 |
July 25, 2001
The worst thing is:
I am now getting sick.
Great. Great. Great. He's in the hospital with severe pneumonia and A.R.D.S and now i'm starting to develop something. At first I thought it was allergies. But, allergies do not usually last all night into the next morning like this. Allergies do not feel like I'm walking around with my cat Harley permanently pressed to my chest. Gah. Damnit. I even had weird fever dreams all night that involved old highschool friends, goulash, hospitals and pneumonia shots. I have no idea. I don't remember much of the dream.
So i'm sniffling away. I have to go see him at the hospital but I probably won't stay long because he's trying to recover and I'm sick. Wouldn't that just be awful if I reinfected him? God. He's already been there a week and probably has to stay for another 2. I don't want to go to the hospital any more.
"This story is old but it goes on..."
There's someone from U of M who reads this page. Who are you?
That guy I used to date, the one I'm talking to in emails and stuff, complimented me last night. It was very strange. I've never had a compliment from him before. It was more than nice to hear.
and I'll end this on that good note.
posted at 11:18 AM
--
July 24, 2001
he's off the breathing tube.
he's breathing on his own and talking
no oxygen
pneumonia is getting better
i should write this more creatively and more fluently but i'm tired.
i've spent 14 hours at the hospital every day for a week.
give me a break.
posted at 12:19 AM
--
July 20, 2001
I was delayed I was waylaid..on an emergency stop I smelt the last ten seconds of life I crashed down on the crossbar and the pain was enough to make a shy bald buddhist reflect and plan a mass murder.....
and I doused another venture with a gesture that was absolutely vile...
Morrissey speaks to me.
I used to write vile on my arm in highschool.
Heh.
listen to morrissey. He speaks volumes with his funny little dialogues.
"the ladder's a planet, roy is a star and I am a satellite, I will be set alight!"
a note upon his desk, PS, bring me home and have me. Leather elbows on a tweed coat, OH is that the best you can do?
And the one thing on your mind
Is : where is the next in line ?
As the words to all the love songs
Start making sense
To the girl
So
Far
Away
see what i'm reduced to? Morrissey quotes in my journal.
*sigh*
update: it IS pneumonia. Severe pneumonia with A.R.D.S "adult respiratory distress syndrome"
hm.
posted at 10:22 PM
--
I might not be updating for a while because I am spending all day at the hospital only to come home and sleep
he's doing better.
They think its pneumonia now.
Still sedated.
Haven't spoken to him since before this happened.
Unexplained fever spikes that the doctors dont like.
Fluid in his lungs have changed from brown to yellow...which is supposed to be a good thing only that there's more of it now.
Just have to play th ewaiting game.
I'll try to update soon.
don't give up on me ...
i'll have something witty to say eventually.
posted at 11:11 AM
--
July 16, 2001
What do you do when you are sleeping...
you hear someone vomit...
and they don't wake up.
YOu roll them on their side...
they still don't wake up
They start to gasp for air and start to turn purple.
They won't respond to you...and are still struggling to breathe...
they're still not awake.
Unconcious, struggling for air and choking on vomit.
You call 911 and spend hours and hours in the hospital to hear the words "pulmonary edema"
Fluid in the lungs.
Several reasons why...weak heart is one of them
I hate hospitals.
*sigh*
posted at 2:26 AM
--
July 11, 2001
HAHAH!
i just re-read a post i made earlier this week. It was the post about how I wanted to be buried....actually it was about a lot more than that but i included the burial part at the end.
I mentioned that i wanted to be buried in an airtight plexiglass case. But i also had the SMARTS to include bulletproof.
WHY?! Bulletproof?
What are they gonna do shoot my dead ass and kill me again?
Sometimes i can be so silly.
yes. I am up at 10:30am.
yes. I was up at 8am.
yes. I was up at 7am.
I think i'm going to go take an 'afternoon nap' :) Maybe waking up early does have its benefits heh.
posted at 10:31 AM
--
rubber man boucin down a purple gravy highway
Do you often feel like you're the only one who remembers the past? I mean, remembers parts of your past. For example...say you went out on a date with someone when you were in highschool. You were good friends with this person and went out on a couple of dates now and again. One particular date stands out in your mind as especially precious or sweet or nice or whathaveyou.
You think back fondly to that date and wonder if the person that you went with ever thinks back fondly too.
I do this a lot. Its not like i'm expecting to relive the time, I just like to think back to days past and remember how fun they were or the good times. I like to reminisce. I'm like an old woman on a porch drinking lemonade telling stories to her grandkids. .
"back in 92, I went out to the movies with this boy. Oh and was he funny. He made me laugh like a crazy person. We'd go out and listen to pigface...a band that you kids now a days should listen to. Kids these days just don't appreciate the oldies anymore...anywho... "
Anyway, I still think back to special times and often find myself wondering if those people ever think about me. I don't know if that's narcisistic or not. More often than not, I assume they don't. I don't think of myself as that special to really stand out in anyones memory after oh..say...10 years. But i just found out today when someone brought up one of those special memories, that I am not the only one who thinks back.
Do you have any idea how good this made me feel?
It gives me hope. Every day i learn more about myself and about how other people percieve me. I'm not as bad as I think I am.
I'm such a hypocrite to myself. One day i think i'm cooler than shit. The next i'm a piece of shit. Its strange. But normal I guess.
Speaking of normal...
I've always thought I had a huge head. Like Sputnik...(heh)
but...today when i was talking to this lady who is making me a crown (long story) i told her my head measurement and she said that was normal for females my height.
Calieu Callay!
I'm having a good day. I like today.
that is all.
Sherlock Holmes beckons ...
posted at 1:19 AM
--
July 10, 2001
ok this is a stick up....
In addition to Chris Isaak being a god, I believe that Tim Roth is as well.
I'm polytheistic. What can I say.
Out of every celebrity I could ever meet and possibly marry, Tim Roth would be the only one I think I would be comfortable with. This of course, is in am-land...where everything goes my way and nothing is rational and logical.
In am-land, i have more money than i know what to do with, a 64 impala lowrider, tim roth and chocolate milk comin out the wazoo.
"he's got money coming out of the wazoo!"
Speaking of commercials.
The best one ever...ever...is the extended version of the Nike Commercial titled "tag".
Watch some tv, maybe you'll see it. As soon as ad-critic puts it up, then i'll post a link.
But, as you can see, its 5am...and i am *STILL* awake. Maybe i'll go read some sherlock holmes. That always puts me into that comfort state of 'ready to sleep-ness'. I'm losing my vocabulary with each letter that i type so i'm going to start making up my own.
and...another side note. Why is it that most urban black folk know the slang before anyone else? How do they know that bling-bling means 'jewelry' and stuff before its common knowlege? I mean, do you have one guy, dre, walkin around going "yo, dog, check my bling-bling" and the other guy, jamal, goin "WHAT? bling-bling? What crack you smokin, dog?" then jamal and all his homies start laughing at bling-bling...until they hear the next guy say it. THen before you know it, Dr. Puff Dre is talkin about gettin his bling-bling from some ho on the corner before she done got shot up.
I'll have to ask my cousin, mel. He's black . Does that give me the right to talk stereotypes to ya'll? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe just a little bit. Maybe not at all. hehe. I don't really care. Don't get me started on racist people, cos then that'll be an essay unto itsself.
I'm so mixed ethnically i don't even know what to call my self. I can't hate. I'd be doggin on my own self, yo. heh.
Its late. I'm tired.
anyway, where i was going with this....so, we've made up our own slang over here.
For instance : if someone is feeling particularly upset, mad or just feeling down...you ask them "you want me to squeeze your goose"
meaning "what can i do to make it better for you, my friend"
or, if you wanna get naked...just refer to it as 'butt'.
"I was runnin around the pool butt, yo!"
they were really funny when i heard them. But when you write it down, it just loses all meaning, i think.
I often write down stuff I find hilarious at 5am...when i've had no sleep. Stuff that makes me laugh until i hyperventilate and nearly puke my brains out. Stuff that makes my jaws hurt and my stomach cramp and my eyes cry...
like this gem: i was watching this show, that i completely forget what it was about. Anyway, I made up this big story about how this guy put on a show of opera, where feet would pantomime the words to the opera...and he had to walk around on his hands and knees because he didn't want to ruin his singing voice.
I'm serious. I laughed for like an hour about this one.
Now i just shake my head and go "if i could bottle my sleepytme laughter, i'd be a majillionaire drug dealer".
Its time for bed before i start finding something else to laugh at. sheesh.
posted at 5:18 AM
--
I named it lazy legs...
Chris Isaak show is starting its season over again. That's what I said. Starting from the very first episode!
and guess who is gushing with glee! YES! ME!
Chris Isaak is so underrated. He's handsome, he's funny and his lyrics are often times more morose than Morrissey! You know it takes a lot for me to top Moz...but he's great.
He was in twin peaks.
He was in Silence of the Lambs!
He is a goddamned american icon!!!!
i'm in a better mood by the way, but still prone to severe bouts of anger...i still haven't located the source of the badmood poltergist. The three day rule still applies, here.
And i'm using a dial-up so it makes it hard for me to do anything interesting on the web. I don't like to post long things because this computer is prone to anger as well. It will (and has) shut down on me for no apparent reason. I've also received several "critical errors"
which i have never before seen in my life. This computer may be the source of the anger. But I shouldn't say that because then I might just be egging it/him on.
If this computer starts calling me "dave" and saying things like " I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal" I am running like hell.
Provided it doesn't have control over the doors.
Uber-geek reference there...damn i'm good.
ok, chris isaak is on in 30 minutes.
posted at 12:15 AM
--
July 08, 2001
"the power of christ compels you"
I think that the place i'm house-sitting for is cursed. I am in a bad mood. I have been in a bad mood since I got here. And its not just sleep depravation either, though there's plenty of that going around.
See, there's a total of 7 cats here. (four of mine, three of the house) There's also two dogs and a screaming amazonthing bird.
There's a lot of anger going around this house and I'm not quite sure where its coming from.
I'm going to find it. If i'm not back in three days, call an exorcist.
posted at 3:33 PM
--
July 07, 2001
you are old father william, the young man said...
I am still waiting to find my X rated version of alice in wonderland. I would like it returned please. Thank you. And please bear in mind, I have not been able to watch it yet. So, please return it to me. Thank you again.
I have recieved two unexpected emails in the past two days. One was from a good friend from way back in the old school irc days. Back when I used to hang out on #smiths regularly. Now, I know absolutely no one there. Not that I mind really. I stick with my ad&d people that I've known for years and leave it at that.
So what if i'm a geek. I don't care and you shouldn't let it bother you. I've known some of these people since they were 13. They're in college now. Its nice. These people are my friends. Some of these people know me better than people in the "real world", but i'm not so naive to think that they replace the real world. I have a real life. I do real life things. I go to clubs. I party with my friends. (i'm not very good about calling people though, i hate the phone). Anyway, that's my stance on it. You think i'm a geek, shove it. I don't care.
Second email...was from someone i went to highschool with and worked with and was pretty close to. I really thought the world of him. We lost touch after I quit working at the music store and went away to college. It was really nice to hear from him again. I want to gush about how great it is, but i'm afraid i already made a complete ass of myself in the email to him. I don't want to continue that here. But you know how it is, when you were once pretty good friends with someone and then suddenly you've lost touch and realized you haven't spoken to them 7 years? That's sort of how this was. I don't know. There's more to the story that i'm not revealing, i'll have you know. Sometime remind me to tell you...
Anyway, it was a very nice thing to get those emails. Just when you think that you're not very interesting to anyone anymore...you get a little reminder that people are thinking of you.
i like little things.
posted at 1:43 AM
--
July 05, 2001
"to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die"
That song. There's so many memories associated with that song.
The most poignant memory is walking down the streets of Toronto on a sunny but chilly winter day. I believe it was just prior to new years eve of 1995/1996. My friend amy and my friend vic were walking ahead of me while Simon and I trailed behind only slightly. A bus drove by and he grabbed my hand and sang to me.
This was also the same day I was running after some pigeons and slipped on some ice in front of the giant glass wall at the mall and fell on my ass. Yes. Completely flat out fell on my ass. Well, my ass then my back. So i just laid there. Dying of embarassment while everyone in the mall watched, while the people at the intersection watched, while the people on the extremely busy street whatched, while Simon, the boy i was dying madly in love with, watched. After realizing i was okay, amy started to laugh. Which of course made me start to laugh.
Oh the days of youth, eh?
The other, second strongest memory i refuse to talk about. Its entirely too painful.
At any rate.
Just so you know, i haven't forgotten about my greatest movies list. Am's top 100. I have the 100 now. I just have to put them in order. Its very difficult, you know. I mean, does "big trouble in little china" go before or after "missing in action". Do you see my dilemma? :)
I am also going to finish my review on AI. I am just really tired right now. I want to go to bed, but I feel like its a waste of time to just go and sleep when i could be doing all sorts of other things.
I'm pretty damn tired though.
(brief pause in time)
i almost lost this entire post because of some silly things on my part...randomly closing windows and stuff. Do you know how pissed I would have been? Especially after yesterdays stunt?
Ok. I'm going to send this off before i screw something up.
posted at 12:25 AM
--
July 03, 2001
"damn you! damn you all to hell!"
i wrote a big long post lamenting my sudden ability to cry at the drop of a hat and a giant review of AI.
No. My computer didn't want that to happen and decided to reboot itsself before I had a chance to save.
So, i'm pissed.
I'll leave you with two pictures of my insane cats.
Harley got into my old hair dye. He's got warpaint on his face. If he starts rallying the other cats against eachother and starts singing "kill the pig kill the pig" i'm going to worry.
This is jeane. She sleeps in strange positions. She's a freak.
end transmission.
posted at 5:12 PM
--
|
|
