DR SIMMONS WRITING STYLE PAGE
THIS PAGE IS DEDICATED TO THE CAPS LOCK KEY.
DR SIMMONS LET'S CELEBRATE ME PAGE
COPYRIGHT © 2002 DR SIMMONS ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
DR SIMMONS WRITING STYLE PAGE
THIS PAGE IS DEDICATED TO THE CAPS LOCK KEY.
IT IS OBVIOUS TO MOST READERS THAT MY WRITING STYLE IS DIFFERENT THAN THE WRITING STYLE OF MOST WRITERS. I NEVER WENT TO WRITING SCHOOL OR TOOK JOURNALISM CLASSES OR READ A LOT OF BOOKS. I DEVELOPED MY WRITING STYLE ON MY OWN; SO IT OFTEN DOESN'T CONFORM TO THE NORMS IN THE FIELD. THERE'S NOTHING FUCKIN WRONG WITH THAT.
MY WRITINGS USE TWISTED HUMOR, NONCONFORMIST OPINION, SARCASM, SATIRE, PARODY, AND SOME GOOFINESS. HOPEFULLY WHAT I WRITE IS ENTERTAINING. IF I BECOME RICH AND FAMOUS AS A WRITER, THEN I CAN GET MORE BETTER QUALITY PUSSY.
MY WRITINGS ARE BOTH FICTIONAL AND NONFICTIONAL. MY FIRST GOAL AS A WRITER IS TO EXPRESS MY TWISTED HUMOR, BUT SOMETIMES I WANT MY TRUE FEELINGS TO BE COMMUNICATED TO THE READER. I WANT THE REAL ME TO BE SEEN EVERY NOW AND THEN. I LIKE FORCING MY WONDERFUL OPINIONS ON MY READERS SOMETIMES, YET I MAKE UP SHIT OUT OF THIN AIR JUST FOR FUN. I CONSIDER THIS THE DUALITY OF WRITING. THIS DUALITY IS HARD FOR MOST WRITERS TO ACHEIVE SINCE IT INVOLVES VERY DIFFERENT SKILLS, ESPECIALLY TO COMBINE THE TWO IN SYMBIOTIC FASHION, BUT IT FITS MY PERSONALITY AS I REGULARLY DRIFT BETWEEN REALITY AND FANTASY. FACT AND FICTION ARE TWO LITERARY GENRES THAT AREN'T OFTEN COMBINED IN SUCH A WONDERFUL FASHION AS I DO. IT'S DIFFICULT, BUT IF ANYONE CAN PULL IT OFF, IT'S ME.
I ENJOY WRITING WHAT I WRITE. I WOULD NOT ENJOY WRITING NEARLY SO MUCH IF I HAD TO WRITE BY CONVENTIONAL STANDARDS OR WRITE SHIT THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO WRITE. I AINT INTO WRITING FOR SCHOOL WITH THEIR OBJECTIVIZED SUBJECTIVE STANDARDS OF EVALUATION. FUCK THAT BULLSHIT!
I DON'T LIKE WRITING TERM PAPERS OR OTHER ACADEMIC SHIT; NOT AT ALL. I'M A WRITER, NOT A FUCKIN RESEARCHER. RESEARCH FOR ME IS LOOKING UP PORNOGRAPHY ON THE INTERNET. I AM VERY GOOD AT THAT.
THE FIRST THING THAT MOST READERS NOTICE ABOUT MY WRITINGS IS MY LIBERAL USE OF CAPITAL LETTERS. SOME READERS ARE TAKEN ABACK BY THIS. NEWBIES ON THE INTERNET OFTEN USE ALL CAPS WHEN THEY E-MAIL OR FIRST SET UP A WEBSITE. I USE CAPITAL LETTERS INTENTIONALLY. I PREFER USING MIGHTY CAPITAL LETTERS INSTEAD OF WIMPY LOWERCASE LETTER.
I AM NOT A NEWBIE ON THE INTERNET. FAR FROM IT. I HAVE DOWNLOADED OVER 7,000 PORNOGRAPHY IMAGES FROM THE INTERNET IN MY FIRST FIVE YEARS SURFING THE NET STARTING IN 1997; SO YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN AROUND. I LOST MY INTERNET VIRGINITY MANY YEARS AGO.
IT IS COMMON FOLKLORE OF THE INTERNET THAT SAYS THAT CAPITAL LETTERS IN INTERNET COMMUNICATIONS MEANS THAT YOU ARE MAD OR SCREAMING. A FUCKIN DWEEB LOSER STARTED THIS BULLSHIT. WHO IS THE HEINOUS GEEK ASS DUMBFUCK OF THE INTERNET THAT CAME UP WITH THIS IDEA? TELL ME AND I WILL CUSS HIS ASS OUT WITH BOTH PROFANITY AND ALL CAPS. I DON'T EVEN NEED TO CUSS HIS BITCH ASS OUT. ALL I GOT TO DO IS WRITE IN ALL CAPS AND HE WILL GET THE MESSAGE IN HIS OWN SCREWED UP WAY.
USING CAPITAL LETTERS IS NOT SHOUTING. IF YOU WANT, I CAN COME OVER TO YOUR HOUSE AND SHOW YOU WHAT SHOUTING IS. (HAVE THE STRAIGHT JACKET READY!) IF USING ALL CAPS ON THE INTERNET WERE SHOUTING, I WOULD HAVE BECOME HOARSE LONG AGO. I USE ALL CAPS DAY AND NIGHT IN MY WRITINGS. DON'T MIND-FUCK ME AND ASSUME THAT MY ALL CAPS MEANS ANGER OR YELLING. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL PISS ME OFF LIKE CRAZY.
I WAS WRITING WITH THE CAPS LOCK ON FROM THE START, WELL BEFORE I MADE MY PRESENCE ON THE WEB IN NOVEMBER 1999. I'M NOT OBSESSED WITH THE CAPS LOCK KEY. I JUST LIKE USING CAPITAL LETTERS. ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH HATING THE GENERAL USE OF CAPITAL LETTERS? IF SO, THEN YOU SHOULD SEEK THE HELP OF A QUALIFIED THERAPIST IMMEDIATELY. IF NOT, THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.
I ALSO LIKE TO USE PROFANITY IN MY WRITINGS. I DON'T FUCKIN HAVE TORRETTES SYNDROME OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. PROFANITY IS A TOOL TO HELP ME EXPRESS MYSELF. IT IS ALSO A TOOL FOR ME TO ATTACK OR RIDICULE WHOMEVER OR WHATEVER I AM FEELING PISSED OFF TOWARDS AT THE TIME. IT IS ALSO FUN TO CUSS FOR ITS OWN SAKE AS MANY OF YOU ALREADY KNOW. PROFANITY FOR ME IS LIKE THE FROSTING ON THE CAKE OF MY WRITINGS. IF YOU DON'T LIKE PROFANITY, THAT'S FUCKIN TOUGH.
IN MY WRITINGS I OFTEN USE BAD GRAMMAR, SOMETIMES BECAUSE I AM IGNORANT OF PROPER SENTENCE STRUCTURE, SOMETIMES BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT. FUCKIN LIVE WITH IT! IF YOU CAN LIVE WITH FUCKIN HIGH TAXATION AND MANY OF YOUR BASIC RIGHTS AS A HUMAN BEING RESTRICTED BY YOUR GOVERNMENT WHICH IS RUN BY KNUCKLEHEADS THAT YOU VOTED FOR, THEN YOU CAN LIVE WITH MY FUCKIN MEDIOCRE GRAMMAR.
SOMETIMES I VACILLATE BETWEEN PROPER AND IMPROPER GRAMMAR OR SPELLING. I'M THE WRITER HERE. IT'S MY PREROGATIVE. I'M GONNA SAY "GONNA" WHEN I FUCKIN FEEL LIKE SAYING "GONNA". I'M GOING TO SAY "GOING TO" WHEN I FUCKIN FEEL LIKE SAYING "GOING TO".
I KNOW A LOT OF GRAMMAR RULES. I'M FUCKIN EDUCATED. I KNOW THAT IT IS USUALLY A GOOD IDEA TO PUT A PERIOD AFTER I FINISH A SENTENCE. I CAN USE A QUESTION MARK IF I AM NOT SURE THAT I WANT TO USE A PERIOD. I SOMETIMES USE AN EXCLAMATION POINT TO EXCLAIM THAT I'M NOT GONNA USE A PERIOD OR A QUESTION MARK.
I LIKE USING THE WORD "AINT" WHEN I TALK AND WRITE. A LOT OF PEEPLE SAY THAT "AINT" AINT A WORD. BULLSHIT! I USE IT LIKE A WORD SO IT IS A WORD.
I SOMETIMES MAKE UP MY OWN SPELLING FOR WORDS OR MAKE UP MY OWN WORDS. I CAN DO THAT. I HAVE HARNESSED THE POWER OF THE PEN. (OR ACTUALLY THE POWER OF THE COMPUTER). EVERYBODY WONDERS WHY I SPELL PEOPLE AS "PEEPLE" WHEN I USE IT AS A COMMON NOUN OR IN THE TITLE OF MY FIRST BOOK, BUT SPELL IT "PEOPLE" WHEN IT IS A PART OF A PROPER NAME OF SOMEONE ELSE'S CREATION LIKE THE VILLAGE PEOPLE. HELL IF I KNOW!
I DON'T WRITE LIKE OTHER WRITERS WHO WRITE FANCY LITERATURE. I AINT PRETENTIOUS LIKE THAT. THIS SHIT DON'T MAKE SENSE TO THOSE OF US WHO UNDERSTAND CONGRUENT ENGLISH. THIS IS THE SHIT THAT PEEPLE READ SO THAT THEY CAN LOOK SCHOLARLY AND EDUCATED. THIS IS THE SHIT THAT PEEPLE READ BECAUSE THEY ARE FORCED TO IN SCHOOL. I WANNA WRITE SHIT THAT PEEPLE WANNA READ.
I DON'T LIKE TO USE BIG FANCY WORDS IN MY WRITINGS EITHER. I'D RATHER KEEP IT SIMPLE. WHY DO I NEED TO USE WORDS LIKE PUNCTILIOUS OR SERENDIPITY OR UNCTUOUS OR MAUDLIN WHEN I CAN SAY WHAT I FUCKIN WANT TO SAY WITH BASIC ENGLISH OR WITH SLANG OR WITH PROFANITY? YOU DON'T GOT NO ANSWER TO THAT.
I LIKE TO WRITE WHEN I AM DRUNK. MY SOCIETALLY INDUCED INHIBITIONS ARE MUCH MORE RELAXED AFTER A FEW BREWS, OR A FUCKIN BUNCH OF THEM IN MY CASE (NO PUN INTENDED). I LIKE BEING DRUNK WHEN I WRITE BECAUSE I FEEL CLOSER TO MYSELF, WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS.
ACTUALLY, I DON'T HAVE MUCH AGAINST WRITING WHEN I AM SOBER. I'M JUST NOT SOBER VERY OFTEN. WRITING DRUNK FOR ME IS EFFICIENT IF YOU LOOK AT THE ISSUE FROM A TIME MANAGEMENT PERSPECTIVE. I USUALLY GOT MY BEER NEAR BY WHEN I WRITE. I NEED MY BEER NEAR BY. WHEN I GET STUCK WRITING SOME SHIT THAT IS HARD TO WRITE, MY BEER ALWAYS GETS ME THROUGH. IT'S GOTTA.
USUALLY I DO MY WRITING IN MY UNDERWEAR AND TEE SHIRT. I WEAR THAT IF I THINK COMPANY IS COMING OVER. I HAVE WRITTEN NAKED MANY TIMES. THAT SHOULDN'T FRIGHTEN YOU, AS LONG AS YOU ONLY SEE THE END RESULTS AND NOT THE PROCESS. OTHERWISE IT COULD BE VERY SCARY AND TRAUMATIZING. YOU MIGHT END UP FRAZZLED LIKE SOME OF MY PSYCHOTHERAPY PATIENTS DEPICTED IN MY FIRST BOOK.
MY WRITINGS ARE NOT FOR EVERYONE. I CAN BE MEAN, INSENSITIVE, OFFENSIVE, AND OPINIONATED. IF YOUR OPINIONS ARE SIMILIAR TO MINE OR IF YOU HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR, THEN YOU MIGHT LIKE ME. OTHERS WILL HATE MY WRITING STYLE OR MY STRONG USE OF PROFANITY OR MY SARCASM OR MY VIEWS ON THE WORLD AND RELIGION OR MY SICK TWISTED HUMOR. I UNDERSTAND, BUT THESE ARE MY WRITINGS, SO I CAN BE HOW I WANT TO BE.
WRITING FOR ME IS SELF EXPRESSION. IF I AM WRITING AND COVERING IDEAS AND EVENTS IN AN UNBIASED FASHION, THEN I AM NOT BEING TRUE TO MYSELF. MY MAIN BIAS IS BEING RIGHT AND EXPRESSING THIS IN MY WRITINGS. I AM MORE INTERESTED IN BEING RIGHT THAN IN BEING UNBIASED. I AINT NO MINDLESS ROBOT OR SOCIETAL CONFORMIST WITHOUT HIS OWN OPINION. I HAVE A MIND. I CAN THINK. AND I HAVE A STRONG BIAS AGAINST BULLSHIT AND AGAINST EVIL. I SEE MY BIASES AS A POSITIVE. YOU SHOULD TOO. DR SIMMONS LET'S CELEBRATE ME PAGE
COPYRIGHT © 2002 DR SIMMONS ALL RIGHTS RESERVED