WEAKLY COLLUMS 2002


DR SIMMONS FACE - SCREW CIRRHOSIS! I WANT A FUCKIN BEER.

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HERE ARE THE WEAKLY COLLUMS FOR 2002.


WEAKLY COLLUMS FOR 2002

WEAKLY COLLUM # 011101/07/2002 : GERMANS DON'T LIKE AD WITH THREE BREASTED WOMAN; HOCKEY DADS ARE MORE VIOLENT THAN THEIR CHILDREN; ARGENTINA FALLING APART; THE EURO IS LAUNCHED.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 011201/14/2002 : TEENAGER SMASHES PLANE INTO BUILDING; MAN THREATENS TO BLOW UP AIRPLANE IN FLIGHT; HOCKEY DADS MANSLAUGHTER TRIAL; FORMER DALLAS COWBOYS QUARTERBACK TROY AIKMAN WANTS TO COME OUT OF RETIREMENT.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 011301/21/2002 : PRESIDENT BUSH GETS HIS ASS KICKED BY A PRETZEL; ENRON STOCK ISN'T HOLDING ITS VALUE; SPIDER WEBS AND GENETIC ENGINEERING; A PERSONAL LOSS.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 011401/28/2002 : THERE ARE MANY WAYS TO FIND BIN LADEN; EUROPEAN BROTHEL FOR WOMEN GOES DOWN; KMART GOES BANKRUPT; MIKE TYSON FIGHTING OUTSIDE THE RING.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 011502/04/2002 : NAVY SUBMARINE ALMOST SINKS SHIP; HOCKEY DAD JUNTA AT THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME - PRISON; ATTORNEY GENERAL JOHN ASHCROFT IS A PUSSY WHO IS SCARED OF BREASTS; ENRON EXECUTIVE CLIFF BAXTER MURDERED BY SUICIDE; NO WOMAN SUCKED INTO TOILET ON SCANDINAVIAN AIRPLANE.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 011602/11/2002 : A NEW WAY TO ADVERTISE; DRINK ALCOHOL FOR YOUR HEALTH; NOELLE BUSH USES XANAX; WINONA RYDER DOESN'T PAY CASH AT THE STORES; NEW ANTI DRUG COMMERCIALS; SAINT LOUIS RAMS LOSE THE SUPERBOWL TO THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 011702/18/2002 : FIGURE SKATING CONTESTANT MAKES BLOOPER AT WINTER OLYMPICS; FIGURE SKATING JUDGE MAKES BLOOPER AT WINTER OLYMPICS; VIRGINIA LEGISLATURE FUCKING UP WITH THE TEN COMMANDMENTS IN SCHOOLS; SAUDI ARABIA TAKES A STAND AGAINST WOMEN DRIVERS.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 011802/25/2002 : CLONING PUSSY CATS; E-MAIL TO VIRGINIA DELEGATE MARSHALL ABOUT RELIGION IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS; CURLING IN THE OLYMPICS; BRITISH WOMEN WANT POT; PSYCHIC MRS CLEO HAS SOME UNFORSEEN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 011903/04/2002 : ANDREA YATES ON TRIAL; TERRORIST OLYMPICS; LIST OF CATHOLIC PRIESTS THAT HAVE DONE IT WITH LITTLE CHILDREN.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 012003/11/2002 : E-MAIL SPAM; SHADOW GOVERNMENT.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 012103/18/2002 : CELEBRITY BOXING WITH TONYA HARDING AND FRIENDS; PUNISHMENT FOR ANDREA YATES; THE MIDDLE EAST IS UNSTABLE; ATTACKING IRAQ.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 012203/25/2002 : DEAD TERRORISTS CAN STILL GET INTO AMERICA; CATHOLIC PRIESTS LOVE LITTLE BOYS; ELEMENTARY SCHOOL STRIP SEARCH IN KANSAS CITY.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 012304/01/2002 : ISRAEL HAS GOT TO FIGHT BACK; OLD CELEBRITIES ARE DYING; HUSBAND OF CELINE DION ACCUSED OF SEX CRIME; EARTHQUAKE IN AFGHANISTAN; DRUG DOING DANIEL UPSET.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 012404/08/2002 : LIZARD FACE PALESTINIAN LEADER YASSER ARAFAT IS TRAPPED DURING ISRAEL ATTACK; FORMER STRIPPER KOLEEN BROOKS FIRED AS MAYOR OF GEORGETOWN COLORADO; PLAYBOY IS LOOKING FOR ENRON WOMEN TO POSE NAKED.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 012504/15/2002 : AMERICAN AIRLINES BREAKING BARRIERS; OPRAH WINFREY CANCELING HER BOOK CLUB; KILLER ASTEROID HEADED FOR EARTH.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 012604/22/2002 : PLANE CRASHES INTO PIRELLI BUILDING IN MILAN ITALY; ISRAEL HAS A RIGHT TO DEFEND THEMSELVES AGAINST SUICIDAL PALESTINIAN MILITANTS; BARETTA STAR ROBERT BLAKE ARRESTED FOR MURDER OF HIS WIFE.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 012704/29/2002 : TRYING TO GET OPRAH WINFREY TO PUT MY BOOK IN HER OPRAH BOOK CLUB; CATHOLIC PRIESTS ARE PEDOPHILES.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 012805/06/2002 : MIDDLE EAST PEACE ATTEMPTS; FORNICATE FOR A CURE FOR HERPES CHARITY; JESSE HELMS SURGERY; CATHOLIC CARDINAL LAW IS FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 012905/13/2002 : SMILEY FACE BOMBER AND HIS DISLIKE OF MAIL BOXES; SCHOOL PRE DANCE PANTY CHECK; CICCIOLINA THE ITALIAN PORN STAR RETURNING TO POLITICS.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 013005/20/2002 : MISSING CHILDREN; GUILTY CATHOLIC PRIESTS COMMITTING SUICIDE; THE VATICAN PROTECTS CHILD MOLESTERS FROM THE LAW; JENNIFER ANISTON DOESN'T WANT TO BE SEEN NAKED.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 013105/27/2002 : MY E-MAIL TO THE VATICAN ABOUT THE CATHOLIC PRIEST CHILD MOLESTATION COVER UP SCANDAL; GROOM LOSES MEMORY AND FORGETS BRIDE; GROWN MEN CHASING RABBITS.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 013206/03/2002 : THE VATICAN IS TELLING PRIESTS HOW TO HIDE THEIR KIDOFILE WAYS; SQUIRREL RATS ON BURGLAR; TOILET TO BECOME HOME TO LUCKY RENTERS; FRENCH RAPPER GETS IN TROUBLE FOR SPANKING HIS MONKEY.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 013306/10/2002 : INDIA AND PAKISTAN MIGHT NUKE EACH OTHER; INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES ASLEEP BEFORE SEPTEMBER 11 ATTACKS; FBI WHISTLEBLOWER COLEEN ROWLEY IS PISSED; UPTIGHT CHRISTIAN PRIVATE SCHOOL DOESN'T LIKE STUDENT'S MOTHER STRIPPING OR POSING FOR PLAYBOY.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 013406/17/2002 : KENNEDY COUSIN MICHAEL SKAKEL FOUND GUILTY IN THE 1975 MURDER OF MARTHA MOXLEY; CATHOLIC BISHOPS MEETING IN DALLAS TO TALK ABOUT SEXUAL MOLESTATION AND HOW TO COVER UP THE PROBLEM.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 013506/24/2002 : TERRORSIST TRYING TO NUKE US; MARTHA STWEART HAVING TROUBLE WITH HER IMCLONE STOCK SALES; CROCODILE EATS ESCAPED MURDERER FROM PANAMA; A BIG FUCKIN ASTEROID COMES CLOSE TO HITTING THE EARTH.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 013607/01/2002 : MENTALLY RETARDED KILLERS ARE SPARED THE DEATH PENALTY; CINDY CRAWFORD MIGHT BE SENT INTO SPACE; SELF HELP ADVICE COLUMNIST ANN LANDERS DIES.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 013707/08/2002 : STILL HAVING TROUBLE WITH MY BROKEN TOILET; WORLDCOM GOING DOWN THE TOILET; THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE DOESN'T NEED GOD.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 013807/15/2002 : THE OVERVALUED U.S STOCK MARKET GOING DOWN; TERRORISTS COMING AT US FROM ALL DIRECTIONS; KARYN WANTS YOU TO SAVE HER FROM HER CREDIT CARD DEBT

WEAKLY COLLUM # 013907/22/2002 : THE STOCK MARKET IS NOT RUNNING WITH THE BULLS; WORLDCOM CRIMINALS FACE CONGRESS; SNAPPLE COMMERCIALS ARE VERY PROVOCATIVE.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 014007/29/2002 : MORON CAESAR BARBER WANTS TO SUE FOUR FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS BECAUSE THEY SERVE FATTY FOODS.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 014108/05/2002 : IT'S SO FUCKIN HOT; CAPTAIN MORGAN GOLD AINT A PUSSY MAGNET; LIONS FUCKING THEIR SIBLINGS; WEST VIRGINIA WES; PILOT WHALES CAN'T DRIVE.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 014208/12/2002 : SAN FRANCISCO LOOKING INTO GROWING MARIJUANA; RUSSIAN MOBSTER TRIED TO RIG ICE DANCING; CHESTER THE MOLESTER; TEXAS MORONS FIGHTING OVER HEAVEN AND HELL.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 014308/19/2002 : EUROPEAN FLOODING; SEX DOLL FOUND IN AUSTRIAN LAKE; DUNG FIRED POWER PLANT COMES ONLINE IN LONDON (I'M NOT SHITTING YOU.); DOCTOR LEAVES IN THE MIDDLE OF SURGERY TO CASH CHECK.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 014408/26/2002 : RADIO DUO OPIE & ANTHONY FIRED AFTER BROADCASTING PLAY BY PLAY OF VIRGINIA COUPLE HAVING SEX IN St PATRICK'S CATHEDRAL; LINKS TO NUN SEX SITES.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 014509/02/2002 : LET'S ATTACK IRAQ; ELIZABETH SMART'S KIDNAPPER DIES OF A STROKE (FUNNY HA HA - TURNS OUT ANOTHER DUMBFUCK WAS THE ACTUAL KIDNAPPER); TOMATO FIGHT IN BUNOL SPAIN; SCOTT SULLIVAN INDICTED FOR FUCKING UP WORLDCOM; HAVE SEX WITH AN OLD MAN AND INHERIT HIS FORTUNE - SORRY! WOMEN ONLY.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 014609/09/2002 : PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDERS CAN BE FUNNY; LONDON ART GALLERY EXHIBITING SEXY COUPLE.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 014709/16/2002 : REMEMBERING SEPTEMBER 11th; TERROR ALERT SYSTEM; SANTA CRUZ CALIFORNIA OFFICIALS HAND OUT LEGAL MEDICAL MARIJUANA TO PROTEST NEARBY DRUG RAID.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 014809/23/2002 : READY TO ATTACK IRAQ; AL-QAEDA TERROR CELL IN NEW YORK.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 014909/30/2002 : AUSTRALIAN RULES FOOTBALL; LET'S ATTACK IRAQ; AL GORE IS IRRELEVANT.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 015010/07/2002 : TOILET PAPER SLEUTH; SPAIN'S DAIPER TAX; FRENCH BAN ON MIDGET THROWING UPHELD; ENRON'S ANDREW FASTOW IN DEEP SHIT.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 015110/14/2002 : SNIPER RUNNING LOSE IN WASHINGTON D.C. AREA; LION RAISING BABY ANTELOPES.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 015210/21/2002 : PRISONERS MEMORIZE THE KORAN TO HAVE THEIR JAIL TIME REDUCED; ZERO TOLERANCE IS TOO STRONG FOR THE VATICAN AND THEIR WORLDWIDE CREW OF HORNY PRIESTS; VATICAN PROPERTY IN MOSCOW USED AS A BROTHEL.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 015310/28/2002 : DEADLY SNIPER TERRORIZES THE WASHINGTON D.C. AREA; DR SIMMONS AND FRIENDS TRYING TO GET LAID.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 015411/04/2002 : THE BELTWAY SNIPER; SUICIDE SALLY WANTS TO DIE.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 015511/11/2002 : BORING POLITICAL ELECTIONS; SODOMY INSANE IS 100% THE LEADER OF IRAQ; FRENCH SEX WORKERS FIGHT FOR THEIR FUCKING RIGHTS.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 015611/18/2002 : NEW YORK CITY MAYOR MICHAEL BLOOMBERG HAS ANOTHER DUMBFUCK TAX IDEA; GET STAMPS SAFELY.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 015711/25/2002 : WHY A DATING SERVICE PROBABLY WOULDN'T WORK FOR ME; NIGERIA HAS PROBLEMS WITH THE MISS WORLD BEAUTY PAGEANT; MICHAEL JACKSON JUST AINT RIGHT.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 015812/02/2002 : I AINT NO ACCOUNTANT; BOMBS DON'T BELONG AT THE DINNER TABLE; THE VIAGRA BANDIT STRIKES AGAIN; THERE'S AN AGE LIMIT ON BREAST MILK.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 015912/09/2002 : BULL SHARKS ARE SWIMMING INTO AUSTRALIAN RIVERS; WEST VIRGINIA IS TAKING ON SOFTWARE GIANT MICROSOFT.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 016012/16/2002 : HAVE DRUGS YOUR WAY AT BURGER KING; CARDINAL LAW FORCED TO RESIGN FOR CIRCUMVENTING THE LAW; REPUBLICAN SENATOR TRENT LOTT RUNS HIS MOUTH TOO MUCH.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 016112/23/2002 : FOSSIL CAUSES LOTT TO RESIGN, DR SIMMONS WACKS OFF.

WEAKLY COLLUM # 016212/30/2002 : CLONAID CLAIMS TO HAVE CLONED A BABY GIRL; VENEZUELAN NATIONAL WORKER STRIKE AFFECTING MARKETS FOR OIL AND BEER; MAN FROM HURICANE WEST VIRGINIA WINS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN THE POWERBALL LOTTERY.




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