WEAKLY COLLUM # 0069

FOR MONDAY 03/19/2001

DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS A WEB COLUMN OF AN ADULT NATURE. IT IS NOT INTENDED TO BE READ BY ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18. DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS THE PROPERTY OF DR SIMMONS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ANY UNAUTHORIZED USE OF HIS WEAKLY COLLUM IS PROHIBITED.

THIS IS MY 69th WEAKLY COLLUM. THAT IS WONDERFUL. I LOVE 69s. I REALLY DO. I WOULDN'T MAKE UP SHIT LIKE THIS UNLESS IT WAS TRUE. YOU GOT A WOMAN'S PUSSY IN YOUR FACE AT POINT BLANK RANGE. AND YOU GOT YOUR THINGY SHOVED INTO HER MOUTH. THINK ABOUT ALL OF THAT SEXUAL GOODNESS AS YOU GO TO DIFFERENT PAGES ON MY SITE.

LAST WEEK I TALKED ABOUT HOW A LOT OF INTERNET RELATED COMPANIES WERE DYING AND THEIR STOCK PRICES WERE TOO IN PART BECAUSE OF OVERVALUE AND ALSO BECAUSE THERE WERE TOO MANY COMPANIES GOING AFTER THE SAME BUSINESS. WELL ON MONDAY OF THIS WEEK, THE STOCK MARKET FELL HARD AS A MOTHER FUCKER. AND IT FELL EVEN LOWER AS THE WEEK PROGRESSED. ON MONDAY THE DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE FELL MORE THAN FOUR PERCENT. THE NASDAQ INDEX FELL MORE THAN SIX PERCENT AND IS NOW SIXTY PERCENT BELOW THE LEVEL IT WAS IN MARCH 2000.

I THINK EVERYONE HAD READ WHAT I HAD SAID LAST WEEK AND DECIDED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF STOCKS. I MUST HAVE A LOT OF FANS FOR MY OPINION TO KNOCK THE MARKETS DOWN THAT HARD. I THOUGHT THAT MOST OF THE PEEPLE COMING TO MY SITE WERE DOING SO BECAUSE OF MY PORNOGRAPHY LINKS PAGE. I GUESS A FEW OF YOU READ MY COLUMN AFTER YOU CLEANED THE JISM OFF OF YOUR COMPUTER.

THE HEAVILY OVERVALUED STOCK MARKET IN THE UNITED STATES HAS BEEN RIPE FOR A FALL FOR MANY YEARS NOW. THE INTERNET COMPANIES HAVE ESPECIALLY BEEN OVERVALUED. PEEPLE HAVE BEEN RECORDING DOUBLE DIGIT GAINS FOR THE PAST FIVE OR SIX YEARS. THE NEWBIES THAT SAW THIS THOUGHT THAT THEY COULD DO IT TOO. THEY BOUGHT THE STOCK OF COMPANIES THAT THEY KNEW NOTHING ABOUT SIMPLY BECAUSE THEIR STOCK PRICE WAS GOING UP AND UP AND UP. IT WAS EASY MONEY, TOO EASY. WHEN TOO MANY BORN LOSERS ARE MAKING TOO MUCH EASY MONEY, THEN YOU KNOW REALITY HAS TO SET IN SOME TIME. WHEN IT GETS TOO EASY TO MAKE MONEY AND IDIOTS ARE GETTING RICH AND PEEPLE ARE STARTING TO THINK THAT THE STOCK MARKET CAN ONLY GO UP, THAT IS WHEN THE BOTTOM FALLS OUT OF IT. THAT IS WHAT IT IS STARTING TO DO. IT STILL HAS A LONG WAY TO GO. THE TECH STOCKS HAVE FALLEN, BUT THE BLUE CHIP STOCKS ARE USUALLY THE LAST ONES TO GO.

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN MY WEBSITE PUBLIC WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE. THAT IS DEFINITELY INTERNET RELATED. WITH MY WRITING SKILLS AND MY THOROUGH UNDERSTANDING OF PSYCHOLOGY AND HUMAN NATURE, I COULD HAVE MADE MY WEBSITE LOOK MORE VALUABLE THAN IT REALLY IS. ALL I WOULD HAVE TO DO IS FIND A LOT OF SIMPLE PEEPLE WHO HAVE MONEY, AND THAT ISN'T THAT HARD TO DO. I'LL BET I COULD HAVE A GOTTEN A FEW HUNDRED MILLION FOR OWNERSHIP OF 49% OF MY SITE. I WOULD RETAIN TOTAL CONTROL. WITH THAT KIND OF MONEY, I COULD HAVE GOTTEN ALL KINDS OF BITCHES THAT WOULD NEVER GIVE ME THE TIME OF DAY OTHERWISE. I WOULD OFFER BITCHES THAT HATE MY GUTS A MILLION DOLLARS TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH ME. I WOULD OFFER AN EXTRA FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND IF THEY LET ME DO ANAL. DAMN! I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET THAT OPPORTUNITY PASS BY ME LIKE THAT. I WILL HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER SIX OR SEVEN YEARS UNTIL WE GET ANOTHER MARKET TOP.

IN MILITARY NEWS, U.S. FORCES BOMBED THE IRAQUIS IN KUWAIT. NO WAIT! THEY BOMBED THEMSELVES. TALK ABOUT SELF DEFEATING BEHAVIOR. A NAVY FIGHTER PLANE GUIDED BY SOMEONE WHO HAS SHIT FOR BRAINS DROPPED BOMBS ON THEIR OWN FORCES IN KUWAIT, KILLING SIX SOLDIERS AND WOUNDING A FEW MORE. OH MY GOD! CAN'T THEY GET IT RIGHT? THEY ARE WORSE THAN NASA. THIS IS THE ARMED FORCES VERSION OF THE KEYSTONE COPS. THESE ARE THE PEEPLE PROTECTING US FROM FOREIGN INVASION. I DON'T FEEL SAFE.

IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS, THE U.S. MILITARY ISN'T THE ONLY ONE FUCKING UP. A JAPANESE TRAIN DRIVER ABANDONED HIS POST TO LOOK FOR HIS HAT, YES LOOK FOR HIS HAT. WHAT KIND OF MORONS DO THEY LET DRIVE THE TRAINS IN JAPAN? MAYBE HE WENT TO KAMIKAZE SCHOOL, AND THIS IS JUST A TECHNIQUE HE LEARNED WHILE THERE.

SOME PEEPLE PROBABLY BLAME HIM FOR PUTTING ALL HIS PASSENGERS AT RISK LIKE HE DID, BUT RULES ARE RULES. HE HAD TO HAVE HIS HAT TO DRIVE THE TRAIN. BETTER TO HAVE THE TRAIN DRIVERLESS THAN TO HAVE THE DRIVER HATLESS. HE DIDN'T WANT TO BREAK COMPANY RULES BY NOT WEARING HIS HAT. HE'D RATHER BREAK COMPANY RULES BY LETTING THE TRAIN DRIVE ITSELF FOR FIVE MINUTES. HE'S GOT HIS PRIORITIES STRAIGHT.

WHAT WAS THIS GUY THINKING? YOU DON'T LEAVE YOUR POST WHEN YOU ARE THE ONE DRIVING THE TRAIN. AND THIS DUMBFUCK WAS DRIVING A HIGH SPEED TRAIN. HE MUST HAVE BEEN HIGH ON SPEED TO PULL A STUNT LIKE THAT. I COULD UNDERSTAND IT IF HE LEFT HIS POST BECAUSE SOME BABE WAS GIVING HIM SOME ON THE JOB. THAT IS HUMAN NATURE. A FRIEND OF MINE FUCKED A WOMAN IN A MEAT FREEZER AT WORK. BUT YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING STUPID LIKE THAT FOR A FRICKEN HAT.

HE BETTER KEEP CLOSE TABS ON THAT HAT. AFTER THAT FIASCO HE MIGHT BE OUT OF A JOB. HE MIGHT NEED THAT HAT TO COLLECT THE SMALL CHANGE THAT HE GETS FROM BEGGING.

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