JULY2004.
Needless to say I missed the Friday update. Sure I could go into technical difficulties, or even the working really hard and late gig. But instead I'll save those for when it really happens. Friday's update didn't happen because the beer beat me. Yes thats right. Friday I was a wastoid who didn't feel like updating and didn't. So sue me. The day I start getting a salary worth thinking about is the day everyone can expect five day a week steady updates. Until then I'm guessing I'll pass out when I please. Ahh the leisure life of a part time pseudo journalist. No suits, no ties, no need to spout lines and scripts you don't agree with. And even though what we all spout is biased by our own opinions it still is changing the world because we on the internet are coming to a group consensus of what is and what isn't proper and right. The world though slow to change is sure to follow. But some cultures turn everything into a weapon. Can computers be used as a weapon to crush another countries economy? No!!! But no one would be silly enough to try and profit off of something as big as stipping a countries banks and economy. They'd get caught. But if it was done to just ruin them, wellllllllll. I would have to say there are ways to wire move even huge sums of money through the internet in a fashion that would take decades to work out and retrieve lost funds. And that leads me to why our government didn't utilize the hackers in the US to crush dissident organizations before we attacked them. Maybe it's because they are still stuck in the past. Not realizing future wars can and will be waged on the internet. But we do don't we?|
"I believe in using words, not fists... I believe in my outrage knowing people are living in boxes on the street. I believe in honesty. I believe in a good time. I believe in good food. I believe in sex." "Susan Sarandon"|
Guy Porn
Girl Porn
Sexual Positions Game Link
River Game Game Link|
Two drunks were sitting side by side in a bar having a beer. The bar was high and the bar stools were tall. One of the drunks departed to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, he neglected to put the horse back in the barn and zip his pants. When he came back, raising himself upon the high stool, his penis rested on the bar. The other drunk yelled, "A snake." and hit it with his beer bottle. The first drunk said, "Hit it again, it bit me too!".|
Hypocrit
Portfolio
So I've heard about Dean showing up at the Democratic Convention. Heard the feisty little dog got an ovation, and fired up the troops. Good for him. I still believe he was the best choice of the bunch. I also caught the future first lady performing tricks by speaking five languages for the camera. Seems like she was doing just that though. Sincerity was lost the moment she hit the third language. Saw Hillary and Chelsea slamming champagne. You go girls. When you've reached the top there isn't any reason you can't sit in the high seats slamming some squashed grape juice. I'm sure some Republican halfwit has already blogged about it. Something about people getting trashed and having sex pisses Republicans off. My own personal feeling is because they can't hold their own. Puke when they drink, can't drive, and lousy at sex. So the rest of us should quit because it makes them feel inferior. Or as a friend once explained during a tequila laced dialogue, "It's all about the penis."
"Over grown military establishments are under any form of government inauspicious to liberty, and are to be regarded as particularly hostile to republican liberty." "George Washington"|
Inverse Shooter Game Link
Draw Bot Game Link
This is a story about a couple who had been happily
married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was
perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then, one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the
elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of
turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting, which was followed by a blood curdling scream and then
the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife
could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She
bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of
God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
Face It
Tee Vee
So how about that Democratic Convention? Not like I've watched it or anything. Like I've spouted numerous times before I'm not into the football game spirit of politics Republicans and Democrats play. And from the look and state of politics in America maybe no one should be. Playing to win no matter what the cost isn't doing us any good as a nation when it comes to politics or electing a leader who truly represents the voice of average Americans. But personally I'd rather worry about something else. Like this guys stuff. Have a good one.
"People have not been horrified by war to a sufficient extent... War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige as the warrior does today." "John F Kennedy"`
Ftoon8 Game Link
Streak-O-Matic Game Link
A piano player in a run-down bar decides that he might be able to make a little extra money if he has some sort of gimmick. One day, as he is walking home from his gig, he sees an organ grinder standing on the corner with his monkey. "Hey...I bet I could make some money if I had a monkey to collect my tips for me at the bar," he thinks.
He strikes up a conversation with the organ grinder, and offers him $50 for the monkey. Being down on his luck, the organ grinder reluctantly agrees, and they make the deal. The next night, the piano player takes the monkey to work with him, and the monkey knows just what to do...every time the pianist finishes a tune, the monkey runs around to the bar patrons with his tin cup, collecting the tips. One burly truck-driver type is quite drunk, and he smacks the monkey off the bar when it jumps up with the tips cup. The monkey runs away, and the piano player plays another tune. Once again, the truck driver pushes the monkey off the bar, and it runs away. The piano player takes a break, and the truck driver decides to hit the john for a comfort stop. While he's gone, the monkey hops up onto the bar and urinates in the truck driver's drink. The truck driver spies the monkey doing this, and stomps over to the pianist and grabs him by the shirt front.
"DO YOU KNOW YOUR MONKEY PEED IN MY BEER?" he hollers into the piano player's face.
"No, but if you hum a few bars, I can fake it..."
Tee Vee
Dont Worry
Happy Monday! Joyous Happy Monday to you! Happy happy Monday! Buying it? Me either. But what the heck, I did take two days off from any kind of work whatsoever didn't I? So it's been a good thing. And Monday leads to the next four days which leads to a payday. Then we can all do the happy happy just got paid dance again before the whole horrible cycle starts over again. Sorry I forgot to post the weekend porn. Bad me. To make up for it I posted some Monday porn. Don't get caught looking at it at work. Not my fault if you do. Perverts. You were warned. And since I'm still being totally lazy heres the one hyperlink I'm burying in todays comments. See if you recognize any of the stages. Yo Richie! This is me waving at you over the internet. Caio.
"Don't worry when you are not recognized, but strive to be worthy of recognition." "Abraham Lincoln"`
Guy Porn
Girl Porn
Lemmings Game Link
Dodge Man Game Link
A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court,
the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened.
I had just loaded my favourite mule, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer
interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not
say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the
trailer and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am
trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of
the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on
the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks
after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I
believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply
answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in
Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to
hear what he has to say about his favourite mule, Bessie".
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I
was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite
mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the
highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran
the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the
side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was
thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and
didn't want to move.
However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and
groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by
her groans. Shortly after the accident, a Highway
Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie
moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After
he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her
between the eyes.
Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in
hand, looked at me, and said "How are you feeling?"
Now what the hell would you say?"
Dont Worry
Sashimi
Well not really feeling like yacking so I'll cut it short. For a good movie that has alot of hidden Zen messages check out Circle of Iron. Originally written by Bruce Lee but he died before he could film it. Sure it's cheesy but theres alot of messages hidden throughout the movie. Good to watch several times. For another cheesy movie, this one with few redeeming qualities, check out White Water Rebels. It's a movie about a "outlaw kayaker". Nuff said. And not to leave you thinking I totally forgot you my regular readers, heres a bit of sickness to keep you busy for some small amount of time. Enjoy. Of and did I forget to mention? "It's Friday!"
"Here in America we are descended in blood and in spirit from revolutionists and rebels -- men and women who dare to dissent from accepted doctrine. As their heirs, may we never confuse honest dissent with disloyal subversion." "Dwight D. Eisenhower"
Pendekar Game Link
The Lost Vikings Game Link
A guy runs into a bar and says ''Bartender, quick! Give me 20 shots of
your best Scotch!''
So the bartender lines up 20 shots of his best Scotch and watches this
guy down one after the other.
''Man,'' the bartender says, ''I've never seen anyone drink shots that
fast!"
''You'd drink them that fast too if you have what I have,'' the guy
says.
''Oh my God,'' says the bartender, ''what do you have?''
''50 cents.''
The Sexy Wife Does Drunken Monkey Style
Bout Time
The Gay Marriage Thing
Well the wife's editorial will go up tomorrow. She got good reviews of her first. I belched out something I was thinking about but didn't explain better and wanted to publish it before I forgot the belched up thought all together. There is some glimmer of truth in what I wrote about and I leave it up to you my sick and twisted readers to flesh it out. As of yet I have not added the JibJab link to my page. It isn't that I don't like it. I just figuire why the heck should I? Everyone and there mother plus Fox news has promoted it. I'll link it soon just not yet. I am adding a few more "links to the left" along with removing one or two. For those who are keeping up see if you can spot the new ones. I'm also going to remove the top picture in "Lest We Forget" because he wasn't killed and alot of questions arise out of his "kidnapping". Sorry dude you didn't die. No fame on my web site for you. Almost as sick as the fact he may not have been kidnapped. Enjoy.
"Fighting terrorism is like being a goalkeeper. You can make a hundred brilliant saves but the only shot that people remember is the one that gets past you." "Paul Wilkinson"
Castlevania Game Link
Mid Flight Game Link
So this lady goes to her doctor and explains that her husband can't get it up like he used to and their sex life is suffering. The doctor asks, "Have you heard of a new drug named Zyban?" The lady says yes, but adds that her husband refuses to take pills of any kind, and certainly won't take anything that "will make him feel like less of a man." The doctor advises the woman to slip it into his morning coffee when he isn't looking. The woman is nervous, but the doctor insists, "it will change your life within a day," os she figures she'd better try it.
A week goes by and the lady shows back up at the doctor's office and the doctor asks her how it went. The lady heaves a tremendous sigh and explains, "I snuck it into his coffee like you said. And, sure enough, within 15 minutes, he cleared off the table, threw me on it and we had the best sex we'd had in 20 years." Perplexed, the doctor asks, "What's wrong with that?" And the lady shakes her head and says, "I don't think i'll be able to show my face at McDonalds again."
Bout Time
The Gay Marriage Thing
Religious
Well the wife did an editorial or two. Theres one tonight on topic. Topic being the gay marriage admendment proposed by George Bush and party. I'm hoping you enjoy it as much as I did. It's always good to find out where average Americans actually stand instead of being told where we stand by media outlets way off the mark. I'm willing to bet we'll see another editorial from her in a day or two so keep reading.
"I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever." "Thomas Jefferson"
Chasm Game Link
Bubble Trouble Game Link
The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk. "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative.
The owner, wide-eyed and excited shouts, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxative!"
The clerk calmly responds: "Of course you can! Look at him; he's afraid to cough!"
The Gay Marriage Thing
Religious
I've been slow on editorial writings. Playing the brain dead American for a few days. Life seems to be taking a bigger chunk out of me of late than I expected. So I may be forced to post a few guest editorials up. Don't bother writing. I've already decided who will be doing the guest editorials. It's my wife. She hits the comments occasionally under the name Sexy Wife. She grounds me in reality. I've taunted her to write something, anything for long enough she probably will. Give her a good response and maybe we can drag her opinion out occasionally. And feel free to ask questions in the comments area following the days links. I'm expecting to post something, who knows maybe several somethings from her tomorrow. Check back then.
"It is certain that stealing nourishes courage, strength, skill, tact, in a word, all the virtues useful to a republican system and consequently to our own. Lay partiality aside, and answer me: is theft, whose effect is to distribute wealth more evenly, to be branded as a wrong in our day, under our government which aims at equality? Plainly, the answer is no." "Marquis De Sade "
FallOut Game Link
Crazy Golf Game Link
A guy goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The Librarian says, "Fuck Off. You won't bring it back".
Religious
You Caught Me
I did crap this weekend. Slept late. Did nothing. No beaches. No canoes. No drum circles. No sushi. Next week I am definately doing one of the aforementioned. Especially the sushi. Actually sashimi but I'm not gonna mince fish here. Instead of dredging into the news I delved in to my links. I mean it's getting large. Took me two days. Yes I am thinking it's getting too big, but hey where else do you think I'm getting my news, pictures, and jokes from? So in that spirit I've got a few pictures ahead of the game. Next week more game links. Enjoy and blog on.
"The law of God, as quite plainly expressed in woman's construction, is this: There shall be no limit put upon your intercourse with the other sex sexually, at any time of life. During twenty-three days in every month (in the absence of pregnancy) from the time a woman is seven years old till she dies of old age, she is ready for action, and competent. As competent as the candlestick is to receive the candle. Competent every day, competent every night. Also, she wants that candle -- yearns for it, longs for it, hankers after it, as commanded by the law of God in her heart." "Mark Twain"
Mud and Blood Game Link
Penguin Pool Game Link
There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came
to have an oil shortage here in America.
Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check
the oil.
We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is
purely geographical.
All our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California, and Oklahoma.
All our dipsticks are in Washington DC.
You Caught Me
Drum Dance
My weekend plans changed with a phonecall. I may still get out canoeing but the kids are going off to the beach swimming with some folks we know. Now I'll be constantly worried about them drowning until they get back. Yes I'm already worrying, and when they get back I'll probably be forced to beat them for being ingrates. Ahhh the joys of parenthood. I mean really folks what was I thinking? Damn reproductive drive. Well in any case I'm sure it was never the beers fault. I mean who can blame beer? No one but fascist and communist blame beer. And with that thought I'm off on another journey to the fridge to fetch a beer. Trust me. In a house as small as ours, with four people and many pets it's always a journey fetching a beer. Cheers.
"No matter that patriotism is too often the refuge of scoundrels. Dissent, rebellion, and all-around hell-raising remain the true duty of patriots." "Barbara Ehrenreich"
Guy Porn
Girl Porn
Blox Forever Game Link
Orgasms From Around the World Flash Link
A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance:
1. a woman
2. a donkey
3. a shovel
4. a fish
5. a Star of David
They decided that this was a unique find, and the writings were at least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols.
They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings. The president of their society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said: "This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish, which means that if they had a famine, whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews."
The audience applauded enthusiastically and the president smiled and said, "I'm glad to see that you are all in full agreement with our interpretations."
Suddenly a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said, "I object to every word. The explanation of what the writings say is quite simple. First of all, everyone knows that Hebrews don't read from left to right, but from right to left.......Now, look again......It now says:
"Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that woman."
You Caught Me
Drum Dance
Are you ready for the weekend? I know I am. Shame I've so few dollars to devote to it. But hey that's how you hear about my cheap getaways right? So plans are we're going canoeing. Dogs, kids, the works. But Sunday seems free so I'll see if we cook up anything original. You try and enjoy yourselves. Next week might never get here so I would suggest taking the time for yourself before it's too late. And if time doesn't stop and you grow old and await death. Well I am betting you'll not regret taking a break. Can't recall ever hearing about someone on their death bed wishing they had worked more.
"If American politics does not look to you like a joke, a tragic dance; if you have enough blindness left in you, on any plea, on any excuse, to vote for the Democratic Party or the Republican Party (for at present machine and party are one), or for any candidate who does not stand for a new era, -- then you yourself pass into the slide of the magic-lantern; you are an exhibit, a quaint product, a curiosity of the American soil. You are part of the problem." "John Jay Chapman"
Guy Porn
Girl Porn
Uuh Aah Game Link
Bubbles Game Link
A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person."
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff. Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. "This is fantastic," thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance."
Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said, "Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in 'unt'?"
Only one word leapt to mind. "My goodness," thought the gentleman, "I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word." The gentleman thought for quite a while, then it hit him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman said, "I think the word you're looking for is 'aunt'."
"Of course," said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"
Drum Dance
Canoeing
Buzzflash. I turned to it for my idea of what to write commentary about. Danged if I can remember if it helped. But lets recap. George Bush was trying to push through, "see also: smoke and mirrors to take the heat off any real issue", an amendment to block Gay unions. Now while I personally don't care if gays get married or not I believe it is unconstitutional to block it, but...... The way marrage laws are currently written they will not work for same sex couples. A new set of laws needs to be worked out. Rushing it will only cause problems for everyone later on. But it's still just a carrot and stick tactic to split political groups and shift focus from any real issue. Moving along. The White House has repeatedly pushed for access to more information on the lives of Americans while repeatedly blocking any attempts to give up any of their information. In my own opinion this constant reminder of The White House refusing to give the public information screams that there's things being hidden. Possibly criminal things. It is our government after all isn't it? Seems congress should be doing something about the problem. Like forcing some disclosure. But since both houses are currently Republican controlled I would doubt any demands for disclosure forthcoming. Now I would get mad and all worked up but hey, they're just politicians anyways. I mean what did you expect of em? Truth, justice, a desire to work for America? Heck no. These people didn't suck butt all those years making a name for themselves and getting elected to higher office so they could turn down graft and bribes from lobbyist did they?
"A new poll showed that if the election was held today, people would be confused because it is normally held in November." "Kevin Nealon"
Fly Guy Game Link
Petals Around the Rose Game Link
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says. "President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Bubba says, "I know him. Let's fly out to Washington." And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time. So off they fly to Rome.
Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later, Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
Drum Dance
Canoeing
I have to admit guilt. I have neglected the Troll Lounge. Since my neglect and departure it has been taken over by raving maniacs. What more could I have hoped for? Not to take sides I will report that Drumwaster's Rants, The Troll Patrol, and Four Right Wing Wackos have an ongoing tiff. I'm sure there's other blogs involved but that's the current run down. On one of the blogs I am blamed for harboring and providing a list for trolls to use. Thanks. Anything that'll generate traffic ya know. I'm such the slut. Along with a mention of Robert McClelland of My Blahg fame, where someone mentions his post about proxys. Thats right you right wing psychopaths. An army of trolls is amassing at the gates and it's time to live out that Lord of the Rings fantasy you've been harboring for years. No not that one. Ewwwwwwwwww. The one where you fight against overwhelming odds. Fighting the trolls of darkness. Yup it's here. "Be afwaid, be vewy vewy afwaid. We're hunting Wight Wingers." It'd be funny how dumb these people are if they didn't run our government.
"An election cannot give a country a firm sense of direction if it has two or more national parties which merely have different names, but are as alike in their principals and aims as two peas in the same pod." "Franklin D. Roosevelt"
Steppenwolf Game Link
4 Pong Game Link
A farmer in Iowa got pulled over by a State Trooper for speeding. The trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer feel uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket.
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some problem with circle flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of circle flies."
So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms.
See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket.
Then after a minute, he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"
The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."
The trooper says, "Well that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though".
Canoeing
Burn Out
Well another day closer to a pay check. Forgot to mention I actually made it to the drum circle the other night. It was raining so all the hippies gathered under the shelter and kept the spirit alive. While I myself did my best to kill as many spirits as I could. Needless to say I survived without arrest or incident. The news from what I can see is the President saying we ain't found jack in Iraq, and those are the facts. But we got that mean old Saddam so it was all worth it. Theres also the proposed idea of postponing elections due to terrorist attacks. Why does the thought of this bother me? It's not like they haven't done whatever they wanted despite us up until now anyways. Why worry? They'll do it and with any luck some nice country will come and remove the little tin despot and his cronies. I mean seriously folks. How far have we fallen when America the land of the free and the brave has to ask the UN to come watch our elections? I mean Americans have got to start getting the big picture. Even Fox news viewers. But theres still alot of vocal support going on and I have to wonder why on Earth these fanatics wish to repeat the rise and fall of the Third Reich. Well thats it for now. Gotta go write something editorial wise or admit I'm just recycling old stuff because I've nothing left to say anymore.
"When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way you will command the attention of the world." "George Washington Carver"
Pipsoh Game Link
Swinger Game Link
This is just so priceless...and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is...
My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00... now was somewhere around $60.00.
I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:
Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."
CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau... maybe both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
CitiBank: "excuse me?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you... the part about her being dead?"
CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"
(Supervisor gets on the phone)
Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and
charges still apply."
Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
CitiBank: "... (stammer)" ... "Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )
CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given ) (After they get the fax)
CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death..."
Me: "Oh..."
CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."
Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep
billing her... I suppose... don't really think she will care..."
CitiBank: "Well... the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"
CitiBank: "That might help."
Me: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery" (address and plot number given. )
CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?!"
Burn Out
One Man
I threw a few links out that have been drawing hits long after the initial posting. Some I'm sure you have already seen and if not please go view em. Suprisingly to me I have pages that generate hits long afterm the intial posting. Heck my ripples get even bigger. And in that spirit. Iraq. May it splash the waters of the world.
"The founders of a new colony, whatever Utopia of human virtue and happiness they might originally project, have invariably recognized it among their earliest practical necessities to allot a portion of the virgin soil as a cemetery, and another portion as the site of a prison." "Nathaniel Hawthorne"
Action Fish Game Link
Hold Moving Button Game Link
A lawyer just got home from work. As he stepped out of his BMW, a speeding car ripped off the door. As the lawyer jumped up and down cussing and swearing, a cop who was driving by stopped. He rolled down the window and said, "What's wrong?"
The lawyer replied, "That idiot, speeding down the street, ripped off my BMW's door!"
The cop said, "You lawyers make me sick. You worry too much about your possessions. If you weren't blinded by greed, you would notice that your arm got ripped off!"
"Oh no!" cried the lawyer, "My Rolex!"
One Man
Lest We Forget
New Hostage
The Troll Lounge
Jessie James Hardy
I've been away. Not gonna tell you why. Give any reason. Let the mystery of it drive you crazy. But I am back. At least for a short time. As always I am for sale. Yes that's right I'm for sale. My family can no longer support my beer habit and bills so I find a need to sell my services. For some reason this brings to mind the Police song, Roxxanne. Lucky for me I look good in red. Wife's computer had gone down. Bad motherboard. Tonight it should be back up and running. Having bought a totally new computer we are expecting it'll do just fine. What's in the news? Well I should go off on the Kerry Edwards ticket, but since they were designed to lose from the start why bother? Suffice it to say they look nice on camera, but have as much substance as a PlayBoy centerfold Bios. Now. You go read my links because they are great. You really should add my page to your favorites or bookmark it. You are going to find something here you want to show friends and loved ones so to save you time just go ahead and make this your home page. Or email me and tell me what this page is missing to make it your one stop internet page. Until then. Cheers.
"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all." "Sam Ewing "
Guy Porn Outside Link
Girl Porn Outside Link
Drunk Man Game Link
Hungry Hungry Mario Game Link
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny (as always). With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the door and, smiling, he says to her: "Darling, would you give me a blowjob??
Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!!"
Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
Her: "No please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
Him: "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they are all sleeping!"
Her: "No ways. It's just too risky!" Him (horny as hell): "Oh pleeaaase, if you love me you will do it." (that old school trick - but it still works though)
Her: "No, no, no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?!.....I beg you!"
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's little sister shows up on her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice says: "Mum says go ahead and give him a blowjob. Otherwise I can do it. Or if need be, mum says she can come down herself and do it. But for fuck sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom...."
The Normals
The Troll Lounge
Happy Independence Day
"It's easy to be independent when you've got money. But to be independent when you haven't got a thing -- that's the Lord's test." "Mahalia Jackson"
Turkey Shoot Game Link
Rubber Band It Game Link
A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,
the two are tired and fall asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying,
"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's
pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.
"Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
America
Shock Value
Shhhhhh! Don't tell anyone but I fell asleep last night and didn't do my midnight update. But not to worry here it is. Along with those porn links for you perverts. Please notice in my links to left that you'll see State links, or buisness links, that have nothing to do with blogging, or humor, or porn. These links are ones that have hit my site and were tracable by IP to the organization. I've added the military ones because over time those folks have visited also. I give shout outs to all the regular people in the military. They like me are just doing a job. And they like me will see the boss doing a stupid thing and know there's no way we can tell them or stop them. But all that's lost in our coming weekend. For you military folks that are manning the watch during this our celebration of independence. Well folks. I salute you. Just understand I'm not obligated to think George Bush is the second coming. Personally I think he's an idiot.
"Freedom is not the right to do what we want, but what we ought. Let us have faith that right makes might and in that faith let us; to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it." "Abraham Lincoln"
Guy Porn Game Link
Girl Porn Game Link
Gimp Roulette Game Link
Snowflake Game Link
A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:
"No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!"
The Return of the King
Pirates
Another week almost finished. I actually made it all the way through my blogroll today. I started yesterday. So thats two days of part time reading along with updating the page and adding editorials. I'm betting I could go through the entire thing in less than a day with commenting even, but it would take a while because I get distracted, sidetracked if you will. Sometimes I get Hypnotized by the vast amount of knowledge there is to peruse, but eventually I get caught up and wonder why there isn't more news. News you can use. Like sports news everyone can use. But where would I find the time if there were more to read? Not this coming weekend that's for sure. The Fouths coming and Chinese firework factories are in high gear. Lets send some global love and tip back a few cold ones to the wonders of pyrotechnics. And lets give thanks the bombs bursting in air are just fireworks and not the real thing. But let us definitely tip back a few cold ones.
"It is open to a war resister to judge between the combatants and wish success to the one who has justice on his side. By so judging he is more likely to bring peace between the two than by remaining a mere spectator." "Mahatma Gandhi"
Wrax Game Link
Sheep Invaders Game Link
G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you."
She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
Tony Blair replies, "It's me!" and hangs up.
G.W. Bush then calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you."
So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
And Colin Powell says, "It's me!"
So Cheney calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell."
And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"
The Return of the King
Pirates
"I don't wanna work. Just wanna bang on the drum all day."
Drunken Monkey Style Blogging
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