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January 31, 2002
I am going into mourning soon.
Stephen King is going to retire after just 5 more books. 5 measly peasly books.
I know he can't live forever but WHY NOT!
All I know is that one of those books better be a god damned dark tower book.
posted at 9:22 PM
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Why is it, on tv, when people like what they're eating they look at each other and nod?
Is nodding the international symbol for "Yeah, this food is pretty damn good!"
Also, why is it that in Royal Oak we get about a thousand inches of snow...yet only about 25 minutes away, near my parents house, there's about 3 flakes?
My book is done. I have to borrow my mom's digital camera so that you aren't subjected to webcam shots of it. It's really cool. I'm pretty proud of it.
Working on Book # 2 and working on papers....
Here's part of what I wrote:
There’s this muddy puddle here. It’s the color of chocolate milk. At least the chocolate milk I’d like to drink. I’m not big on chocolate. In fact, I’d try to taste it just a little bit if there wasn’t a camel light butt floating around in it. I must be some type of idiot staring down into this puddle. Well, if I’m not an idiot, then I have to at least look like one. This stupid cigarette butt makes me want to smoke again. Damnit. Some of my best times were spent smoking. Some of my best friends were made through smoking. In fact, my best friend is the one who peer pressured me into smoking in the first place. Oh smoking. It’s a filthy nasty dirty mucky habit.
My first boyfriend smoked. He was one of those older boys. Two years older. He had this great leather jacket and these milky brown eyes. Milk…brown…..hm, anyway. He smoked Marlboro reds. I thought that was so rebellious. My friend and I went and stole a pack of cigarettes each and tried to smoke them behind the movie theatre. We didn’t even inhale but man, were we cool. So, we tried to hide the fact that we smoked and we didn’t see the movie that we told our parents (who dropped us off) that we were going to see. Joys of youth, I think it’s called.
I didn’t rebel again until college. I survived 20 years of peer pressure only to get addicted and the person who got me addicted, quit. Benson and Hedges Deluxe Ultra Light Menthols. That’s a mouthful. A and I smoked them because that’s what our gay friends smoked. It’s always easier to smoke what your friends do so when you don’t have any money to buy your own, you just steal theirs.
“No…these are my cigarettes. I don’t know where yours are.Yeah I’ll stop so you can go buy some.Yeah, you can bum one until then”
Of course they can. The cigarettes were originally theirs, weren’t they?
But college is always the time to experiment. People who aren’t gay suddenly become gay. People who were racist are enlightened. People who don’t smoke, do. I had to hide it from my friend because she thought it was filthy and I didn’t want her to think less of me. I smoked like a fiend at the gay bar, though. And at City Club because at City Club, that’s what you’re supposed to do. You stand around and look cool. Everyone knows girls look like 40s starlets with their red lips and their Veronica Lake hair and their do-me false eyelashes endlessly puffing away on a cigarette. I smoked at Gianni’s with Jason, eating chili dogs. I smoked over endless cups of hot chocolate because I don’t drink coffee. Cup after cup of the soothing murky brown liquid, too hot to taste burning hot inside my stomach making me smile hot hot chocolate. I tried smoking cloves once and I got sick. Standing outside of our room in Jones, Jason told me to try it so I did. I was a spinning hurling churling mess of dizziness. I never smoked a clove again.
The first time I smoked around my parents was at a Christmas function with my dad’s side of the family. We were the only ones who smoked anyway. I stood outside, freezing, huddled around this standing ashtray with water leaking from someone’s drink. Ashtrays are not garbage cans people. The water mixed with the sand giving it this sickly brown/grey color, cigarette butts churning around in the muck. It’s hard to look as cool as you think you are when you’re standing outside in the snow without a coat, trying to get your nicotine fix in 2 seconds flat so you can run inside and warm up. I felt strange borrowing a lighter from my dad. Becoming an adult, I think it’s called.
Some of my best memories are marked by particularly poignant cigarette smoking periods. I can close my eyes and picture those times like I’m there. Swirling around, laughing, shivering, swirling, twirling…like a butt in a muddy pool of water.
--
"Do you ever not remember things when you drink?"
"You mean black out?"
posted at 12:31 AM
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January 30, 2002
I can't sleep.
I don't know what posting this fact here will do for me....
I'm sleepless and irritated.
Two messages after a year of none seems like a good plan, right?
I talk in metaphores.
I'm going to sleep until 4pm tomorrow if I don't go to bed soon.
My book is almost done. Snapshots forthcoming.
posted at 4:38 AM
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January 29, 2002
I spent time with my dad again today. I totally love hanging out with him. He makes me feel like a really cool human being. He thinks I'm the worlds best writer, the worlds most creative woman and the worlds smartest smartypants. He's always going on about this or that, how talented I am...My mom, on the other hand, is a bit more ....hm, what's the word...hard on me? I showed her the book I am making - this three dimensional origami type artsy fartsy book but it's my first 'book' so I'm all proud of it. My dad, when he saw it got all excited and complimented me. My mom. She saw it and said "oh yeah...hey." I had to ask her outright what she thought of it. That irritates me.
That's not to say she doesn't appreciate me. She's just not as blatant as my dad is. It's funny. The relationship I have with my dad is pretty much the same my brother has with my mom. Is this a normal thing? I mean, I don't think we're freaks or whatever. I simply mean boys usually get along better with their moms and girls with their dads ...isn't that just the way things are?
Granted, my dad wasn't always this supportive. You should have heard him when I was 16...I didn't wear enough make-up, I wore too much black, I didn't look like a girl, I didn't smile enough, I didn't do this, I should do that..."you've gotta have honey to catch the bee" he'd say.
Hm. What else. I have a bunch of work to do on my books...I have to make 2 books for next monday. One book that's sort of the origami book that each person in the class is doing. We're all making the same book, the same style, but the details inside are different.
The second book that's due is a 3 dimensional book ...no requirements other than it has to stand up.
So, the rundown. Everyone's book 1 will look the same on the outside and have the same form, but the words are different.
Everyone's book 2 is going to be completely different.
It's a really interesting class. We're 'playing' with the way people interpret books and language. Why does a book have to be rectangle and have the same exact text format inside? So, we're altering perceptions...
I just like doing it cos I can encorporate pictures with my words. It's art. It's literature. It's art...It's literature! What is it? I Don't know!!
I will tell you, if the weather gets bad this week I am going to yell all the way to Ypsilanti and back. That drive sucks enough without having to drive the whole way in snow and freezing rain.
Oh well. I can't complain too much. It's worth it in the long run, I guess.
Does anyone else get hungry when they're tired? I'm starving for food that I don't have ...like Dunkin Donuts. Mmm. Donuts....
Damnit. I should just go to bed.
posted at 9:58 PM
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January 28, 2002
"I could have mentioned your name
I could have dragged you in
Guilt by implication
By association
I've always been true to you
In my own sick way
I'll always stay true to you "
I know. I hate it when people post lyrics in their journals too...but I had to post this. I have just listened to this song and I found this part particularly poignant. (Woo ten points for alliteration!) It's not depressing or sad. It's not an excuse to rekindle anything. It just states a fact. To me, it's as real as the sky is blue. The sun is hot.
It's comforting.
No one else has been able to put my feelings into words like Morrissey. He's got a song for every emotion. Sometimes, the same song can be used for two completely opposite emotions. He's wiley like that.
I don't know. I still feel like kicking up my heels in a jig. Yet I feel oddly calm at the same time. I don't quite know how to explain it. It's an excited sigh? Does that make sense?
I'm off to watch Kicking and Screaming. My tape is nearly dead. I need to get a new one.
Oh and bridget fonda has left the show. I spoke too soon. Today was the episode where she has to go...something about a mission to africa to cover world music for Rolling Stone. Creative departure. Good riddance.
posted at 1:31 AM
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January 27, 2002
Heh. Sometimes you can be sitting there just unhappy about something or anything, maybe bored even, but then something happens and it makes you feel like giggling and clapping and doing that irish jump-click-your-heels-in-the-air thing.
Those are the best sort of happinesses there are. Spontanious happy.
Who would have ever thought that a comment about a cheese fry would send me into smiling fits?
No one but me, yo.
I am procrastinating. I have quite a bit of homework to do and I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. And the Chris Isaak show is on in 2 minutes. I can't possibly bring myself to do work during the Chris Isaak show.
I don't know why I'm procrastinating either. It's not like it's hard homework. It's not like I don't enjoy writing. I think I procrastinate just because that's what I'm used to.
And there's one thing I'd like to say. I don't think that the Chris Isaak show is as good with Bridget Fonda as a guest star. I think she needs to go away. I mean I understand that they probably needed to introduce her character so that Chris isn't portrayed as a woman hungry slut with a different chick every episode. But, I just don't like her character. She's always so whiney. I just hate her. Damnit. Get off my show!!!
posted at 8:31 PM
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January 26, 2002
I managed to get out of the house today. I did not go to see a movie, though. I didn't really feel up to that once I got out. So, what I did do was buy a small little tackle box to hold my art supplies for my mixed-media class. I'm like a real art student now or something!! I already wear all black! Too bad I just don't have the artistic talent to go with it.
Anyway, I'm way too excited about this tacklebox. This definately means I do not get out enough.
Also, tonight I have learned a lot about apple snails. I have a snail named Gary and I wanted to make sure we're doing the right thing by him. So, I found this really interesting website and have discovered a lot about little gary. The reason I looked information up in the first place was because Gary had some sort of weird appendage sticking out of his shell where his face is normally. This frightened the hell out of me. I thought Gary was seriously deformed. It turns out, snails have breathing tubes. If the water does not have enough oxygen in it, they can not rely on their gills so they bust out the big gun, the breathing siphon, and use their lungs.
It's actually really cool.
I'm going to bed. You think I'm crazy.
Talking about tackleboxes and snails. Sheesh
posted at 1:50 AM
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January 25, 2002
I wish wish wish that I had the chance to use "Sit down! You don't know me!" in a real conversation.
I almost wish I could had that opportunity sooner than I could find a job. Almost.
I'm feeling ten hundred percent better, but I'm also feeling ten hundred percent more dizzy. WOOOOOOZY! I have found that I really don't miss coke all that much. I think I'm going to phase it out of my system. I much prefer water and juice.
I know, I know, I think the drugs are screwing up my brain, but I think I mean what I say.
My teacher wrote me back and apparently there were several people from class missing due to sickness. She's incredibly cool.
I think now that I'm feeling better I'm going to work on this website. I have a hankerin to do something creative.
Hankerin.
That's a word I don't hear often. In fact, there's a whole bunch of words that people don't use anymore. I'd like to start using them again. Like moxie, swell, hot diggety dog!, dame, heebie-jeebies, scram, soda jerk, lollygag, hooch, schnozz, choppers, "man that cat blows!"...you get the point.
I'd like to be straight out of the 20s...
I've applied at another job that is totally unrelated to my field, of course, and something that most people couldn't see me doing. But there's room for advancement. That's all my requirement is now. Over 10 bucks an hour and room for advancement. And, to try another angle because I can't figure out why I'm not getting any responses, I've added my resume online. So, when I go to email a resume off, I attach it AND include the webpage. This way, they have no excuse. If they can get email, they can go see my webpage. Fuckers.
I wonder if I'm well enough to attempt to leave the house today. I can barely walk from the living room to the kitchen (about 50 feet) without getting all crazy dizzy so going out might not be a good choice. But I'm going nuts here. There's a lot that I need to do though. Homework, homework homework....plus extra work. All work and no play whatever whatever....
So in other news, my dad came home today! My mom called and said that he's doing okay, he's sore and a little weepy (from the medication) but overall pretty good. He's actually home a lot sooner than they originally thought. This makes me happy. He's currently resting now, which you know you can't get much of when you're in the hospital...so that makes me glad. My mom said that I might have to come over next week to help out.
I don't mind doing this because my dad is sick and needs someone around (and my mom's boss is being a prick about her vacation time)...but part of me feels a bit put out. Isn't that horrible? It's not like I do anything but sleep in, for christ's sake, but I take sleeping in very seriously.
In otherwords, I'm lazy.
I might be able to go see a movie tonight. We'll see. I really want to go see "The Mothman Prophecies" or "Kung Pow."...
no. I'm joking. I don't want to see Kung Pow. I do want to see "The Count of Monte Cristo" .......and "mothman..."
Man, just talking about going out has made me tired. Heh. Maybe it's not such a good idea.
posted at 4:17 PM
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January 24, 2002
There is nothing better, when you're sick, than old black and white musicals. Or old black and white movies. MGM style, baby.
You may disagree, but I say you're wrong.
Fred Astaire brings tears to my eyes.
I received the worlds largest shot in my ass yesterday. I could barely walk afterwards. And all it has seemed to do is make me sicker. *sigh*.
My dad might come home from the hospital tomorrow. I called him today (because I don't think I need to be up there with me being sick and him recovering..ya know) and he was crying. That sucked.
I called my mom right away and she said it's because he's stubborn and doesn't like to take his pain medication (like me) and so when it starts to wear off he gets really emotional. It still sucked.
She's on her way to the hosptial now.
I can only sit up for about 10 minute intervals, then I have to go back and lay down.
I emailed my professor tonight and told her I caught the plague and would not be in class. Looking back, it was sort of a silly email but I'm so crazy with dizzyness that I have no idea what i'm saying. I hope she doesn't think I am lying.
My ten minutes are up.
posted at 4:38 PM
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January 21, 2002
Last night I had to sleep sitting up straight. It was interesting. Just as I would fall into sleep, my head would droop and I would catch myself causing a neckbreaking whiplash like head jab. If instead I were to lay on my back I would gasp, weeze, cough and feel like I was trying to breathe under water. Loads of fun. I also had this weird experience happen. I can only say that it was like bubbles were rising from my lungs and coming up through my throat. So, at one point during the night I went and slept in the bathroom. I nestled in the corner behind the door. It was enough to support my head, keep my feet stretched out and stay sitting up straight. It's not an experience I'd want to repeat every night, but at least I was able to get some sleep yesterday.
My ears itch. My back hurts.
And I know if I were to take antibiotics, they wouldn't do shit but probably prolong my sickness. At least that's my experience. I mean, sure, there are times when I have begged for antibiotics. Like, oh say that time I had pneumonia so bad that they were going to rush me to the emergency room or that time I had such a bad ear infection that when the doctor looked at it he said "holy shit". Yeah. Those times I practically screamed for a shot of something, anything to make it go away.
But now, it's more of an annoyance. A cough that doesn't do anything but make my throat hurt more, ears that itch and ache but aren't so bad that I am dizzy or have a headache. A nose that runs constantly but isn't stuffy.
Annoyance. It's not the flu or anything. It's "seasonal annoyance".
I hope tonight I can at least lay down to sleep. There's nothing worse than being so tired you want to cry and not being able to do anything about it.
Also, here's an interesting tid-bit. If you fall asleep with a halls cough drop in your mouth, it doesn't really ever disolve. It does, however, make your cheek feel as if a hole has been eaten all the way through it.
This is what I get for being all cocky ..."OOh i got a flu shot...OOh I got a pneumonia shot...I won't get sick blehblehbleh"
Karma. I need to lay down.
posted at 5:51 PM
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You know what's creepy? That m&m commercial where they are drinking chocolate...
Think about it. They're made of chocolate and they're drinking it.
That's akin to people sitting around drinking blood, no?
What would be really creepy? A commercial of a bunch of turkeys sitting around talking and eating stuffing.
*Shudder*
posted at 1:27 AM
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There is so much that needs to get done, but I am sick. Why is it that when I am sick, I have the most motivation to get things done?
Actually, right now, I look around and I can't stand anything. I even hate everyone I see. Everything pisses me off. How someone changes the channel might as well be equal to punching me in the head over and over again. The way that someone walks across the room makes my eyes narrow and my fists clench. I hear someone talking on the phone and I want to scream out loud everything I hate about their body and their hair and their face and their clothes and their voice . I get overly critical of absolutely everyone and everything.
I want to argue. I want to get down and dirty and scream insults until my face is blue.
At least that's what I feel like doing.
Oh fucking christ am I angry.
I think I actually have a fever because I am so angry. Is that possible?
I mean your blood pressure rises when you're mad so you should be prone to fever from high blood pressure right?
I don't know.
I think I am spending too much time at home.
posted at 1:14 AM
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January 19, 2002
Jack Black
The Strokes.
On snl tonight.
I am in love with the strokes. Me and the strokes sittin in a tree.
True love forever.
Keep in touch.
Oh i am soooo ill. Put me out of my ear ache misery.
posted at 5:23 PM
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January 18, 2002
I'm still pretty pissed off about the whole job situation. Before I was sad. Now I'm just angry about it. I mean, come on. The job was a cakewalk. Any schmoe could do it in their sleep. What you had to do was take information from a builder and write his garbage in a creativ way...to say "ooh look at me i'm a great builder and my subcontractors are the best in the business". Simple. Easy peasy. But I got turned down. What the fuck is that all about? One side is saying "apparently you think you're a better writer than you are. You suck. You couldn't even get this shitty assed job". Then on the other hand I'm like "I'm so lucky I didn't have to work there. They obviously don't know what distinctive and creative writing is all about. You're so much better than that craptastic place."
It's such a weird feeling to be fighting with yourself over the same issue.
So, in addition to that, my dad is going to require some serious surgery. This is most upsetting. I don't know exactly what is going to happen and I don't know what sort of surgery he requires. They're going to find out on monday and I guess the surgery is set for wednesday night. It's all sort of strange, how the doctors are being sort of vague about the whole thing. I hate finding out third hand, through my mom, but it's really the only way. I can't push my way in there and demand to know what's going on. That's really not right, I don't think. So I look things up on the internet and try to stay in control that way. It's all about control isn't it? Hm. That's interesting.
Feeling pretty low, I went out and bought a purse. I don't know why. Some people eat when they get stressed or work out or sleep or do whatever. I have to spend what little money I do have. I bought a purse. *shakes head*. But it's a very hip and cool purse . It's big enough to hold my wallet and my keys and not much more. That's perfect. So ...I felt better for a little bit.
Now I feel bad for spending money.
*sigh*
My degus are also sick now as well. One has a tumor (which I guess is pretty natural for older degus...they're like skin polyps) and one has a big of fur missing.
Yay.
I got a little bit of good luck at christmas. I guess I used it up for the year.
posted at 9:39 PM
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I did not get the job. They called today "Hi, yeah, Hi...we just wanted to let you know you were not chosen for the copy writer position. Yeah, Thanks. Yeah, so ...best of luck to you thanks. "
Hm. Yeah.
To some of you this may not be a suprize. I don't think anyone thinks I will be able to succeed. It looks like now they're starting to be right.
Yeah fuck you too, buddy.
So. I have to turn my car in. I won't have a car. I won't get to school.
Fuck.
And outlook (What I use to read my email) just went tits up...so I lost a bunch of homework assignments our teacher emailed to us...I lost a bunch of passwords....I lost a bunch of contact information in the 'Industry". I lost a bunch.
Great.
Grand.
Fuck.
Do you ever have days where you're just so overwhelmed that you can't be fucking positive about the shit any more?
I'm having one of those days.
posted at 1:42 PM
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January 16, 2002
Two links that I found interesting:
Plaque Honoring Actor Instead Has Name of MLK's Killer
This is horrendous. I also find this very interesting:
"We have a lot of people who don't speak English. Accidentally, one of the girls who doesn't know James Earl Jones from a man on the moon accidentally typed James Earl Ray," said Miller, who offered to correct the plaque if Adpro returns it."
What the hell is a person who can't speak english doing writing copy?! If you can't speak english, fine, no big deal. It's not that..but it's the fact that she's writing, etching, whatever, very important copy onto a plaque that is supposed to honor an actor at a martin luther king jr celebration........AND SHE DOESN"T KNOW ENGLISH?! I think the problem lines in the management in that company. Where were the proof-readers? Why does management have someone who can't speak english doing this job that obviously requires knowing "james earl jones from a man on the moon". I'm also wondering if she doesn't know james earl jones.....why or how did "ray" mysteriously get written in it's place? Does she know James Earl Ray from a man on the moon? Interesting.... Jackasses!!
I am just boiling over this...
but, on a lighter note...:
Ozzy Osbourne's TV Series, The Osbournes: 'Every Third Word Is A Bleep' " This sounds like an Onion article, but I swear to you it's not. It's like real world with Ozzy and his family. How bizarre. I don't know how to feel about this one...I mean Ozzy has never really been ....normal, you know, but like he's the singer of black sabbath!! And now he's on ...mtv ...like the real world...hm.
I don't know.
But I know I am sure as hell going to watch it :)
Geek.
posted at 2:23 PM
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You know, Em brings up a very good point.
How do you know that all of my pictures on my "pictures" page weren't taken in one night? That makes me crazy, too. I'm an idiot!!
I swear I didn't take those pictures all one night just to prove I'm versatile, but now that I look at them.....it looks like i did.
Jesus. That'll have to be fixed and soon.
Now that I've got my scanner all fixed up purty and nice.
Yep.
And holy shit am I over tired. My cat, Jeane, has been kneeding my arm and stomach for at least 10 minutes with her sharp razor feet and I've just now noticed. After J. pointed it out to me...ayuh...time to go to bed.
posted at 1:43 AM
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January 15, 2002
So, I raced like hell to make it to the interview on time. I pulled into the parking lot at 12:29. I met with the manager who was supposed to originally do the interview last week. She just wanted to clarify some information and ask a couple of questions. The interview lasted all of like 10 minutes. If that.
"I'll let you know by the end of the week what we decide."
The interview seemed pretty decent. She seemed pretty pleased with my answers to her questions and to the information that was written down about me. I just hate the drive. I hate it. Not to mention that it's 45 minutes in the opposite direction of my school. Monday and Thursdays are going to suck.
Speaking of school, it's going really well. My classes are incredibly awesome. She makes me interested in writing again and makes me look at writing a different way, too. I'm not very good with strict narrative. I write way too informally and too stream of conciousness...but what I am good at is mixing media with language. I'm good at short bursts of words, creating small little works instead of great novels. And this way, I can be all relaxed about my grammar because my writing is so informal. It's fun for everyone!
We had to do a project this week that required us to create the alphabet. We could use anything we wanted as long as it didn't require us drawing or writing the alphabet on a piece of paper. She wanted us to physically create something. So I took my cool as shit polaroid and took pictures of every day items that had the letter I needed. I originally intended to have the polaroids look like ransom note type things...but that got really difficult to come up with 26 different types of ransom situations. So instead I went out and took pictures, like the big V in CVS and the chilly E in the word "ice"... I tried to get a really cool "S" picture ...a suicide note...I had "goodbye cruel world, " and the signature was a big S...with my head in the stove. The picture didn't turn out. OH well. Everyone in the class loved my project. Especially the picture of my cat with a big blue C drawn on his white stomach. :)
What else .
My dad had to get surgery yesterday. yeah. He has really really bad kidney stones. You laugh, but it's actually pretty serious. He's in an intense amount of pain and is urinating blood. I'm upset about this. I'm overprotective about my dad...and I hate to see him upset or worried or sad or hurting. My mom and I are still fighting since sunday...Most of it has to do with how she worships my brother and I get shit on. She wanted me over there early on sunday to watch my cousins (that she said she would babysit for the weekend) so she could go look at some new furniture. Bullshit. Besides the fact that my brother and his girlfriend were home all day..and beside the fact that they live there pretty much rent free and I had a 2am cerfew at the age of 21. It's rediculous the inconsistancies of the way she treats us. What really pissed me off on sunday was I go to my parents home, the one I lived in, and my brother's girlfriend M says to me as we're walking into MY PARENTS basement (where they pretty much live...) "OH sorry i didn't clean, our place is a little messy" Excuse me? WHat the fuck is this "our place" stuff... I wanted to slap her and then slap my mom. I have to stop thinking about it now otherwise I get too angry.
posted at 11:35 PM
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I have a second interview today.
I woke up late.
11:13. I have to leave in 30 minutes.
What the hell am I doing online?
I am barely awake right now, one eye is still shut. It's everything I can do not to just say "I can get ready in 10 minutes easy...just go relax in bed for 5 more...come on 5 measly tiny little minutes". If I do this, I will not wake back up until this afternoon.
The interview is wayyyyy the fuck out in Shelby Township..23 mile and Schoenherr. (if that's how you spell it). It's a long drive. I'm tired.
Whinewhinewhine. I'm glad I have the opportunity for a second interview though.
I have many things to write ....I am just trying to wake up. Holy crap. 11:17. damnit.
posted at 11:15 AM
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January 13, 2002
The Royal Tenenbaums is the funniest movie of the year.
It's not comedy for everyone, that's for sure. It's dry humor. It's intelligent humor. It's weird humor.
At one point, I had to shove my coat in my face because I was laughing too hard. I can't single out one particular person in this film because every person was hilarious in their own right. Ben Stiller was funny in his too serious way. Gwenyth Paltrow was funny because she tried so hard to be so serious. Everyone has someone who is like that in their life. "It's funny because it's true". Luke Wilson showed that he's not just some schlub actor, he just chooses bad roles. He's actually the funniest in this movie.
Just go see it.
Hopefully I'll hear from my job interview tomorrow.
...side note...
Do you know how bad I hate it when I have to sit and wait around for people to get ready? I fucking hate it. I was ready to go like 3 fucking hours ago. "Come on, I want to go" "Okay, one more minute"...
FUCKING COME ON!
I should just leave anyway.
This is such bullshit. It makes me want to pull my skin off.
I was supposed to be at my parents house 3 hours ago.
I'm going to get such shit when I get there.
AND I've got homework.
FUCK!
posted at 4:34 PM
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January 11, 2002
The job interview went really well.
The reason why I couldn't find any information about them is because the company is about a year old. What they do is create informative and interesting brochures for builders and their contractors! *yawn*
Say you're in the mood for new kitchen cabinets. You go to the kitchen cabinet store and there's all sorts of brochures laid out on the table...big glossy books full of information about their product? It's exactly that but instead for building companies and plumbers and carpenters and stuff like that. My job would be to take the general info from the builder (and all other sub-contractors) and make it sound different than the ten other builders that we're working on.
It sounds really good, boring but steady work. The girl intervewing me seemed really excited.
About 13 an hour. That seems pretty good...and the girl was smiling a lot during the interview. Good Good stuff. HIRE ME DAMNIT!
I'll have more to say about it later, but I'm on my way to see "The Royal Tenenbaums"
posted at 6:16 PM
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January 10, 2002
I have a job interview on friday....for a compay I can't find any information about but the job sounds pretty cool.
"Work for a cutting-edge specialty publishing company that produces high impact promotional and marketing tools designed specifically for the building industry....ndividual will be responsible for writing advertising copy....."
That makes me feel good about the job. This is what I've wanted. I faxed them my resume today and they called me today. That's prompt attention.
"Telephone customer service or interviewing experience a plus......anxious to grow with an industry leader"
This makes me nervous. Why, if they're an industry leader can I not find any information about them online?
It better not be one of those direct marketing pyramid type scams.
I hate wasting my time interviewing for that bullshit.
But anyway, I'm excited...wee!
posted at 3:32 AM
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January 09, 2002
Started class. It was great fun. I have a lot of homework already and am totally inspired to be creative again.
I didn't fall down, I didn't whack my head on anything and I found a place to park. Actually, I went and parked outside of the building that my class is in, then I got nervous that I wouldn't be out of class in time for the meter so I moved my car. All the way across campus. It didn't matter though. I was 30 minutes early. Heh. I was too nervous and drove too fast.
Class was great. My teacher is amazing and fun...and very stereotypical earthy writer type ...messy curly mop of hair, black jeans and blazer. sensible shoes.
But she's very fun. I'm happy. And there's no teenagers in this class. Not that I've got this vendetta against kids, but I just was too nervous to be around a bunch of squealing 18 year olds.
I'm harsh and mean now that I'm old.
And, if you thought I was kidding about this "I make a jackass of myself when I try not to" fact. I did it again today.
I was picking up a pizza earlier tonight and then walking out of the door, I accidently hit this sign with my elbow. Trying to catch the sign before it fell, I knocked over another sign. The guy behind the counter was like "i'll get it, i'll get it" ...but I'm like "don't worry about it" ...so I bend to try to pick up both signs and drop my salad.
Yeah. I'm a winner.
Oh and one more thing. I know people are reading this...why aren't you fuckers writing comments? Are they there for my health?
Good lord. Don't make me feel bad. Even if it's like "yeah...okay"....otherwise, there's no point in having all that extra code in there. Christ.
posted at 1:33 AM
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January 07, 2002
I'm starting classes today.
Yup.
My class, tonight, is Mixed-Media. Then on Thursday I have Creative Non-Fiction.
I don't know why but I am incredibly nervous about going back to school. I had dreams all night about not being able to find a place to park, or only being able to park in the "pay" lots and not having any money to get out, not being able to find my classroom, tripping and falling down the hill by the library and having everyone point. These are some serious anxiety dreams I am having.
I have this problem, too, that when I try to look cool and composed and give off airs that say "I know what I'm doing, I am extremely cool" I wind up making a big jackass of myself. Example: I was at harmony house buying the new Gene single with a left over gift certificate from Christmas. As I walk up to buy the cd, I notice that the registers are behind a plastic chain rope put there for people to know how to properly line up, I suppose. Anyway, since there were only 3 people in line and I didn't want to walk the whole way to the end of the chain rope only to come back to the exact place I was standing, I just thought I'd step all graceful like over the chain-rope.
Yep. Just step over the rope and stand in line. That's all I had to do. But no, because I was trying to look like I knew what I was doing and that I was cool, calm and collected I couldn't just step over the rope and stand in line. My shoelace had to get untied so that I was standing on it, then when I go to lift that foot up, I get tangled up in myself and the chain rope, nearly do a flying leap over the rope, over the counter into the display of albums behind the desk.
The music that they play in the store just happened to be at a quiet point so everyone in the store could hear me clammer/stumble/fall over the chain.
I stood there, I know beet red, with my arms raised above my head. Everyone got tired of looking at the freak and I put my arms down.
Things like this happen to me all the time. All the time.
I know something is going to happen to me today on my very first day of school. I'm going to walk into the wrong class, I'm going to fall down the big library hill, I'm going to fall out of my chair, I'm going to drool or something. God damn I'm making myself so nervous.
I also keep thinking that I'm goign to run into people that I don't want to see. Throwbacks from the past who need to stay in the past. People from my film classes , pompous little jerks who are going to ask 'so what are you up to now, why are you back here?'. and I'll have to try to run away really quick so that I don't have to explain the whole thing. I'm also afraid that it's going to make me want to smoke, being up there.
When I get nervous, I smoke. When I feel out of place in a situation, I smoke. When I don't have anything to do with my hands, I smoke.
So, walking across campus, trying not to fall down or drop my books or slip on ice requires smoking a cigarette.
But when it all boils down to it. Why the fuck do I care if some 18 year old emo kid thinks I'm cool? I don't really. I don't care if I look cool or hip or fun. I just don't want to really look like anything. I want to blend into the crowd and go about my business. I can't blend in when I'm sliding down the library hill on my ass then running half cocked into the wrong class-room then dropping my books into a puddle. Yeah.
posted at 12:56 PM
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January 05, 2002
My degu.
No one knows what a degu is, so, there you go. It's as if someone bred a chinchilla with a gerbil.
Degus are basically squirrels from Chile.
I love my degus, Tuvok and Pablo.
I sound like I'm 3.
posted at 1:33 PM
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January 04, 2002
I'm avoiding the kitchen. It requires cleaning and I am not in the mood today. Cleaning doesn't really bother me, but today. I just don't want to do it.
I'm not feeling well and I'm really pissed off at a couple of my recruiters. They are supposed to take my resume and if they find a job that I'm suited for, then badabing, they submit it. Well, I just found a job online that their company posted....that I'm more than qualified for. Jackasses. But I found a copywriter position that I am going to apply for. I just need to find some professional writing samples. I dont know what happened to all of my stuff when I was forced to leave the Comcast building without getting anything from my desk. I knew something was coming though, so I formatted my hard drive on my laptop and locked my drawers. I gave the key to my co-worker (who didn't get one of the ominous letters) and asked her to keep track of it.
She grabbed some of my stuff that I mentioned to get, but I'm not sure if my disk's were in pile.
Damnit.
Oh well, if I can't find any scripts, then I'll just make some up today and fax it out later.
Another thing...I'm nearly dying here...only because my mom is going to seriously explode....but...hahahaha...
my brother's fiancee wants to rent out a gay bar and have her wedding reception there.
It would be one thing if she was Queen of the Gay, having throngs of little squealing gay boys at her beck and call, but nope. she's not.
oh my god. My mom is going to die.
posted at 1:54 PM
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January 03, 2002
Last night I recieved a phone call from my brother about my dad. Apparently, while bowling he had an "episode". He was too dizzy to stand up, nearly passed out and was sweating profusely. My mom had taken him into emergency and were waiting to see a doctor. He said he would call me as soon as he heard anything more.
I waited and waited....no phone call.
I got fed up and we went to the hospital. I had to see for myself how he was doing. The ER was packed. The visitors room was completely full and the hallway surrounding the area was full. We couldn't get back to see my dad yet because he wasn't "settled" in, so we wandered the hosptial. After about 30 minutes of wandering and goofing around we went back to see my dad. I thought the visitors area was packed, the back area of the ER was twice as packed. Beds lined the hallways, every other person was groaning or crying. I hate seeing that. It makes me uneasy.
My dad looked okay, aside from being next to naked in a hospital gown. I got him a sheet and sat with him for a while. Again, I'm always the strong one...I think that's why I had to be at the hospital. My brother was too nervous to go. Plus, if I was able to see what he looked like, what was happening instead of sitting here waiting, it makes me feel more in control of the situation. I always feel like I have to be in control when it's a situation like this...
Then I break down afterwards.
Anyway, tests and tests and more tests later, the doctors conclude that it's an "infection" (without getting into details here...) So. What we figure is that he was having some pain, got a little dizzy, got nervous which elivated his blood pressure which made him nervous which made him dizzy beause of the blood pressure etc etc.
It's nothing to do with his heart. That's what we're glad to hear.
Actually his heart is doing really really well. The doctors are very happy about that and have taken him off his 'heart meds'. That's good news.
So. Full circle. Worried about dad, knowing dad's okay.
Last night before I knew what was going on...I said "dad's are supposed to be invincible." They are. I am so close to my dad but not extraordinarly so. I don't know how to explain it. My dad pays attention to me. He knows when I mean something off hand vs. something I really am hinting about wanting.
He's the one who will take me out of the blue and buy me something that I need for my apartment or will just go out one day and fill up my car with gas and get the car washed.
I'm close with my dad like how my brother is with my mom. I can get away with things that I couldn't with my mom. I can have angry heated discussions and not be worried about "making him mad" like I do with everyone else.
This is the only thing I don't like about growing up....that inevitable time where you're taking care of your parents.
Oh well. Dad's okay and that's all that matters right now.
posted at 3:31 PM
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But with all the things that I've said
I'm still haunted by you
In every town, every place
You're waiting
On my tongue, lies disgrace
Still haunted by you
Yes you, you're in my way.
There's only two people in this world who will know what this means.
God damn it.
posted at 2:54 AM
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January 02, 2002
Oh. One more thing.
Lord of the Rings, the movie. It's fucking amazing.
Incredible.
Yes I jump on the bandwagon. I loved it. Ten thumbs up. Every scene in that picture is like a work of art. You could take each and every frame from that movie and hang it on your wall.
And legolas,oh legolas...what a beautiful beautiful elf.
If you do go and see it, keep in mind...there's two more movies coming.
And it wouldn't hurt to at least research the book a little....but definately go see it.
Then rent the rest of Peter Jackson's wonderful films.
The Frighteners
Heavenly Creatures
Dead Alive
Meet the Feebles
Bad Taste
You wouldn't believe it...the man who made movies like Meet the Feebles and Dead Alive, made Lord of the Rings. It'll make you appreciate all the film so much more.
posted at 7:07 PM
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So new years...this was the best new years I've had in a long, long time. There were no sicknesses to contend with, there were no drama's and no tears. It was nice, quiet and fun. I had a great time with my parents and everyone involved. I watched the ball drop for the first time in I can't tell you how many years. And I got my photo-album of "trips" almost done. That's a feat unto itsself because I have a zillionbillion pictures.
I'm supposed to be cleaning right now. Avoidance is something I'm terrific at.
I finished "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman. What an amazing book. I have liked every book I've read by him, including all of the comics...but this book really went above and beyond what you come to expect from a Gaiman book. Just reading this book made me exhausted with the amount of research that he must have done.
The book, in a very basic nutshell, is about Gods and their history; where Gods have come from, why they're forgotten and what new Gods are forming in their place. It's soothing, it's fantastical, it's exciting. It's inspiring to learn more about history.
I'm at a standstill about what book I want to start now. I've gotten a few for Christmas and there's a lot I want to read, but I just don't know where to begin. Maybe I'll start back up on Coldheart Canyon by Clive. I haven't finished it yet, I know. What a jerk I am. But he doesn't know that...so we don't need to tell anyone. It's our little secret, aye?
Speaking of Coldheart Canyon. I recieved a copy in the mail from someone. It's not just any old copy, it's a signed first edition hardcover. The return address was a Mailboxes Etc. Who sent this to me?
I have no idea. I should ask where the mailboxes etc was. I didn't think of that until now. Der. Anyway, if it's one of you. Thank you! I appreciate it! It's kind of weird, though. I think the least the person could have done is sent a note or at least a name with the book. I still appreciate it tho. I have it in a slipcover now. Thanks person. :)
I haven't been able to stop listening to Electric Eye by Judas Priest since the Behind the Music that other day. That song rocks. I love music, god damn.
posted at 7:02 PM
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