July 2005.
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."
Mike, Joe, and Steve were out buying Christmas presents for their wives. Mike was the last to finish so when he came out of Kaufmanns the guys asked "So, what did you get your wife for Christmas?" Mike replied "Well I got her this here necklace and this scarf so if she doesnt like the necklace she can wear the scarf over it. "Hey Joe, what did you get your wife?" "I got here this bracelet and these gloves for if she doesn't like the bracelet, she can wear the gloves over it. "What did you get your wife for Christmas Steve?". "I got her a damn toaster and a dildo. So if she don't like the toaster she can go screw herself."
But enough about that. How's about the latest vote to expand the Patriot Act? Who saw that coming? Seriously folks I mean how can you vote against something so patriotic that it had to be named the Patriot Act. And we can all thank our favorite deity that that dreaded Tommy Chong was brought to justice thanks to the Patriot Act. We all know that glass pipes can be used to make little itty bitty nukes. And potheads are notorious for being suicide bombers. You see right after they burn a fat one they usually get hungry. Hungry for destruction. And they seem to enjoy laying around living rooms watching TV or playing video games. Violent video games. And one thing leads to another and they end up buying yellowcake uranium from the Nigerian mafia. So busting Tommy Chong was a good thing. And we can thank the Patriot Act and it's expanded powers for all the terrorist we have seen brought to justice in America. Heck we can credit the patriot Act for any damned thing you want to because it's just that good. I'm hanging my magnetic Patriot Act scroll right between my magnetic cricifix and the camoflage Support Our Troops one so everyone that opens the fridge for a beer will know how American I am.
The president and Mrs. Bush are in the front row at a Yankees game, surrounded by Secret Service agents. Before the game starts, one of the agents whispers in the president’s ear, and Mr. Bush smiles and nods. Then he grabs Laura Bush by the scruff of the neck and heaves her over the railing. She falls 10 feet onto the field, cursing all the way before landing in a heap in the dirt. The president raises his arms triumphantly and gets high-fives from fans all around him. Then the agent leans over again and whispers, “Uh, Mr. President, I said they want you to throw out the first pitch!”
Magnets. Lovely little support our troops magnets. I wonder who makes them and makes money off of them. I wonder how much they donate from their sales. And I wonder why our government hates our veterans and returning soldiers. Lets go over the short list shall we? Not enough armor to go around or enough supplies. Vehicles not armored enough and troops having to scavenge through junkyards to outfit their own shit. Shortfalls in needed funding to the VA as well as to our troops in Iraq. Not paying a now full time national guard the same as regular forces. I mean over and over and over this administration and the elected leaders sitting in Senate and House have shown poor regard for our troops and those who have served. Because to them I'm guesing patriotism is something you hav when you go off and die for your country. Not something you have when you only get wounded or come back with medical problems or are needing the basic things to make their little wars work. But I can always go out and buy one of those little magnets. Stick it on the back of my beat up Sanford and Sons truck. And well show the world I support our troops by plunking down two or three bucks for a product that wa most likely made in China or Taiwan or Hong Kong or Buddapest. And I can rest easily knowing that my three or four bucks, hey inflation ya know, is going to support our troops. I can then not have to think about any problems others may think we are having over in Iraq, I an take the sticker off my truck when I get home and put it on my refrigerator right next to my magnetic crucifix that absolves me of all sins and feel guilt free. And for all those people who rode behind me in traffic I showed them a thing or two. I showed them I take no shit and support our troops and believe they should be over in Iraq being killed and killing and being blowed up and blowing things up and torturing other people and being tortured, because I am an American and I like my magnets. Got it? Good.
When George Bush gets frogmarched before a grand jury I am soo going to hope those "W" stickers had really good glue so I can ridicule assholes in brand new SUV's who just couldn't scrape the whole thing off.
Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. "Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?" "Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..." "Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please." "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times." "Three? When were they?" "Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?" "Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?" "Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?" "I can't believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number 3?" "Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"
So now that I'm back and have no clue what to say it would seem as good a time as any to let my mind flow freely into my fingertips. Sometimes I make the most sense when I'm not trying to make sense. Perhaps that is because we all add our own egos and insights into things we try to do that isn't there when it comes naturally. Like a thought I now remember having that I could flesh out a bit for everyone's enjoyment.
If you are a Democrat and you lie you are a liar. If a Republican you are seeing things differently. If you are a Democrat you are a drug addict. If you are a Republican you are self medicating. If you are a Democrat you are a sex fiend. If you are a Republican you have strayed from values. If you are a Democrat you are a screamer. If you're Republican you're a motivator. If you're a Democrat you're dredging up the past. If you're Republican you're seeking truth wherever it may be. Well I don't think I did a very good job listing the hilarious nature of the claims above. I'm sure we all remember that little Clinton boy who diddled his intern and dangled his dingy. I'm sure it has been done to death that we spent alot on Whitewater which only led to a stained dress and the main reason for pushing everything back then was lies. How now lies are not enough to bother asking any questions and something we as Americans have come to expect from our politicians.
Bahhh I grow long winded and not drunk enough. Watching politicians work makes me feel dirty, and not the good kind of dirty either. Watching them, all of them, makes me feel like a rape victim. Powerless to defend myself from the brutal screwing I'm getting. Sure I can yell and scream and make alot of noise to let everyone around know I don't like it, but in the long run the majority shrugs it off as business as usual. The lackluster attitude of a victim who has been abused alot over time and has accepted it as their lot in life. Whoa. America the victim. So used to and expecting our leaders to lie cheat and steal because they have done so for so long without anything being done about it that we walk around not saying a word about it because we are just too tired to fight it anymore.
Speaking of fights. War bad. K? Lying to get us there bad. K? But............ I see bloggers, and "web magazine writers", and newspaper columnist, and ma and paw Kettle and alot of people in America and abroad protesting the war in Iraq. Protesting the killings of everyone involved. People who want to stop the killing. But................ I do not see it from the Muslim community. My Leftist friends and Liberal brethren, you who brag so openly of being part of a reality based community, can you tell me why I should accept that the Muslim community by and large for the most part world wide does not denounce the suicide bombers and the car bombs and the beheadings and the killings of innocents and the death and the dying and the bombing and the continued aggressions against Israel and this that and the other thing. While I am not one of the AntiThinkingForMyself crowd, nor a fan of Little Green Fanatics I still have to wonder why it is many on the left do not denounce the actions of the mullahs and the governments of Islamic countries that do not openly denounce the practices employed by terrorist. Sure I am with you in my desire to fix what is wrong in this country and to get us out of bad wars, but not addressing both sides of this issue, the many varied sides when you throw in the machinations of other countries, ignores our safety as free nations. So let's see some serious discussion about the other side as well. You know the guys who blow up innocents to make a point. And the guys who build their bombs. The guys who recruit them. The guys who teach them that it is God's will that they blow themselves to little bitty pieces. The guys who finance them. The rulers who turn a blind eye or even approving eyes towards the entire klusterfuck. Fair and balanced? Let's see some from our side for awhile.
One night, this guy is invited out for a night with the guys. He promised his live-in girlfriend that he would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down smooth, and before he knew it, it was 2:30 a.m. Drunk as a skunk, he headed for home.
Just as he got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, he realized that she'd probably wake up, so he was quite proud of himself when he thought to cuckoo nine more times. Even in his drunken haze, he fell asleep smiling about how he had escaped a possible conflict.
The next morning, his girlfriend asked him what time he got in, and he replied, "Twelve." She didn't seem disturbed at all, which made the guy feel even better.
She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
"Why is that?" he asked.
"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, said "Oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted."
I've been doing that BlogShares thing still. I'm quite well off in imaginary cash and my blog thanks to tweaks performed by me is well on it's way to being worth a bit in more imaginary cash. And thanks to all my imaginary wealth I am able to eat a the bestest imaginary restaurants, buy the best imaginary clothes, drive the best imaginary cars, and generally live the high life in the bestest of imaginary fashion. Or do have have ulterior motives? Is this all part of a plan? Or am I just a nutjob with way too much time onhis hands?
Politics? A three ring circus of fools. Rovegate, Plamefence, Iragmire. Name your poison there are nutjobs aplenty out there who will debate your opinion until you're all blue in the fingertips, There are people out there who will debate wheteher or not we ever landed on the moon. Whether or not the Earth is round or flat. They'll even debate what your real names is. Because they like to argue. But some of them step over the line. Some of them threaten violence or suggest others come bring it to them. And while somewhere inside me I feel we should host a fight between the LGFers and the Idiotarians and some liberal blogs like Atrios or Kos or a host of others because I'm the kind of guy who enjoys watching train wrecks. But there is still the me that has been around the internet more than a few years that knows there is never a real winner in internet fights. No matter who the winner is they still end up looking like an idiot. We had photoshopped pictures of little moonfaced runners just to illustrate the point. But all that aside please go read the newest blog to be added in the links to the left for a roaring good funny of Republithugs in all their glory. Scroll down some it'll be there and you'll know it when you see it.
Because his son wasn't the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly. "Now you lissen good, Dan'l, 'cuz here's whatcha gotta do. One: Take out your penie-pipe. Two: Pull back the foreskin. Three: Pee. Four: Push back your foreskin. Five: Put your equipment back." The boy said he understood, but the next day while he was working at his still, Joe's wife came running over. "Oh, Joe, Joe, come quick! Dan'l went ta piss an' won't come out of the outhouse!" "Hell, whut's he doin' in there?" Joe said. I dunno. He jess keeps sayin' "Two-four, two-four, two-four......"
Don't lose sight. Don't be fooled. Rove may be a juicy morsel but there is still plenty of scraps falling from every word these bufoons utter. And with each revelation made public thier power weakens beyond repair. The mob grows unruly and discontent. Fickle and slow to move they are. But once they start moving and get something into their heads it's near impossible to shake them. America! Mob rule at it's finest.
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods, the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him." The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time." The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it again." The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?" "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."
While I poo poo the whole RoveGate scandal as a whole, it is a fine time to present anew the evidence that Bush lied. And if it can be proven that George Bush had evidence of mounting proportions that Iraq had no WMD's then how will they explain to the country their policy that led him to openly state there were WMD's and we needed to act?
In possible terrorist plot news we hear about Brad Pitt returning from Africa with viral meningitis. Could the terrorist hoards have infected Brad in hopes he would return to HollyWood and crush our monopoly and really good action movies? Time will tell.
The aged patient doddered into the doctor's office with a serious complaint.
"Doc, you've got to do something to lower my sex drive."
"Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head."
"Thats what I mean, you've got to lower it a little."
There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous.
Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey! Where am I?" To this, the solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.
The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just a while away."
My regulars, yes I know there are more of you now, I thank you for returning to my page for whatever sick reason it is that you come. I still get a kick out of readers. I am a small blogg-, errrrr, web magazine writer, and the fact I now have as many regular readers as I used to have daily hits is a kick for me. And some of you I know host serious blo-, I mean web magazines, so when you drop by it's another kick for me. Here you go being busy as all get out turning out really interesting articles that are backed with fact and research, well to see you stop by to unwind is kinda nice. And that is often what I go for here. A place to unwind and do more than just notice what a sorry state of affairs they've got us into this time. So thanks for reading and stopping by.
I know I had something witty to say. Really I did. It was ever so clever and smart. And it was only several hours ago I had the fleeting thought. I should be able to dredge it up shouldn't I? So I was thinking I should get one of those little tape recorders so I could record those transient thoughts as they flit by. Then people on the street would see me talking into the thing and you know they'll think I'm a somebody. Think about it. Some people would think I was a cop or a detective or something. Others possibly would think I was a businessman or a writer. And I got to thinking about something I have seen that really boggles the mind. The homeless buying prepaid cellphones. With PO boxes, and prepaid cellphones, and a few other secrets the homeless aren't nearly as homeless living on the streets as people would have you think. As a matter of fact many wish to live right where they are. And the real problem alot of communities have with them, the homeless, isn't that they are homeless, but that they beg, are drunks, and soo often smell of old urine.
Well anyways. I want you to go read Blah3, Hoffmania, and Crooks and Liars. They have a very good rundown of what everyone who is anyone is saying about the whole Rove fiasco.
And now for the fun link of the day I present the Tombstone Generator. You go off and see what sort of mischief you can get into with that. And me? I'll be off looking for more stuff. Just for you. No one else. Just you. Because you're special. You know who you are.
A lady walked into a Lexus dealership to browse, and spotted the most beautiful, perfect loaded Lexus and walked over to inspect it closer. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little burst of flatulence escaped her. Very embarassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed.
Sure enough, there standing behind her was a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"
Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madam, I'm very sorry to say! If you farted just touching it, you're gonna shit when you hear the price."
So this year I plan on stocking up on beer weeks in advance. Then I'll go back to the store and restock up on beer. Just in case. At the first sign of high winds or rain I'm pulling out all the meat and grilling it up for a block party. Just in case. And I'm going to make sure I have plenty of cigarettes and matches because if I die from a hurricane I definately won't be dying from cancer so it's totally okay to smoke like a chimney. I'll be drawing up plans of where the best places to loot will be and the quickest routes to and from. Just in case. I should also stock up on some guns and make friends with the local militia "just in case" we are needed to restore order and create a new society from the wreckage around us. Maybe I should get some Viagra. Haven't tried it before, heard it "can" give you a four hour erection. That'd be a nice thing to have a bottle of, just in case.
But whatever the case whatever the outcome whatever path the hurricane takes there will be plenty of airtime devoted to showing off the ability of local meteorologist translations of their live weather feeds. The ones they all use. Kinda like the weather version of the Associated Press. The news comes through, the minions translate it into bite sized chunks for their local viewing audience, all is well and good in the land of Who.
The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable.
"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"
"After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday."
"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day"
"Does anyone know another word."
"I do! I do!" replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.
"OK Mike, what is your word."
"Saturday." says Mike.
"Great, that has three syllables..."
Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."
"No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."
"There is one difference," I pointed out. "In a democracy the people have some say in the matter through their elected representatives, and in the United States only Congress can declare wars."
"Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."
Supposedly those are the words of a defeated person. A person who was high in the ranks of a vile war machine that killed millions based on race, religion, color, sexual persuasion, health, ect. Do I believe America is as bad? No. But I think it is a damned shame we can even do the comparison. A sorry shame that I have to use Nazis to illustrate how far off the mark we are going. The media controlled spouts the facts. Tells us we are being attacked. And so we are. It must be so. And if any suggest it is not so they are traitors who weaken the country. So nothing is new. This is an old tactic.
The original propaganda campaign had three rules:
1. Stress emotion over logic,
2. Demonize the enemy, and
3. Promise a war that will make the world safe for democracy.
Thanks George. Happy Birthday by the way. How's that president thing going for ya? The current doublespeak campaign of denying truth by ignoring it or having the facts rewritten is too Orwell for it to even be funny. It's like all of the bad dreams of all the prophets politic has sprang to light. And it really isn't that funny any more. As a matter of fact it's high time someone who can order a real investigation did something about things. But from the silence I interpret those who could are already compromised. Now would be a really good time to step up and start making some noise Dr Dean.
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!", the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit.. it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised, That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36."
Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
Taser Videos Someone suggested I view the link because I had mentioned this before and the time element of the Tasing. I was wrong. There was alot more time spent than I had suggested. I still feel cops are getting a little to quick to drop non compliant citizens but I was wrong. As such I post this link so you can watch all the videos for yourself.
The Picture Of Everything I've seen this on several sites. Most recently at "No Touch Monkey" which can be found in the links to the left. The picture is worth looking into because of it's size. And finding old crap, nostaligic crap, is something you can be sure to expect if you dig around long enough.
How Do You Screw Go on. Take the test. You know you want to.
Rumsfeld Fighting Style My Drunken Monkey Style could kick his ass, but he hides behind his army of clones. I'd challenge him to an MTV DeathMatch but I have this uncontrolable fear of PlayDoh.
DUI Shopping Cart My first reaction is to wonder where this is all going to stop. DUI law abuse and all that. But once I started reading the story I was willing to admit the guy needed to be busted. Of course I had to stop laughing before I could admit it.
When Monkeys Attack Back off the food and nobody gets hurt!
Outsourcing I mean they couldn't find Americans to do the job this guy is doing? I guess that's what you get for hiring cheap labor.
Eminent Domain I suggest we start with the Supremes properties and work our way through the government until they get the idea of why this is a bad idea. Either that or we smack em all on the nose with a rolled up piece of newspaper.
Sex Through the Decades I know you're going to read this. Because you are a pervert. But look at who wrote it. An open honest dialogue about sex coming from Christians. There is a growing cold spot in the nether regions of hell folks.
Bush's 50 Greatest Accomplishments This one speaks for itself. Well actually it doesn't. You have to read it. So go read it already.
Researchers now say that most dogs can be trained to understand more than 200 words.
That gives them language skills equal to apes, dolphins and most U.S. Senators.
And I bring you the Civil War. Where the reason touted to save the slaves was slavery but the real reasons more pertained to free labor enjoyed by the South having an effect on the textile giants in the North who had to pay their exploited immigrant labor. Nazis killing Jews and any other number of races? While noble for soo many reasons it was economic interest that moved America into the war. Paris had long been taken and Londen bombed for months and months before we entered the fray. And any good moderate historian could always remind of Dresden, Kent State, Wounded Kneee, and Jackson City. Seems giving diseased blankets to the natives isn't something we remind ourselves of. We seem to not like the images of a tit purse collected sans native of the region. The tortures, rapes, and killings are not ours. They don't happen here because we make sure it happens there first. But isn't that just more of the us against them mentality used to seperate humanity from open public dialogue?
Which makes me want to remind all of us the world over that we have lost loved ones in someone elses battles. Chances are we would all rather be eating a nice meal with our families and talking with friends than dying in wars or killing fellow humans. But then we go off and combine groups and governments and religions all telling their converts they are saving the way and protecting the family and you can get humans to overcome the dislike of killing. You can even get them to go so far as to like it. The select few who not only like the killing but look for every chance to use it. And the cowards behind them who wish they could kill like that but know they have neither the guts nor the fortitude. The ones in power using the pawns beneath them in a game of killing to enrich and entertain themselves and their friends. The average folks left behind. Our ideals and beliefs distorted until the killers use them as a weapon against their enemies but against the citizens themselves.
Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
Gotta problem with that?
