DR SIMMONS TWISTED WEB BIO

DR SIMMONS TWISTED WEB BIO
I AM DR SIMMONS, THE TWISTED MENTAL HEALTH THERAPIST, AND THIS IS MY WEB BIO PAGE. YOU ALL THINK THAT I AM DIFFERENT THAN YOU. YOU ALL THINK THAT I AM NOT FROM THE SAME HUMAN RACE AS YOU. WELL YOU ARE RIGHT. READ MY BIO TO FIND OUT MY LIKES AND DISLIKES. I WILL TELL YOU EVERYTHING FROM WHAT MOVIES I LIKE TO WHAT BOOKS I ENJOYED READING TO WHAT MUSICAL GROUPS I LISTEN TO.
A BRIEF BIOGRAPHY

HE WAS BORN DOCTER ARTEUS SIMMONS MANY FUCKIN YEARS AGO. HIS FIRST NAME, DOCTER, COMES FROM HIS GRANDFATHER WHO WAS A GREAT DOCTOR AND A TERRIBLE SPELLER. SIMMONS IS HIS MOTHER'S LAST NAME. SMITH IS HIS FATHER'S MAIDEN NAME. HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL HIS MIDDLE NAME, ARTEUS, CAME FROM. HIS PARENT'S DON'T KNOW EITHER. DR SIMMONS ENJOYS DRINKING BEER, HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN, PLAYING VIDEO GAMES, TELLING WEIRD JOKES, WATCHING TV AND LISTENING TO DIFFERENT "SHOCK JERKS" ON THE RADIO. HE IS THE CREATOR OF THE ANTI CIRCUMCISION BABY. HE ALSO FOUNDED "AUTHORS AGAINST READING".
WHAT I STAND FOR

TWISTED HUMOR
PARTYING
SEXUAL FREEDOM
FIGHTING UPTIGHTEDNESS
NO GOVERNMENTAL REDISTRIBUTION OF THE WEALTH
GOVERNMENT NOT MICROCONTROLLING THE LIVES OF ITS CITIZENS
TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS
RATIONAL INDEPENDENT THINKING
MUSICAL GROUPS THAT I FUCKIN LIKE

ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA
BEE GEES
ELTON JOHN
OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN
THE BEATLES
FLEETWOOD MAC
FRANKIE VALLI AND THE FOUR SEASONS
BILLY JOEL

I LIKE A BUNCH OF OTHERS GROUPS FROM THE LATE SIXTIES TO THE EARLY EIGHTIES. (I'M OLDER THAN A LOT OF YOU.) THE GROUPS RANGE ANYWHERE FROM ACDC TO THE CARPENTERS TO GLEN CAMPBELL TO ABBA TO THE SPINNERS. YEAH I KNOW I AM A PUSSY.
MOVIES THAT I FUCKIN LIKE

AIRPLANE
NAKED GUN
NAKED GUN 2 1/2
NATIONAL LAMPOONS VACATION
PREDATOR
NICE DREAMS
STAR TREK 2 - THE WRATH OF KAHN (NOT MADELEIN KAHN)
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL
CALLING NORTHSIDE 777
HOT SHOTS PART DEUX
1941
BOOKS THAT I FUCKIN LIKE

1984 - GEORGE ORWELL
JURASSIC PARK - MICHAEL CRICHTON
FLATLAND - EDWIN ABBOTT
FARSIDE GALLERY - GARY LARSON
PREHISTORY OF THE FARSIDE - GARY LARSON
THE VIRTUE OF SELFISHNESS - AYN RAND
A FEW MINUTES WITH ANDY ROONEY - ANDY ROONEY
HONORING THE SELF - NATHANIAL BRANDEN
OBEDIENCE TO AUTHORITY - STANLEY MILGRIM
FOODS THAT I FUCKIN LIKE

PIZZA
ICE CREAM
LAMB
STEAK
SUSHI
DUCK (I SAID DUCK. THERE'S SOMETHING COMING TOWARDS YOUR HEAD.)
GREASY EGG ROLLS
PETS

A BIG STRONG DOG NAMED RETARD
A MEDIUM SIZE LAZY ASS DOG NAMED BONG BONG
FAVORITES

COLOR - ORANGE
KEYBOARD KEY - CAPS LOCK
ANIMAL - TASMANIAN DEVIL
BEER - WHATEVER IS ON SALE
CHEESE - MOZZARELLA
LANGUAGE - ENGLISH (OF COURSE)
WORD TO PRONOUNCE - BIOFLAVONOIDS
PERSON - ME (OF COURSE)
MAN - ME
WOMAN - WHOEVER IS GIVING ME SOME AT THE TIME
FAVORITE SAYINGS

"I LOVE ME."
"IT'S HARD BEING ME."
"BE CHARITABLE WITH YOUR OWN FUCKIN MONEY."
"I'M GOOD PEEPLE."
"WHAT ARE YOU - A DUMBFUCK?"
"THAT'S FUCKED UP AND FUNNY."
"WHAT KIND OF FUCKUPPEDNESS IS THAT?"
"FUCKIN PISSES ME OFF."
"WHAT DUMBFUCKS!"
BAD HABITS

BITING MY FUCKIN FINGER NAILS
DRINKING ALCOHOL LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER
WEARING DIRTY CLOTHES
TELLING BAD JOKES TO EVERYONE AROUND ME
SCRATCHING MY ASS IN PUBLIC
SNIFFING MY FINGERS
MASTURBATING TOO MUCH
THINGS I FUCKIN LIKE

SEX
MORE SEX
WOMEN WHO PUT OUT
WOMEN WHO DON'T PLAY HEAD GAMES WITH MEN
SEXUAL OPENNESS
SEX ON DEMAND
DRINKING BEER
FARTING
CUSSING (FUCK YES!)
COMPUTER GAMES
PINOCHLE
DINOSAURS
TYE DYES
LAVA LAMPS
WHEAT PENNIES
RUBIK'S CUBES
THE "NOT GOING ANYWHERE" SNICKERS CANDY BAR COMMERCIALS
VARIOUS BEER COMMERCIALS
THE ENERGIZER BUNNY
TAKING LONG SHITS (QUALITY TIME WITH MYSELF)
HUMOR
STAND UP COMEDY
CLASSIC ROCK
THROWING SNOWBALLS INTO THE TOILET AND PEEING ON THEM
SCRATCHING MY BALLS WHEN THEY ITCH
PROPERTY RIGHTS
FREEDOM
SEXUAL FREEDOM
WRITING THE SHIT THAT I WRITE
PET PEEVES (STUFF I FUCKIN HATE)

POLITICAL ACTION COMMITTEES
GOVERNMENT OVERREGULATION
TAXES
WELFARE
REDISTRIBUTION OF THE WEALTH
GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES
THE WORD "PREOWNED" (CREATED BY DUMBFUCK USED CAR DEALERSHIPS)
MOVING CLOTHES FROM THE WASHER TO THE DRYER
PULLING THE COTTON OUT OF MEDICINE BOTTLES
SHOPPING
WASTING FOOD
WOMEN THAT TEASE
PANTY HOSE
WIGS
FAKE BREASTS
JEWELRY
FANCY SHIT
HIGH HEELS
FAKE EYE LASHES
WHEN WOMEN WEAR EYE SHADOW
LIPSTICK
PERFUMES
FINGER NAIL POLISH
WHEN WOMEN DYE THEIR HAIR
BURGUNDY DYED HAIR
BEE HIVE HAIR DOOS
SOME WOMEN'S OBSESSION WITH GETTING TAN
THE STEREOTYPICAL GLAMOUR GIRL LOOK
THE DIKEY LOOK
BODY PIERCING
SHAVED PUSSIES (WOMEN OR MEN)
BIKINI WAXES
SHIRTS WITH BUTTONS ON THE SLEEVES
SUITS
WOMEN FAKING THEIR ORGASMS
WOMEN SUCKING ON DILDOS (TASTY?)
SIMULATED SEX
UNREQUITTED SEX
WOMEN NOT LETTING ME DO THEM UP THE ASS (I'LL GO REAL SLOW.)
ROMANCE (JUST GIVE ME SOME ASS, BITCH!)
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TIPPING
PLACES WITH RESTROOM ATTENDANTS
LYING LAWYERS
LAWYERS TRYING TO GET CRIMINALS OFF ON TECHNICALITIES
THE MIRANDA LAWS
PEEPLE WHO SEE CRIMINALS AS VICTIMS
PEEPLE WHO DECIDE TO PUT ROADS THROUGH OTHER'S PROPERTY
HOUSING ASSOCIATIONS
DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME
INFLATION
PUSHY SALESMAN
PEEPLE WHO SMOKE AROUND THEIR BABIES
DISEASES
FLESH EATING BACTERIA
ANIMALS THAT EAT GARBAGE
TRYING TO PISS WITH A BONER
FLOATERS
COMPUTER GENERATED RESPONSES TO E-MAIL
GET RICH SCHEMES
WEB SITES WITH AUTOLOADING POP UP WINDOWS
POORLY WRITTEN SOFTWARE (I.E. MICROSOFT PRODUCTS)
PEEPLE WHO FLAUNT THEIR LOOKS (ESPECIALLY IF THEY AINT ALL THAT)
PEEPLE THAT THINK THEY ARE SPECIAL
WOMEN THAT WANT MEN TO FIGHT "FOR THEIR HONOR"
PEEPLE WHO GET INTO FIGHTS EASILY
DUST
MIMES (TALK OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE YOU SICK PALE BASTARDS.)
SUPERSTITION
RELIGION
RELIGIOUS FANATICS
BORN AGAINS
CULTS
NAMES OR WORDS THAT BEGIN WITH " O' " OR "Mc"
"WHOLE MATH" (OR "MATH TO MAKE KIDS STUPID")
"BUY AMERICAN" CAMPAIGNS (I'LL BUY WHATEVER I FUCKIN WANT.)
TOPICS HAVING TO DO WITH BABIES
OVER POLULATION
CITIES
TRAFFIC
ONE WAY STREETS (I'M NOT GAY, BUT I LIKE TO GO BOTH WAYS.)
PARKING METERS
THE MIDDLE EAST
IMMORAL TEENAGERS
PEEPLE WHO REBEL JUST FOR THE SAKE OF REBELLING
RAP MUSIC (OR NON MUSIC)
LOUD MUSIC
NOISE
CROWDS
CIRCUMCISION
KILLER BEES (THEY FUCKIN STING TOO MUCH.)
REBATE OFFERS
GIFT CERTIFICATES
HANGOVERS
ALLERGIES
SINUS INFECTIONS
USING AMERICAN CHEESE ON BURGERS INSTEAD OF REAL CHEESE
AIRLINES OVER BOOKING PASSENGERS (TOTAL FUCKIN BULLSHIT)
UPTIGHTEDNESS
PEEPLE WITHOUT A SENSE OF HUMOR
CHASTITY
ABSTINENCE
NOT GETTING ANY FOR A LONG TIME
MONOGAMY
MORALISTS
SEXUAL ASCETICISM
FAMILY VALUES
MOST POLITICIANS
CONFORMITY
BLIND OBEDIENCE
VD (AND GETTING SHOTS FOR IT)
BEING SOBER FOR TOO LONG
SHIT THAT FUCKIN PISSES ME OFF
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