 |
February 26, 2003
In my recent studies on my favorite place Clinton Valley Center , I have discovered the best name in the world.
Epaphroditus Ransom Governor of Michigan, 1848-1850
I love Epaphroditus Ransom.
I don't think anyone could ever make up a better name. It just doesn't get any better than Epaphroditus.
I don't think I can stop saying Epaphroditus.
Another thing... saying the words "shoe shaft" makes me laugh a lot.
posted at 3:13 AM
--
February 25, 2003
Big Bad Belly Ache
posted at 11:39 PM
--
February 23, 2003
I have decided that my friend Sloth is Sam Rockwell. Specifically...Sam Rockwell acting in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind.
What do you think about that, yo?
How I feel
posted at 12:57 AM
--
February 19, 2003
I'm in a funk. A lousy, no good funk. I re-read Catcher in the Rye for the 9435903254986th time and every time it influnces my writing. I don't like that. I say lousy and crumby a lot after reading it. Blagh. So as an attempt to counter act all the Catcher in the Rye-ness that I'm experiencing, I'm reading Killing Time by Caleb Carr. Futuristic murder story with science. Mmm.
I have a math test today and instead of nervous, I'm completely composed. Thinking of how calm I am about the whole thing actually makes me a little nervous. Just arm-twitchy nervous, not full out belly-ache nervous.
I've been wondering if the reason I want to go to grad school is only because I want to postpone the inevitiable. Do I really even care to teach...and if I do, why do I think it'll be so easy to get a goddamned job in Michigan? Most teachers are from out of state. You have to go to the school that will hire you.
*sigh* something I want to avoid anyway.
I don't know. I think I'm just trying to avoid life.
That's why I haven't been writing or what I have been writing is all disjointed and random and confusing and not right. I'm just not right lately.
I can't get it together.
Though I did finish my 18 foot scarf. I took a couple of rows off of it because it was too long. I'm not sure how long it is now, but I will continue to call it my 18 foot scarf aka. Dr. Who's scarf. It goes to my ankles even as it's wrapped around my neck. I'll try to get a picture of it later.
Why can't I just inherit 10 million dollars from a wealthy great uncle I didn't know I had? I could spend the night in the haunted house if I had to.
Damnit! I've got enough family! Where's my rich uncle!!?
posted at 12:51 PM
--
February 15, 2003
I own the best shirt in the world.
If you don't get it, maybe you should study up on your Upright Citizens Brigade .
I laugh and laugh.
posted at 9:04 PM
--
February 14, 2003
I spent about 20 minutes talking with my swoony math teacher today.
After class.
Just us two.
We talked about totally geek-tacular things like science fiction and he smiled a lot and I don't remember what I said, or if I even sounded smart. I remember thinking "word yourself properly, he's a teacher and you have to sound smart, plus he's a cutie and you have a crush on your teacher! You're hot for teacher just like that song...that's so awesome, wait he's asking you a question! Damnit! pay attention!!"
He asked for my favorite author (of course, Clive baby) and gave me some good suggestions from his favorite author, Theodore Sturgeon.
Oh yeah, baby. He's got it bad for me. Just like that Police song....
posted at 7:26 PM
--
Happy VD.
!
posted at 12:12 PM
--
February 13, 2003
Random
My migranes are back. My jaw aches like a motherfucker. I feel like putting a crochet needle in my ear. It feels like my shoulders are trying to touch together in the front of my chest...like I'm caving in.
It's so many damn things.
I swear too much. Is it a sign of ignorance?
Nothing makes me smile more than a big, happy dog .
If it takes more muscles to frown than to smile, why is it easier to frown?
Why doesn't anybody respond to me? Do I suck that much?
I'm hibernating again and my friends are dropping like flies. It's not fair to me or them.
Do I get so upset in my head because I don't say so much about how I really feel? to anyone.
Why, when you're depressed, is it so easy to believe that you really can sleep away your problems? I think I could sleep for 30 days at this point.
Why, when you're depressed, is it so easy to be melodramatic?
It's midnight and I want to sleep. 4 hours before my usual bedtime.
I don't even want to listen to music.
Am I depressed because my migranes are back or are they back because I'm depressed? I honestly don't know. They go hand in hand...but my goddamned jaw hurts all the time anyway.
But I can't do anything about that now can I?
I'm so upset that all I want to say is "fuck fuck goddamned motherfucker shit fuck ass piss fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk"
The worst part is, I don't know why.
In other news:
People who have accomplished more than I have by my age:
(besides the obvious like mozart, beethoven etc.)
1. Spike Jonze
2. Clive Barker
3. Stephen King
4. Tim Burton
5. About everybody else in the entire goddamned world.
The end.
posted at 12:27 AM
--
February 10, 2003
If I had to pick one song to sum up my entire 3 years of highschool (9th grade was jr. high for me) it would be
The End by The Doors.
Good lord.
It's still a good song, though.
posted at 2:49 AM
--
February 07, 2003
There's a new story up in the "miasma" section.
It's a one sentence exercise based on what I overheard in the computer lab that day.
posted at 7:16 PM
--
February 06, 2003
I'm so bothered by the news of Brandon Vedas. If you don't know, he's the kid who ate a bunch of pills, drank even more methadone, some 151 and smoked pot on his webcam then died....while the people on irc sat and did nothing.
The kid was an idiot. "I told u I was hardc0re" He was trying to prove something to people who didn't care a shit about him.
He didn't deserve to die, though.
Smacked around and beaten up for being a jackass, sure, but not die.
The people on irc just sat there and laughed...told him to "eat more." He gave them all his license plate number to tell the cops in case anything happened and no one even bothered to call.
How can they live with this on their concious? I mean, essentially, didn't they help Brandon Vedas die? According to the chat transcripts I read, they were debating on calling poison control and they were debating on calling the cops but no one actually did anything.
One guy even had him on the phone for a bit.
I just don't understand...a lot of things. Why am I so bothered by this? I have nothing to do with it and the guy was a complete asshat. The people that watched it were really not under any legal obligation to call or do anything (or were they? wasn't it more of a moral obligation?) but how could they not at least ...I don't know...how could they sit there and watch?
It's hard to say what people are really doing online, he could have been faking it all. But was it worth taking that chance?
There has been a select group of people I have talked to online for more than 10 years. I've been friends with these people, some have come to stay for a few days, whatever...I've known a few since they started junior high and are now in college. A few of those people have been the users and the dealer types. I've heard it all and what I haven't heard I have seen or done. I'm not naive. If I saw someone online doing something that I even had a question about, like this, I would have tried to do something. Gotten a phone number. Called 911. If I fucked up and the person got busted, oh well. They didn't need to get online and brag about the 10 times ld50 does they were taking. They didn't need to act like a tool and broadcast it claiming to be hardcore, saying "i do this shit every weekend."
What are you trying to prove?
Most importantly, I wouldn't have watched it and contributed to it.
Those people that sat there and watched and debated and ultimately ran around in circles while their "friend" died on camera in front of them have to live with the fact that they contributed to his death. They didn't cause it. Maybe they couldn't have even stopped it...but they didn't even try.
I've talked to a couple of people who knew those involved...and those people claim they tried to call, or do whatever....but it was "already too late anyway".
I think that's bullshit. Bullshit because they feel horrible now and have to say something in order not to seem so callous.
It just keeps coming back to me saying "I don't know."
I don't know what I would have done if I was there, watching this.
I don't know why I feel so upset by this whole thing.
I also find it interesting that the irc transcript that the media is publishing as the "chat log" is actually cut up pieces of the conversation made to look worse than it was.
The media's representation shows the other people all acting like complete scum, laughing and egging him on....completely cutting out the pages of text that show them going "Stop it" "call poison control" "what do we do?" "What's his domain name?" "Does anyone know his last name?" "Should we call the cops?"
Why are they doing that? Why make it so sensationalistic?
Isn't it sad enough as it is?
Even though they were idiots and ran in circles and laughed and kept asking the same questions over and over again, doing nothing in the end -- contributing to a senseless death, shouldn't they at least be represented fairly?
Again, though, why do I even care?
I should stop talking about it, really.
posted at 3:02 AM
--
February 03, 2003
Do you have any idea how hard it is to create a 1 1/2 page long story using only ONE sentence?
Jesus christ my brain may have fallen to bits.
Just dried right up like a dead sponge and is chattling around in there right as I type this.
Which could only explain my horrible typos..."thngis" "sopgen" (come on, that's SPONGE) the obvious "brian" and "eplaxin" for explain.
On the other hand, in a feeble attempt to suck up to my classmates and my teacher for my awful writing exercise, I made lemon sugar cookies with lemon frosting. (we all have an assigned 'treat day' because it's a 3 hour long class and apparently, people want their treats.)
I think I should start keeping track of how many words I obliterate when trying to spell correctly.
Ha.
It won't top my ultimate word "foncufsed" or maybe "hoorlbe" (figure them out)
I type poorly when I'm sleepy....but still fast, heh.
posted at 6:20 PM
--
The three songs I would pick to dance to if I were a stripper:
1. Aerosmith - Sweet Emotion
2. Monster Magnet - Space Lord
3. The Smiths - Some girls are bigger than others...
haha no. That last one's a joke.
My real #3 is a tie between
3a. The Yardbirds - I'm a man
3b. Chris Isaak - Baby did a bad bad thing.
runner ups:
The Fair Sex - Not now, Not here
Covenant - Dead Stars (club version)
Pantera - Walk (This song fucking rocks. I dare you to listen to it and NOT get all ass-kickingy.)
I'd be a hardcore stripper. A mix between Wendy O. Williams and some demure school girl (but not in the oh so popular fetish way.)
These are the things I think of while avoiding homework.
posted at 1:17 AM
--
February 01, 2003
I took a picture of my math teacher in class today. It was humiliating because not only was I trying to hide the camera (unsuccessfully) but it would beep REALLY LOUDLY every time I took a picture (or turned it on)
Thankfully, it's a digital camera that's about 2 inches square....so I did okay.
4 out of 5 pictures were of the ceiling or my sweater.
One turned out but he's too far away. I think I'll try to get another picture on monday.
I'm incredibly melancholy right now.
I found a note that read:
"I notice that you mention "should be able to climb the cliffs of insanity". I haven't done this yet, but I will find them..and do it, for you.
It's all for you."
After 2 years it still hurts like a hot poker to my skin.
What do I say, no amount of purging of my soul removes the dead-weight of memory. No matter what I do, what I don't do, what I plan to do...anything I do...it's still there.
I'm still haunted by you.
You are in my way.
posted at 12:55 AM
--
|
|
