WEAKLY COLLUM # 0086
FOR MONDAY 07/16/2001
LINKS RELATED TO THIS WEEK'S WEAKLY COLLUM.
VICKYBOTWRIGHT.COM — RIGHT NOW SHE HAS PICTURES OF HERSELF IN A THONG ON HER SITE.
COPYRIGHT © 2001 DR SIMMONS ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
WEAKLY COLLUM # 0086
FOR MONDAY 07/16/2001
DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS A WEB COLUMN OF AN ADULT NATURE. IT IS NOT INTENDED TO BE READ BY ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18. DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS THE PROPERTY OF DR SIMMONS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ANY UNAUTHORIZED USE OF HIS WEAKLY COLLUM IS PROHIBITED.
WOW! THIS IS GREAT. I JUST FOUND A FEW PICTURES OF KELLY PRESTON NAKED FROM BACK IN THE EIGHTIES. SHE WAS IN A MOVIE CALLED MISCHIEF. MAN SHE LOOKED GOOD BACK THEN. JOHN TRAVOLTA IS FUCKING HER NOW. LUCKY BASTARD!
DR SIMMONS STARTS FONDLING HIMSELF GENTLY WHILE LOOKING AT THE KELLY PRESTON PICTURES THAT HE JUST DOWNLOADED FROM A BULLETIN BOARD SERVICE. A MINUTE LATER HE IS FONDLING HIMSELF LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER. WITHIN ANOTHER MINUTE IT IS ALL OVER. DR SIMMONS HAS A BIG OLE SMILE ON HIS FACE, BUT A LITTLE MESS TO CLEAN UP.
BEFORE HE COULD EVEN GET CLEANED UP, THE FUCKIN PHONE RINGS. IT'S GOOD FRIEND GENE. "HEY DOC! HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU?"
"GREAT!" DR SIMMONS SAYS WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE BECAUSE OF HIS AUTO EROTIC CONQUEST OF KELLY PRESTON.
"WELL IT'S GONNA BE EVEN GREATER BECAUSE I GOT SOME BABES I'M BRINGING OVER TO YOUR PLACE."
MAYBE ANOTHER DAY. I GOTTA WORK ON MY WEAKLY COLLUM RIGHT NOW.
COME ON DOC! THESE GIRLS ARE FREAKS. WE DON'T NEED TO TALKS SHIT TO GET THEM OUT OF THEIR CLOTHES. IN FACT, THEY PROBABLY WON'T LEAVE UNTIL WE DO FUCK THEM.
I CAN'T, GOOD FRIEND GENE. I GOT SOME REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS TO SAY THIS WEEK IN MY WEB COLUMN.
"WHAT! ARE YOU SICK DOC? THIS DOESN'T SOUND LIKE YOU, NOT UNLESS YOU ALREADY GOT LAID. MAYBE YOU WACKED OFF TO PICTURES OF SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR. HA! HA! I UNDERSTAND."
NO! THAT ISN'T IT AT ALL. I DIDN'T WACK OFF TO PICTURES OF SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR. BRING THE GIRLS OVER. JUST GIVE ME AND HOUR TO GET READY AND GET THE PLACE LOOKING DECENT."
SHIT! DAMMIT! I JUST SHOT MY DAMN LOAD AND NOW I GOT SOME REAL WOMEN COMING OVER. I'M GONNA HAVE TO EAT SOME OYSTERS TO GET ME BACK INTO SHAPE. I GOT SOME GINSENG PILLS I CAN TAKE TOO. I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TO TAKE. I THINK I'LL TAKE TEN. I NEVER HEARD OF ANYONE DYING OF A GINSENG OVERDOSE.
NOW LET ME TALK ABOUT THE NEWS NOW SINCE I REALLY DO HAVE SOME IMPORTANT NEWS STORIES TO COVER. SOME WITCHES ARE APPARENTLY UPSET WITH HARRY POTTER. ACCORDING TO THESE EXPERTS IN WITCHCRAFTOLOGY, HARRY POTTER RIDES A BROOMSTICK BACKWARDS.
ACCORDING TO KEVIN CARLYON, A HIGH PRIEST OF BRITISH WHITE WITCHES WHO IS OBVIOUSLY AN IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WITCHCRAFT INDUSTRY, BROOMS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE RIDDEN WITH THE BRUSH PART IN FRONT. WHAT? I THOUGHT THAT PART WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN BACK. SHOWS YOU HOW LITTLE I KNOW.
THIS DUMBFUCK WITCH HAS PUT A CURSE ON WARNER BROTHERS WHO IS PRODUCING A MOVIE BASED ON THE HARRY POTTER SERIES. IF THE CURSE IS SUCCESSFUL, THEN THAT WILL MEAN THE MOVIE WILL SUCK. SIMILIAR CURSES HAVE BEEN PUT ON MOVIES SUCH AS THE SPICE GIRLS AND BIG DADDY WITH ADAM SANDLER AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED; THEY SUCKED. OH MY GOD THEY SUCKED.
BUT DOES THE STRINGY ASS PART OF THE BROOM REALLY GO IN THE BACK WHEN YOU FLY ON IT, OR DOES IT GO IN THE FRONT AS THIS CELEBRITY WITCH ARGUES? WITH MY INQUISITIVE MIND, I DECIDED TO TAKE A LOOK AT THE QUESTION. I CALLED UP MY PSYCHIC AND AFTER TWENTY TWO MINTUES OF PAYING $3.95 PER MINUTE, SHE FINALLY SPILLED HER FUCKIN GUTS AND TOLD ME THAT YOU ARE REALLY SUPPOSED TO RIDE THE BROOM WITH THE STRINGY END IN THE FRONT. THE BITCH TOOK HER SWEET FUCKIN TIME TELLING ME THAT.
BUT THEN I LOOKED AT A DECK OF TARROT CARDS THAT MY BUDDY STOLE FROM THIS PALM READER IN LAS VEGAS. THERE WAS A CARD WITH SOME WITCH BITCH RIDING A BROOMSTICK. THE WITCH FLYING THIS BROOMSTICK WAS RIDING WITH THE POLE END IN THE FRONT.
SURE I PAID OUT THE ASS TO MY PSYCHIC FOR HER KNOWLEDGE THROUGH HER 900 NUMBER. BUT MY BUDDY STOLE THIS DECK OF TARROT CARDS FROM A LEGITIMATE PALM READER. AND THEY FUCKIN CONTRADICT EACH OTHER. ONE OF THEM HAS TO BE WRONG. I GUESS! I JUST DON'T KNOW WHO TO TRUST ANYMORE.
WELL I CAN TELL YOU WHO NOT TO TRUST. DON'T TRUST ANYONE FROM THE RAP MUSIC INDUSTRY. IN CRIMINAL NEWS, RAP PUBLICIST LIZZIE GRUBMAN, DROVE HER CAR BACKWARDS INTO A CROWD OF PEEPLE WAITING IN LINE AT A BAR, INJURING 16.
THE BITCH WAS ANGRY BECAUSE THE BAR WOULD NOT LET THE STINKING BITCH PARK HER CAR IN THE FIRE LANE. I GUESS SHE THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS SPECIAL SINCE SHE WAS ASSOCIATED WITH RAP MUSICANS. THIS IS TYPICAL OF THE CRONY IN THE RAP MUSIC INDUSTRY. THEY HAVE SHITTY MUSICAL STANDARDS AND SHITTY MORALITY. THEY CAN'T CONTROL THEIR ANGER AND EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD SEEMS TO ANGER THEM TO CRIMINAL VIOLENCE. DON'T EXPECT GOOD BEHAVIOR OR GOOD MUSIC FROM ANYONE IN THE RAP MUSIC INDUSTRY, NEVER.
AND FINALLY, IN SPORTS NEWS, SQUASH PLAYER VICKY BOTWRIGHT HAS BEEN CLEARED BY THE RULES COMMITTEE OF HER OBSCURE SPORT TO WEAR A THONG IN TOURNAMENTS. YES YES! THE GORGEOUS YOUNG SQUASH PLAYER WAS ORIGINALLY BANNED FROM WEARING THE REVEALING ATTIRE EVEN THOUGH SHE SAID THAT WEARING ANYTHING MORE WAS RESTRICTIVE TO HER MOBILITY WHILE PLAYING.
THIS IS A VICTORY FOR US PERVS, I MEAN FOR ATHLETES EVERYWHERE. AHTLETES, ESPECIALLY YOUNG PRETTY FEMALE ONES, CAN REACH MORE OF THEIR TRUE POTENTIAL IF THEY ARE NOT HINDERED BY ATHLETIC WEAR THAT COVERS UP TOO MUCH OF THE BODY.
OF COURSE THIS MAY OPEN THE DOOR FOR UGLY FEMALE PLAYERS OR EVEN MALE PLAYERS TO ADORN THIS ATTIRE ALSO. I GUESS THAT IS THE RISK WE HAVE TO TAKE TO SEE THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN A THONG. I AM AT HER SITE NOW. SHE LOOKS SO GOOD IN A THONG, TOO GOOD. THIS IS DEFINITELY A GOOD DECISION.
DR SIMMONS STARTS TAKING OFF HIS CLOTHES AGAIN. ALL HE HAD ON WAS HIS UNDIES SO IT DOESN'T TAKE HIM TOO LONG TO GET COMPLETELY NAKED. WITH EYES FIXATED ON ONE OF THE THONG PICTURES ON THE SITE, DR SIMMONS STARTS FANTASIZING ABOUT BEING WITH VICKY (NOT FOR FOREVER - JUST LONG ENOUGH TO FUCK HER). HE THINKS ABOUT THE BACK AND FORTH MOVEMENT OF HIM PENETRATING HER. HIS HAND STARTS TO MOVE IN THAT SAME RHYTHM UP AND DOWN HIS COCK. A MINUTE LATER, HE REACHES A HAPPY ENDING. IT WAS SO WONDERFUL EVEN THOUGH HE KNOWS THAT IT WAS JUST A FANTASY. BUT THEN REALITY SETS IN.
OH SHIT! I FORGOT ABOUT THE FREAKS COMING OVER. AND I JUST BUSTED MY SECOND NUT. DAMMIT! I GUESS I'M GONNA BE DOING A LOT OF LICKING AND NOT MUCH DICKING TONIGHT. LINKS RELATED TO THIS WEEK'S WEAKLY COLLUM.
VICKYBOTWRIGHT.COM — RIGHT NOW SHE HAS PICTURES OF HERSELF IN A THONG ON HER SITE.
COPYRIGHT © 2001 DR SIMMONS ALL RIGHTS RESERVED