DR SIMMONS TWISTED
SEARCH ENGINE PAGE

BOOKMARK ME JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT!

I AM DR SIMMONS, THE FAMOUS TWISTED MENTAL HEALTH THERAPIST AND THIS IS MY SEARCH ENGINE PAGE. SEARCH ENGINES COME IN ALL SHAPES AND FORMS, AND I GIVE YOU A GOOD SELECTION FROM WHICH TO CHOOSE. THEY ARE POWERFUL TOOLS. YOU CAN LOOK UP ANYTHING FROM GOVERNMENT SECRETS TO MP3 FILES TO NAKED TEENAGE BEAUTIES TO PUSSY SHOTS OF KATHY IRELAND. DON'T LET THEIR POWER GET THE BEST OF YOU. SEARCH RESPONSIBLY. OH FUCK THAT! JUST SEARCH FOR WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT.

I GIVE YOU A SELECTION OF SPECIALIZED SEARCH ENGINES SO THAT YOU HAVE LESS IRRELEVANT RESULTS TO FATHOM THROUGH IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING IN PARTICULAR. I ALSO HAVE LINKS TO FOREIGN SEARCH ENGINES TO LOOK FOR SITES IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES AND POSSIBLY DIFFERENT LANGUAGES.

I ALSO PROVIDE SEVERAL LINKS TO SITES THAT PROVIDE FOR THE FORMATION OF WEBRINGS. THIS IS WHERE RELATED SITES CAN BAND TOGETHER TO TO CREATE A SET OF LINKS TO EACH OTHERS SITES. THE SITES THEMSELVES DECIDE WHAT RING THEY WANT TO BELONG TO AND APPLY TO BE ACCEPTED. EACH WEBRING COVERS A SPECIFIC TOPIC. THE TOPICS CAN RANGE ANYWHERE FROM HUMOR TO PORN. THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF WEBRINGS ALREADY OUT THERE. GO TO THESE LINKS TO FIND WEBRINGS THAT COVER YOUR INTERESTS.

GENERAL SEARCH ENGINES

WISENUT — A WISE SEARCH ENGINE LOOKING FOR NUTS

ALTAVISTA — MAJOR WEB PORTAL

GOOGLE — GOOGLE NOT GIGGLE. IT STILL SOUNDS SILLY. THEY USE PAGE RANK ANALYSIS TO DECIDE HOW BADLY YOUR WEBSITE STINKS.

HOTBOT — AS OPPOSED TO COLDBOT. THEY PROVIDE SEARCH ENGINE RESULTS USING THE INKTOMI DATABASE.

LYCOS — A DOG FETCHES INFORMATION FROM THE INTERNET FOR YOU ACCORDING TO THEIR COMMERCIAL. I WONDER IF I COULD GET MY DOG, RETARD, A JOB DOING THAT.

AH-HA — THEY CHARGE SITES TO BE LISTED WITH THEM. I DIDN'T PAY THEM A PENNY FOR MY SITE TO BE INCLUDED. I GUESS THAT IS WHY THEY DIDN'T INCLUDE IT.

EXCITE — LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS DOES TO MY DICK.

FAST SEARCH : ALLTHEWEB.COM — GENERAL SEARCH ENGINE THAT CAN ALSO LOOK FOR PICTURE AND MP3 FILES.

HOTRATE.COM — I GET A HOT RATE FROM THIS HOOKER THAT I HAVE BEEN GOING TO FOR A LONG TIME.

SEARCH DIRECTORIES

YAHOO! — HURRAY!

ABOUT.COM — FORMERLY THE MINING COMPANY

OPEN DIRECTORY PROJECT — DIRECTORY OF SITES COMPILED BY VOLUNTEERS WHO DON'T GET PAID NOTHING.

JAYDE.COM — SEARCH ENGINE DIRECTORY

MULTI SEARCH ENGINES

DOGPILE — NO! IT'S NOT POO POO. MY DOGS RETARD AND BONG BONG LOVE THIS SEARCH ENGINE.

MONSTERCRAWLER — NOT A DRUNK GODZILLA LOOKING FOR HIS CONTACT LENS ON THE FLOOR.

METACRAWLER — ANOTHER CRAWLER

ASK JEEVES — THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF WEIRD QUESTIONS YOU CAN ASK. BE CREATIVE.

WHATUSEEK — BABY I'VE GOT.

HIGHWAY 61 — METASEARCH AT HIGHWAY 61

BEAUCOUP.COM — SEARCH TEN DIFFERENT SEARCH ENGINES AT ONCE. BETTER THAN BEING AMBIDEXTROUS. THIS SEARCH ENGINE ALSO HAS SITES LISTED BY CATEGORY.

SEARCH.COM — ANOTHER META SEARCH ENGINE. YOU CAN SEARCH FOR METAS HERE.

SURFWAX — META SEARCH ENGINE ORGANIZED FOR THE USER.

VIVISIMO — ORGANIZE YOUR SEARCH!

SPECIALIZED SEARCH ENGINES
AND RELATED SITES

FINDLAW - LAWCRAWLER. — THIS IS A SEARCH ENGINE FOR LEGAL SITES. USE ANOTHER SEARCH ENGINE TO FIND ILLEGAL SITES.

HEALTH A TO Z — JUST WHAT IT SAYS

THEFISHFINDER.COM — FISHING SEARCH ENGINE AND DIRECTORY. RETARD LIKES TO FISH WITH HIS FIVE HUNDRED POUND TEST TEETH. HE'S A MOTHER FUCKIN STRONG DOG.

APARTMENTS.COM — FREE NATIONWIDE APARTMENT SEARCH. IF YOU GET KICKED OUT OF YOUR PLACE, THEN GO HERE TO FIND ANOTHER APARTMENT WHICH YOU WILL BE KICKED OUT OF NEXT YEAR.

DEJA USENET SEARCH. — LOOK THROUGH ALL KINDS OF NONSENSICAL RAMBLINGS TO FIND POSTINGS ON TOPICS THAT INTEREST YOU. NOW RUN BY GOOGLE

MOREOVER.COM — NEWS SEARCH ENGINE AND MORE

MAGPORTAL.COM — MAGAZINE ARTICLE SEARCH ENGINE

FIRST GOVERNMENT — OFFICIAL WEBSITE FOR SEARCHING THE U.S. GOVERNMENT EVEN THOUGH THE GOVERNMENT REALLY BITES.

FINDSOUNDS.COM — SEARCH THE WEB FOR SOUNDS, IF YOU FUCKIN FEEL LIKE IT.

PLACESNAMED.COM — SEARCH ENGINE FOR NAMES INCLUDING PLACE NAMES.

NORTHERN LIGHT — ANOTHER WEB PORTAL - HAS INFORMATION FROM THEIR SPECIAL COLLECTIONS

FOREIGN SEARCH ENGINES

ANZWERS — SEARCH ENGINE FOR AUSTRALIA AND NEW ZEALAND. IT WILL SEARCH THE WHOLE WEB IF YOU TELL IT TO.

CANADA.COM — CANADIAN SEARCH ENGINE AND WEB PORTAL. HAS E-MAIL SERVICE, STOCK QUOTES AND MORE. YOU CAN SEARCH THE WORLD WIDE WEB, OR YOU CAN LIMIT YOUR SEARCH TO CANADIAN WEB SITES.

EUROSEEK — SEARCH ENGINE FOR EUROPEAN WEB SITES.

GOEUREKA INTERNET SEARCH — AUSTRALIAN SEARCH ENGINE. I LOOKED UP AUSTRALIAN BROTHELS ON IT AND FOUND A LOT OF SITES.

WEBRINGS

WEBRING.ORG — A LARGE WEBRING SYSTEM FORMERLY OWNED BY YAHOO!

RINGSURF — ANOTHER WEBRING SYSTEM

CRICKROCK — A THIRD WEBRING SYSTEM

BOMIS — ANOTHER SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT WEBRING SYSTEM

THE RAIL — A DIFFERENT WAY OF LINKING RELATED SITES. THEY CREATE THE CATEGORIES AND EACH SITE IS LINKED ALONG A RAILROAD TRACK. ONLY FAMILY FRIENDLY SITES. MINE WOULD NEVER QUALIFY.

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