March 2005.
3-31-05
The Commentary
Ask me if I care. Because really folks we all come to those times in our lives when we wouldn't piss on someone even if they were on fire. Because we just shut down and quit caring. The whole grab all you can get and screw everyone else thing really doing wonders for our psyche. The work ethic exploited to the point of demanding all our time and all of our money. Because we are consumers dammit. And it's our job to consume. And if you aren't consuming, what fucking good are you? Opt out.
The Picture
The Quote
"I remain just one thing, and one thing only -- and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician." "Charlie Chaplin "
The Porn
Farked Boobies Porn
Farked Weeners Porn
The Games
Centrifuge
Kitten Killer
The Joke
Joe heard a rumor that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays.
So, on his 21st birthday, Joe and his good friend Brian headed out to the lake. "If they did it, I can too!" he insisted.
When Joe and Brian arrived at the lake, they rented a boat and began paddling. When the got to the middle of the lake, Joe stepped off of the side of the boat... and damn near drowned.
Furious and somewhat shamed, he and Brian headed for home.
When Joe arrived back at the family farm, he asked his grandmother for an explanation. "Grandma, why can I not walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him?"
The feeble old grandmother took Joe by the hands, looked into his eyes, and explained, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January... you were born in July, dear."
The Things I've Wrote.
Will Code For Food
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
The Rise and Fall of Gunstar 141
3-28-05
The Commentary
Slept in today. Bad me. While I slept an earthquake struck Indonesia. I'm sure there was more to report about than that but the televised news found nothing besides that and the Schiavo thing to report about. But once and awhle they'd dig deep and drag out the real news. The Michael Jackson trial. Seems today Mikey showed up late, dressed as a monkey. He went into the courtroom and started dancing on the jury box throwing feces liberally around the room. The judge admonished Mikey and said he wouldn't put up with that kind of shit in the courtroom. Chances are the next trial will see some new form of shit that will be banned as well. Tune and see what happens next with America's favorite pedophile.
I'm guessing we won the war. We don't hear about it that often anymore unless the bombing kills alot more people than normal. They had their elections so there really isn't alot of glowing highlights to push in the media. No purple fingers. No staged statue destructions in the streets. Just the same old same old of trying to rebuild what we destroyed, and protecting the streets against the insurgents. Could we start calling them revolutionaries yet? Or is it still too early to call them that? You see someone somewhere thought revolutionaries sounded too much like America's heroic efforts to throw off the chains of oppression. And insurgents sounded more like troublemakers. I myself would have gone for the more negative choice of subversives. Makes them sound even worse. But I'm guessing they had to chose a word to describe those pesky fighters carrying on still and insurgents was one of the few words Bush could pronounce. But how is that war we won going? Are we still winning? Is that oil still safe?
Easter has come and gone. It being the holiday that serves to remind us that Jesus died and arose from the grave. The whole story telling us he did it so we could all die and be forgiven in death and arise again as a spiritual form living with God. Then why exactly would you please tell me are all those people seeking to put Terri Schiavo back on a feeding tube carrying crosses? Don't they have enough faith to believe God might be ready for Terri to show up? What's with the gay monks in full monestary gear? Is this some new fetish group? They like to dress up and lead the parade? Or do they just think God really likes the hooded look? The circus is in town and all the clowns come out. It has to be hitting Terri's family pretty hard, both sides. All these clowns and the media waiting breathlessly for word of her death. Maybe now they're starting to realize this shoud have been a private matter, and stayed a private matter. Shame so many of us learn these lessons the hard way. Have mercy on their souls.
The Picture
The Quote
"The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that the end justifies the means." "Georges Bernanos"
The Porn
Easter Bunny Porn
Zombie Porn
The Games
Space Escape
Easter Eggin
The Joke
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?
The Things I've Wrote.
Say It Aint So Paw "pulled from archives"
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Kenny's Bunk Port
3-24-05
The Commentary
Well I got to thinking. I do too. Don't start that crap again. And I was thinking that I'm probably getting full on the bandwidth thing again. Not only that but the "links to the left" are ever growing and probably bog down loads. Maybe it's the tables. The badly scripted html. Or possibly even Comcast, though I perish the thought. As such I probably should start thinking of finding a dedicated host to house my files and images ect so that people can read the archives with all the pictures being ripped out. I'm thinking that would be bad and detract from the scheme of things.
So I came back from lunch today. Was screwing off while I was working and as I often do I started humming or whistling, I forget which, I do both often. Awww heck, I often burst into improptu song and showtunes just to screw with peoples heads. But anyways I had just heard the musta been high song. Surrounded by all these semi straight people who have to have listened to the radio in the last twenty years or so. And well folks I'm off humming the musta been high song. Had to laugh and quickly walk away. Knowing this happened I plan to always listen to as many varied forms of music as I can so my kids can't pull that shit on me.
Work sucks. I'm betting that somewhere out there you could find alot of people who enjoy their jobs. I'm not one of them. I learned a trade to make money and am now doing it to pay bills. I hate it. I hate waking up really early in the morning. Noon seems a much better time to wake and have a leisurely breakfast. Then a quick swim and a shower and one is about ready for the coming days work. I mean who in the heck decided we had to wake up so early? Why do they have a problem against our doing drugs, drinking, having sex, and sleeping late? My guess is they can't. See they can't sleep late. They can't handle drugs or drinking without flipping out. They fail at sex because of their own shortcomings. No that's not a short joke. So since they are unable to do these things they deny it to those of us who can. The bastards.
I've really wanted to ramble on about the Oprahfication of American men and our sexual lives. Now don't get me wrong but it's not all Oprah's fault. She is just a visible model of a failing I see. We have tons and tons of shows on day time TV exploring women's sexuality and women's needs. But seldom do you see a blunt take on men's needs. If you do you usually hear derogatory terms like whores, dogs, sluts, scum, bastards, ect. Male sexuality is stigmatized as wrong, and we are expected to accept it. Not only are men expected to accept that their own sexuality is twisted or wrong, but they are expected to be sensitive to women's needs and sexuality. Enough about you, what about me? The reason I find a failing is because I believe women and men follow differing biological functions. Different cycles or timelines. Call it the moon or the sun or nature or whatever. Drag out the science about how cave people needed both parents for at leat three years then often relationships broke up. But whatever you do don't go comparing the cycles and see how a man in today's society is expected to alter his. And it's my belief. See I say my belief, I ain't pandering this shit off as fact. I suggest it as a theory. But anyways, it's my belief that altering a mans cycle is detrimental to his health, and mental well being. It's why we die first. But we could be like those little shrews in the jungle who screw everything in sight for like four days then die. The pigs we are portrayed as. Having wants and needs that are out of the ordinary and obscene.
So what's with Iraq? Iran? North Korea? Our economy? Unemployment? You know? Me I have no clue. I've allowed myself the luxory of getting my news straight from the source. TV. I could tell you moment by moment how much time is left until we know what happens with "this" appeal. But I'm not gonna. And they shouldn't either. They should be reporting about the things that need to be fixed. It's time we all looked at how bad the house has fallen apart, and clean up after the party. The media should help, or at least turn down the music. But what I can tell you is something you probably wouldn't hear on TV. Gasp! Something they won't say until we've all said it a hundred times. The suspicious "package" found today. The one found near the courthouse. Why hasn't anyone speculated on who would have been planting it had it been a bomb? The Religious Right? Religious extremist? And they're better than the terrorist how? But someone has a dream. A grand vision. It's all layed out on those little maps and computer models.
And this babble grew longer by the minute. Another reason I haven't been writting lately. been putting more in daily updates, and trying to make them more regular. Come Summer if I stay healthy I'll hopefully be canoeing and drum circling and campfiring and FISHING. I gave away and sold all my old fishing poles. Hope to buy a few like four soon. Two smaller bass rods for the boys, and two bigger reels for me and the wife. As strange as it may seem to many of you I have to save up for em. I never realized how poor I really am until I started reading about what is considered poverty level in our country. I'm below it by several thousands. But all is well and good. We'll get poles, and do all that stuff, and we'll get by. Life is like that. If you don't give up it'll usually allow you to keep on living. Unless there's a war.
Speaking of wars. How's the one going in Iraq? Anyone notice any unusual troop movements lately? I'm just guessing that besides guarding the pipelines, and patroling through the cities that a few if not many troops are being moved hither and yon with a purpose. A good nitwit knowing where and whither could possibly decipher whether it was a bluff or the real stuff. Iran in the Summer? Or was that too lofty a goal at this stage in the game, and Syria chosen as the weaker country? Only time will tell, because I'm not going to. Just because you kow everything doesn't mean you shoud tell everyone. Most won't believe you. Alot of those who do will just get depressed. Might as well keep shit to yourself. And drink.
Oh! And check out Jeb's hair. He's graying it. On purpose. Gotta look old enough to handle the job. Like I didn't say they was gonna go for the plutocracy trifecta a long time ago. Damn I should drink more. Or less. But somewhere right in the middle.
The Picture
The Quote
"I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk" "Right Said Fred"
The Porn
Underwater Porn
Tall Porn
The Games
Nucleus
Bear and Cat
The Joke
A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from the Devil -- if they can stump him, they're free to go to heaven instead. The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question -- to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a book, and gives the answer. The mathematician tries as well -- but the Devil instantly gets the answer. When it comes to the blonde, she pulls up a chair and drills three holes in it. She then sits down in the chair and farts. "Now," she says, "which hole did the fart come out of?" "That's easy," says the Devil. "All of them." "No, stupid! It came out of my butthole!"
The Things I've Wrote.
Drunk Blogging "pulled from archives"
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Revolutionary Paradigm
3-23-05
The Commentary
Everyone who's anybody is talking about the Terri Schiavo thing. I mean you would be hard put to find a newspaper, radio station, or televised news. that didn't refer to it at least every thirty minutes. Of course I live right down the road from St Pete so maybe I get more. But with Fox, CNN, MSNBC, ect all updating about it constantly I'm guessing everyone in America who has a TV is being swamped with the news on the case. I've also noticed the spin on it from the polar camps of the political spectrum, both televised as well as blogged. The questions about the validity and timing of politicians interest in the matter. The play from the parents who show she has some remedial life left in her. The husband showing court backed decisions that the parents continue to fight. And all is spin. All is opinion. All is what this one or that one or the other fucking one believes. This my fine readers is a good example of why one should prepare a living will. Because your shell of a body could be used for all sorts of political plays that you yourself would never back. Johnny Cash comes to mind. But since I've never seen Terri's living will. Knew her personally. Or know her husband and family. I cannot offer any comment on this, nor should about two million of those already doing it. But thats just the way shit is isn't it?
I haven't been doing any new writings this month other than daily entries. Spread thin around the edges things have to give here and there. I do get out and read following my blogroll and links they provide. I just wish they'd start labeling the frothing at the mouth rightist rants for what they are instead of suggesting we read the tripe and come back and read their brilliant counter. I've also continued the ongoing battle with? Myself? Thanks to the troll mimic. I invite my readers to stop in and join in. The more the merrier. And occasionally between their bouts of spewing bile trolls cough up a jewel.
I also found over at Milk and Cookies a short film. I haven't made a flash movie section to my page and maybe I will later, but for right now here's a movie. NJoy.
The Picture
The Quote
"The modern sympathy with invalids is morbid. Illness of any kind is hardly a thing to be encouraged in others." "Oscar Wilde"
The Porn
Troll Porn
Duck Porn
The Games
Dealer
Luigi's Revenge
The Joke
One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.
The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, and the third one's arm was too short to reach
The Things I've Wrote.
Jokerzen "pulled from archives"
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Left End of the Dial
3-22-05
The Commentary
I read. I ponder. I have theorys that I'll never be able to follow to their conclusions. But I have em. Here comes one now. Ahilw back I remember hearing about dead water pockets in the Gulf of Mexico. Algae blooms that fish can't live in. But I do remember a mention of shrimp living there. Now here in Florida we have red tide. It's and Algae bloom that kills fish and leaves the beach stinky. Seems everyone and their brother is studying why it happens and why it's happening more and more often. I also seem to recall a report on declining shrimp harvest locally and in areas directly on the Gulf of Mexico. Seems the shrimp have been overfished. Occasionally they are hard to come by. Just ask a fisherman. Now I've heard the fertilizer connection to red tide. The manure from upstream being swept out into the gulf. Warmer temperatures and global warming. But I have to ask myself that if the only thing that can live in the dead water algae blooms out in the Gulf of Mexico are shrimp because they eat the crap, well....................... Do you think for a moment that declining shrimp stocks could play in an overabundance of algae? Nah! To easy and no one has paid for a multi million dollar study.
The Picture
The Quote
"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened." "Winston Churchill"
The Porn
Guy Porn
Girl Porn
The Games
Simpsons Snowball Fight
X Rated
The Joke
A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time....and maybe do it several times a day.
Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month.
When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year....maybe on your anniversary.
The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you and grandma now?"
His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."
"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.
"Well," grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. And she yells,
"Fuck You", and I holler back, "Fuck you too."
The Things I've Wrote.
Brain Soup "pulled from archives"
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Virushead
3-21-05
The Commentary
Where to start with this new week of bringing you crap? What issue? What moving turn of events? None. I'm not going to mull the Terri Schiavo case. It's not my business. It's her husbands and family's thing. They take it to a local court that hears all the evidence and they decide. The rest of us butt out. But now I've done and started mulling it over. The wife pointed out that George Bush and a lot of right to lifers are the first to suggest killing prisoners. But now with a little publicity on this poor Florida family they are the first to stick their noses in other peoples business telling them how they are going to do things because "we" said so.
The Troll Lounge was infested by a troll this weekend. But that's the places purpose, so who am I to be suprised that one is there acting like a troll. Since the troll keeps using my name I took the liberty of highlighting which were the trolls and which were mine. Find it towards the Troll Lounge towards the top of the "links to the left" and give it a notice. There's a little humor there, but hey I like watching ice melt.
George Bush has decided to elect himself the leader of the World Bank and Opec. No he did not, but he is mentioning a new leader to head the World Bank. Can we say discredited neoconservative thug with extensive ties to whats worse in our political system? Well sure we can. Paul Wolfmanwitz. That's why we can also say new reports have come out saying they had already wanted to attack Iraq prior to 9-11 and just used it to further their agenda. I mean they care less what anyone thinks anymore. They've even rewritten our global strategy plan with highlights in the preemptive catagory. We no longer fight cold wars. Just quick small ones where we kill some of the people before putting a puppet in power. Heck Karen Hughes is going to be heading up an ongoing put a happy face on America campaign. Don't get me wrong but she looks like someone who'd do bad things to anyone who ever left the seat up. I'm not sure I want her representing me.
But my weekend had nothing to do with any of this crap. Instead we did the youngest sons birthday party Sunday. All had a grand old time. We relaxed a little. Less TV and computer to feed the fears and anxiety thats being piped in twenty four seven. So we find ourselves sitting out in front of the fire more and more because it's rather soothing not being force fed laugh tracks and propaganda. Spring is here soon to be followed by Summer. We'll do things and have a blast. Then in a blink of an eye another Winter shall be upon us and I will be a bit older. Such a short time we have to be spent in fear. Such a short time to slave away for things we really could do without. But the TV tells me I not only want these things but must have them. And if I already have it, I should get the bigger better improved version.
The Picture
The Quote
"What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say." "Ralph Waldo Emerson"
The Porn
Monkey Porn
Diaper Porn
The Games
Bloody Day
The Doors
The Joke
Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman suffering from Alzheimer's. His wife of 40 years loved him very much, but she couldn't handle him any longer. He would wander about, never knowing where he was or, sometimes, even who he was. She decided to take him to a nursing home.
At the nursing home, while the wife was filling out paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair. Suddenly the man started slowly leaning to his left. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his left side to prop him up. A few minutes later, he started leaning to his right. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his right side. Then he started leaning forward. This time the nurse strapped him into the chair.
After completing the paperwork, his wife walked up to him and asked, "So are you sure this place is okay?"
"It's okay," he said, "but why won't they let me fart?"
The Things I've Wrote.
Happy Drunks "pulled from archives"
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
A Witness to Yahweh
3-18-05
The Commentary
As some of you may have noticed we have a media and news machine that is now infotainment rather than information oriented. So it should come as no suprise that we now get some of the most insightful news from our comedians. The cutting barbs and stings hitting home everytime. The humor derived directly from the twisted truth that is. Is it any wonder it has come to this in light of our current leaders passing off sales picthes as news? We once ridiculed Russia for their propaganda machines that couldn't speak the truth. Ridiculed their government controlled television and media. And isn't it a laugh that our nation that once epitomized freedom and truth has fallen to the lows once attributed to our laughable neighbors. Bush should really be proud. Those who helped get him elected should as well. We have taken the ideals of a free press and allowed them to be sold to the highest bidders. We have taken those ideals of truth and allowed them to be replaced by the commercial. Better government through advertising. So where I once suggested we get the elected leaders we deserve, I now suggest we get the leaders we pay for. Those whose commercials we bought into. Me personally? I'm all for looking to return what we got and see if we can get a refund. I know it didn't come with a warranty, but its obviously faulty merchandise.
The Picture
The Quote
"It’s very telling that the administration’s policies can’t stand on their own merit and instead must be sold to the public with deceptive practices. It also shows that this administration doesn’t think very much of the public it’s supposed to be serving." "S.M. Dixon"
The Porn
Rat Porn
Pool Table Porn
The Games
Stack the Cats
Mini Putt 3
The Joke
A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is
in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy -"$750
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's
go
outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take
you to
Church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again...."
The Things I've Wrote.
Disjointed Text "pulled from archives"
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Bloggerheads
3-17-05
The Commentary
Late this month, but I again bring you a listing of blogs that link to me. With my blogroll getting ever bigger I find myself making it by their sites less and less. So once a month I drag them out making it easier for me to visit each personally. I'm sure they'd all love a visit. There are a few new additions, and as always I may have missed some. I'm limited by my site counters and the limits of Technorati and The Truth Laid Bear. So if I missed you it wasn't intentionally. You readers go visit them and give em some love.
No this isn't some cheap way to get out of actually writing something. I really do think you should get out and do more.
So? Didn't you hear me? I said get and and do more. Now get out and do. Off with you.
American Samizdat
Approximately Perfect
Astonished Head
Badger's Bastion
Barbarian Blog
Blah3
Busy Busy Busy
Call of Cthulhu
Clara's Victory Dance
Coffee House Studio
Eccentricity
Florida Cracker
Gay Hamster
Gimpy's Weblog
Hairy Fish Nuts
In Search of Utopia
Joel's Home Page
Liberal Patriots
The Monkey Cage
My Little Corner of the World
My Blahg
My Single Mom Life
Ole Blue The Heretic
Pamella's Gifts
Political Shock
Post Atomic
Radically Inept
Scaramouche Blog
Scratchings
Semidi
Seldom Sober
The Original Musings
The River
War Forever
Weird Events
Whoviating
The Picture
The Quote
"If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane." "Jimmy Buffet"
The Porn
Bronzed Porn
Couple In Pool Porn
The Games
Quzzle
Tipsy's Lost Gold
The Joke
One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat down, opened the box and out popped a leprechaun. The man told the bartender, "I want a Rolling Rock and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here."
There was man sitting at the end of the bar watching all of this and, after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar and spit in the guy's face. Then he ran back.
The guy with the box said, "I'll have another Rolling Rock and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here."
After the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he again ran to the end of the bar and spit in the man's face, then dashed back.
The guy with the box ordered another beer for himself and another shot for the leprechaun. Again, the after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar. But this time the man was waiting for him and he grabbed the leprechaun and held him in the air.
He said, "If you spit in my face again, I'm going to cut your pecker off."
The leprechaun laughed and said, "Leprechauns don't have peckers."
Then the man said, "If you don't have peckers, then how do you pee?"
"By spitting," said the leprechaun.
The Things I've Wrote.
Food 4 Nukes "pulled from archives"
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Barbarian Blog
3-16-05
The Commentary
I find I'm wrong quite often. I'm also right a suprising number of times as well, but I admit freely I'm often wrong. Is this a good stand to take in the world of blogging? Not taking an extreme and defending it to the death? I've noticed that many popular right wing blogs do tend to be extreme. I've seen some left wing blogs much the same but alot less popular. But even the writers supposedly respected in today's America seem to be very off the mark due to their extremes. Little walls everyone has that writers display in their scribbles. Sneaking in like little tantrums for all the world to see. And as I've said. I'm often wrong. I accept it and try and warn you of it before you take everything I write word for word.
What brought this to mind was something written by Jeff Jacoby I think. I found it over at Busy Busy Busy. He suggested that Bush was right on Iraq. Which suggest that Bush was open and honest with America and told everyone the real reason we were going there was to destabalize the Middle East and bring Democracy to the Islamic world. So in those conditions Bush could possibly be seen as right if he had indeed suggested going into Iraq for those reasons. But we were not told we were going into Iraq for those reasons. We were told Iraq was a threat. They had nukes aimed right at us. They had enough bio weapons to kill anything that breathed on the planet for the next three million years. We were told Saddam had direct ties to Bin Laden. They had pictures of them at the day spa signing the papers authorizing the plans to fly planes into the World Trade Center. And all of these things turned out to be wrong. So how exactly Mr Jacoby is Bush right about Iraq? Or should I let you rephrase the question?
The Picture
The Quote
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
" "Galileo Galilei"
The Porn
Academia Porn
Girl In Pool Porn
The Games
Flash Trek
Mad Shark
The Joke
An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem:
"Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me.
I love you,
Your Father"
The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son:
"Beloved Father,
Please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'.
I love you, too,
Ahmed"
At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house.
A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son.
"Beloved Father,
I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes.
That's all I could do for you from here.
I love you,
Ahmed."
The Things I've Wrote.
Truth And Lies "pulled from archives"
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Pointless Waste Of Time
3-15-05
The Commentary
Smoke and mirrors. We often hear these combined with magic or politics. It implys people pay attention to all the smoke and mirrors and miss the slight of hand. I was off reading in the library when I realized we keep hearing about the Social Security situation. How it's one of the big issues of today. And while I have a side of sorts, and have kept slightly up to date on the issue I have to wonder what sort of slight of hand is going on in Washington these days with everyone's attention diverted by Social Security. What's the big story we're all missing because we're playing the only game they've dragged out. What is behind all the smoke and mirrors this time. I can't out my finger on it but I know it's there. But it does seem we are hearing alot less about the war in Iraq and the torture incidents. Seems everyone has taken to politicing about Social Security and left the rest to die off from lack of interest. Perhaps that is the magic this time. They've made alot of really bad problems go away. Soon to be forgotten by the public at large just in time for the next election cycles. Now you see problems with our policy and actions, and now you don't.
The Picture
The Quote
"If the human race wishes to have a prolonged and indefinite period of material prosperity, they have only got to behave in a peaceful and helpful way toward one another." "Winston Churchill"
The Porn
History of Porn
Guy In Pool Porn
The Games
Arabian Knight
Xraye
The Joke
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him
a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
The Things I've Wrote.
TeeVee "pulled from archives"
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Monkey Filter
3-14-05
The Commentary
Gotta lot to say today. Nothing of real import except to me and mine. Maybe something for those studying human psychosis. And as always something for the perverts, drunks, and slackers. First off, my youngest son celebrates his birthday today. Yay him for surviving me thus far. But he's still mine for some years to come so I still have time.
Nichols. The black guy. Should I say he is a black guy? Mention it? Does it pertain to the story? Probably not but I'm mentioning it in the same way I do a general descriptive. He shot up a courtroom with a gun stolen from a court officer. That's their story and they're sticking to it. Is it news? I mean people are shot everyday in America. People are murdered every day in America. What makes it news? Because he was black? Because it was an officers gun? Because he shot government representatives of the law of these great United States of America? Because we know why it's a story. People just don't go shooting up courtrooms. It's something we just cannot allow. Unlike those every day murders and rapes that no one really hears about. Those happen to the public at large and well we do try our best to get those solved. Enough said.
I had a dream this morning. Yes I slept in. Again. So???? But this isn't about an ongoing argument I have with my sleepy conscience. This is about the dream. I was doing diplomatic work. Getting to know Muslims and Islam. Trying to let them get to know me. Everything was a great and grand eye opening experience until I was held captive. It really wasn't any worse than my incarceration at the hands of our dear beloved country, the people were rather polite for keeping me prisoner. We had alot of long talks about religion. Then my good new friends changed. I knew I was to be executed. A really nice beheading for the camera. Only instead of me hosting the images on my web site they'd be hosted on yours. My lovely head rolling on the floor as my body kicked and shuddered. But this I saw in my mind in the dream. I imagined something while dreaming. Ain't that a kicker. And I disavowed all Gods except Allah. Now again this is a dream. I was lying through my teeth. I had always heard if you declare yourself for Allah they spare you. But with them killing Muslim Iraqis I would guess thats just not true. It really was a lovely dream with me and my captors talking about why I needed to die and it be videotaped. Me totally agreeing with just about everything they said with the exception of my head rolling in the dirt. Because I see some of their political arguements as having alot of merit. I do not see my head rolling free of my body as my mouth motions out final curses to the world. I'll try and frame the issue from where I sit. If Joe has a problem with Bob, and goes off and Kills Ann to let everyone know he's pissed at Bob, well even though alot of people may agree Joe has a valid reason to be pissed at Bob, we're all gonna wonder why he killed Ann. Worse yet alot of times you find out Ann was helping Joe get things worked out with Bob. Such is the terrorist current tactics. But to tell the truth, after my dream I think I'll be a little more inclined to hold the Islamic world suspect. Seems only fair though. I already suspect my own government and leaders. I suspect Israel. Heck I suspect everybody I meet. And even though I profess Christainity I hold all religions suspect.
The Picture
The Quote
"I am learning to understand rather than immediately judge or to be judged. I cannot blindly follow the crowd and accept their approach. I will not allow myself to indulge in the usual manipulating game of role creation. Fortunately for me, my self-knowledge has transcended that and I have come to understand that life is best to be lived and not to be conceptualized. I am happy because I am growing daily and I am honestly not knowing where the limit lies. To be certain, every day there can be a revelation or a new discovery. I treasure the memory of the past misfortunes. It has added more to my bank of fortitude." "Bruce Lee"
The Porn
ASCII Porn
Octopus Porn
The Games
SkiDoo TT
Pelican Lost
The Joke
A father was explaining the facts of life to his son. After covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of love-making:
Dad: One thing to keep in mind, son, is that different women say different things during the act, even if you are doing the same thing.
Son: What do you mean, Dad?
F: Well, for example, their words will vary according to their occupation. For example, a prostitute will tend to say, "Are you done yet?" On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, "Are you done already?"
S: What do other women say?
F: Well, a school teacher will say, "We are going to do this over and over again until you get it right!" A nurse will say, "This won't hurt one bit."
S: I thought they said, "Pull down your pants and bend over."
F: That's male nurses. Moving on, a bank teller will say, "Substantial penalty for early withdrawal." A stewardess will say, "Place this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally."
S: And what does mother say?
F: She says, "Beige... beige... I think we should paint the ceiling beige."
The Things I've Wrote.
Conservation "pulled from archives"
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Political Shock
3-11-05
The Commentary
Well today I sneaked a peek at the "Sarasota Arrest Reports". It can be found in "the links to the left". As I looked at more and more of the arrest reports, I started looking less and less at the charges, and more and more at the faces. The faces of fellow Americans. And when I look at the charges of many of them I wonder why we are ruining peoples lives. I mean going to jail, being dragged before a judge, having to bond out, having to pay fines and be on probation, having your picture displayed as a criminal and your name put in the paper, well this seems like it does more harm than many of the original charges should ever merit. The get tough on crime mentality doing more harm than good with nothing to show that it's working other than more arrest. But if you arrest more wouldn't that show an increase in crime? Aren't you supposedly fighting crime? But instead it seems they are creating crime. Making more and more things illegal so we end up with more and more criminals. And as ever the rich go on being rich, while the poor get poorer and go to jail. Rush Limbaugh anyone? Ken Lay? Ahhhhh, screw it. It has to be obvious that certain aspects of our society are not working. Arguing with people who refuse to accept it or see it is futility. Watching them win two elections and continue taking us down the dark and dangerous path to oblivion could lead one to drink. Ahhhhhhhh! My excuse for the day. I'm out. Have some drinking to catch up on.
The Picture
The Quote
"I agree with no one's opinion. I have some of my own." "Ivan Turgenev"
The Porn
Educational Porn
Bovine Porn
The Games
Cheese Hunt
Add Em Up
The Joke
A traveler was stumbling through the desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out.
The parched wanderer asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"
The man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes."
The desperate man shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"
"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, and they'll give you all the water you want."
The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared out of sight. Three hours later he returned.
The man at the card table said, "I told you, about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"
"I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."
The Things I Wrote.
Lest We Forget "pulled from archives"
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Tucker Maxx
3-10-05
The Commentary
My writing has degenerated. Not really suprising seeing as how I'm a degenerate. But I am suprised how quickly I went from trying to bring you facts to expecting you to go out and find them on your own. And alas as my style degenerates I attract more and more degenerates to my web site. Now don't go taking that personal or anything. Ya pervert. But it does seem that beating the political drum day in and day out really burns one out. I'm not a paid blogger who has all day to gather the most informative news or the most current of issues. I instead supply links to places that do that. So now I pander. And in that realization I wonder how long before I'm forced to drink. Opps, too late.
The Picture
The Quote
"Jealousy is all the fun you think they had..." "Erica Jong"
The Porn
Bug Porn
Dwarf Porn
The Games
Missile Strike
Defy Gravity
The Joke
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
The Things I Wrote.
Raising the Stakes "pulled from archives"
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Footlong
3-9-05
The Commentary
I've come to realize over time that my blog is nothing but free advertising. I link to sources giving free adverts to all I link to. My words on politics and the world are less often. Not because I've forgotten these things. But because I feel you already know where I stand. I'm not for Bush. Our government violates the rights of many people daily. I doubt things will change until things get very very very bad. But harping on this daily brings to mind the time me and my friends found this dead horse. See where I'm going with this? So for those who feel as I do, I'd just be preaching to the choir. To those who disagree with what I feel and think, I'd be alienating them with a never ending barrage of debate. So instead I lay off once and awhile because everyone needs a break and time to step back and overlook the situation as a whole once again. Give George some more rope to hang himself with. Let the people decide for themselves during the lull. Don't look now but there is someone looking over your shoulder. Raise your hand if you looked. Hang your head in shame if you raised your hand. Its all in fun and all in jest. My life that is. All some supreme beings grand idea of a joke.
The Picture
The Quote
"Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask ourselves this crucial question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use." "Carlos Castaneda"
The Porn
On the Job Porn
Kiddie Pool Porn
The Games
Scary Sleepover
MoFro
The Joke
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"
The Things I Wrote.
Drunk n Staggering "pulled from archives"
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Fables of the Reconstruction
3-8-05
The Commentary
The world is in a sorry state. We being the caretakers of the world are really neglecting our duty. Instead we live fat and happy laying in the sun, screwing and reproducing. Taking everything we need from this world and throwing our trash back onto it. Drinking the waters and using them to water our lawns, then pumping the sewage into the seas. A fine example of caretakers we are. We fail miserably at our job as caretakers. We also seem to not be able to work out peaceful coexistance. Or overcome greed, avarice, gluttony, sneazy, and Doc. Is it any wonder we have the leaders we do? We really are getting exactly what we deserve. We accepted them lying to us in the Iran Contra thing. They knew we'd lay back and take more lies in the name of security. They knew we'd roll over for just about anything they wanted to do. And they've steadily pushed an agenda unswervingly despite public sentiment. They've stacked the media deck with people who will firmly back their every action. Fired or discredited anyone who disagreed with them. So with each passing lie and reason to be outraged I grow jaded. I've already heard they lied. I know it. It just seems no one cares. I already know they ripped us off with the senior prescription drug benefit. Again it seems no one cares. No one important enough has stepped forward and called these people out point by point for who they are. And chances are if they did people just wouldn't care. The media would ignore it like they seem to be ignoring everything else. The Senate and Congress would continue being the window dressing they have become. And the American people would take it like they have become used to. Bent at the waist grabbing their ankles. So on this day I will not seek to reveal some new lie or possible criminal offense coming out of the White House. Instead this day I shall work to pay my bills. I shall try and be the father I should be, the husband I should be. I shall try and smile at everyone I meet and be polite to others. I shall try to be an example to those around me in hopes they will become examples to others around them. Who knows. Maybe given enough time our leaders will assimilate some morals and decency. Or not.
The Picture
The Quote
"Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth, and danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings and while with silent lifting mind I've trod the high, untrespassed sanctity of space, put out my hand and touched the face of God." "John Gillespie Magee"
The Porn
Pony Porn
Rainforest Porn
The Games
Orbox
Valentiner
The Joke
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
The Things I Wrote.
Celebrating 1000 "pulled from archives"
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Duck and Monkey
3-7-05
The Commentary
What did I do this weekend? Go on. You can ask. What!?! You don't wanna know? Too bad. Gonna tell you anyways. I didn't do jack. I slept in Saturday cause I felt like crap. Sick mostly. A lovely dry hacking cough that convinces me I have cancer and should stop smoking yesterday and eat healthy foods. And that nasal drainage that causes a headache when one side stops flowing. Miserable I tell you. So here it is Sunday and I feel a bit better. Of course I'm drinking demon rum, but I felt good before then too. Got the lawn mowed and the roof cleaned off. Played cards with one of the boys and impressed their friends because I know how to play Magic the Gathering. Then later I decided to burn things. Yay for pyromania and old age. "Honest officer I was just warming up the grill." But I got a nice little fire going and no cops showed up. Worked like a charm too. The boys both gravitated to the fire and wanted to check it out and throw in sticks and set sticks on fire and be kids around fire. So I was a good dad today. And when I was sitting there in my backyard enjoying my kids and the night and the fire, missed my wife she had to type, but it was good. There wasn't anything Republican or Democrat about it. I was living life. I hope to start doing that a lot more in the coming months. The monkey is coming out of the winter slump.
The Picture
The Quote
"The pornography of violence of course far exceeds, in volume and general acceptance, sexual pornography, in this Puritan land of ours. Exploiting the apocalypse, selling the holocaust, is a pornography. For the ultimate selling job on ultimate violence one must read those works of fiction issued by our government as manuals of civil defense, in which you learn that there's nothing to be afraid of if you've stockpiled lots of dried fruit." "Ursula K. Le Guin"
The Porn
Roof Top Porn
Camper Porn
The Games
Bump Copter 2
Drop Kick Faint
The Joke
A redneck walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that
will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the
line model. The redneck is suitably impressed, and buys it.
The next day he brings it back and says, "This chain saw is defective.
It would only cut down 1 tree and it took all damn day!"
The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and
the puzzled redneck says, "Heck, what's that noise?"
The Things I Wrote.
Alienation
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
America Blog
3-3-05
The Commentary
Well here comes another Friday. Hold on to your hats because no one can really be sure where we'll end up come Monday. Or even if we'll make it until Monday. Need to archive but haven't. I will. Need to delete old blogs that no longer update and ones that just piss me off. Yeah yeah I know, I once said I wouldn't stifle the voice of the opposition. But it's my blog and if everytime I travel through certain blogs they make me want to kill idiots, well I'm guessing they can't be good. I'm a very tolerant person who is willing to debate alot of subjects. If a blog angers me just by stopping by for a quick read, everytime, well maybe it shouldn't be here. If the blog owners or any of you have a problem with it I'm sure you'll let me know. Besides, would seem I get more hits from porn daily than I do from any of the political blogs. If anything I should be dumping right wing blogs and replacing them with clean wholesome American porn. But I won't. Just yet.
And with some parting shots I present, Inside The Monkey Sphere, 1984, and Gizoogled. Take it all with a grain of salt. Because too much salt is supposedly bad for your heart and arteries.
The Picture
The Quote
"To say ''I accept'' in an age like our own is to say that you accept concentration-camps, rubber truncheons, Hitler, Stalin, bombs, aeroplanes, tinned food, machine guns, putsches, purges, slogans, Bedaux belts, gas-masks, submarines, spies, provocateurs, press-censorship, secret prisons, aspirins, Hollywood films and political murder." "George Orwell"
The Porn
Antique Porn
Mountain Climber Porn
The Games
Nanaca Crash
Twang
The Joke
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."
When the Englishman remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."
The Things I Wrote.
Alienation
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Random Ramblings of a Tired Mind
3-3-05
The Commentary
Well I went and disappeared again. But as usual my return heralds a new day of joyous revival. Or not. But I went reading my local newspaper. I do that in the library in my house while I go poo. And there was this editorial shoved in there like it was news. Something about the new conservative movement not exporting itself as well as it could. It started by saying the Conservative Political Action Conferance had to move their proceedings to Washington because their numbers had skyrocketed and the old venue in Virginia couldn't accomadate them. It then went on to say that the 4000 people who showed up had a blast. Four thousand. Looks bigger if I spell it doesn't it? But it sure doesn't mean for jack shit as in huge. I've been to bigger science fiction conventions. Star Trek fans probably draw bigger crowds. So the entire article was flavored from the get go by an attempt to exagerate the numbers. I read the rest but knew it was shit. And I asked myself what schmuck in our local new affiliate deemed it newsworthy enough to print an obvious stroke job to Conservatives. Liberal Media? You show me the liberal media. Sure you can go point out a college professor who went over the line. A Hollywood actor seeking more publicity. But show me a liberal media in today's televised line up and well maybe you can sell me on your ideas. But just like the exageration of what a huge crowd 4000 people showing up in Washington to stroke each others conservative agendas, mentioning a liberal media tells me that just about anything after that is bound to be bullshit. And that's not the kind that is good for fertilizing your lawn. Just the kind that glazes over your eyes and makes you stupid if you listen too long.
The Picture
The Quote
"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." "Will Rogers"
The Porn
Historic Porn
Lobster Porn
The Games
Bibo's Adventure 2
Box 3
The Joke
A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist and cannot see condoms on the shelf.
Frustrated, the deaf mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.
The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf mute, then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.
"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."
The Things I Wrote.
Dog
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
Burning Man
3-1-05
The Commentary
Another day, another guilt. Another breath, nearer to death. I feel something is in the makings. Something you, nor I, nor even the president and all his horses and all his men won't be able to put together again. Can't you feel it? A sense of urgency? Or maybe it's just all that news being poured into my ears from the ever present news media decrying how close we are to the sky really falling, this time. But if I a person who questions these feelings feels them what of those who don't? Are we self fullfilling our expectations of the final conflict? And if we are, is it near enough to happening that my feelings of urgency are justified? Well it really doesn't matter greatly. If it happens it happens and we ain't changing a thing. If it doesn't then I'm just another whacko who chases Big Foot in his spare time. I always knew I was some kind of whacko. I've always known there was a very good chance I was insane. But not that the world has whipped me into submission and I no longer walk counter clockwise to the motions around the pillar I must be cured. Right? But thinking I'm better shows I'm not really. Right? Ahhhh! Screw it. I need a drink. Okay I need many drinks.
I've some archiving and updating of the blogroll to do. Regular web page crap that I'll get to tommorrow or the next day. Life can't stop just because we get weird feelings in the pit of our stomach. Unless of course those weird feelings are a growing cancer that kills us. Then life stops. At least for us that is.
The Picture
The Quote
"We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people." "Martin Luther King Jr."
The Porn
Erotic Story Porn
Julius Zimmerman Porn
The Games
Tadpole
Monster Hatch
The Joke
A birch and a beech tree grow up side by side in the forest. One day, a sapling grows between them, and each swears that it's not their son. The beech thinks it's a son-of-a-birch, and the birch thinks it's a son-of-a-beech. To settle it, they enlist the help of a woodpecker, who checks it out.
"You are both wrong," he says when he comes back up. "That's the best piece of ash I've ever had my pecker in."
The Things I Wrote.
I Am Very Sneaky Sir
The Comments
Todays additions to the Links to Left.
American State Terrorism I do not fully endorse this product. It should be taken with a liberal dose of skepticism and at least a bit of being able to laugh at your self.
"I don't wanna work. Just wanna bang on the drum all day."
Gotta problem with that?
Drunken Monkey Style Blogging
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