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August 30, 2002
The SITUATION: as seen through the eyes of a Hal Hartley movie:
FADE IN:
BLACK SCREEN, WHITE LETTERING
AFTER
CUT TO:
INT. DINING ROOM - DAY
SHE sits at the table, staring down at a printed piece of paper. Her short brown hair hangs in her face. Her body language reveals that she is deep in thought….pouring over the paper like it contains a hidden message somewhere between the lines.
HIM (V.O.)
I am amazed. I am overwhelmed in the best possible way. If you’ve been told that you overwhelm people - then overwhelm me. Smother me. If it’s you - I’ll want it all and more. I’m at a loss for words. Not because I’ve nothing to say, but because you’ve said everything I was thinking. I am shaking.
SHE looks up and brushes the hair from her face, wiping the back of her hand across her cheek, casually.
SHE tilts her head back to face the ceiling and closes her eyes. After a slight pause, she goes back to reading, hunched over the paper.
You never really get a good look at her face.
HIM (V.O cont)
I want to know everything about you. If it’s good things, I want it. If it’s bad things, I want it. I want to know you. I feel like I need to. There is way too much there to be a coincidence. It sounds silly, but I feel so at home around you that it makes me nervous. That is a total contradiction, I know…but I know you’ll know what I mean. Don’t hold anything back from me, you don’t have to, and you never will. You are awesome. You’ve blown me away since I’ve met you.
SHE balls up the paper and throws it across the room.
SHE
Ass.
FADE TO:
BLACK SCREEN, WHITE LETTERING:
DURING
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE
SHE sits staring at the phone on her desk. On the computer monitor is a half-completed document. Her hair is longer and a different color.
All around her, everyone moves quickly, fastidiously working. There is no noise, just a flurry of sounds and movement. SHE sits still, staring at the receiver, obviously gathering courage to call someone.
SHE picks up the phone and dials.
SHE
Hi, is HE home?
(pause)
Oh? HE is? Really? Do you have a number whe…oh? Hm. Well, uh, ok. Um. (pause)
Yeah. Can you just let him know I called, please? (pause) ok. I guess. Bye.
SHE HANGS UP THE PHONE.
SHE (shouting)
You have got to be fucking kidding me!
The room goes silent. Everyone who was a blur behind her has stopped. Time has frozen.
SHE puts her hands to her head, thumbs on forehead and sighs.
Time speeds up again and everyone ignores her.
FADE TO BLACK SCREEN, WHITE LETTERING
BEFORE
CUT TO:
INT. HIS APARTMENT DAY
They are laying on the couch, curled up around each other in a tangled mess. Her head is on his chest.
SHE moves to get up from the couch.
HIM
I don’t want you to go.
SHE
I have to go.
HIM
But I don’t want you to.
SHE
I don’t want to either.
HIM
Then don’t go.
SHE
Ok
SHE continues to try to get up from the couch. Instead she just sits up at the end of the couch and lights a cigarette. He sits up next to her and lights a cigarette
HIM
I love you, you know?
SHE
I know.
HIM
I don’t want you to go.
SHE
I know.
They continue to smoke. Desperation, sadness and confusion is visible on their faces.
SHE
What would you do if I stayed?
HIM
I’d love you forever.
CUT TO:
INT. DINING ROOM DAY.
Same setting as first scene.
SHE
Liar.
posted at 1:05 PM
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August 29, 2002
Ten Things From My Childhood That I'm Just Now Finding Out Aren't True (And Slightly Piss Me Off):
1. Grasshoppers do NOT spit tobacco
2. It's "Yo, Joe" not "Go Joe!"
3. Holding onto a balloon will not cause you to lift up and float around for a couple of days.
4. It is not possible to eat your weight in food (or halloween candy)
5. If you pull on your hair, it will not grow faster.
6. I will not always love Charlie Sheen.
7. Dogs do not laugh out loud behind your back.
8. Jet packs are not an every day means of transportation in the year 2002
9. I still do not know what a cicada looks like - nor do I know if i want to, based on that noise they make.
10. Magic is not real (with the exception of David Blaine and The Circque du Soleil)
There will be more, I'm sure.
posted at 11:05 AM
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August 28, 2002
I should have asked him to play How The Gods Kill instead of Blackbird.
It seems more appropriate n'est-ce pas?
posted at 4:33 PM
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August 27, 2002
DING:
Can you name me 8 movies where monkeys play a key role?
posted at 9:56 PM
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August 26, 2002
How's this for unfair:
My brother is not in trouble.
I talked to him this morning to check in to see if everything was okay. He said he wound up falling asleep at the party because he 'forgot' that my mom had to work. Exactly what I thought happened...but replace "falling asleep" for "too drunk to drive home" ...anyway.
He wound up dropping my mom's car off at her office and, according to my brother, she was pissy but had calmed down by that time. He knew she was mad at one point, but laughed about it.
HE LAUGHED ABOUT IT!!!!!
Here I am having a heart attack, worrying about his saftey and about what I should wear to the funeral when he's laughing about it.
Isn't that what I should have expected though?
Once, when he was about 4, my mom went to spank him for some crazy thing he did. I remember standing there, mortified, while she bent him over her knee and used a wooden paddle on his ass. He laughed and laughed and laughed...I was probably the one who started to cry.
I still remember thinking "how can he laugh? He's getting punished! "
Ah yeah.
He hasn't changed in 17 years.
Bastard.
posted at 10:10 AM
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August 25, 2002
I'm still having heart palpitations from a conversation I had earlier.
I was talking to my mom and she asked if I had heard from my brother.
"No. No I haven't, why do you ask?"
She proceeds to go on a 15 minute tirade about how I will soon become an only child and how every thing my brother owns is getting thrown out into the street.
Apparently, last night my brother asked to borrow my mom's car. His car is in the shop and he just trashed his bike so he needed a ride. Ok, sure, fine, be careful, see you later, my mom said. Aha! Famous last words 'see you later'.
Well, my very thoughtful, wonderful brother never came home last night. Nope. He didn't even shop up this morning. No big deal, he probably just stayed at the party, right?
AH, yeah, but the problem is...my mom had to work this morning and so did my dad.
My mom has had to work about 80 hours this week and is not in the best of moods. She's got a team of 60 guys working for her and has to deal with the fuckwads at GM corporate...it's tough and dicky and annoying...and it's putting my mom in a really bad mood.
So of course this means that my thoughtful brother, who didn't come home, had my mom's car with her work stuff in it...on a day that she had to report to work at 7am .
Ordinarily she would have just driven my dad's car to work, but no. My dad had to go to work today as well. Shop's workin overtime.
Yeah.
You see where this is going yet?
Well, my mom wound up getting a ride in to work - late - from one of her team people. She's been calling my brother's cell phone all day and leaving messages at home.
Eventually, my dad gets home from work and gives her a call.
"oh yeah your car is here," he says. "AH, but you better call the insurance company...it looks like..uh...something happened...the doors all smashed in and the windows busted out..."
My mom said every four letter word in the book at least six or seven times...
But yeah, my dad was joking.
It turns out that there were a few cars in the driveway that belonged to my brothers friends so he had been home and quickly left again to avoid the potential explosion that is my mom.
So, last I heard, my mom still hadn't spoken to my brother and no one knew where he was.
I am so shocked that he would even THINK of doing something so shitty that I don't even know what to say but 'oh no...oh no...oh no...'
Subconciously, I think he is trying to get kicked out of the house. I think he wants to leave but doesn't have a reason to and if he gets kicked out he can always turn it around to say "well, you kicked me out. " I don't know.
I can't think of any reason why he would blatantly screw my mom over so bad...
But, the good news is...it makes me look even BETTER than before. I am the ultimate good girl. No matter what I do in my life that isn't (quote) up to par (end quote) ...I still have not fucked up as bad as Brandon.
Cold comfort, isn't it?
posted at 10:06 PM
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August 24, 2002
Doesn't it figure....just when I feel comfortable exsisting, something (or in my case someone) comes along to swirl it all around.
Now I'm back to waiting for a sign, again.
I don't think I'll ever stop waiting.
But I won't stop exsisting.
Do you know who I am? Do you want to know who I am?
Would you like to know more?
Ask me, I won't say no how could I?
I'm tired of being oblique.
Perhaps I shall stop, tomorrow. After Godot comes.
(Postscript: Amelie is a fabulous, brilliant film. I both love and loathe the French -- all snotty with their breads and their frites and their sil vouz plaits )
posted at 2:07 AM
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August 23, 2002
My webserver is fux0r3d.
Please bear with me while they pull their heads out of their asses.
Thank you, drive through.
(update: it appears to be fixed, but we'll see....)
posted at 10:46 AM
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August 22, 2002
I've changed my mind. I don't want to talk about it.
Otherwise, this isn't the place for me to talk about it. Not yet. It's too close to home and it's too near the bone....
Not yet.
(edited 8/23/02 -- apparently I'm having server issues.
If you need to get in touch with me, you can do so at imacolata *at* comcast *dot* net .)
posted at 11:06 PM
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But with all the things that I've said
I'm still haunted by you
In every town, every place
You're waiting
On my tongue, lies disgrace
Still haunted by you
Yes you, you're in my way.
posted at 3:32 PM
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I didn't call into work.
I'm still here. I will not move.
Expect a long entry from me today.
I'm falling apart.
posted at 9:09 AM
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For the record...I have loved Asia Argento long before she became "famous" from the movie XXX.
< /snobbery>
I find now, that i'm trying to write, I can't write anything at all. I'm thinking way too much about it. I'm formulating too many ideas in my head which turns to jibberish when I type/write it out. I get distracted easily.
I broke my Bust a Groove 2 cd and now the only copies I can find are for exorbantant amounts of money on Ebay. It figures.
There are two reported cases of people affected by the West Nile Virus in my city. I was so afraid yesterday that I would be the third....until I found out that West Nile is pretty much only a really bad case of the flu and the reason you die is because you already have a compromised immune system. Ah.
The only compromised thing on my body is my consistantly ailing female plumbing system.
Female Plumbing??
*sigh*
I should have been sleeping over an hour ago.
posted at 1:02 AM
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August 21, 2002
I think I may have just had an aneurysm
A CLEAR CHANNEL EVENT
GENE
ALL AGES WELCOME
SHELTER
431 EAST CONGRESS DETROIT
FRI SEP 13 02 DRS 5:30PM
"happy birthday to me....happy birthday to me...happy birthday to am ...happy birthday to me!"
posted at 11:01 AM
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August 19, 2002
My new assignment to myself is to freewrite for 20 minutes every day. Straight away. Just write for 20 minutes straight every day. If I write more, then good...but I can not write less than 20 minutes.
Another assignment is that I am going to learn something new every day about grammar. Admittedly, I am not the best with grammar nor do I care to be the best. But, I would like to be better than I am. I would like to be able to tell you "this is a split infinitive" ...and to tell you why it is okay to end a sentance in a preposition.
I think that if I break language down, I might be able to do more with it in my writing.
I might as well address this while I'm here, as well. I've talked about it before but I'll say it again. I'm not a writer like you'd think. I'm a writer - I tell stories, I write a lot, I create things with words but I am not, nor will I ever be Clive caliber, Stephen King caliber. I am not one of those kinds of writers. I combine words with art. I tell funny stories in short form. I write a lot of self depreciating essays.
But it's still writing. That's the kind of writer I am.
Anyway, I'm working on a new layout. I want to have something new instead of my same old way of doing things.
As if I don't have enough to do throughout the day ...
Also, if anyone knows where to get some wolf pictures that are on thin paper (think wrapping paper thin) please let me know.
I'm also still looking for the timeline thing that tells which era was during what years ex: elizabethan was from 1750-1751...or whatever
...come on people help me out!
posted at 12:18 AM
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August 16, 2002
I am in such a bad mood.
In fact, I am in so bad of a mood that I yelled at a man who was preaching on the side of the road.
No, not just yelled at him while the windows were rolled up...I rolled the window down and yelled "STOP IT!"
You'd think I'd be able to come up with something better to say...but no, I'm so mad that I can't even think of a good heckle. In fact, that made me even more mad.
I am so angry that it hurts.
And the worst part of it all? I can't pinpoint what started it.
Son.
Of.
A.
Bitch.
posted at 6:21 PM
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August 14, 2002
This is a complete nightmare. I am trapped on the couch, near where my computer resides.
My cat, Harley, is busy humping the dickens out of a giant stuffed monster - successfully blocking the only way out from the place where I am sitting.
I've tried everything. I've thrown stuff at him. I"ve tried to kick him....nothing.
He just bit the shit out of my foot while I was trying to kick him away and now he's staring at me while he does the deed.
I'm completely horrified - a stuffed animal humping, mean as hell, perverted cat staring directly at me....I can't stand it.
Misery, misery!
posted at 7:14 PM
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August 13, 2002
Update: my dad is a-ok! and his heart is doing just great! and the doctor is very happy. Turns out that the nodule is just that - a nodule.
Now if I could just get better.
Damnit.
posted at 10:24 PM
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I'm sick, I have bad pains everywhere in my torso and I'm swamped at work. But it all seems so insigificant right now.
Last week they found a 'nodule' on my dad's lymph node or thyroid...(I can't remember which)...which they think might be something to worry about.
He gets his test results back today.
My poor dad. In the past year he's endured a (mild) heart attack, kidney stones that required surgery, severe dizzy spells (as a result of his heart medication) and now this. Before all of this shit he never missed a day of work in like 20 years and was always, always movin and a shakin.
How can I work...sheesh.
posted at 2:08 PM
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What is it?
Caught in a mosh.
posted at 10:35 AM
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August 11, 2002
I have been banned from speaking to a friend of mine. This is a friend who also happens to be an exboyfriend from when I was 17 (he was 21) we've been friends for nearly 10 years now.
Somewhere along the way, he moved to Virginia, got involved in a Southern Baptist church and married a very religious, proper young southern girl. Since then, he's managed to develop some very traditional, very conservative, very archie-bunker type values that completely differ from mine. I'm talking black to his white. Lately, we've been discussing liberalism vs. conservatism. It's all been very lighthearted until tonight - friendly sparring, joking, talking about winning me over from the darkside. Agree to disagree.
Then he brought up the whole "under God" debate.
Something along the lines of "just like those liberals who want to take out "under god" from the pledge of allegiance..."
and I went off - "Like it's a big deal what they take out. It's just words they're not banning the idea of the whole God you believe in. Why should some poor Buddhist girl have to say 'under God' when she stands up in a public school, pledging allegiance to a flag that accepts all races and all religions..this country is not just for christians"
He told me that I was cut off.
Cut off???? I yelled back (as best as you can yell back over IM) CUT OFF? what the hell ever. Just like you uber religious people, to back into a corner with your hands over your ears screaming "la la la la" when you hear something that you can't argue back.
Do not try to contact me. I'm banning you, he wrote back.
SO he's pissed me off, confused me and saddened me in one fell swoop. I've never had the experience of debating with a narrow minded religion blinded conservative and it was an eye-opening experience. It scared me - how hate filled someone can become, yearning for a time that never exsisted and people to behave in a way that only happens in books or movies. Its so sad because he was never like this before he became so religoiusly brainwashed.
And I've lost so much respect for him. Why can't you be religious and tolerant? So many people I know have so many different believes than mine and I hold them in the highest esteem because they do not hate and they do not preach this "you're what's wrong with this country, music is what's wrong with this country, music are what's killing kids these days, freedom is an illusion...blah." It saddens me.
To think this argument all started over the band Korn.
(the band who, he thinks, is part of the reason for the decline of the western civilization...along with mtv)
*sigh*
posted at 11:09 PM
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It's always when I'm the most sick, most down and out when I feel the most motiviated.
There's so much I wanted to do today but I can barely even blink without screaming from the extreme amount of pain coursing through my torso, bladder, kidneys, etc. I've made friends with a UTI, which is always as much fun as going to the circus or the fair or a big friendly mexican fiesta with a big pinata!
We all know how much fun those are, right?
There was so much I wanted to get done this weekend and I had to get some work done.
It's taken me all day to get the strength to check my email.
Son of a bitch.
and by the way, I'm a writer and I don't know the meaning of the word irony. Is that ironic? I don't know...because...i don't know the meaning of the word....
sloth - richard kern has a new book of photos out, have you seen it?
posted at 10:33 PM
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August 08, 2002
This article is a perfect example of why I'm tired of 9-11.
A florida state football team is using the phrase "Lets Roll" as the team's motto. They claim the phrase is "borrowed" from a passenger that was on United Flight 93, when they decided to reclaim control of the plane after it was Hijacked on September 11.
Apparently a bunch of fuckwits in Florida have decided that the use of the slogan "Lets Roll" is unpatriotic and should not be used out of consideration for the passengers of flight 93. Pardon me while I fight my rage.
According to the article “‘Let’s roll’ for them is a way of really attaching themselves to the patriotic feeling that this nation has adopted more so since Sept. 11,” MacMillan said.
MacMillian is chief executive officer of the Todd Beamer Foundation...Todd Beamer being the guy who apparently said "lets roll".
Now. What the fuck is this all about. Todd Beamer did not come up with the phrase Lets Roll. Why, all of a sudden, is it the new patriotic symbol of enduring freedom? LETS ROLL!??! It's a fucking A-Team phrase! It's a war movie from the late 70s phrase. It's a goddamned B-Movie saturday afternoon Commando phrase!
Haven't these people ever watched a movie in their lifetime??? ITS A FUCKING CLICHE!!!! NOT A SYMBOL OF PATRIOTISM! What's next "go ahead, make my day?"
*sigh*
addendum: I should state that I am not tired of the history or the fact that we should honor those who died during 9-11...but I am tired of the false fucking patriotism that everyone is touting about like it's the lastest runway fashion from Milan. Sons of bitches. Those people who died deserve more than a t-shirt that says "yay for usa!" or a stupid Calvin sticker peeing on Osama. *doublesigh*
posted at 1:19 PM
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August 07, 2002
I highly advise listening to The Ship Song by Nick Cave.
It's one of those days today.
posted at 4:34 PM
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August 06, 2002
As you can see I have updated the look of the page. I need to add a few more things but I wanted to make sure I had something for the time being -- something that I could live with.
For those of you who have been interested in the continuation of my story, I put it on a page of its very own.
I'm going back into my depression again and I'm trying really hard to avoid it. I don't know why it's coming on...oh alright, I do...but I know what I need to do to avoid falling deeper into its black, slimy clutches but it seems so futile. Oh well. I guess my consolation is knowing that I'll live through it...I always do.
I have a few ideas that I'm going to start working on, writing wise. Though I'm having some difficulty finding some definitive inforfmation about certian periods of time. Maybe one of you can help me out...Can you point me in the right direction to finding a timeline - something that shows me like medieval times were between this and this, elizabethan was this time ...etc.
It's also something that I need to prove a point with...I hate it when people try to say I'm wrong when I know they're just talkin out of their ass.
And another thing...I want to seriously smack the parents of the 12 year old girl who payed nearly 30 grand for Eminem's used purple mustang. That's right. They payed nearly 30 grand for a car that their daughter won't be able to drive for another 4 years.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE! If you want to throw away money, give it to me. I have bills.
I am seriously bothered by this. I think it's time for me to go to bed now.
posted at 10:25 PM
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I have become one of those people.
I have no idea how it happened or exactly when it happened but it has. I have become a Buffy-o-phile. I have tried to resist it for years, and actually managed to survive the first six seasons but apparently my resolve has weakened.
Hi, my name is Am and I watch Buffy...and I actually enjoy it.
The problem is, after six seasons, a lot has happened and I have no idea what's going on. It doesn't seem to stop me from getting all involved in the show. You'd think I would have joined on the bandwagon when Seth Green was a part of the cast, but no. I resisted.
I feel like such a failure, yet I don't care.
I love me some Buffy.
posted at 11:40 AM
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August 02, 2002
Top five reasons why I like Bruce Springsteen.
5. He's the workin man's poet.
4. He squints and scowls when he sings. It takes great effort to be Bruce.
3. For the most part, his songs do not rhyme but merely tell a story of the way things were/are
2. He's got the coolest band ever - featuring Max Wineberg and Steven Van Zant!!
1. Ass
posted at 10:19 AM
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