WEAKLY COLLUM # 0080
FOR MONDAY 06/04/2001
DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS A WEB COLUMN OF AN ADULT NATURE. IT IS NOT INTENDED TO BE READ BY ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18. DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS THE PROPERTY OF DR SIMMONS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ANY UNAUTHORIZED USE OF HIS WEAKLY COLLUM IS PROHIBITED.
LET ME START WITH SOME LOCAL NEWS. IN SPARTA, KENTUCKY, STRIPPERS HAVE BEEN HELPING OUT THE LOCAL FIRE DEPARTMENT - BY STRIPPING. THESE DANCERS ARE STRIPPING TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE FIRE DEPARTMENT TO BUY A NEW FIRE TRUCK. THOSE THINGS COST ABOUT $180,000. (THE FIRE ENGINE - NOT THE WOMEN SHOWING THEIR BOOTY) THEY ARE GONNA NEED TO DO MORE THAN JUST STRIP TO RAISE THAT KIND OF MONEY. THEY MIGHT HAVE TO SHARE THE BOOTY INSTEAD OF JUST TEASING HELPLESS HORNY GUYS WITH IT.
IN LOCAL NEWS IN A DIFFERENT LOCATION, JOHN THOBURN, THE GOLF RANGE OWNER WHO WAS PUT IN JAIL IN FAIRFAX COUNTY VIRGINIA BECAUSE HE DIDN'T PLANT ENOUGH TREES ON HIS GOLF COURSE FOR THE COUNTY GOVERNMENT'S LIKING HAS BEEN FREED AFTER THREE MONTHS. THIS IS A VICTORY FOR THOSE WHO FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT PROPERTY RIGHTS LIKE I DO. (I PROVIDE A LINK BELOW TO THE WEAKLY COLLUM WHERE I FIRST AIRED THIS STORY TO GIVE YOU SOME FUCKIN BACKGROUND.)
THE VILLIANS IN THE FAIRFAX COUNTY GOVERNMENT WOULD NOT LEAVE THIS POOR BUSINESS MAN ALONE. THEY KEPT ADDING AND CHANGING THE REQUIREMENTS UNDER WHICH HIS BUSINESS HAD TO OPERATE. (AS GOVERNMENTS OFTEN DO BECAUSE THEY ARE RUN BY SAPS) I HAD E-MAILED THE FAIRFAX COUNTY GOVERNMENT A MONTH AGO TELLING THEM HOW STUPID THEY WERE. I'M GLAD I WAS ABLE TO PERSUADE THEM TO RELEASE JOHN THOBURN FROM JAIL.
THE JUDGE WHO RELEASED THOBURN FINED HIM $500 DOLLARS FOR EVERY DAY THAT HE WAS IN JAIL. IT'S BAD ENOUGH BEING PUT IN JAIL FOR THREE MONTHS OVER BULLSHIT. IT'S WORSE TO BE CHARGED $500 FOR EACH DAY THAT HE WAS INVOLUNTARILY INCARCERATED. FAIRFAX COUNTY GOVERNMENT RUNS A COMPETING GOLF RANGE (A LITTLE CORRUPTION AND POLITICAL FAVORS HAPPENING HERE?) IF YOU LIVE IN THIS AREA, BOYCOTT THE HELL OUT OF FAIRFAX COUNTY'S GOLF RANGE. GO TO JOHN THOBURN'S GOLF RANGE INSTEAD. HE'S GONNA NEED THE MONEY TO OVERCOME ALL THE PROBLEMS THAT THE FAIRFAX COUNTY BEAUROCRATS HAVE CAUSED HIM.
IN POLITICAL NEWS, DEMOCRATS ARE IN CONTROL IN THE SENATE AFTER VERMONT SENATOR, JAMES JEFFORDS, LEFT THE REPUBLICAN PARTY TO BECOME AN INDEPENDENT. BUT A DEMOCRAT IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, JOSEPH MOAKLEY, CROAKED A FEW DAYS LATER. MOAKLEY'S DEATH MAY PARTIALLY RESTORE THE PREVIOUS BALANCE OF TAX AND SPEND DEMOCRATS VS OVERCONTROLLING MORALISTIC REPUBLICANS IN CONGRESS.
IN OTHER POLITICAL NEWS, DEMOCRATIC SUPPORTER, YVETTE LOZANO, COULD FACE UP TO FIFTEEN YEARS IN JAIL FOR MAIL FRAUD AND VARIOUS OTHER CHARGES RELATING TO A GEORGE W BUSH CAMPAIGN TAPE THAT SHE SENT TO SOMEONE IN THE OPPOSING POLITICAL PARTY. SHE'S UP SHIT CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE.
YVETTE LOZANO APPARENTLY WAS TRYING TO SCREW UP GEORGE W BUSH'S CHANCE OF WINNING THE 2000 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. BUT THERE WAS ALREADY ENOUGH THINGS HAPPENING TO DO JUST THAT. BETWEEN AL GORE'S CROOKED USE OF THE FLORIDA SUPREME COURT AND HIS CRYBABY TACTICS AND GEORGE W BUSH'S OWN INABILITY TO FORM COMPLETE ACCURATE COHERENT SENTENCES WHEN SPEAKING IN PUBLIC, I DON'T SEE HOW GEORGE W WAS ABLE TO PULL IT OUT.
THE TAPE SHOWS PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE BUSH GETTING VERY ANGRY WHILE TAKING PART IN A MOCK DEBATE SESSION WITH HIS STAFF. OPPONENTS COULD HAVE USED THIS TAPE TO MAKE BUSH LOOK BAD OR TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET HIM ANGRY IN PUBLIC. WHAT IS WORSE IS THAT THE TAPE AND HIS SUBSEQUENT PUBLIC APPEARANCES MAKE GEORGE W BUSH LOOK LIKE A TWIN TO DAN QUAYLE. BUSH HAS MADE SOME MISSTATEMENTS AND MISPRONOUNCIATIONS THAT WOULD MAKE A FIRST GRADER SHAKE HIS HEAD IN DISAPPOINTMENT.
BUT THE TAPE WAS PREVENTED FROM REACHING THE WRONG HANDS BEFORE THE ELECTION. I'M GLAD THEY STOPPED THE EVIL BITCH. THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION WAS VERY CLOSE IN 2000. SHE COULD HAVE CAUSED AL GORE TO WIN THE ELECTION AND BECOME OUR PRESIDENT. THAT WOULD HAVE FUCKED UP OUR COUNTRY EVEN MORE. WHAT SHE TRIED TO DO IS TOTALLY UNFORGIVABLE. IT'S TREASON. THEY SHOULD SEND HER TO JAIL FOR A MILLION YEARS AND THROW AWAY THE FUCKIN KEY.
I SECRETLY WISH, HOWEVER, THAT SOMEONE IN THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION WOULD SEND OUT A TAPE OF GEORGE W BUSH'S DAUGHTER JENNA BUSH NAKED. THAT IS WHAT OUR COUNTRY NEEDS. I HAVE SEARCHED THE INTERNET FOR MONTHS AND HAVEN'T FOUND A SINGLE PICTURE SHOWING HER NIPPLE FROM THE INCIDENT WHEN HER DRESS CAME LOOSE AT THE INAUGERATION BALL. A TAPE OF JENNA BUSH UNDRESSING OR TAKING A SHOWER WOULD DO WONDERS FOR THE MORALE OF MOST OF THE MEN IN AMERICA.
SPEAKING OF JENNA BUSH, THE EXTREMELY FUCKABLE DAUGHTER OF PRESIDENT BUSH IS CAUSING TROUBLE AGAIN. SHE AND HER SISTER, BARBARA BUSH, WERE APPARENTLY TRYING TO BE SERVED ALCOHOL AT A TEXAS RESTAURANT EVEN THOUGH THEY BOTH ARE UNDERAGE. I GUESS THEY TAKE AFTER THEIR FATHER.
THE BLONDE BEAUTY JENNA BUSH WAS ALREADY REQUIRED TO ATTEND ALCOHOL AWARENESS CLASSES AS PUNISHMENT FOR A PREVIOUS ALCOHOL RELATED OFFENSE IN APRIL. I THINK THAT WON'T HELP KEEP HER OUT OF TROUBLE IN THE FUTURE. IT'S NOT GOING OUT ON A LIMB TO SAY THAT JENNA BUSH IS ALREADY WELL AWARE OF ALCOHOL. SHE PROBABLY GOT IT FROM HER FATHER.
ULTIMATELY GEORGE W BUSH GOT HIS AWARENESS OF ALCOHOL FROM HIS FATHER, FORMER PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH, WHO IS MARRIED TO THE HIDEOUSLY UGLY, BARBARA BUSH. GEORGE BUSH SENIOR WAS PROBABLY DRUNK WHEN HE MET HER, DRUNK WHEN HE DID IT WITH HER FOR THE FIRST TIME, AND DRUNK JUST ABOUT EVERY TIME THEREAFTER THAT HE DID IT WITH HER. I GUESS YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SURVIVE.
JENNA BUSH HAS SHOWN THE WORLD THAT SHE IS A PARTIER. I THINK THAT THIS IS WONDERFUL. I THINK I'M GONNA CRUISE ON DOWN TO AUSTIN, TEXAS WHERE SHE GOES TO COLLEGE AND HANG OUT AT THE BARS THERE. SOONER OR LATER I WILL RUN INTO HER. I'LL BE READY. I'LL SWEET TALK HER AND ACT POLITE AND PRETEND I HAVE MANNERS AND BUY HER ALL KINDS OF DRINKS UNTIL SHE IS READY TO BE FUCKED. THAT IS MY PLAN. I'M GONNA START PACKING RIGHT NOW. I THINK I HAVE A CHANCE. IF I CAN GET HER DRUNK, I CAN DO HER. I CAN GET THE SWEET SWEET BOOTY. WISH ME LUCK. LINKS RELATED TO THIS WEEK'S WEAKLY COLLUM.
WEAKLY COLLUM # 0075 — I FIRST DISCUSS THE JOHN THOBURN STORY HERE AND I INCLUDE THE E-MAIL THAT I SENT TO THE EVIL FAIRFAX GOVERNMENT.
COPYRIGHT © 2001 DR SIMMONS ALL RIGHTS RESERVED