WEAKLY COLLUM # 0106
FOR MONDAY 12/03/2001
COPYRIGHT © 2001 DR SIMMONS ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
WEAKLY COLLUM # 0106
FOR MONDAY 12/03/2001
DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS A WEB COLUMN OF AN ADULT NATURE. IT IS NOT INTENDED TO BE READ BY ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18. DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS THE PROPERTY OF DR SIMMONS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ANY UNAUTHORIZED USE OF HIS WEAKLY COLLUM IS PROHIBITED.
THE WAR IN AFGHANISTAN IS STILL GOING WELL. THE TALIBAN ARE FIGHTING TO THE DEATH AND DYING. MANY TALIBAN FORCES THAT HAD BEEN TRYING TO SURRENDER WERE MASSACRED BY OTHER TALIBAN AND AL QAEDA FORCES. THE ENEMY IS KILLING EACH OTHER NOW. WHAT A BUNCH OF STUPID FUCKS.
THE TALIBAN AND THE TERRORIST ORGANIZATION AL-QAEDA KEEP TALKING ABOUT FIGHTING A HOLY WAR (JIHAD) AGINST THE WEST. THEY ARE DETERMINED TO FIGHT TO THE DEATH. THEY ARE SO EAGER TO DIE FOR THEIR STUPID MURDEROUS CAUSE BECAUSE THEIR LIVES AREN'T WORTH ANYTHING. DYING FOR SOME STUPID MURDEROUS CAUSE IS THEIR BEST LIFE CHOICE. AL QAEDA AND THE TALIBAN ARE THE BIGGEST BUNCH OF VIOLENT BORN LOSERS THERE ARE. IT IS MUCH EASIER TO TAKE AWAY INNOCENT LIFE FOR A SO CALLED GREATER CAUSE THAN IT IS TO LIVE ONE'S OWN LIFE IN A MEANINGFUL WAY. THESE LOW SELF ESTEEM MOTHER FUCKERS CHOSE THE SIDE OF EVIL SINCE IT SEEMS EASIER TO THEM.
LAST WEEK THE UNITED STATES STARTED SENDING MARINES INTO AFGHANISTAN IN SIGNIFICANT NUMBERS TO HELP THE TALIBAN DIE FOR THEIR FANATICAL CAUSE EVEN FASTER. THE MARINES WILL BE USED FOR MILITARY GOALS WHICH CAN NOT BE ACCOMPLISHED WITH ONLY AIR FORCES. DEFENSE SECRETARY DONALD RUMSFELD DESCRIBES THIS THE DANGEROUS PHASE OF THE WAR AS THE LIKELYHOOD OF MORE AMERICAN CASUALTIES INCREASE DRAMATICALLY.
IN MY COLUMN LAST WEEK I MENTIONED THAT THE AMERICAN MILITARY WERE NOT GOING TO SEND SIGNIFICANT NUMBERS OF GROUND TROOPS INTO AFGHANISTAN BECAUSE WE ARE SAVING THEM FOR IRAQ. BUT NOW WE ARE SENDING TROOPS INTO AFGHANISTAN IN FAR LARGER NUMBERS THAN WE HAD BEEN SENDING. WE ARE MERELY DOING THIS TO GIVE THEM COMBAT TRAINING TO PREPARE THEM FOR THE BATTLEFIELD IN IRAQ. SO I WASN'T WRONG. I WASN'T.
THERE'S A FUCKIN KNOCK ON THE DOOR. IT'S A CRACK WHORE THAT DR SIMMONS SOMETIMES DEALS WITH. HE ASSOCIATES WITH A LOT OF THESE CRAZY BITCHES SO I'M NOT GONNA GIVE YOU HER NAME. MOST OF THEM HE KNOWS BY FACE ONLY.
"HEY BABY! GET ME A BEER AND LET ME IN. [A LOT OF FUCKIN SMALL TALK ... BLA BLA BLA] I'M SO HORNY. WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME FORTY DOLLARS AND WE CAN DO IT?"
GOD DAMMIT! I'M TRYING TO WRITE MY WEB COLUMN FOR THIS WEEK AND THEN GO TO BED SINCE I AM TIRED AS HELL. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO POP OVER UNINVITED AND DEMAND MONEY FOR SEX THAT I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR? I JUST TOOK A SHIT AND I DON'T FEEL FRESH AND I WANT TO TAKE A SHOWER AND NOT BE BOTHERED RIGHT NOW. AND I'M GONNA WATCH WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY? IN FIFTEEN MINUTES. AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL I CALL YOU BEFORE YOU COME OVER.
THE CRACK WHORE BITCH LEAVES IN A HUFFY. SHE'S GOT OTHER PROSPECTS TO CHECK OUT. DOCTER SIMMONS AINT THE ONLY SUGAR DADDY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
GOD DAMMIT! I AM SICK OF CRACK WHORES. THEY THINK YOU ARE HORNY FOR THEM EVERY TIME THEY NEED SOME MONEY TO BUY A ROCK. AND THEY ARE ALWAYS IN A HURRY FOR YOU TO FINISH REAL QUICK WITH THEM SO THAT THEY CAN SMOKE THEIR SHIT. THEY ARE ANNOYING AS HELL SOMETIMES. I GOTTA IMPROVE MY SEX LIFE. I GOTTA FIND BETTER HOOKERS THAN THIS. I'M GONNA START GOING FOR QUALITY.
DAMMIT! I LOST MY CONCENTRATION. YOU KNOW WRITING AINT THE EASIEST SHIT IN THE WORLD TO DO. I'M GONNA WATCH THE NEWS TO TRY AND GET SOME IDEAS.
THREE MA HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS WERE ARRESTED AFTER THE COLUMBINE LIKE PLOT TO BOMB THEIR SCHOOL AND SHOOT THEIR FELLOW STUDENTS WAS UNCOVERED BY POLICE. WHAT THE HELL DOES "MA" MEAN? "MA" ISN'T EVEN A WORD. THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL. I GOT THIS STORY OFF OF ONE OF THE NEWS CHANNELS ON TV; SO THEY ARE THE ONES THAT ARE SCREWING UP THE NEWS.
LET ME CHANGE SUBJECTS NOW SINCE THE NEWS SERVICES HAVE LEFT ME CONFUSED. IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS, ACTOR TOM CRUISE AND ACTRESS PENELOPE CRUZ RECENTLY ANNOUNCED PLANS TO MARRY. NOW PENELOPE'S LAST NAME WILL FINALLY BE SPELLED RIGHT.
IN SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY NEWS, AN INNOVATIVE COMPANY, ADVANCED CELL TECHNOLOGY, HAS CLONED A HUMAN EMBRYO FOR MEDICAL PURPOSES. EVERYONE FROM RELIGIOUS GROUPS TO THE OVERLY RELIGIOUS PRESIDENT, GEORGE W BUSH HAVE BASHED THE COMPANY FOR IT'S ACHIEVEMENT.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? ORGANIZED RELIGIONS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN OPPOSED TO TECHNOLOGY AND THE ADVANCEMENT OF KNOWLEDGE SINCE THEY RELY ON IGNORANCE AND COMPLACENCY IN THE MASSES IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN THEIR MEMBERSHIP AND THEIR POWER. THEY DEPEND ON PEEPLE SEEKING ANSWERS FROM THEIR MYTHOLOGICAL DOGMA INSTEAD OF SEEKING IT THROUGH SCIENCE AND REASON. THEY CONDEMN THE USE OF ARTIFICIALLY CREATED EMBRYO TISSUE FOR MEDICAL REASONS, BUT THEY EAGERLY SUPPORT SURGICALLY REMOVING PENIS TISSUE THROUGH CIRCUMCISION FROM HELPLESS LITTLE BABY BOYS FOR NON MEDICAL PURPOSES. FUCK THE HYPOCRISY!
I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THESE SCIENTIST DUDES CLONING BEAUTIFUL WOMEN INSTEAD OF EMBRYOS AND SHEEP AND RHESUS MONKEYS LIKE THEY HAVE BEEN DOING. PENELOPE CRUZ IS BEAUTIFUL, BUT THERE IS NO HOPE FOR ME TO EVER HAVE HER OR GET SOME FROM HER BECAUSE TOM CRUISE HAS LOCKED HER UP WITH THEIR UPCOMING MARRIAGE. IF WE COULD START CLONING BEAUTIFUL WOMEN LIKE PENELOPE CRUZ, THEN MORE MEN WOULD HAVE A CHANCE TO GET SOME FROM HER OR FROM WOMEN PHYSICALLY LIKE HER. MAYBE I COULD POSSIBLY GET SOME FROM HER OR FROM A CLONE OF HER.
IN OTHER NEWS, AN AUSTRALIAN CHRISTIAN SCHOOL HAS BANNED HARRY POTTER BOOKS. THE SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST PRIMARY SCHOOL IN NUNWADING, A SUBURB OF MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA, HAS BANNED THE BOOKS BY WRITER J.K ROWLING BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE THAT HER WRITINGS PROMOTE WITCHCRAFT AND THE SUPERNATURAL.
EXCUSE ME! AINT CHRISTIANITY A SET OF BELIEFS ABOUT THE SUPERNATURAL? I GUESS THEY MEAN THE SUPERNATURAL OTHER THAN CHRISTIANITY. IF THESE MODERN DAY WITCH HUNTERS HAD THEIR WAY, THEY WOULD HAVE HARRY POTTER AND HIS AUTHOR, J.K. ROWLING, IN THE DUNKING CHAIR.
NUNAWADING? - THAT SOUNDS LIKE NUNS SKINNY DIPPING IN THE RIVER. I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THAT. NUNS ARE WOMEN THAT GUARD THEIR VIRGINITY LIKE THE SECRETS OF THE WORLD UNTIL THEIR SECRETS ARE ALL FILLED UP WITH COB WEBS AND GRAY HAIRS AND NO LONGER WORTH KNOWING.
ON THE INTERNET THERE ARE PORN SITES WHICH SHOW NUNS GIVING BLOW JOBS OR GETTING FUCKED OR EATEN OUT. I DON'T KNOW IF THEY ARE REAL NUNS OR NOT, BUT IT GETS ME HORNY ANYWAY. I THINK I'M GONNA GO TO A SEARCH ENGINE AND SEE IF I CAN FIND SOME HORNY NUN PICTURES. MAYBE I COULD EVEN FIND SOME PICTURES OF PENELOPE CRUZ DRESSED UP LIKE A NUN TAKING OFF HER CLOTHES PIECE BY PIECE.
NO WAIT! I NEED SOME ACTUAL SEX RIGHT NOW. I'M SICK OF MASTURBATING TO INTERNET PORN. I DO THAT WAY TOO MUCH. I SHOULDN'T HAVE BLOWN OFF THAT CRACK BITCH WHO CAME OVER A FEW HOURS AGO. LET ME CALL HER UP AND SEE IF I CAN GET HER BACK HERE.
"HELLO HONEY! I'M SORRY I WAS SO SHORT WITH YOU THIS AFTERNOON. COME OVER AND GIVE ME SOME LOVING."
"I'LL BE RIGHT OVER. DO YOU HAVE SEVENTY DOLLARS?"
"SEVENTY DOLLARS? YOU WERE GOING TO GIVE ME LOVING FOR ONLY FORTY DOLLARS A FEW HOURS AGO.
"THAT WAS THEN. RIGHT NOW I AM NOT FEELING FRESH, AND I'M NO LONGER IN THE MOOD. YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN ME EARLIER, DOC." COPYRIGHT © 2001 DR SIMMONS ALL RIGHTS RESERVED