WEAKLY COLLUM # 0063

FOR MONDAY 02/05/2001

DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS A WEB COLUMN OF AN ADULT NATURE. IT IS NOT INTENDED TO BE READ BY ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18. DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS THE PROPERTY OF DR SIMMONS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ANY UNAUTHORIZED USE OF HIS WEAKLY COLLUM IS PROHIBITED.

IN POLITICAL NEWS, NEWLY ELECTED (AND BARELY ELECTED) PRESIDENT GEORGE W BUSH IS TRYING TO PUSH THROUGH A PLAN TO REDUCE TAXES FOR US OVERLY TAXED AMERICANS. YAY! BUT THE DEMOCRATS ARE SET TO OPPOSE TAX CUTS. BOO! THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY HAS ALWAYS BEEN OPPOSED TO TAX CUTS. THIS IS TRUE NO MATTER HOW HIGH THE TAX RATE IS. DEMOCRATIC POLITICIANS ARE ONLY HAPPY IF THEY ARE SPENDING MORE AND MORE OF YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY ON THEIR STUPID CAUSES. THEY DON'T WANT THE PEEPLE THAT EARNED IT TO BE THE ONES SPENDING IT. THAT IS WHY I HATE THE FUCKIN DEMOCRATIC PARTY SO MUCH.

SPEAKING OF DEMOCRATS, THE DUMBFUCKS FROM THE FORMER CLINTON ADMINISTRATION LEFT THE WHITEHOUSE A FUCKIN MESS FOR THE NEW GEORGE W BUSH ADMINISTRATION. THERE WAS ALL KINDS OF SHIT DONE. HOLES WERE KNOCKED INTO WALLS. TELEPHONE LINES WERE CUT. DESKS WERE KNOCKED OVER. ALL KINDS OF SHIT. BUNCH OF SORE LOSERS IF YOU ASK ME. NOW I CAN SEE WHY THE DEMOCRATS DON'T WANT TO LOWER TAXES RIGHT NOW. OUR TAX DOLLARS ARE GONNA BE WHAT PAYS FOR THIS CHILDISH SPITEFUL DEMOCRATIC PARTY VANDALISM BULLSHIT.

OF COURSE THE DEMOCRATS ARE NOT THE ONLY DUMBFUCKS GRAZING IN THE POLITICAL FIELDS. NEWLY ELECTED DAN QUAYLE LIKE PRESIDENT, GEORGE W BUSH ANNOUNCED PLANS FOR RELIGIOUS GROUPS TO TAKE PART IN THE GOVERNMENT'S SOCIAL PROGRAMS. HE'S ONLY BEEN PRESIDENT FOR ABOUT A WEEK AND A HALF AND HE IS ALREADY FUCKING UP ROYALLY.

GEORGE W BUSH WANTS TO GIVE BILLIONS OF OUR TAX DOLLARS TO RELIGIOUS CHARITIES OVER THE NEXT FEW YEARS AND HAVE THEM DO SOCIAL SERVICE WORK. HAVING THESE RELIGIOUS GROUPS PERFORM GOVERNMENT SANCTIONED SOCIAL SERVICES GIVES THEM A CHANCE TO INFLICT THEIR RELIGIOUS DOGMA ONTO THOSE PEEPLE WHO THEY ARE PROVIDING THE HELP, FURTHER SUPPORTING THEIR RELIGION. AND WE ARE PAYING FOR THIS WITH OUR TAXES. MY ATHEIST ASS IS PISSED OFF BECAUSE I DON'T WANT NO FUCKIN RELIGIOUS GROUPS SPENDING MY MONEY IN THE NAME OF RELIGION TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS GOING TO GIVE THE CREDIT TO THEM. THAT IS UTTER BULLSHIT.

FURTHER, I HATE RELIGIOUS BASED COUNSELING TO SOLVE PEEPLE'S PERSONAL PROBLEMS EVEN IF IT IS NOT TAX PAYER SUPPORTED. IT IS OFTEN HARD TO BE OPEN TO RECEIVE COUNSELING AND YET, AT THE SAME TIME, RESIST ACCEPTING THE RELIGIOUS BULLSHIT THAT THE COUNSELING IS WRAPPED UP IN. ONE OF THE EXAMPLES OF CHARITY THAT BUSH MENTIONS IS PRISON MINISTERIES. THAT IS THE LAST PLACE WE NEED RELIGION. A PRISON MINISTER'S JOB IS TELL PRISONERS HOW TO MAKE IT TO HEAVEN WHEN THEY FUCKED UP THEIR LIVES AND THE LIVES OF OTHERS DOWN ON EARTH. IF THERE IS A HEAVEN, THEN THEY SHOULD BE EXCLUDED.

IN MY VIEW, THE PHRASE "RELIGIOUS CHARITY" MEANS THAT THEY ARE FUCKIN INDOCTRINATING THOSE THAT THEY ARE PURPORTING TO HELP WITH THEIR SELF SERVING WISHFUL THINKING DOGMA AT NO COST TO THEM - MONETARY ANYWAY. I THINK WE ARE BETTER OFF WITHOUT IT.

GEORGE W BUSH'S PLANS ARE IN DIRECT VIOLATION OF THE DOCTRINE OF SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE. MAYBE HE THINKS THAT WITH HIS OVERWHELMING LANDSLIDE IN THE LAST ELECTION HE CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS. I'M HOPING THAT THE SUPREME COURT WILL KICK HIS ASS BACK INTO SHAPE BEFORE HE WIPES OUT WHAT IS LEFT OF THE FREEDOM THAT THE FOUNDING FATHERS OF OUR COUNTRY GAVE TO ITS CITIZENS THROUGH THE CONSTITUTION.

LETS CHANGE THE SUBJECT COMPLETELY WITH NO TRANSITION TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN SMOOTHLY. IN ANOREXIC, I MEAN PREGNANCY NEWS, CELINE DION GAVE BIRTH TO A BABY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT GENDER THE BABY IS. IT'S JUST A BABY. LET'S LEAVE IT AT THAT. THE BABY WAS ONLY THREE INCHES LONG AND WEIGHED FOUR OUNCES. THAT IS ALL THE BIGGER A BABY COULD BE INSIDE THAT PENCIL THIN SINGER. THEY HAD TO TAKE THE BABY SEVEN MONTHS EARLY BECAUSE GIVING BIRTH TO ANYTHING MORE THAN SIX OUNCES COULD HAVE KILLED HER AND THE BABY.

CELINE DION AND HER FATHER, I MEAN HUSBAND, USED IN VITRO FERTILIZATION TO CONCEIVE THIS BABY. WHY DID THEY USE A TEST TUBE TO CONCEIVE THEIR BABY? MAYBE THEY FIGURED THERE WAS MORE CHANCE OF SUCCESS INSIDE THE TEST TUBE BECAUSE THERE IS MORE ROOM FOR THE BABY THAN INSIDE CELINE DION'S BODY. MAYBE THEY USED IN VITRO FERTILIZATION BECAUSE HER HUSBAND CAN'T GET IT UP. I DON'T KNOW. I'M GONNA SEND THEM AN E-MAIL ASKING FOR INFORMATION.

LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT AGAIN SINCE I DON'T WANT TO DWELL ON SOME GUY'S PROBLEMS WITH KNOCKING UP HIS WOMAN AND HIS DAUGHTER'S, I MEAN WIFE'S, ALMOST TOO SMALL OF A BODY TO INCUBATE AN A BABY UNTIL IT IS READY TO BE BORN.

IN CALIFORNIA THEY ARE HAVING A GOVERNMENT CREATED ENERGY CRISIS. SEVERAL CALIFORNIA UTILITIES ARE HAVING FINANCIAL DIFFICULTY BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY ENERGY WHOLESALE AT THE PREVAILING PRICE TO SELL BACK TO THEIR CUSTOMERS. THIS SHORTAGE OF ENERGY HAS LED TO ROLLING BLACKOUTS. A LOGICAL CONCLUSION WOULD BE FOR THE UTILITIES TO CHARGE THEIR CUSTOMERS MORE, BUT THEY ARE LIMITED IN WHAT THEY CAN CHARGE BY THE GOVERNMENT THROUGH PRICE CONTROLS.

SOME SAY THE SOLUTION WOULD BE MORE PRICE CONTROLS - AT THE WHOLESALE LEVEL. PRICE CONTROLS ARE THE MAIN CULPRIT IN THIS PROBLEM IN THE FIRST PLACE. PRICE CONTROLS ON THE RETAIL LEVEL (CONSUMERS FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO NEED THAT KIND OF SHIT SPELLED OUT FOR YOU) LEAD TO THIS SHOTAGE BECAUSE UTILITIES CAN NOT PASS THEIR HIGHER COSTS ON. PRICE CONTROLS AT THE WHOLESALE LEVEL WOULD CAUSE SHORTAGES IN THIS AREA SINCE OIL AND GAS PRODUCERS AREN'T GOING TO LOWER THEIR PRICES TO WHOLESALERS SINCE THEY HAVE RISING COSTS TO DEAL WITH TOO. PRICE CONTROLS LEAD TO SHORTAGES SINCE NO ONE WANTS TO DO BUSINESS WHEN REVENUES ARE CAPPED AT A CERTAIN LIMIT. WOULD YOU GO WORK FOR A JOB WHERE THE WAGE WAS CAPPED BY THE GOVERNMENT AT SIX DOLLARS AN HOUR? WELL ENERGY COMPANIES DON'T WANT TO EXPLORE AND DRILL FOR OIL WHEN THE VALUE OF OIL IS TOO LOW TO JUSTIFY THEIR INVESTMENT. SOON A SHORTAGE DEVELOPS AND THE PRICE SHOOTS UP HARDER THAN EXPECTED. PRICE CONTROLS AT ANY LEVEL OF THE PROCESS WILL FUCK THINGS UP EVENTUALLY.

THE GOVERNMENT MADE A PISSY ASS ATTEMPT TO FREE THE ENERGY MARKET A FEW YEARS AGO. I BELIEVE IN FREE MARKETS. BUT THE GOVERNMENT'S PLAN WAS NOT A FREE MARKET PLAN SINCE IT REQUIRED CALIFORNIA UTILITIES TO BUY POWER FROM OTHER PRODUCERS INSTEAD OF JUST LETTING THEM DO THIS. THEY WERE REQUIRED TO SELL OFF THEIR OWN POWER PRODUCING FACILITIES. I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF FREE MARKET THAT IS. I GUESS THE GOVERNMENT CAN'T HANDLE A REAL FREE MARKET. THE ENTIRE IDEA OF THE FREE MARKET IS FOR BUSINESSES TO MAKE THEIR OWN BUSINESS DECISIONS AS LONG AS THEY AREN'T VIOLATING THE RIGHTS OF OTHERS. FREEING THE ENERGY MARKET SHOULD HAVE MEANT THAT THE GOVERNMENT STANDS BACK FROM THE PROCESS RATHER THAN TRYING TO MICROCONTROL THE "FREE MARKET" SINCE THEY JUST SCREW THINGS UP WORSE. THE GOVERNMENT DOESN'T NEED TO BE HEAVILY INVOLVED IN A FREE MARKET, AND IF THEY ARE, THEN IT'S NOT A FREE MARKET.

I HAVE A HINT FOR THE LAME BRAINS THAT WORK FOR THE VARIOUS REGULATORY AGENCIES OF THE GOVERNMENT. WHEN YOU TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING INTO A FREE MARKET, JUST TAKE AWAY THE REGULATIONS THAT INHIBIT ECONOMIC FREEDOM. DON'T ADD A BUNCH OF NEW REGULATIONS TELLING BUSINESSES HOW THEY MUST ACT TO CREATE THE GOVERNMENT'S TWISTED IDEA OF A FREE MARKET. DON'T THROW IN NEW REGULATIONS WHICH ONLY SERVE TO SABOTAGE THE ENTIRE PROCESS.

NOW THE UTILITIES AND CITIZENS IN CALIFORNIA ARE BEING PUNISHED FOR WHAT THE GOVERNMENT HAS DONE. CITIZENS IN CALIFORNIA HAVE BEEN SUFFERING THROUGH ROTATING BLACKOUTS AND THERE MAY BE MORE TO COME. I CAN RELATE TO THEIR AGONY. I SOMETIMES GET ROTATING BLACKOUTS FROM DRINKING TOO MUCH BEER. I LAY ON THE BED AFTER DRINKING A BUNCH OF BEERS. THEN I WAKE UP AND GULP DOWN ANOTHER BEER. TWENTY MINUTES LATER I AM ON THE LINENS AGAIN COUNTING SPINNING SHEEP. A FEW TIMES I DID NOT MAKE IT INTO BED AND FOUND MYSELF PASSED OUT ON THE FLOOR LYING NEXT TO MY OWN PUKE.

FINALLY, A SERIOUS NOTE. I DON'T DO THIS OFTEN. SERIOUSNESS MAKES ME INSECURE AS A MOTHER FUCKER. AS YOU KNOW, I AM FIRMLY OPPOSED TO THAT CONFORMIST RELIGIOUSLY MOTIVATED PRACTICE OF CIRCUMCISION. AS A PUBLIC SERVICE NOTE, I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT ONE ANTI CIRCUMCISION GROUP, SICSOCIETY.ORG, HAS SOME INFORMATION ON UPCOMING EVENTS TO OPPOSE THE PRACTICE OF INFANT CIRCUMCISION. CHECK OUT THEIR SITE FOR MORE INFORMATION.

LINKS RELATED TO THIS WEEK'S WEAKLY COLLUM.

Stop Infant Circumcision Society — JOIN THE FIGHT AGAINST CIRCUMCISION, IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT.

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