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November 28, 2001
Something has happened and I won't be posting for a while.
Go read: Hope With No Pay
or
Justin
or
Pop Culture Junk Mail
I will be back eventually so don't give up on me.
posted at 11:56 AM
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November 25, 2001
Do you ever get so mad that you just feel like throwing a bonafide temper tantrum? I'm talkin all out throw yourself on the floor and kick your feet...
Most of the time I feel like that I don't know why I'm mad. I'm just crazy-insane-without-a-reason mad. I hate feeling like this because there is no logical explanation for my crazytalk. It's so stupid. But I can't control it.
I'm now mad I'm even talking about it.
I'm mad that I'm up at 1:14am when I've been trying to fix my sleeping schedule.
I'm mad that I didn't spend the night at my parents house when my mom really wanted me to.
I'm mad that I'm busy bitching about things that most people don't give a shit about.
I'm mad that I actually have "poor me" moments.
Once, a long time ago, I had this irrational-mad feeling. I actually tried to throw a temper tantrum, thinking that if I did it would somehow relieve the anger that I was feeling. All it did was make me even more mad for behaving like a dumb-ass.
In good news, it's past the one month mark of non smoking. That's not the good news. The good news is that even as a non smoker, I still hate non smokers and their fake "coughcough, oh your smoke is so bothersome" coughs.
Other good news: I got my first bowling ball today. Call me trash. I don't care. I bonded like crazy with my dad today. It was worth every second I spent in the pro-shop picking out an "appropriate" ball.
Its a Brunswick Command Zone
Just look at the testimonials!
"I must say, it's the best investment I could have made. This ball is everything it's cracked-up to be, and more. " - Mike Lewis
Now, I know absolutely nothing about bowling or bowling balls...aside from the obligatory dad facts like:
*my dad bowls a 300 game a year
*my dad has been on tv for bowling and goes to reno for tournaments every year.
but that's just bragging.
So, these testamonials are really what pushed me in the way of the Command Zone ball.
If you can't tell, that's a sarcastic sentance.
It just doesn't translate well.
Anyway, I got a really cool bowling ball so I can bond with my dad. It's special to me and makes me smile.
That's enough to make me get out of my i'm-acting-like-i'm-three-and-need-a-good-smack angry mood i was in earlier.
I knew I'd kick that mood sooner or later.
posted at 1:29 AM
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November 20, 2001
Right before I went to bed I thought of some pictures that I had taken from a trip I went on a while ago.
For the life of me I can't remember what trip that was or what the hell those pictures were from.
I've been through all of my pictures. I've gone over the trips I've made in my head a thousand times.
I'm completely blank.
I know I will be walking down the street three days from now and I will suddenly burst out the answer to this problem.
Until then it's going to haunt me like the plague.
I'm getting a headache.
posted at 1:27 AM
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November 18, 2001
Today I had to clean out my closet in my old room at my parents house.
I didn't want to do this. I mean, I understand it's only fair that I get rid of all the old shit I've been hoarding over the years since I haven't lived there in 6 years or so. I still didn't want to go through that stuff. It's things and papers and slips and reciepts I've been saving so that when I get the feeling I can go over there, look through the stuff and say 'oh yes, I remember this particular time in my life. Ha. How great!' But I didn't want the stuff sitting around my house either.
So. I went through it...and threw most of it away. I gave it a good look and said "why am I saving you again?" and tossed it.
Posters that I hung on my wall when I was 13.Def Leppard song books. Old art projects from junior year of highschool. Notes I passed in 9th grade. A bag that says "I *heart* New York" from my first trip to New York. Movie ticket stubs. Notebooks upon notebooks upon notebooks. Drawings I made in drivers training. A button from our senior all night party. My prom corsage. Legos half made. Beads everywhere. Enough embroidery thread to make a friendship bracelet that goes around the Earth five times. Pictures I liked from magazines. Envelopes from letters I wanted to save but no letters. 2 years worth of Sassy magazines. My ACT scores. (28!) My highschoool report cards (very poor...) Class notes from genetics, stories upon stories upon stories, a drawing from a guy who i liked,
It was insane going through all of that stuff. I had kept 'keepsake' boxes for the important things I knew I would never want to get rid of. One is a "b" box, for my highschool sweetheart. It has all his poems in it, pictures, mementos ...a pinecone from a park we went to, a leaf in the shape of a heart...things I'd like to keep.
I found all of his old notes that he wrote me in highschool and then all of the letters from our first year at college. As I sat and read through those letters, I was able to see what I was like as a person back then through someone else's eyes. I wasn't relying on memories that may or may not be true. I was reading through events that I remembered, i thought, perfectly when in actuality I was totally skewing things in some weird direction.
What was I worried about when "b" made a joke about me? Why did it have to escalate into a fight that lasted a week?
Why did I sweat the small stuff..? I always thought it was a lot worse...and the truth is I just overthought everything. I wore myself into the ground with my "what if's" and "why's?"
It makes me laugh to think how crazy I was being.
Then I found the holy grail of teenage angst. My 9th grade journals.
Oh god in heaven.
I want to go back in time and slap myself repeatedly for a year.
If I were to tell someone the story of "bob and kevin", they would say "yeah, man that sucks...we all have to go through our teenage heartbreaks. He sounds insensitive."
Then if I were to tell you the 'true' version, the journal version of what was going on you'd say "you stupid fuck. What the hell were you thinking?!"
I believe there was a quote in the journal that went something like this:
"So Jen and I had today off of school so we went to (bob and kevin's) school to see them and they were out there standing around. Bob was talking to todd and he saw me and he was like "oh my god, lets go". So I was like 'whatever'. So then I called him that night and was like are you embarassed to talk to me? Silence on his part then No. I mean if he doesn't want to acknowledge me as his girlfriend in public, that's cool. I can learn to deal with that."
WHAT?!!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!!
It's a very good thing this "relationship" lasted 2 months at most...and I wasn't that stupid ever again.
But it's things like that. I don't remember it that way...but obviously if it's written in my handwriting, in a journal that's dated, it has to be the version that's right. I like being put in my place now and again. As long as I'm the only one that's doing the 'puttin'.
AH. So, yes, the memories. I went through them, laughed a lot, shook my head a lot and promptly threw them out. I saved some things...pictures, postcards, the 'b' and 'm' boxes...but I didn't want or need that baggage hanging around any more. I'm making so many new memories now and I'm not really sure if I want to remember things the way they were instead of the way I say they were.
I will leave you with this hilarious bit of information.
At the senior all night party (right after we graduated) they handed out these books that had everyone's information in it and a brief little paragraph we had filled out earlier in the year. Basically questions like "where do you see yourself in 10 years...etc"
Mine:
Q:What do you see yourself in 10 years. (remember I graduated in 93..)
A: Good friends with Clive Barker, Writing for the sci-fi or horror genre, producing my screenplays, working in Hollywood directing films
Back then ten years seemed so far away....
posted at 11:34 PM
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November 17, 2001
So, my opinion of Harry Potter. I loved it. I thought it was completely faithful to the book. I was worried about how they would make the over all movie look but I felt that it was spot on. I couldn't have imagined a better Hogwarts. There's a part when the first-years are being led to their dorms for the first time and are told to mind the staircases. It's straight out of an Escher painting without being overly dramatic about it, ala Labryinth. Overall, the movie made me believe in magic. It was convincing. I don't think it would have been possible to pick a more appropriate cast. The boy who played Ron Weasly was by far the best actor of the group. Each person seemed to be the basis for which JK Rowling wrote the book. And the Quiddich match! I was never able to fully picture how it would have looked while they were racing around on brooms in the air. It seems like the director took what I THOUGHT was how the Quiddich match looked and clarified it for me. It was so exciting without being over the top.
The only complaints I have are that in certian scenes the cgi was below par. You could tell which scenes were being totally created using computers and which were backdrops. For a movie with a budget as big as this you would think that a bit more care would be taken to make sure you couldn't see a bluescreen mat...(that little fuzzy line around where the actor is in front of a bluescreen)...
Also I had issues with the actor who played Professor Quirrell. He wasn't wimpy or strange enough for my liking. He was a non-entity. And I remember him being more ethinic in the book. Maybe I'm wrong. I'll have to go back and check.
I also wish that they would have focused a bit more on the mystery behind the sorcerer's stone rather than do so much buildup...but, I don't know how that would have been possible. I was debating on what would be taken out in order to provide more time for the 'mystery' part and there was nothing that I could agree on to take out. At 2.5 hours there's no way any more time could have been added without making it rediculously long. So that's not really a complaint but more of a ..."i wonder if..."
Another thing is that I don't think you would have really loved Harry Potter: the movie without reading Harry Potter: the book...but I don't know if that will be a problem based on the sheer volume of books that have been sold and the apparent numbers of people who have read it.
So that's my review. I really enjoyed Harry Potter. I'm glad they kept it so loyal to the book...and I went in with a chip on my shoulder, be assured. I was going to pitch a crazy bitch if they screwed up how I pictured Dumbledore or Hogwarts or even little Harry Potter. I had a very specific image in my head and I did not want that messed with but I couldn't resist going to see it.
I'm very pleased with the movie as a whole.
Oh yeah...
And I want to kiss Alan Rickman until my lips are numb.
Even if he does look like an aged Trent Reznor
posted at 1:49 AM
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November 14, 2001
Right.
Just got back from seeing Harry Potter. I'm tired.
I do have two words to say about this movie right now, tho.
ALAN RICKMAN
Drool.
posted at 7:36 PM
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November 13, 2001
MICHAEL JACKSON SPECIAL IS ON!!!!
Say what you want about him. He's horrifying to look at ...yes I agree...but damn he moves like water.
The man is fluid.
I swear to god, I feel like a 10 year old again when the damn victory tour came to the Silverdome.
I tried to cry and scream like I saw the girls on the videos do...but I just couldn't bring myself to be that crazy. Instead I just sang along and clapped.
I don't care what you think about me now. Michael Jackson rocks.
You should sort of at least respect me a little. Who else can listen to German Industrial Music one minute then Michael Jackson the next? I can.
I rock.
posted at 9:16 PM
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My fortune cookie for today reads:
"Your artistic talents win the approval and applause of others"
Not only am I going to get the approval of others....I'm going to get APPLAUSE. What a great fortune cookie. I'm going to have people walking around me clapping. Just like in the sims! I will have people walk up to me and clap! What an esteem booster!
Now I just need to start doing something artistic and we'll be all set.
I read this earlier today .
"How do you tell someone you're in love
with them?
It's really very simple, you don't!
Cause you run the risk that that person
might take you serious and believe it.
Thanks, but no thanks"
Isn't that sad. It's especially sad because I know the person who wrote it. I mean aside from the spelling and the grammar errors it's just downright depressing. Mostly because he's lying to himself.
Poor guy.
I hope his head falls off and rots in California
Have a nice day.
posted at 7:04 PM
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I think that the amish are sneaky.
They know more than we think they do.
Those sneaky amish.
They also scare me a little. They know too much.
posted at 1:58 AM
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November 11, 2001
Taken from The Force Dot Net . As if you needed further proof that I am indeed a geek. *sigh*
**********
The TRUE Ending To "The Empire Strikes Back"
(A furious lightsaber duel is under way. DARTH VADER is backing off LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft.
Luke backs away. He looks down, and realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.)
VADER
Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
LUKE
He told me enough. He told me you killed him!
Vader
No! I am your father!
LUKE
That's not true! Thats impossible!
VADER
Search your feelings; you know it to be true!
LUKE
NO!
VADER
Yes it is true, and you know something else? You know that brass droid of yours?
LUKE
Threepio?
VADER
Yes,Threepio, I built him when I was 7 years old.
LUKE
No!
VADER
Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp.
LUKE
I destroyed your precious Death Star!
VADER
When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Control ship!
LUKE
Well it's not my fault.
VADER
Oh, here we go... "Poor me, my father never gave me what I wanted for birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's a Dark Lord of the Sith...waaah, waah."
LUKE
Shut up!
VADER
Your a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi Knights!
LUKE
I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!
VADER
Oh, for the love of the Emperor! 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human ever to fly a Pod Racer, right here baby!
(Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it.)
VADER
I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are but you sure ain't mine.
(Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks after him.)
VADER
Get a haircut!
posted at 11:46 PM
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November 10, 2001
Ok.
So I said that the new layout would be up tonight. Its done. I have just decided to update *my* computer to windows xp. I'm currently on the *other* computer. The one that does not contain the information I need to update the page. This means that everyone will have to wait until tomorrow evening for my new design. Its orangerific. I like orange.
Hm. What else?
I don't know. Its 5am.I haven'tslept yet. I'm going to bed.
Goodnight.
posted at 4:59 AM
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November 08, 2001
Number 38179934733901 reason why chris isaak is awesome.
 "it's easy to find someone who wants to go to bed. but it's real hard to find somebody who'll let you say, "look, i got a cardboard box and a carpeted floor. here's my plan. you get in the box and hold this flashlight and i'll push you around like you're in a car.""
I absolutely love this man. That's what's really important. Not the sex, not the late night lovin or the stolen glances from across a room. Its the goofyness. The joke that makes you laugh until it hurts. The little dance that they do in the living room to get your attention. Those are the things that keep the love alive. Chris knows what I'm talkin about. He's so dreamy. Heh.
So anyway. I'm going to stop bitching about my webpage. Its getting pointless. You all know what's up so we'll just leave it at that. Its not like I have a lot of readers anyway.
I'd like to know, though, since when did they start making Jeffery from Toys R Us a real giraffe. That sort of weirds me out. I don't know why. When "they" assign human characteristics to real animals, it really upsets me. I feel horrible for the animal. I start to feel more for the animal than I would for a human. Its strange. I get all blubbery and teary eyed. Like in Babe. I have the hardest time watching that movie and I absolutely refuse to admit that there was a second movie made called "Babe, a pig in the city".
That movie is horrific. Absolutely terrifying. Ten zillion horrible things happen to this poor pig and they try to make it all happy at the end. It just doesn't save it. One (slightly)happy thing doesn't make up for the ten zillion bad things. I couldn't imagine letting a child watch this movie. Horrible. Terrible. No Good.
I've sent another resume to the place that has my dream job. This time I've faxed the resume instead of emailing them. Maybe the fax will get more attention than the email. I'm starting to get at my wits end. I want a job so bad but I'm not so needy yet that I need to get a mc-job. I'd like to get a house sometime soon.
I've just noticed that I bitch about the same things over and over again. Sorry about that.
ah well. I'm out of time. I'll leave you with this parting shot....
Chris isaak did a bad bad thing....mmmm!
posted at 3:37 PM
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I am having so many problems. My text is too small, the page loads too slow...the layout sucks...my comments don't work in IE. . Sheesh.
I want to write a bunch of stuff. I have a lot to say about Michael Jackson. Look forward to that one.
heh.
Hello? WHere'd you go?
oh well ;)
posted at 1:00 AM
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November 06, 2001
hm. have you ever had a song bother you to no end.
I'm not talking bother as in "boy this song really sucks". I'm talking like 'this song makes me want to lock myself in a room and cry for ten hours'.
The single lyric:
"I will return to you
When I am 32
I didn't know they came like that."
*sigh*
posted at 12:01 AM
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November 05, 2001
and apparently i'm missing my comments now.
i have no idea why. it could be because this page takes ten years to load up.
damnit.
posted at 11:36 PM
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I can't stand it.
There are a couple of weird things that I'm completely repulsed by. I don't know why I'm sharing this but I am. Anyway.
The first is the word "clusters" and the images that the word conjures up. Clusters. Ew.
I can't stand honeycombs or cell division or caviar or ...anything like that.
Websters defines clusters as:
A group of the same or similar elements gathered or occurring closely together; a bunch.
Small things grouped together. The holes in a natural sponge. A bunch of bubbles sitting on the top of a glass of coke. Frog eggs.
Clusters of big things don't bother me. Like a big nest of snakes or grapes.
I also am repulsed..completely..by the word "vegetation." Most specifically when used under medical circumstances. "He's got a bad case of vegetation on his aorta that can be treated by heavy doses of antibiotics."
VEGETATION ON HIS AORTA!
Ew. gah.
Vegetation is defined as "plant life".
PLANT LIFE INSIDE OF YOUR BODY!
It reminds me of small broccoli's growing and spreading its broccoli clusters all around inside.
Its just not right.
I can't stand it.
I have to stop talking about it now.
posted at 11:31 PM
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Don't expect this layout to last.
It takes too long to load and its too busy.
But I had fun making it.
It should be changed by the end of the week.
posted at 12:18 PM
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Layout is only temporarily up. just this page works. Enjoy.
Pigeons. Love em.
posted at 1:29 AM
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November 04, 2001
Apparently I'm having some weird thing happen to my comments system. I'll figure it out in a minute. *sigh*
And I'm also going to be finishing up the new layout tonight. SO..no more blue!!
Wee.
posted at 2:58 PM
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November 02, 2001
Ok. I screwed up. I took out "motel hell" and put in "Halloween"
I am an idiot. MOTEL HELL?! and not halloween? stupid stupid.
anyway, i've applied for a job that is PERFECT for me. More perfect than I can ever dream. I'm afraid to talk about it because I don't want to jinx it. Please pray to whatever diety you believe in...so that I get this job. Or if you don't believe in any diety, send me some well wishes....
I need this job.
posted at 1:50 PM
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November 01, 2001
Yes, I have noticed that all of my comments have disappeared.
I had to update the code and if I decided to save every comment, I had to save each one individually...it was more trouble than it was worth.
SO, your task is to leave more comments!
I've been thinking about this...what with it being halloween yesterday and all...and I've thought of my top ten horror film list of all time.
This list is purely for entertainment value..I'm not taking into consideration specifica artistic values vs. script stuff.
Just straight out fun, good time, horror film.
1. Hellraiser (isn't that a given?)
2. Prince of Darkness
3. Re-Animator
4. Evil Dead
5. Return of the Living Dead
6. Amityville Horror
7. Nightmare on Elm Street
8. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
9. Halloween
10. My Bloody Valentine
Some of these aren't *that* scary. Actually, what I remember about the movie is more scary than the actual movie.
The movie "return of the living dead" is a prime example. It's a funny movie. I mean, really. A bunch of zombies run around yelling for "braaaaaaaaaains".
They even get on a cb radio and can say "send more paramedics". I laugh thinking of the spine lady, strapped to the table, screaming for brains because "it hurrrrrtssssssss".
Its laughable.
But at night it scares the crap out of me. The mere thought of being stuck inside of a cemetary while all of these zombies run around screaming for my brains...its horrifying.
In fact, going through my list, most of them are silly stupid schlock films. But I still get scared of them.
Most specifically that goddamend Prince of Darkness.
GOOD LORD that movie is frightening.
The thought that Satan is a green gelatinous goo in the basement of a church instead of a big angry red guy with horns and a tail is crazy. It...it..it's just the scariest concept on earth.
yipe.
Re-animator isn't scary at all but its a good time. Its actually quite funny...but it has one of the best actors of all time, Jeffery Combs. He's a b-movie god.
I know that most ofyou will think "oh you left this out, and you left that out" but ...*shrug* that's your list, not mine. I'm happy with my list. Got one?
posted at 10:30 PM
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