Febuary 2005.
2-28-05
The Commentary
Hi folks. It's me again. Wanted to start this off by bashing Bush. No what I meant to say was pointing out some things I have to wonder about. If we are trying to help our children succeed in life why are we allowing government intrusion into their educations for political points? You know, the No Child Left Behind fiasco. And if we are really trying to help out seniors on tight budgets get the medicines they need, well why is it we back a prescription drug benefit that only helps the rich and the pharmaceutical companies? And why are we turning a blind eye to the FDA pushing through drugs that have been proven to cause heart attacks and strokes? I somehow can't see this as helping seniors. And if we are so hot for backing our troops as we should be, well why have we nit picked them at every turn on benefits and funding? Why have we still not got all the armor to our people that they need? Why are we denying the Purple Cross to people who are injured over there while not actually on patrol? I'm guessing they wouldn't be over there to get injured if we weren't at war. And how about that enviroment? Are we really helping save it when we've rolled back almost all the programs and laws set up to protect it from ourselves? Why is it America cannot see that naming programs that are screwing us with fuzzy puppy names like "Clean Skys" or "Enduring Freedom" doesn't make the programs right. It just gives them nifty little warm fuzzy names. Alot of you folks out there are getting exactly what you voted for. And the rest of us really wish it was just you getting it. Not all of us are SadoMasochist at heart. Some of us really would prefer a government that works for the people that elect it. Who knows though. Maybe in a few years we can ask the Iraqis for help in ridding ourselves of despots and rigged elections.
There I feel better. Not like I really said much new. Not like I said anything alot of you haven't heard about before. But I feel better. Not as good as I'd feel if we were'nt at war with Muslims across the planet thanks to the crusades. But you gotta go for those little joys where ya find em.
The Picture
The Quote
"It is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be. This, in turn, means that our statesmen, our businessmen, our every man must take on a science fictional way of thinking." "Isaac Asimov"
The Porn
Muppit Porn
Abstract Porn
The Games
Free The Balloon
Max Pinball
The Joke
One Sunday morning, an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.
The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city.
It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen.
The people of the congregation were all dressed with expensive clothes and accessories.
As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.
The preacher gave a long sermon about hellfire and brimstone and a stern
lecture on how much money the church needed to do God's work.
As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what He thinks would be appropriate attire for worship." The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.
The next Sunday, he showed up for the services wearing the same ragged
jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored.
The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak
to God before you came back to our church."
"I did," replied the old cowboy.
"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for
worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.
"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He
said He'd never been in this church before."
The Things I Wrote.
I Am Very Sneaky Sir
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Halfbakery
2-24-05
The Commentary
Who would have thought that I fell asleep before updating last night? And who would think I'd be trying to catch up today? Yeah if anything I guess I'm predictable. But I was tired. I work hard. I put in long hours dealing with life. And it isn't enough. Never is it enough. And personally I see the bums doing fairly well. They get fed. They have money to eat and drink and buy cigarettes. If it gets too cold the shelters make room. I mean whats the down side to being a bum? Other than that pee smell. But as with all my hopes and dreams the wife has dashed it. She wouldn't go for it. Probably something to do with the children getting an education of some such nonsense. Darn her. Darn her and her practical side.
The Picture
The Quote
"When any government, or church for that matter, undertakes to say to it's subjects, this you may not read, this you must not see, this you are forbidden to know the end result is tyranny and oppression, no matter how holy the motive." "Robert Heinlein"
The Porn
Beach Porn
Hippie Porn
The Games
World Overrun
Blob Twist|
The Joke
A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lillies.
"Tch Tch!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help."
So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"
"Fishin', sir."
"Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"
The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar.
His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?"
The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"
The Things I Wrote.
Know About
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Monkeywire
2-23-05
The Commentary
Well I was late slapping this together. And trust me thats exactly what I'm doing. Slapping it together. But often I do better under a little pressure. Often I slip right into the ideas I've had gurgling around in my noggin. JimJeff. Yes I've mentioned it. I rejoiced that the Republican had a nice little scandal. I also poo pooed the idea of reporting about it because it wasn't really newsworthy. I've thought on the fact that no matter what anyone says it is still all about homosexuality. The White House press corps is filled with lackeys to lob soft ball questions at the president. And no one paid the least amount of attention to that when thousands of bloggers mentioned it. People are now taking notice because of the homosexual element. We are all voyeurs. We all want others dirty little secrets dragged out so ours seem more mundane to alieviate our own guilt. But the reason this will play in the news is because of the homosexual element. The reason it'll take off after there is when JimJeff realizes he's been rode and tossed aside and the little bitch in him comes out and the truth starts getting thrown here and there. That'll get some play. Or maybe he was screwing someone in the White House. And that is getting play right now. So its a story because it's sensational. And it's being used as a political tool in the exact same way the Republicans would be using it were situations reversed.
The liberal media. I laugh when I hear that because I know we get state advertising from televised media. But on the other hand. Looking at it slightly askew. There is a liberal media. Those who push liberal ideas and agendas. People who are tied into each other and anytime they get the chance they lean things the way they want them to go. It exist as much as the right wing media exist. The basic complaint really shouldn't be the fact there are medias of opinion. But rather that the media has become state run propaganda that would have made Goerring jealous. I watch alot of televised news. Flipping through all of them during commercials. See who's reporting what, and who's ignoring what. But my real news comes from the wire services big media counts on for their information. And I get spin and opinion aplenty reading blogs. But I have to remind myself that I lean left. As such I condemn less the actions of the left than the right. But when removed and detached one can see where some of these ideas come from. A center ground that shows both the left and right don't feel represented or informed properly by the media. I have to remind myself that fact lies towards the middle. Extremes are for extremist. And extremist can often find themselves fanatics capable of anything.
I saw Fox news doing something on this guy who has done UN articles for a magazine called the nation. Seems he took some money. He claims he disclosed all the money he's accepted on his web site. The Fox host, the loofah pervert guy, talk about extreme kinks, well he suggested the guy didn't disclose enough and it goes to show you no one should believe a word this writer wrote because he took money. Seems the amount was around $150, so says the guy being grilled, but it just proves the point you can't trust this guys word on the UN. And somewhere inside me I say to self, "Self, why the heck are they mentioning this paltry amount when they almost ignored entirely the amounts we've heard of recently that were spent on endorsers of a family plan and a school plan"? Yeah we can trust Fox.
And then I recall driving. The same tired yellow magnetic ribbon on the back of a truck in front of me. So old it's faded. Maybe he should support the troops some more and go by a new one. But I asks myself, "Self, how exactly is buying a tacky colored magnetic ribbon supporting any of the troops"? For me bitching about the war in an effort to make enough of you to hate it even more may have a ripple effect that'll get us out of this war. For some they think supporting the troops means not saying anyting bad about them or anything they do or who tells them to do it even if it's wrong until after it's all done, then we'll work out who screwed up and who didn't. Sometimes that may be the perfect action. It's in my opinion that now isn't one of those times. It's in my opinion that we instead of making ourselves safer have made more enemies who will attack us again.
And that brings me to why they will attack us again. Not because they hate freedom. Not because they hate America. Not because they hate us personally. They attack us because we're over there in their countries screwing around and nation building. We have been for quite a few years. Shah of Iran, Saddam, Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan. I mean can we name a country over there we haven't been dicking with for years? And none of this should come as a suprise. Bin Laden told us all this in his last statement. Told us how he was going to draw Bush into war. How he would draw him into a protracted need to occupy. How they would then make our forces jump around from place to place, and basically bankrupt our country through war. Exactly like they did the Russians with American assitance. We helped train them how to do exactly this. And now why is it a big suprise they are doing it again? Why is it a big suprise they are following the same tactics that have been used in the Middle East for the last hundred years?
And then I realize this has become longer than I wanted. So I stop. |
The Picture
The Quote
"We could have saved the Earth but we were too damned cheap." "Kurt Vonnegut Jr."|
The Porn
Musician Porn
Banking Porn
The Games
Batman
Blob Wars|
The Joke
On the night of the prom, a boy's girlfriend is changing upstairs. The boyfriend is waiting in the living room with the girlfriend's granpa and her dog Rover.
As the girlfriend is getting ready the boyfriend says to himself, ''Man I really gotta fart, I think I will let a little out.'' So he does and the granpa yells ''ROVER!''
The boy thinks to himself, ''All right, now he thinks it's the dog. I think I will let a little more out.'' So he does and the granpa yells again, ''ROVER!''
The boyfriend says to himself, ''All right, now he really thinks it's the dog. I think I will let the rest out.''
So he lets it rip and the granpa yells, ''Rover, get over here before that guy poops on you!''
The Things I Wrote.
Know About
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Monkey Time
2-22-05
Because I'm too lazy to think up anything on my own I'll instead dredge up some crap I've had witting in my use this folder. Stuff that for whatever reason I saved. So without going on and on about the simplistic task of giving you a few links, allow me to give you a few links. The Internet Is Shit, Porn Star, The Smuggler's Tales From Jails, Fishy, DnD sex, and Sexy Popular. Now you go off and enjoy all this fine reading and insightful linkage.|
"Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." "Babe Ruth"|
Guy Porn
Girl Porn
Sperm Wars Game Link
Bar Hopper Game Link|
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks her some questions:
Officer: What's 2 + 2?
Blonde: Ummm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.
The blonde replies excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"
Things I Wrote.
Know About
The Victim Truth
Different Thinking
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
The Goose
2-21-05
Well tonight the Simpsons did a special about homosexual marriages. Seems Patty, Marge's sister came out of the closet they've been painting her into for the last few years. And Homer was one of the first to rake in some cash by catering to the craze by becoming ordained and marrying any and all comers. Oh those wacky Simpsons. But being a parent of two small children I was a bit uncomfortable about the subject. I'm not really ready to explain to them all the permutations sex can take. But they did watch it and alot less questions came up than could be expected. They seem to find it odd, strange, different, that two people of the same sex would marry. That is a childs reaction. It's unusual but nothing to get all bent out of shape over. But unlike me and my household I'm sure we're going to hear something about the Simpsons "controversy" and day now. And somehow the Simpsons sex scandal will totally bury the JimJeff scandal. That is a scandal still isn't it? I mean we haven't become open minded enough to mind our own business and let gay people marry. I'm sure we can't possibly have become open minded enough to have a homosexual escort service operating out of the White House. Yet.
And on another note. The picture located below this text was found over at Hoffmania. But needed to be linked to it's original site to make it work properly. But I wanted to give Hoffmania credit. So go check them out too.|
"Policemen so cherish their status as keepers of the peace and protectors of the public that they have occasionally been known to beat to death those citizens or groups who question that status." "David Mamet"|
BlogShares Porn
Tanks Game Link
King of the Fight Game Link|
After World War II, an American soldier was going back to London from the front. He was on a very crowded train, and was looking for a seat, but the only empty one was next to an older lady, and she had her pet poodle on it. He said, “Please, madam, I'm very tired. May I please sit here?” The lady replied, “No. My precious little poodle, Miss Fluffy, is sitting here.”
The soldier walked the length of the train again with no luck, so he went back to the same seat next to the same woman and said, “Please, Madam, I have been fighting at the front for months, my feet hurt and I'm very tired. May I please sit here?” The woman told him, “I cannot believe how rude you are! I have already told you that my darling little Miss Fluffy is sitting here.” At that, the American lost his temper, picked up the poodle and threw it out the window.
An elderly man who was sitting across the compartment looked at the American soldier and said, “You Americans do everything wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you eat with the wrong hand and now you've thrown the wrong bitch out of the window!”
Things I Wrote.
Know About
The Victim Truth
Different Thinking
Winter Wind
Dog
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Whiskey Bar, added again because he can't stay gone.
2-17-05
It's another beer day. Let me tell you. You can cut the hair and shave the face, but if theres a drunk longing to loaf about hidden deep inside, or in my case not that deep, well I'm here to tell you it will rise to the surface. I do like to sleep. Given my own devices I'd be awake for a few days of partying then sleep for two. But seeing as how I'm a family man I instead work for several and sleep when I shouldn't. When I should be at work. And I have no problem being awake all night. Sometimes for days. But if I try and go to sleep and wake up to be somewhere early in the morning, well I fail miserably at it. Maybe if they offered booze and drugs and a nightclub atmosphere. Yeah that'd be the ticket. Of course then they'd charge us to come and it wouldn't be a job. So I find myself self prescribing a sedative. Beer. So I can get to sleep early enough to get to work and have the money to pay bills. Now if I looked like your average Joe I guess I could go to the doctor and get some sleeping pills. But I don't look like the average Joe. No wait. I just cut my hair and beard. So yes. Yes I do. But for some reason when I go ask for drugs doctors lock up their prescription book. "Hey Doc, I got a broken leg". "Asprins available at Walgreens ya comminie bastard". Which leads me to a slight rant. I know someone who knows someone. Don't we all. But this person was turned down for a police job because of drugs they admitted to taking years, YEARS, ago. They don't do any drugs now. They haven't for over ten years. But the police turned them down because of the drugs they did. Seems they don't want anyone employed with any real grasp of the problems or issues. Seems familiar, Laura Bush as the nations gang violence spokesperson. I truly expect her to bust a cap on someone any day now.|
"It is no longer enough to be lusty. One must be a sexual gourmet." "George F. Will"|
Filthy Pervert Porn
Breeder Game Link
Disorderly Game Link|
By the time the sailor pulled into a little town every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past.
I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Navy man assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning, the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?" "Nope. I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight beautiful,'
...and he sat up all night watching me."
Things I Wrote.
Know About
The Victim Truth
Different Thinking
Winter Wind
Dog
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Uncensored Blog Madness
2-16-05
Hey folks. I was out and about like I tend to be. Well I was reading over at Atrios that Google is screwing his page rank. I mean I searched for Atrios, and Eschaton. I found neither in the first one hundred hits listed by Google. I mean Atrios is Atrios and not having the site listed within the first hundred seems strange. Is Google censoring page rank? Has Google decided they don't want political viewpoint blatantly laid out for all the world to see? Or is this just an oversight? A glitch? Me personally, well I find it curious and curiouser that Google seems to have lost the listing for Atrios in the main listings. Did they hit a nerve with the recent JimJeff escapades? Did a commenter hit the nail on the head when they suggested the White House is a den of homosexual hanky panky and someones trying to head it off at the pass before JimJeff tells all? Or are there new horizons in Google's future? Ones that don't include bloggers no matter how many hits they generate or how often people go looking for their site. Just seems to me that if Google is going to start excluding us, well folks maybe we should start excluing them. Maybe it's time for a new browser, a new operating system, and a new search engine. Heck it may be time to sell that Google stock. Shit! Google becomes the Fox broadcasting of the internet! News at eleven.|
"We've heard that a million monkeys at a keyboard could produce the Complete Works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true." "Robert Wilensky"|
Monkey Porn
Monkey Trouble Game Link
Kissing Monkey Ass Mov Link|
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, " do ya see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Damn!" cursed the brunette. "Are his flashers on?
The blonde turned around again. "Yup... nope... yup... nope... yup...."
Things I Wrote.
Know About
The Victim Truth
Different Thinking
Winter Wind
Dog
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Badgers Bastion
2-15-05
Well I was out and about reading up on what's news and what isn't. Some would think the whole JomJeff affair is news, but there's a good chance they wouldn't be anyone from the right. Instead the same people who gleefully bring up Clinton's getting a blowjob whenever possible now think its tawdry to go bringing up sex as an issue. It's not like the Democrats dragged homosexuality out as a campaign issue but seeing as how it was indeed dragged out why is it the same ones who dragged it out now want it shoved back into the closet? Whatever the case I feel it only ironic justice that will allow Democrats and people from the left to beat those on the right around the heads and shoulders with this latest White House sexcapade. Because lets all face it folks. If Bill Clinton had a homosexual escort roaming around sucking up state secrets in the White House, well I would just be willing to bet there are Republicans who would be having a field day. There would be Fox news camped out on the steps waiting a chance to film a hounded president caught up in a sexual sting. And the pundits in blog land would be up in arms demanding morals and values again be brought back to the White House. So for all those who say this isn't news, or who say they feel we shouldn't be outing people. Well folks they can shove it right up their Ken Starr investigating asses. Why is it Republicans always look to those immoral Democrats to take the high road they themselves can't seem to travel? Because they count on Democrats being fools who forget Republicans play to win no matter the cost. But I do wonder who brought old JimJeff into the White House fold. I do wonder what meetings he was allowed to attend. I do wonder who exactly is getting the drill seargent treatment in the White House. And I gotta woner how this sits with the hypocrits from the religious right. Are these the morals and family values they wanted brought back to the presidency? Well is it?|
"The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren’t enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens? What's there in that for anyone? But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor objectively interpreted-and you can create a nation of law-breakers--and then you cash in on guilt." "Ayn Rand"|
White House Approved Porn
Alias Game Link
Hanoit Towers Game Link|
A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office. She was to go into a room and wait for the doctor. After arriving there, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"
"Breast fed", she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. she did.
He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for awhile in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry, You don't have any milk."
"Naturally", she said, "I'm his Grandma. But I'm glad I came today".
Things I Wrote.
The Victim Truth
Different Thinking
Winter Wind
Dog
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Rational Enquirer
2-14-05
Well another week awaits. Today is the day you're not supposed to forget your sweetie so feel you have been warned. If by chance you're getting your news from here and only here and are just now realizing you forgot Valentine's Day I would suggest sneaking out now and buying some cheap roses from 7 11 and the gold off the first persons neck you meet. Otherwise you are just plain screwed. And thats not in the good way. Red flowers are currently being shunned in certain Arabic countries. Makes one wonder at the hidden symbolism in movies such as The Village. Which is really a very romantic movie. If your into creepy villages that shun the outside world. Now off you go. Go do something romantic. And if your all alone, go ahead anyways. Just don't email me or send me any pictures of it. I'm sure none of us want to see anything like that posted on the internet for all the world to see. Well, okay, at least some of us don't want to see that. |
"Separated lovers cheat absence by a thousand fancies which have their own reality. They are prevented from seeing one another and they cannot write; nevertheless they find countless mysterious ways of corresponding, by sending each other the song of birds, the scent of flowers, the laughter of children, the light of the sun, the sighing of the wind, and the gleam of the stars --all the beauties of creation." "Victor Hugo"|
Historian Porn
Etch A Sketch Game Link
Sky Boarder Game Link|
Paddy 'n' Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody who's on the streets after 6 o'clock. So one day, they're out at twenty to 6, when Paddy spots a man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up the man in his sights and shoots the man dead. Mick is shocked.
"What are you doin', Paddy? It ain't 6 yet!"
"I know what I'm doin'. I know where he lives and he wouldn't have made it!"
Things I Wrote.
Different Thinking
Winter Wind
Dog
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Futurismic
2-11-05
Well I was kind of stumped of what to write about in this segment. Wanted it to be funny and maybe political too. But of late I've been so busy working and sleeping and living a life that I haven't had the time nor inclination to keep up with the day to day news. So I went off to BuzzFlash. They always have tons of stuff to write about. But the stuff I read just didn't seem that funny. It just pissed me off. Mainly because four years ago they were reporting about the slime that is and nothing has really changed. The slime still is and looks to be getting worse. And as of yet no one has done a thing about it. I'm not sure anything could change the system we have now outside of a real rebellion. And I'm not about to advocate that. But I really do doubt anything will change what is outside of that. And the fact the current batch of nutballs is soo extreme only means maybe they'll go the other way once the shit hits the fan enough to make everyone want a change. Of course by then we could all go boom. Da Big Bang. The huge and mind numbing mushroom clouds of the future. The glow in the dark children of tomorrow. The cancer and malignant tumors of George Bush's legacy. Bring ou the pipes and drums folks. We've a Nobel Peace Prize to give out here. And there's something funny. I remember hearing about someone saying or suggesting that George Bush should get the Nobel Peace prize for what he's done. And what he's done is start a war. How fucking exactly does that equate to a "PEACE PRIZE"? War is kind of the opposite of peace isn't it? And then I think to myself that may be funny, but it's really not that fucking funny. George Bush. He's more than a president. He's a real buzzkill.|
"Comedy naturally wears itself out -- destroys the very food on which it lives; and by constantly and successfully exposing the follies and weaknesses of mankind to ridicule, in the end leaves itself nothing worth laughing at." "William Hazlitt"|
Archaeologist Porn
Cantina Game Link
Blobs Game Link|
A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small step ladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.
"Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised-and flattered-the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.
"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them."
Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump!"
Things I Wrote.
Winter Wind
Dog
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Suburban Guerrilla
I am so sick and tired of being sick. I want to be well so I can drink myself into oblivion with a possible stop at nausea. You know the occasional stop by illness where you get some nap time and pampering. Not the sorry fluid discharging in every direction kind that leaves you sick and sore with red tender tissue at all mucus openings. But in truth booze ain't quite doing it for me anymore. I need something harder. Maybe super booze. Pure one drop on the tongue you're drunk booze. But then I'd have to contend with alcohal poisoning and such so the trade offs don't seem worth it. Of course having been messed up on this or that substance for so long being sobers almost a new buzz all in itself. "Whoa dude! You look like your totally sober." Almost a bad dream really. I've layed off a bit on the war rants ect. Seems alot of us are doing it and I hate being part of the herd. To easy to spook us and drive us off a cliff that way. So instead I've returned to my sniveling about how ill I am all the time. Not like any bloggers out there are doing that I'll bet ya. I'll be unique. And maybe next week I'll start taking pictures of cats. That's not been done yet. Well at least not the deep fried pictures I plan to take. Get over it cat lovers Some of us don't like little catty foot pwints all over our shiny paint jobs. Leash em or lose em. Fascist cat lovers. |
"Humility must always be the portion of any man who receives acclaim earned in the blood of his followers and the sacrifices of his friends." "Dwight D. Eisenhower"|
Madness Game Link
A Daily Cup of Tea Game Link|
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, the captain put it on and led the crew to battle the pirate ship. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels about to attack. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on.
This time, the Captain and his crew repelled both pirate ships, although this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battles?"
The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound, and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid."
The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed more pirate ships were approaching, 10 of them, all ready to attack. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"
Dog
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
100 Monkeys Typing
Still sick and still not feeling like finishing any of the writing I've started. So now I have like four more unfinished things in my writing folder and two of them will probably be so old by the time I finish that I could sell them as history papers. So much for staying current. But that reminds me. I'm not a paid reporter who collects a check for all the time I put in. I don't make a dime for research. So if my content is kind of scarce of late that only shows that someone should start paying me. Alot. Soon. I mean I have a dream life to live up to. And if I can't afford that Malibu Stacy Dream House soon, well my wife my just off me in my sleep.|
"First, your return to shore was not part of our negotiations nor our agreement so I must do nothing. And secondly, you must be a pirate for the pirate’s code to apply and you’re not. And thirdly, the code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules. Welcome aboard the Black Pearl , Miss Turner ." "Captain Barbossa"|
Plumber Game Link
Ragnarok Online Game Link|
The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.
Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"
The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed." So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared.
A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a VERY cold winter?"
"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"
10000 Monkeys "dragged out of the archives"
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Corporate Dump
Well I found the problem with my comments. Seems I musta miskeyed and deleted a ' when I shoulda left the darn thing alone. The family and myself have all been very very sick. Almost Stephen King type sick, what with bodily fluids flying every which direction, and the walking undead movements of us all. The curtains drawn against the light, living in darkened coccons where we all slept for days. This combined with the time we all got sick leads me to believe we're groundhogs. We woke up that morning. Looked outside. Got so sick we felt we were going to die. And here we are. Six more weeks of winter and a global epidemic that'll be called the ground hog virus. Seriously I hurt. Even now my lungs and joints are like dying. But when I went to pick up my check figuiring I'd be fired for not coming in for awhile without calling I was told I still had a job and don't be an asshole, call in when you're sick. So the boss is a great guy. Those are few and far between down here in the right to work states. Well that's me. Now off you go.|
"The most difficult character in comedy is that of the fool, and he must be no simpleton that plays that part." "Miguel De Cervantes"|
Onslaught Game Link
Ball Revamped Game Link|
An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he
spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.
"What did you do that for?" asked a passing giraffe.
"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip
out of my trunk 53 years ago."
"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.
"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".
Long Blatthering Ramble
Behind the Keyboard "dragged out of the archives"
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Gay Hamster
Because I can link anyone I want to, whenever I want to, I again present a list of known links to my web page. I'm sure I missed a few here or there and apologize profusely. Email me and I'll add you to this template for next time I post it. For some of those out there who link to me they get a kick out of watching their rankings go up a bit here or there due to extra linkage. Good for them. For others it may be the readers stopping in that gives em the charge. Well again good for them. But here's where you come in. If you go visit every one of these links. Give em a quick read. Then comment if you're able because some sites don't allow open commenting. Because they deserve the read and you deserve the read and you might find something you didn't know was out there. Hell just start hitting each and every link I have blogrolled and you can cut out the middle man all together.
Hey wait a second. I'm the middle man. Please disregard the last statement as written above.
American Samizdat
Approximately Perfect
Astonished Head
Blah3
Busy Busy Busy
Byte Back
Call of Cthulhu
Clara's Victory Dance
Coffee House Studio
Drunken Ravings
Eccentricity
Florida Cracker
Gimpy's Weblog
Hairy Fish Nuts
In Search of Utopia
Joel's Home Page
Liberal Patriots
The Monkey Cage
My Little Corner of the World
My Blahg
My Single Mom Life
No Touch Monkey
Ole Blue The Heretic
Pamella's Gifts
Post Atomic
Radically Inept
Rogue Analyst
Scamboogah
Scaramouche Blog
Scratchings
Semidi
Seldom Sober
The Original Musings
The River
Vast Left Wing Conspiracy
War Forever
Whoviating
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"Keep your words sweet -- you may have to eat them. I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again." "Stephan Grellet"|
House of Cards Game Link
Ghetto Chaos Game Link|
An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or even eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women."
The two sat sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
Long Blatthering Ramble
Waiting For It "dragged out of the archives"
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Chaos Digest
People visit my page from some strange searches. Some of these may be old and my page not as high in the rankings as when I first got the hits, but...... Ain't there always? People hit my page by coming through these searches. I am blessed.
It's not like I don't enjoy the hits, but wonder where exactly on my page I discuss descrambling Comcast. Last I checked they weren't an egg and I wasn't some world class hacker who could bring the company to it's knees. Or am I? I forget. Too many of this and that and the other to remember.
But I get even more strange hits. Daily. Weirdos.
It's not like I write about these things at length now is it?
What's stranger? That I get hits from things like this or that someone is off looking it up?
I mean talk about specialized fetishes. Though come to think of it the wife does have a wedding dress laying around somewhere, and any excuse for sex is a good excuse, and, but no. The hits are strange and I still love em.
And the answer is yes. Because not only did someone Google this, but they found one of my side pages to answer their questions. Like I've got the answers. The blind leading the blind I say.
When the insane start looking for recipes, and my pages come up as one of the links, well folks it's a sign of the end days. Pack your bags folks we're all doomed. I've become a Google hit monster.
And I become a spokesperson for my ISP unwittingly. They just better hope I continue to like their service thus far. They do provide me the space to host my little hobby, but the day I hit really large numbers of hits bet they want more. Everyone wants their slice of the pie. Yup they do. But what other strange hits have I had lately?
So I blog. There's a monkey in my handle. I have a few photos of monkeys. Sometimes theres cartoons. And I have a link to Cartoon Network. Google loves me I tell ya.
I've got hits for people with feet fetishes, food freaks, and well, lots of strange folks. Bet they'd be interesting to chat with. Bet they'd look like you and me. It's one of the reasons I've taken to imagining everyone in rubber undergarments. That one hit really changed my life. Hard to take anyone seriously anymore when you know they'll all end up using Depends if they live that long.
Well I'll try and remember to save a list of some of my stranger hits. I lost alot of them because I use the free hit counters, but hey I work on the cheap.
Do I really offer this much for soo little? Can one only hope that soon I'll supply the world their daily need of pictures of elephant penises? And is there really a marke for this kind of thing? A hidden niche market just waiting for someone like me to come along and capitalize on? I could become the king of elephatine penii. Ohhh, but I do go on.
And this slightly irks me. I imagined myself to well being on my way to the winning spot. I imagined myself to have a much greater share market of public perception when it came to the down home corn pone opinion. Because who more than me throws around corn pone opinion as often? Who more than I dabble in stating good old farm raised corn pone as the truth du jour?
But even I cannot recount ever suggesting that soldiers drain the lizard on Geraldo or already have. Though if I did hear it in the news I'm sure I'd throw my two cents into the mess.
I mean like really. Some people are really looking for specific kinks now ain't they? And then they go finding my page and I gotta say. Way to go search engines. They do love me it would seem.
And while I assure you I have had my fair share of hot monkey sex, and jungle love with the monkey, and drunken slut poon tang I cherish each and every one. Because it's a twisted world we live in, and if I can reach but one out of a hundred of those twisted fucks maybe they'll give me a penny and I'll eventually be very very rich. Then I will kill you all.|
"October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February." "Mark Twain"|
Notepad Invaders Game Link
Table Hockey Game Link|
A blond gets a new cell phone from her husband.
The next day she goes to Wal-mart and her phone rings, so she answers it.
It was her husband. He says, "How's the new cell phone?"
She replied, "Great...but how did you know I was at Wal-mart?"
Long Blatthering Ramble
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Echidne of the Snakes
Well I'm not quite drunk enough to fall down I am drunk. A nice pleasant drunk buzz that the next beer will only make better. Here's hoping that I make it to work in the morn. There's a movie on the television about gas and crapping and health and old time health freaks. Somewhat humorous in a baser needs level as a friend who couldn't laugh at fart jokes once told me. My mood ring turned black. No symbolism. It turned black. My wife says that means I'm happy or warm or something. My mind tells me it means I'm dead. While on lunch today I was sitting on the curb drinking my tea and eating some pistachios. I cut down on drinking. A homeless guy who smelled of urine sat next to me and started bullshitting about this and that. Alot of crap. The piss smell. He assumed I was homeless as well. Started giving me tips on where to get this or that. I'm thinking it's time to cut the hair and the beard. Maybe dress a little better. I mean being mistook for a homeless person by the homeless isn't something that rates high on my cool meter. I once thought I was rugidly good looking in a non conformist way. Now I find out I just look homeless. Crushing. Crushing I tell you. Please send emails advising me if I should drink more or stop drinking at the address found below. Out.|
"No man can call himself liberal, or radical, or even a conservative advocate of fair play, if his work depends in any way on the unpaid or underpaid labor of women at home, or in the office." "Gloria Steinem"|
Sim Work Game Link
Go Marching Game Link|
The personnel director was interviewing people for the position of account executive. One candidate offered excellent references and experience, and he was well-dressed and well-spoken. The only catch was a disconcerting mannerism: the fellow couldn't seem to stop winking.
So the personnel director decided to be frank. "You've got all the qualifications for the job and I'd really like to hire you, but I have to be honest. I'm afraid that facial tic of yours might put clients off."
"I'm glad you brought that up, sir," said the candidate, "because all I need to make that annoying wink go away is a couple of aspirins. See for yourself. I've got some on me." And he began emptying his pockets on the desk. The prospective employer was startled to see dozens of packages of condoms piling up - ribbed ones, lubricated ones, multi-colored ones, every variety imaginable.
"Aha," cried the young man happily, "here they are." He brandished two aspirin tablets, swallowed them, and sure enough the 'wink' went away in less than a minute.
"So much for the wink," said the personnel manager sternly, gesturing at the mound of rubbers, "but what about all this stuff here? I don't want the company to be represented by some wild womanizer."
"No fear. I'm a happily married man."
So how do you account for the contents of your pockets?"
It's quite simple, sir," the fellow assured him earnestly. "Did you ever go into a drugstore, winking like crazy, and ask for a box of aspirin?"
Long Blatthering Ramble
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Scaramouche Blog
I've really gone way over the line. I mean a few of my regular readers don't come here to be beaten around the head with more war news. They come to read the jokes and play the games. They occasionally hope I'll cough up something humorous. But alas I cut down on the drinking. And with it came a loss of some of my humor. Or at least my ability to laugh things off and make light of the terrible situation I find we are in. So tommorow I'll be drunk. Not drinking, but drunk. So if you notice a few extra typos. A few letters here or there that don't belong. Well forgive me. I'll be trying to be funny and most likely will fail miserably. But I'll be drunk so it's still a win win for me.|
"If you are to stand up for your Government you must be able to stand up to your Government." "Lord Harold Caccia"|
Tubing Game Link
Revolution Game Link|
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop.
"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old fart I had to share the room with?"
Long Blatthering Ramble
Dream Truth
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Rising Hegemon
"I don't wanna work. Just wanna bang on the drum all day."
Gotta problem with that?
Drunken Monkey Style Blogging
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