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April 29, 2002
I have a job offer.
Writing.
Elated.
That is all. I haven't talked to her yet. There's a message on my machine. I don't want to jinx it too much.
posted at 10:35 PM
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Again, I am in the process of changing this site. I get bored so quickly these days. It's like I'm developing ADD. I have to constantly be moving. I have to constantly have projects going. I have to even have something to do if I'm watching tv. It's getting annoying.
Speaking of getting annoying, I have a job interview on tuesday. It's with another staffing agency so it's not really a specific job interview, but I've been through so many at this point I'm not going to let them give me their usual schpeel. (how does one spell schpeel?) I'm going to tell them which job I want and make them give me this job. I have been honing my powers of persuasion over the weekend and I think I have them fine tuned enough for a task as small as this. It's for a script typist position with an ad. agency. I've had this interview before, for people who remember. However, this is with a different company and I'm not so meek anymore. I'm going to march in there and say "Hi, yes, I'm here to accept your offer for the script typist position. If it is not available at this time, I will be accepting the agency receptionist position. Thank you."
We'll see if that works. At this point in the game, I'm willing to try anything.
Todays allergies are extremely annoyed. I don't quite understand it. I think there's more to my allergies than feathers and mold. Stupid lying allergy doctor.
I think the ultimate laugh in the face by this oh so vengeful god up there would be to make me allergic to cats.
Hahah Allergic to cats. You see, that's funny because I have four cats. ...get it? yeah.
Today is a day of many activities. I'm making a book for my uncle and his new wife. It's his 4th wedding and her 5th. They were so meant to be together. It's crazy Uncle Steve. He's got a story for every strip bar in Flint. He once told me a story about how he had a glow in the dark condom and he was playing "Light Saber" with it.
It sounds highly juvinile but crazy Uncle Steve is awesome. He's got a heart of gold.
So anyway, I"m making a book for them that showcases all of my favorite Steve and Dusty memories...plus some stupid wedding quotes cos it's sappy.
I think they'll cry.
Plus, we're having some "family issues" with that side of the family. Two of my aunts did something hideously mean to me and now the whole family is involved in drama. It's exciting and sad at the same time.
Oh well....
I'm starving.
There's a McDonalds in Flint that is offering all you can eat pancakes and sausage for 1.99 . From 5-7pm. Who's with me?
posted at 11:12 AM
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April 26, 2002
It's so hard to take seriously a compliment from an anonymous person. Not that it doesn't mean any less...but it makes me curious why people should feel the need to hide behind pseudonyms. Besides, I know most of you anyway...are you trying to make me confused? Or is it easier to praise me from behind a mask?
I'm not complaining, compliments are compliments...but, still.
So, are you in need of some of my fabulous whining and self loathing? Have I not posted any in a while?
Here's some good fodder for you.
I phoned the guy from the production company who was interested in my resume. I don't have the job. He said (in not so many words) that I suck and I would not benefit his company in any way, but they'll keep me on file. Thanks so much.
If there's nothing like a blow to your ego, it's someone telling you suck. I basically have to prostitute myself as it is, to get a fucking job in a field that I have experience but then when they tell you that you suck...it's just ten times worse.
It's getting re-goddamned-diculous.
No one , especially this jack-off, tells me how I should feel about myself, but it's getting harder and harder to maintain my resolve.
If only I could have a cigarette, I'd find a job in no time, I'm sure.
Of course, this doesn't make sense, but I'm trying to find any reason in the world to start smoking again.
They say to "never quit quitting..." Maybe I should start smoking again so I can attempt quitting again....It makes perfect sense in my delusional little world.
I'm so sad, but you'll never see it. I hide it well.
And on a completely unrelated note:
Haiku for ?
Last Time I saw You
You Were Dressed For Halloween
In Your Misfits Shirt
posted at 7:03 PM
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April 25, 2002
Someone in livonia reads this. Who could it be? The only person from Livonia I know, moved to fucking California.
Livonia leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
All I want is a freeking cat drawn by clive barker? Is that so much to ask??
PS: How do I find out what documents are available for public record in the state of Michigan?
PPS: My friend Geoff Johns , a big time comic book guy, is coming to the Motor City Comi-Con. I'm making him sign our yearbook. There's a full page picture of him in there.
It's going to be awesome.
posted at 9:45 PM
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April 23, 2002
I am incredibly frustrating. I am also incredibly stubborn.
Most often, these two little details do not go together well. Chocolate and Peanut Butter, I am not.
People tell me not to do something...say "don't cut your hair" so what do I do? I cut it off.
People tell me "it's too early to go to bed" I get pissed and REALLY want to go to bed, even if it's no big deal and i'm not tired and it doesn't matter. I mean come on, it's fucking bed. who cares about that! But no. I have to go and get indignant, demanding that I am going to bed even if it is only 8pm.
They say "well, fine, then, go to bed."
What is my first reaction. "NO! Fuck that!! I'm staying up then".
What is wrong with me?!
I get mad about stuff like this all the time. I get really offended thinking people are always trying to tell me what to do, all but coming right out and saying that I'm too stupid to make decisions on my own. I get myself worked all up into a frenzy.
Then I realize I'm behaving like an idiot, but by that point, it's too late to change whatever decision I've made.
The sad fact is, I don't think I could change even if I wanted to.
posted at 11:03 PM
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April 21, 2002
My hair was nearly to my hips.
Now it is above my chin.
I did not tell anyone of my plans.
The world will be shocked.
posted at 1:59 PM
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April 20, 2002
Driving through downtown Royal Oak on a Thursday night takes approximately 15 minutes. On a Monday night it takes about 2 minutes. Apparently Thursday night marks the begining of the weekend and it brings out the gawkers, the motorcyclists, the whores, the teenagers, the whole gamut of stereotypes who hang out downtown. I've lived in Royal Oak for about 6 years now and this Thursday night occurance isn't a new thing. It's been going on forever. Yet, I continually decide to take Main Street home after school on Thursdays. I curse myself as I have to sit through 3 lights because the jackasses won't get out of the street.
This Thursday something happened that made up for every single bad event driving through downtown...ever.
I was approaching the interesction, slowly, because everyone tends to congregate on street corners downtown. They also have a tendency to run into the street, so you have to be careful what you do. As I came to a stop at the light, I saw the guys on the corner yelling something into the street and a few cds came flying their way, smacking into a girl's head. I thought that they were just fucking around with their friends across the street and was waiting for them to just do something to hit my car. I was pissy. Suddenly, two guys from the corner run into the street brandishing their ultra giant shakes in their hand. Before I know it, they approach a SUV (a Jeep Liberty, I think).
The SUV was just on the other side of my light, stopped by another light (streets were packed with cars)
Guy #1 runs up to the SUV and hurls his ultra super giant shake at the window of the Liberty. He then starts to walk away and Guy #2 walks up and hurls his shake at the car as well. Shake shoots into the air at least 10 feet. They walk away together towards the corner from which they came.
Next thing I know, this girl gets out of the SUV completely covered in shake. Her hair was soaked, white shake dripping off of her face.
Her pants were so tight and so low that you could see her ass crack and she could barely bend her knees. Her shirt was see through and half there...showing her bare ass chest. Total Whoreville.
She starts walking towards the guy with both of her arms in the air screaming "Come on Motherfucker!!" at the guy. He points at the cd and starts shouting at her.
Then...girl #2 jumps out of the SUV also covered in shake. She mimics the first girl, amrs in the air, screaming and shouting. They charge guy #1. Girl #1 starts swinging at guy #1 while guy #2 holds back girl #2.
Guy #1 continues to try to keep the swinging girl from hitting him in the face...and finally he pushes her away. She freaks out. Big old fight nearly breaks out.
And all of this was right smack dab in front of my car.
The whore girl got so mad that she just started walking away down the street, when, it couldn't get any better, her pants slipped down a bit too far and showed her ass.
Everyone was laughing.
I was so happy that I almost started crying.
Then I was unhappy because I didn't have a camera.
It was so incredibly, amazingly wonderful I couldn't even stand it.
Something like this will not happen to me again but man I will never forget it.
posted at 11:54 PM
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April 18, 2002
I am finished with my final book.
I'm very unhappy with it, but I fear that no matter what I would have been unhappy with it. I'm an unbelieveable perfectionist and it causes me undue stress.
It's a chapbook of all the writing from this semester and then some. I call it "Scenes from a Mall" . Every story has something to do with the mall or me bitching about the mall. Remember the dumpster story I posted a while back? This is the basis of the book.
The content isn't that bad. It's the binding that makes me cringe.
Its taking every bone in my body not to go over there and just change it right now.
I have to go to bed to avoid this pressure.
(and by the by, I've had two potential job offers...one creative writing job that turned me down earlier this year and one production job that has had my resume since july. Still waiting to hear from both. They like to finger me and throw me out of their car. Whatever.)
posted at 2:01 AM
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April 17, 2002
From my award that I received yesterday:
"For her exceptional and inventive work in both creative non-fiction and mixed media courses, Am is recognized as Outstanding Undergrad Student in Creative Writing 2001-2002. In the creative writing - mixed media course, Am wrote pieces of narrative in a deck-of-cards structure; she constructed an elaboarte triptych with collaged image and text; she overlaid William Blake and Clive Barker. Not just that, she brought nerve and calirty and generosity of mind to discusssions in class. Am has a sharp eye, a very quick mind, and she's got a hoard of language and cultural debris at her disposal. Her creative work is performative, interactive: she's a juggler in handling a mix of materials, and she amazes and involves her readers."
See. I do write better than the bullshit I pump out on this thing.
Maybe I should change that.
After this semester is over, yeah.
Anyway, I'm off to finish one more book.
The last one turned out 79 pages long. It's called Top Five and has a cover on it featuring the top five auctioneers from South West Texas on the cover.
It turned out really good.
I think I'm going to do one for my friends.
Maybe not a list of their top fives but a list of top five things I love about them, or something. We'll see. I'm always getting myself into these huge projects.
posted at 11:51 AM
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April 15, 2002
Yesterday I worked from 11am to 4am on my book.
Today I worked from noon to ...?? now. Still working
It's nearly done.
I hate it.
But, I know that's because 31 hours on it, pretty much straight.
My back hurts so bad you can't even imagine.
I can't complain too much because it's my own fault. i designed this project. Sometimes my thoughts are bigger than reality. Either that or i shouldn't be procrastinating too much....
like I am now.
Son of a bitch.
I'm tired.
addendum: I was up until 5am. So that means...33 fucking hours spent on this book. My cover isn't done still...and i have to go make copies of it yet.
All before 2.
Then I have to go to my awards ceremony tonight.
Then class.
I had 5 hours of sleep.
I'm so tired.
posted at 2:35 AM
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April 11, 2002
I wrote the biggest piece of shit garbage for a paper that's due today. I can't even believe I allowed myself to turn it in. I hate it. People seem to like it but it makes me want to spit on it in shame. I spent 13 hours trying to write that paper and nada. Oh well. I guess we can't be on all the time, right?
I'm back up at school at this moment. I'm supposed to be taking a math placement test but I chickened out. I got too nervous about not passing and decided to take it next week. I have too much on my mind right now and I was up way too early to be ready for a math test. I just wish I could have someone else take it for me. If I only knew how to forge it, everything would be right with the world.
But instead of this math test, I'm sitting in the hotter than hades computer lab, typing on this god forsaken iMac. *blech*
There's a woman behind me who will NOT stop chewing her gum like a fucking cow. If there's one thing I hate it's chewing gum so that everyone in the world knows you're chewing gum. Fucking shut your mouth. Fucking stop making that popping noise with your goddamned gum. You are not a fucking cow.
Well, maybe she is. Manners, people, it's all about manners. It just sounds trashy. I can tell you right now, without even turning around that she's ghettofabulous. She's got either big hair or a wide ass or corn rows. Chewing your gum like a fucking cow disorder doesn't care if you're white or black...just as long as you're ghettofabulous and trashy. *turns around*
Well, she'd be the type to be all like "oh no you didn't. Whatever. Uh-uh. Say that to my face SAY THAT TO MY FACE! That's what I thought, mmmmhmm! "
and she's got nails that go on for at least 5 inches.
How the hell is she typing on that thing. oh well, I can't stare.
I don't understand why they make it so hot in here. It's maybe to drive me crazy as fuck. They sit the chewing ghettofab woman behind me, they crank up the heat to about 90 degrees...and force the clocks to go back in time.
I've still got a goddamned hour before my class.
And I fixed my printer.
I need a nap. I almost fell asleep on the way to school today.
That's unacceptable.
I have to get out of here This woman is driving me crazy. What would happen to me, I wonder, If I went over there to tell her to shut her mouth when she chews. I'll get my lillywhite ass kicked, is what'll happen.
yeah, maybe I should just leave.
posted at 6:02 PM
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April 08, 2002
I'm so far behind on my books. They're due next week and I am approximately 5-8 percent done.
holy shit.
I mean, I like procrastinating and all but this has gotten completely out of hand.
And, my jaw is freaking out again because of stress....
I have hit the funk again. Don't want to drive to school. This is disasterous.
My printer has decided to stop working...
and all i want to do is play Dungeon Seige.
Damn me.
posted at 3:50 PM
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April 04, 2002
Holy shit yeah!
I'm getting a new tattoo babycakes!
I'm so excited I can barely contain myself.
Barely.
Actually I might be getting two.
One on the back of my other knee (to match the one that's on the right knee)
and a coooool as fuck cat somewhere on my back or neck/back area.
One of the stipulations of said tattoo is that I have to immediately tell my parents. This is the main reason why I might NOT be getting a tattoo....
Hahah. I'm 26 years old and still afraid of my parents.
You mo-fo's don't know my mom.
Except for a couple of ya's...amy, sloth. You guys know. My mom don't mess around.
posted at 6:25 PM
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I have been betrothed to two celebrities in my life. Both of these"marriages" happened when I was very young and didn't know any better.
 I was in love with Charlie Sheen when I was very young, I'm guessing like 13. Keep in mind, this was the pre-drug, pre-whore, pre-bad boy Charlie Sheen. He was still a newcomer to hollywood and was all fresh faced and sexy and dreamy. He was in a movie called "the Wraith". This was the first movie I ever became obsessed with. I seriously watched this movie until my parents said I was no longer allowed to. In the movie, Charlie plays a guy, Jake, who is killed by the neighborhood gang. He winds up coming back as the Wraith to take revenge on the gang who took his life.
His girlfriend, played by the lovely Sherilyn Fenn, has to date the gang leader against her wishes. She longs for the dead Jake...and is inexplicably drawn to the mysterious drag racer (Wraith) who shows up out of nowhere.
Jake/Wraith loves her...but he has to hide who he is.
I cried.
 I was notorious for my love of Charlie Sheen. Even in my junior high yearbook they said "Good Luck with Charlie!"Looking back, I don't think there is a famous person that I have adored more than him. I mean, yeah, I did have a huge crush on Joe Elliott from Def Leppard but looking back, it was no where near the intensity I had for Charlie.
I think at the age of 13, I seriously believed that when I grew up I would have the chance to just run into him somewhere and he would be unable to resist my charms. Sometimes it's nice to look back at those times because never again in your life will you be that young, silly and naive. Innocent.
It's all so special and sacred to me.
Somewhere around the age of 14, I fell out of love with Charlie and moved on...
 In 9th grade, I decided that I was going to marry Dean Cameron from Summer School. I can't tell you how many times I've seen this movie. I can probably even quote every line that Chainsaw has. He totally shaped who I was in junior high. He was a horror loving movie freak who wore a trenchcoat. Back then, I didn't care about anything else. He seemed like one of those bad boys with that cliched heart of gold...they just needed to find someone to break through their tough guy facade. Plus he was cute. And he loved horror movies.
 I used to watch the movie over and over again, pausing at certain scenes like this one. I used to wish that I had the ability to create a special machine that could hook up to my vcr and then print out images that are on the tv. Oh what a magical device this would be! I could have all of the pictures of my hot boyfriend Chainsaw and never have to wear out another tape again! I used to dream about what kind of house we'd have....which horror movie posters would we have? We'd be the talk of the make up fx world!
 After wearing out my final summer school tape, I moved on to another Dean Cameron film called Bad Dreams. In this movie, he plays a guy who is in a mental institution because he can't stop cutting himself. It's a really bad horror film all about this girl who escaped a Cult when she was little and is now haunted by the memories of Harris, the cult's leader coming back from the dead to get Cynthia to come back to him. Bad Film....and every scene was completely stolen by Dean. He was awesome in his role as Ralph. Again, you wanted to just grab him and kiss him and hug him and love him and call him George. He kills himself pretty creatively too....
I fell out of love with Dean some time around 10th grade. I still get all nostalgic when I see the movie running on comedy central. We didn't break up on bad terms. We're still good friends. It's just that I'm so busy lately....
posted at 12:17 AM
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April 01, 2002
Harley likes to hump his platypus.
Which is more strange...the fact my neutered cat humps a stuffed animal or the fact I took a picture of it and posted it for you to see?
Hmm. Asking the ten million dollar question, aren't I?
posted at 12:04 AM
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