WEAKLY COLLUM # 0516

FOR MONDAY 10/12/2009

DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS A WEB COLUMN OF AN ADULT NATURE. IT IS NOT INTENDED TO BE READ BY ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18. DR SIMMONS WEAKLY COLLUM IS THE PROPERTY OF DR SIMMONS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ANY UNAUTHORIZED USE OF HIS WEAKLY COLLUM IS PROHIBITED.

IN THE FUCKIN NEWS, NASA IS UP TO THEIR WEIRD SHIT AGAIN. THEY ARE PLANNING TO CRASH A SPACE CRAFT INTO THE SURFACE OF THE MOON TO LOOK FOR THE PRESENCE OF WATER. [THE HOUSE STARTS SHAKING FOR A FEW SECONDS.] THEY JUST CRASHED IT I THINK. CONGRATULATIONS NASA FOR VANDALIZING THE MOON.

NASA HAS SHOWN THAT THEY ARE DETERMINED - TO WASTE A LOT OF HARD EARNED MONEY. NOT HARD EARNED BY THEM, THOUGH. THEY WILL LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED IN THEIR QUEST FOR WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY ARE QUESTING FOR WITH OUR TAX DOLLARS. RECESSION, PRE DEPRESSION. DOESN'T MATTER. THEY JUST LOVE CRASHING SHIT, LOSING SHIT, BLOWING SHIT UP, OR SHIT JUST BLOWING UP ON ITS OWN.

SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE A TALK WITH THESE NASA BRAINIACS. WE GOTTA HELP THEM DEVELOP SOME COMMON SENSE. WE GOTTA HELP THEM PUT THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE. YOU GUYS! WE GOT WATER DOWN HERE. DOWN HERE ON EARTH. YOU'VE HEARD OF EARTH, HAVEN'T YOU? IT'S THAT PLANET THAT YOU HAVE A HARD TIME UNDERSTANDING UNLESS YOU ARE STUDYING IT FROM A MILLION MILES AWAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY TO THE MOON TO SEARCH FOR WATER. WE GOT OCEANS OF THIS SHIT. IT'S JUST SITTING THERE TAKING UP SPACE. JUST TAKE IT. PLANT YOUR FLAG ON A BUOY IN THE ATLANTIC OCEAN AND IT'S YOURS.

IN OTHER NEWS, LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW HOST DAVID LETTERMAN CONFESSED THAT HE HAD SCORED SOME ASS AT WORK AFTER HE WAS BLACKMAILED BY A FELLOW CBS EMPLOYEE WHO KNEW ABOUT HIS CONQUESTS. LETTERMAN GETTING SOME ASS. THAT IS WONDERFUL. I'M GLAD HE'S DOING SOMETHING WITH HIS LIFE.

N.O.W. OR THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION FOR UPTIGHT BITCHY WOMEN IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DAVE LETTERMAN GETTING SOME HOT ASS. THEY THINK IT IS WRONG THAT HE CAN GET PUSS PUSS FROM WOMEN THAT WORK UNDER HIM. JUST BECAUSE THESE NOW BITCHES AINT UPPING THE ASS DOESN'T MEAN THAT OTHER WOMEN SHOULDN'T. THIS IS THE MILITANT GROUP THAT WANTS WOMEN TO AVOID SEX WITH MEN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND TAKE AN ANTI COPULATION STANCE AT WORK. THEY WANT WOMEN TO BE ADVERSARIES TO MEN. FUCK THEM!

N.O.W. IS ABOUT AS RELEVANT AS NEVER, NOT JUST TO THIS DISCUSSION, BUT TO ANYTHING. THESE BITCHES SHOULD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THEIR UNNECESSARY OPINIONS SO THAT WE CAN ALL GO BACK TO NOT REMEMBERING THAT THEY EVEN EXIST.

THEY SHOWED SOME CLIPS OF THE ONE LADY THAT DAVID LETTERMAN SHAGGED, STEPHANIE BERKITT. SHE'S A HOTTIE. SHE'S CUTE AND LOVELY AND HUGGABLE AND I WOULD LOVE TO STICK MY DIRTY COCK INSIDE OF HER. SORRY IF I AINT REPORTING THE NEWS OBJECTIVELY RIGHT NOW. I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I AM BIASED AS A NEWS REPORTER. I AM BIASED TO HOT LOOKING BABES.

CHECK HER OUT ON THE INTERNET. GO TO GOOGLE IMAGES AND TYPE IN "STEPHANIE BERKITT". YOU'LL SEE. SHE'S SO HOT, LETTERMAN'S WIFE WAS CONGRATULATING HIM "YOU DID GOOD HONEY." THEN SHE HIGH FIVED HIM. EVEN LETTERMAN'S FIVE YEAR OLD SON WAS PROUD OF HIM. HE WAS BRAGGING TO HIS CLASSMATES. "MY DADDY GOT SOME NICE BOOTY AT HIS JOB."

I WOULD LOVE TO SEE STEPHANIE BERKITT POSE NAKED. THAT WOULD BE A GOOD CAREER MOVE FOR HER RIGHT NOW. MAYBE PLAYBOY WILL MAKE HER AN OFFER SHE CAN'T REFUSE. I WILL CONTACT HUGH HEFFNER AND SEE IF I CAN HELP MAKE THIS HAPPEN. IF NOT, THEN THERE ARE OTHER MAGAZINES THAT MIGHT WANT TO TAKE AND PUBLISH PICTURES OF HER NAKED. MAYBE A PAPARAZZI PHOTOGRAPHER COULD TAKE SOME HIDDEN CAMERA UPSKIRT OR DOWN BLOUSE PICTURES OF HER AND PUT THEM ON THE INTERNET FOR ALL TO SEE. MAYBE WE COULD GET THE GUY WHO FILMED ESPN HOTTIE ERIN ANDREWS NAKED IN HER HOTEL ROOM TO DO THE SAME WITH STEPHANIE BERKITT.

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