WEAKLY COLLUM # 0148

FOR MONDAY 09/23/2002

DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS A WEB COLUMN OF AN ADULT NATURE. IT IS NOT INTENDED TO BE READ BY ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18. DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS THE PROPERTY OF DR SIMMONS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ANY UNAUTHORIZED USE OF HIS WEAKLY COLLUM IS PROHIBITED.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I AM READY FOR WAR. I AM READY FOR WAR WITH IRAQ. NOT PERSONALLY, THOUGH. I AINT NO SOLDIER. I'M SCARED OF THAT BATTLE SHIT. I AM READY FOR OUR SOLDIERS TO GO TO WAR IN IRAQ TO DEFEAT AND KILL SODOMY INSANE.

PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH IS READY FOR WAR TOO. HE'S BEEN DROPPING SUBTLE HINTS TO THE WORLD ABOUT WANTING TO KICK SADDAM HUSSEIN'S TERRORIST ASS. HE IS DETERMINED TO INVADE IRAQ WITH OR WITHOUT THE SUPPORT OF THE REST OF THE CIVILIZED WORLD. GOOD! WE SHOULDN'T LET THE REST OF THE WORLD TELL US HOW TO HANDLE OUR PROBLEMS.

IRAQ IS A TERRORIST NATION WHICH HATES AMERICA AND HAS FUNDED TERRORIST OPERATIONS WHICH HAVE KILLED MANY. THEY HAVE BIOLOGICAL AND CHEMICAL WEAPONS AND MAY HAVE NUCLEAR WEAPONS. LEFT ALONE, IRAQ WILL BECOME AN EVER INCREASING THREAT TO THE WORLD NOW THAT THE TECHNOLOGY IS AVAILABLE TO DEVELOP WEAPONS WHICH CAN KILL MILLIONS.

EVEN AFTER AMERICA MADE THE CASE FOR WAR WITH IRAQ IN FRONT OF THE UNITED NATIONS, GERMANY DOESN'T LIKE THE IDEA OF US ATTACKING IRAQ TO PROTECT OURSELVES AND THE CIVILIZED WORLD. SOME DICKHEAD GERMAN POLITICIAN WITH A SILLY FUCKED UP NAME, JUSTICE MINISTER HERTA DAEUBLER-GMELIN, MADE SOME SMART ASS COMMENTS ABOUT GEORGE W BUSH ACTING A LOT LIKE HITLER BY WANTING TO GO TO WAR TO DISTRACT THE PUBLIC FROM THE PROBLEMS WITH THE ECONOMY. THIS DELUDED MOTHER FUCKER IS JUST UPSET THAT WE KICKED GERMANY'S ASS IN TWO WORLD WARS. THEY SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT WE DROPPED TWO NUCLEAR BOMBS ON JAPAN INSTEAD OF ON THEIR SORRY NAZI ASSES. GERMANY DESERVED IT TOO.

YOU KNOW THAT GERMANY PRODUCED HITLER, A PATHETICALLY POOR ECONOMY WHICH FEATURED WHEELBARROWS OF GERMAN MARKS TO BUY A FEW LOAFS OF BREAD, CONCENTRATION CAMPS WHERE MILLIONS OF JEWS WERE KILLED, AND THE BERLIN WALL - ALL IN THE SAME CENTURY. AND IT'S NOT LIKE WE NEED GERMANY'S SORRY ASS ARMY TO GET THIS MISSION DONE. THEY PROBABLY DRINK MORE THAN I DO. WE DON'T NEED THEM INVOLVED. LET THEM STAY HOME AND WACK OFF TO ADOLPH HITLER FILM CLIPS. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM. WE GOT A MISSION TO COMPLETE.

IN HOMELAND SECURITY NEWS, AN AL-QAEDA TERRORIST CELLS WAS BUSTED IN NEW YORK CITY. SIX MOTHER FUCKERS WERE BUSTED AND BLEW THEIR CHANCE TO DIE A GLORIOUS DEATH FOR ALLAH. IT SEEMS WE GOT WORMS IN THE BIG APPLE.

TERROR CELLS IN NEW YORK CITY? WHO IS SURPRISED BY THAT? NOT ME! THEY HAVE A BUNCH OF TERROR CELLS IN NEW YORK CITY. THEY'VE HAD THEM FOR YEARS. THEY ARE CALLED GANGS.

GANGS INFLICT TERROR ON LAW ABIDING CITIZENS IN NEW YORK CITY AS WELL AS IN OTHER CITIES. THEY HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR YEARS. YET THE AUTHORITIES NEVER DEAL COMPREHENSIVELY WITH THE PROBLEM. IF THE AUTHORITIES PUT ONE TENTH THE EFFORT INTO STOPPING GANG MEMBERS FROM KILLING EACH OTHER AND OTHERS THAT THEY DO TRYING TO STOP ORGANIZED TERRORISTS FROM ATTACKING THE GENERAL POPULATION, THEN NEW YORK CITY WOULD BE A MUCH SAFER AND BETTER PLACE TO LIVE. BUT THEN THESE STREET HOODS COULDN'T FUCKIN BRAG ABOUT HOW TOUGH THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD IS. NO FUCKIN MACHO BONUS POINTS TO BE RACKED UP.

[FUCKIN UPDATE A WEEK LATER - THE TERRORIST CELL CAPTURED LAST WEEK WAS IN THE BUFFALO AREA, NOT NEW YORK CITY. MY BAD]

STILL I HATE THESE MOTHER FUCKIN MIDDLE EAST TERRORISTS SO MUCH. I ALSO HATE THE DIPSHITS THAT SYMPATHIZE WITH THEM. I ESPECIALLY HATE THE FAMILY MEMBERS OF SUICIDE BOMBERS WHO MAY BE A LITTLE SAD THAT THEIR RELATIVE IS NO LONGER AMONG THE LIVING, BUT ARE PROUD THAT THEY DIED FOR A WONDERFUL CAUSE. THEY ARE PROUD THAT THEY KILLED A BUNCH OF PEEPLE WHILE THEY WERE PLAYING POOL OR EATING THEIR MEALS AT AN ISRAELI RESTAURANT OR CRAMMING FOR THEIR UPCOMING TESTS AT HEBREW UNIVERSITY.

WE ARE CONSTANTLY REMINDED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF TERROR ATTACKS HAPPENING AGAIN IN AMERICA. THE DANGER IS ALWAYS THERE. DURING THE WASHINGTON REDSKINS PHILADELPHIA EAGLES FOOTBALL GAME, THERE WAS A NOXIOUS GAS WHICH ESCAPED ONTO THE FIELD AND CLEARED PEEPLE AWAY FROM A WIDE AREA. FOR SEVERAL MINUTES. NO ONE KNEW WHAT HAPPENED OR WHAT THE GAS WAS. IT TURNED OUT TO BE PEPPER SPRAY THAT THE POLICE SPRAYED ON TWO FIGHTING FANS IN THE STANDS. WHAT A FUCKIN RELIEF!

WE SHOULD KILL A BUNCH OF TERRORISTS JUST FOR GIVING US THIS FEAR, OR FOR GIVING ME THIS FEAR. I DON'T LIKE BEING AFRAID LIKE THAT. LET'S BOMB IRAQ, IRAN, SUDAN, PALESTINE - ALL ON THE SAME DAY. WE SHOULD DROP THE BIG ONE ON THEM - GIVE THEM A RADIATION SANDWICH TO MUNCH ON. MAYBE I AM GETTING A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY. I JUST DESPISE THESE VIOLENT SELF RIGHTEOUS OVERLY RELIGIOUS MOTHER FUCKERS.

I'M DONE BITCHING FOR THIS WEEK. I NEED TO CHEER MYSELF UP. I'M GONNA GRAB A BEER AND LOOK UP SOME PORN. I'M GOING TO LOOK FOR CUTE AMATEUR TEEN BABES WITH HAIRY ARMPITS.

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