OTHER. LOOK AT HOW MEAN PEEPLE ARE IN NEW YORK CITY. ONE REASON IS THAT IT IS SO CROWDED YOU CAN'T EVEN PARK A CAR THERE. (OF COURSE, IF YOU DID, IT WOULD BE BROKEN INTO BY SOME LOW LIFE.)
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