WEAKLY COLLUM # 0088

FOR MONDAY 07/30/2001

DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS A WEB COLUMN OF AN ADULT NATURE. IT IS NOT INTENDED TO BE READ BY ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18. DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS THE PROPERTY OF DR SIMMONS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ANY UNAUTHORIZED USE OF HIS WEAKLY COLLUM IS PROHIBITED.

I'VE BEEN SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME GOING TO ALL KINDS OF PORN SITES ON THE INTERNET. I SPEND HOURS AND HOURS DOING THIS SHIT. I LOOK UP HAIRY WOMEN, FEMALE CELEBRITIES, TEEN BEAUTIES AND OTHER SITES WITH NAKED WOMEN. I GOT THOUSANDS OF JPEGs OF NAKED WOMEN ON MY HARD DRIVE. TODAY I DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. I WENT OUT TO THE VIDEO STORE AND RENTED A FEW MOVIES.

ONE OF THE MOVIES THAT I RENTED AND JUST FINISHED WATCHING WAS OF A LATVIAN WOMAN ACTUALLY LOSING HER VIRGINITY. THAT WAS KINDA NEAT SINCE I NEVER FUCKED A VIRGIN, AND I WANTED TO SEE WHAT IT WAS LIKE. SHE WAS A REAL VIRGIN TOO. THEY HAD A DOCTOR EXAMINE HER ON CAMERA AND SHOWED US HORNY VIEWERS THE HYMEN STILL INTACT. AND SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL AND INNOCENT LOOKING. SHE HAS REAL NICE SKIN, THE KIND THAT HORNY MEN WOULD LOVE TO SPEW ON. I'M NOT EXAGERATING ABOUT HER BEAUTY.

AT FIRST, THE DEFLOWERING WAS GOING PRETTY WELL. THEY STARETED OFF KISSING. SHE KNEW HOW TO KISS. LATER THEY WERE BOTH DOING ORAL ON EACH OTHER. BUT THEN THE DEMENTED PORN DUDE WHOSE NAME IS "DEE MENTED" HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE BREAKING THE HYMAN. A LOT OF TROUBLE. IT WAS THE HYMEN FROM HELL.

WHEN DEE MENTED HAD THE BEAUTIFUL EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD SIT ON HIS DICK TO TRY TO BREAK THE HYMEN, HE ACCIDENTALLY PUT HIS MANHOOD INTO HER ASS HOLE INSTEAD. AND NEITHER OF THEM REALIZED THAT. YOU AINT GONNA BREAK THE HYMEN THAT WAY. FOR A WHILE IT LOOKED TO ME LIKE HE WAS PUTTING IT IN THE ASS, BUT IT WAS HARD TO BE COMPLETELY SURE. THEN HE FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT. THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PORN STARS DROP OUT OF SCHOOL TO MAKE MOVIES. THOSE BIOLOGY CLASSES CAN SURE COME IN HANDY SOMETIMES.

I DON'T THINK ALONA, THE LATVIAN VIRGIN, KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON SINCE THAT WAS HER FIRST TIME. EVEN IF SHE KNEW THAT HE WAS PENETRATING HER ASS HOLE MISTAKENLY, THE LANGUAGE BARRIER KEPT HER FROM COMMUNICATING THIS IMPORTANT INFORMATION TO THE MAN THAT WAS DEVIRGINIZING HER. (THIS IS WHY THE WORLD SHOULD ONLY SPEAK IN ENGLISH.)

IT LOOKED LIKE LATER IN THE MOVIE, AFTER HE FINALLY BROKE THE HYMEN, THAT HE ENDED UP IN HER ASS AGAIN. HE SAID SOMETHING TO THE TRANSLATOR (FIRST TIME I EVER WATCHED A PORNO WITH AN ACTUAL TRANSLATOR IN IT.) ABOUT TELLING HER TO WELCOME INSTEAD OF RESISTING HIS PENIS WITH HER VAGINA.

AFTER STICKING IT IN HER ASS AND NOT REALIZING IT FOR AS LONG AS HE DID, I BEGAN TO WONDER IF HE WAS A VIRGIN TOO. HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS IN HIS MID FORTIES, BUT I STILL WONDERED. ONE THING IS FOR SURE. HE BOTCHED IT UP TRYING TO DEFLOWER THE GIRL. TAKING A YOUNG BEAUTIFUL INNOCENT WOMAN'S VIRGINITY IS WAY TOO IMPORTANT A TASK TO BE LEFT TO PEEPLE IN THE PORNO INDUSTRY. THEY WILL INEVITABLY FUCK IT UP SOMEHOW. SHE'S TRYING TO LOSE HER VIRGINITY, BUT HE'S TRYING TO SHOVE YESTERDAY'S LUNCH BACK UP HER AILEMENTARY CANAL AND OUT HER THROAT. THEY AINT WORKING TOGETHER AS A TEAM.

FROM WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT VIRGINITY THROUGH THIS VIDEO, BREAKING A WOMAN'S HYMEN IS LIKE PULLING TEETH. NOT ONLY THAT, THE ENTIRE PROCESS SEEMS LIKE A REAL PAIN IN THE ASS (LITERALLY IN ALONA'S CASE). I'M GLAD I'VE NEVER GOTTEN STUCK WITH A VIRGIN BEFORE. I LIKE WOMEN WITH THE HYMEN GONE AND READY TO FUCK. IT'S LIKE BUYING FURNITURE THAT IS READY TO USE RATHER THAN BUYING THAT STUPID SHIT THAT YOU GOT TO SPEND THREE HOURS PUTTING TOGETHER. I DON'T NEED THE FRUSTRATION.

BUT OVERALL, THAT WAS A PRETTY GOOD MOVIE. UNLIKE OTHER PORNO MOVIES WHERE THEY HAVE A VIRGIN CHARACTER, THIS ONE SHOWS REALITY INSTEAD OF INANITY. PORNO MOVIES GENERALLY DEPICT THE VIRGIN CHARACTERS AS AWKWARD AND GEEKY AND AND NOT VERY BRIGHT. THEY OVERDO THE STEREOTYPES BY A HUNDRED FOLD. BUT THIS MOVIE JUST SHOWS EVERYTHING WITHOUT ANY "ACTING" WHICH USUALLY DETRACTS FROM THE EROTICISM. I THINK I'LL WATCH THIS MOVIE AGAIN TOMORROW. DR SIMMONS GOES TO THE BATHROOM TO WASH HIS HANDS AND HIS THINGY AND PUTS HIS CLOTHES BACK ON.

IN OTHER NEWS, DON'T LET THIS BITCH BEHIND THE WHEEL. EVER! IN TORONTO, CANADA, A TEENAGE GIRL WAS TRYING TO GET HER DRIVING LICENSE WHEN SHE RAN INTO A LITTLE TROUBLE. OR RATHER, SHE RAN INTO SIX CARS. NO ONE WAS KILLED IN THE INCIDENT. THE FUTURE WOMAN DRIVER HIT THE ACCELERATOR INSTEAD OF THE BRAKE WHILE TRYING TO PARK. I GUESS SHE REALLY WANTED THAT SPACE.

THE DRIVING INSTRUCTOR WAS ABOUT TO PASS HER UNTIL SHE LED FOOTED IT THROUGH THE PARKING LOT AND SCARED THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF HIM. WHILE THE UNNAMED WOMAN DRIVER WANNA BE HAD A LOT TO BE DISAPPOINTED WITH THAT DAY, HER MAIN REGRET WAS NOT TAKING HER DRIVING TEST IN NEW YORK CITY WHERE SHE MOST LIKELY WOULD HAVE PASSED. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT SHE COULD HAVE GOTTEN HER ADVANCED CAB DRIVING LICENSE TOO.

IN GENOA, ITALY A PROTESTER WAS KILLED AFTER TAKING PART IN VIOLENT DEMONSTRATIONS AGAINST THE MOVE TOWARDS GLOBALIZATION. THE GROUP OF DUMFUCK PROTESTERS WERE THROWING BRICKS AND FIRE BOMBS AT POLICE WHO WERE TRYING TO KEEP THINGS SAFE FOR THE SURROUNDING AREA. WHILE I FEEL THAT THE GUY WAS A VIOLENT LOSER, HIS FELLOW PROTESTERS CONSIDER HIM A MARTYR. STORIES VARY ON HOW THE PROTESTER WAS KILLED. BUT ACCORDING TO ONE SOURCE, THIS DUMBFUCK WAS APPARENTLY FILMED ATTACKING A POLICE OFFICER, AND THE OFFICER SHOT HIM IN SELF DEFENSE.

IN ANY EVENT, THIS VIOLENT DUMBFUCK WAS KILLED IN THE VIOLENCE WHICH HE AND HIS FELLOW CRIMINAL COMPADRES STARTED AND PERPETUATED. THEY USED VIOLENCE TO TRY TO MAKE A POLITICAL POINT. HE GOT WHAT HE DESERVED. I DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR HIM. NOT AT ALL.

FINALLY, NOW THAT I HAVE UPDATED YOU ON THE NEWS, LET ME GIVE YOU THE TRAFFIC REPORT. IT'S 2:30 AM NOT MUCH TRAFFIC OUT HERE. NEVER MUCH TRAFFIC AROUND HERE ANYWAY BECAUSE I LIVE OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. EXPECT NO DELAYS ON YOUR WAY HOME TONIGHT. JUST WATCH OUT FOR COPS TRYING TO PULL YOUR DRUNK ASSES OVER.

WEAKLY COLLUMS 2001

WEAKLY COLLUM MENU PAGE

DR SIMMONS MAIN PAGE

COPYRIGHT © 2001 DR SIMMONS ALL RIGHTS RESERVED