October 2005.
Always a day late and a dollar short I suggest you click this link for the latest horscope.
Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.
Miers been dumped. Was it because she was for abortion or not for it depending upon whose survey she was filling out at the time? Was it because she once was for gay rights and then later was against it? Was it because she was a crony? Or was it because she was a she? I've wondered about that when it comes to alot of Bush's backers. Those Christian mullahs who feel all women should be at home bearing babies and wearing the burkah. I mean was it really all about the fact they want another man on the court because they are afraid of a woman with any power? Did it all really boil down to something as simple as sexism? But who cares really. She was a bad choice and good riddance to her. We'll get a new choice to pick apart and ridicule soon enough. But until then its politics as usual and the media wants to go on with the show. And I'm betting more than a few of you are sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for the second act.
"Popcorn! Get chure popcorn!"
In other news, Sulu is gay.
"Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a sexual therapist."
Always a day late and a dollar short I suggest you click this link for the latest horscope.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool. He walks up behind her and says: "Hi there good looking, how's it going?"
She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat out love it." He says: "No kidding?, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"
Rosa Parks passed away. Now I'm not going to go off proclaiming her the wisest or greatest anything. She seems to have been lucky enough, or unlucky enough depending on when you might have asked, to be the catalyst for something that had been brewing for awhile. And for many people in this country she stood for standing up for yourself. She stood for not taking it anymore. And she is a fine example of someone we all wish we were a bit more like. Such is life.
TreasonGate. The ongoing circus now playing in many bloggers center ring. It's all just a show even when it is for real. No one of real consequence is going to end up going to a real jail for real criminals. The safety net is strapped firmly in place and it only looks like they could get hurt should they fall. So with baited breath many of you await each declaration coming down from on high and from very low and those places in between. Awaiting any word or clue as to what the heck is going on. Beguiled by the lights and the sounds you watch enthralled as if it really matters one way or another. But who can help watch the dancing clowns as they tap dance around and through all the tricky issues of the day? Such is life.
The big 2K arrives. The pundits and bloggers all spin their version of a theme of who will say what and when and why. They will all use the loss of two thousands American lives for their cause. Each camp will spin away late into the night making it work out just right for the message they wish to get across. And forgotten will be the lives of two thousand American soldiers. Their voices forever silenced to those of us still living. Their messages ended. Their agendas gone. All that remains for many will be saddness, regret, and feelings of loss. Perhaps instead of using this occasion to drum home whatever point it is that I'm trying to make I instead suggest you give a thought to how many people two thousand is. Give a moments thought to how many people two thousand lives touched. Take just a moment to understand that whatever point we have to get across could probably get there without being hoisted onto the corpses of the fallen. And after that moment you go on and tell people what it is you wanted to say. Because at times I myself am not sure which is worse. Those who use these deaths as ammunition, or those who ignore the deaths because they bring bad publicity. Such is life.
Always a day late and a dollar short I suggest you click this link for the latest horscope.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
The circus has moved to Iraq. They drag out the ring and the clowns and the guy on the high wire. The media works everyone up to a frenzy so they'll buy more popcorn and Saddam readies himself for the show. Left behind are worries that the last magic act was done with wires as our attention is directed to the newest act. The newest distraction. But Saddam isn't a Daniel Noriega. He isn't getting a nice quiet trial locked away from prying eyes or pointed questions. Saddam has the chance to stir up the hornets nest for all to see. And he has supporters in Iraq who still feel he was the rightful ruler. Ever more so as more and more Iraqis look back to his regime as being safer and more stable. When there was but one murderous madman in charge instead of many with differing agendas. When the bombs were flying out of the country rather than in. So with held breath we wait and worry that the man on the high wire might fall this way or that. Anything can happen at the circus and we all love the show.
And of course by now most of you have read about or heard about the glow in the dark mosquitoes. Most of you praising science for find a new way to do this that or the other. And that's all fine and dandy for you folks to do but.............. In Florida we have lovebugs. They are useless and breed in huge swarms. They live for the sole purpose of ruining the paint jobs of autos. Invented by scientist to deal with mosquitoes they got lose from a lab and proliferated. As such I expect much the same will happen with this new neon glow in the dark mosquitoe. So soon most of Florida will have our very own fireflys. Thanks science.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Off we go into a strange mind kinda day. What if. What if I say. What if we are not meant to be peaceful. What if getting along is actually against our better natures. That the moment we stop fighting we start to become less perfect instead of more so. Look to the African continent for my hypothesis that should follow true to each and every other continent and landmass and island and the seas and oceans of this planet and any other planet wherever they may be that supports lifeforms in their many varied forms. If a species cannot copete in the predator prey scenario in one way shape or form, be it through huge breeding numbers or growing larger and stronger with horns or with this or that, well folks if you don't keep up you die. Lions is lions right? You know, a lion from anywhere in Africa is the same as any other lion from anywhere else in Africa. Nope. Wrong. Uh uh. You see there are variations of lion. And some groups are doing better because of hunting areas and food availability which leads to females preferring the coloratiosn of males from these areas which is effecting the coloration of new offspring in certin areas of Africa. They like brown tufts over blonde. Get over it. But not being a racist fuck whatsoever, just throwing out a nutty idea that came outta nowhere. Maybe we are meant to fight over race issues and religion issues and this issue and that issue and the other one. Maybe this keeps us gropwing as a species in our varied forms. Maybe this is what we would create if it didn't exist. Maybe we bring about order in the world but secretly despising it we bring about the most chaos of any species. Because we want to figth and war. We want to test our mettle against a foe so we don't grow old and stale and fall by the wayside of, dare I say it, evolution. Striving ever to be the dominant animal on the planet.
And I the pacifist decry this as wrong on soo many levels. I decry it as wrong because war is wrong and killing is wrong and hurting and pain is wrong, but all those nature peace fucks, you know who you are, would doom us as a race, religion, minority, what have you, in the name of being civilized. That we aren't growing. That to ignore war and hostility and fighting and other nations desire for our this that or the other might lead them to seek to do us damage in one way shape or form. Ignoring is is like an ostrich sticking it's head in the sand when it saw a lion walking up, "If I just act peaceful and stick my head in the sand and ignore it, it'll go away."
The above is attributed to a drunk. Any ramblings you find offensive please ignore. The writer was drunk. If you liked the above comments please send fifty seven thousand dollars for years updating and ponderings of the universe. Or if your just too cheap to send me any money then you can comment, send my link to everyone in your mailing list, send me the title to your car, uhhhhh, "wine? why yes dear. thanks." possibly sell me your children for lives of indentured servitude, and loyalty. I am really looking for some loyal followers. Ability to grovel and worship at the same time high on the list of qualifications. Possible promotions to FEMA director or Supreme court judge.
Well I find a need, gotta pee, to bring this to a close, man I have to go soo bad, so I will leave you with, dammit man get up and go to the bathroom already, this last word, right like you ever shut up, politics are, now I am definately going to wet myself, a great distraction. what? That's it? "Politics are a great distraction?" dammit that asshole has done lost his mind again. Goodnight, good day and good luck. You're going to need it.
Always a day late and a dollar short I suggest you click this link for the latest horscope.
There was this really old guy at an old-timer's dance, and the problem was that he hadn't had any sex for a long time. He'd been dancing with all the grandmas all night, but still hadn't scored.
Frustrated, he approached an old grandma and said, "I'm having no luck scoring a woman. How about coming back to my place for a roll in the hay? I'll give you 20 bucks!"
She says, "I'm willing, let's go".
They get back to his place and after a bit of foreplay; they head for the bedroom. He loves the sex and can't get over how tight she is for such an old woman. He thinks that she's got to be a virgin.
After the wonderful performance, he rolls off of her and puffs, "Wow! Lady, if I had of known you were a virgin, I would have given you 50 bucks".
Surprised, she says, "If I had of known you were actually going to get a hard-on, I would have taken my pantyhose off!"
But this evil, vile, corrupt, little ball of shit actually looked at a problem and found a way to fix it. Seems he dipped into the reserves of oil and proclaimed that they should be used. And this made some very happy piggys down at the oil companies offices. But he sensing their glee decided they too should take some of the screwing. Not as much as the rest of us mind you but some of it at least just so he could watch them snivel and whine. He decreed that the cost of the oil could not be sold at present prices, but at an average of what it cost and what it now sold for on the open market. This man who hated us all and was such an unworthy schmuck actually did a good thing. So even vile things can do good sometimes.
But Bush is no Nixon. We don't call him Tricky Bush. We don't suggest he is the smartest of guys. And we seriously doubt he would ever do anything that would hurt the profit margins of the oil companies. Because he didn't come up working for a living selling cars. He came up screwing people over on business deals and working with connections in the oil biddness. So we should doubt this toad of a king will average out the cost of oil in the reserves. Even though it would help most of us. Even though it is the right thing to do. Even though one of their past heroes did it. Because this little emperor isn't cut from the same mold. No his kind of mold is scraped off the wall behind the toilet before everyone in the house gets sick from some fungal infection.
And some of you voted for this guy twice. Shame on you.
Always a day late and a dollar short I suggest you click this link for the latest horscope.
Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female drunk and passed out. Out of respect for the lady, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.
The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sox cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time.
The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked, “What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?” “Well,” said the officer. “I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under a Yankees hat, I find an asshole.”
As they flee the sinking ship and seek to distance themselves from the failures they do so by decrying a recent choice for the Supremes. They do not distance themselves from the push for war, the lies to get us there, the failure that is the prescription drug benefit program, the tax cuts to America's wealthiest, or any of a number of horrible decisions. Instead they distance themselves because Bush hasn't done enough to screw America. Think about it next time you laud one of those turncoats turning our direction because their guy isn't fucking us hard enough to their liking. And at best these turncoat bloggers can't be counted on since they were soo obviously wrong for soo long now can we? Stop giving them credit where it isn't due.
I'm white trash. You know the kind. I have thigh high grass growing in a yard filled with old toys left by the monstrous offspring of my loins. And my truck looks as if it could very easily be a derelict vehicle. I answer the door in the same filthy rags I wore to work because my job isn't the kind one wears a tie to, or even nice clothes for that matter. I get home dog tired and it's lucky I can even get my boots off let alone jump and and start on chores. As such I have a perspective quite a few of our more affluent bloggers do not have. That of the working poor. Lucky fucking me.
You know you hate to sound like a nutcase when you finally go off but sometimes it just has to happen.
I really do not feel like looking up every link to back up everything I'm about to go off about but most of it is public knowledge.
Rubber bullets, bean bags, smells that'll make you vomit, pepper sprays of varying strengths, microwave weapons that inflict pain without inflicting visible damages, and any number of new devices that are supposedly for "crowd control" in a non lethal way. You see killing folks who are your own citizens might look bad if you did it too much, but someone somewhere in the fine Washington area and think tanks associated with them is expecting to need ways to control hostile crowds of angry citizens for some reason. And over time they've got laws bumped, changed, added, deleted, or ignored in an effort to mke what they are going to do all legal accourding to the revised book.
Yeah that sounds nuts but we live in nutty times. Times when your average American would never suspect the amount of survelence our government is capable of. And I for one feel the public at large should wise up.
Know that any telephone or cellphone conversation can be tapped at any time. Its a fact. Know that new computers and laptops are being turned out with keystroke ability so someone externally can track anything and everything that your computer does. Expect it. Ever hear of the starphone? I believe it was invented during the korean war. Maybe earlier. With it our goverment would dieal a number, say an important Korean official, and the phone would open a connection without ringing effectively allowing the Americans to listen in. The same now holds true for every television set manufactored in the world.
Someone once told me the only difference between "Us" and "Them" was that their government told them what they could do, and ours told us what we can't. Seems not alot has really changed since then.
Always a day late and a dollar short I suggest you click this link for the latest horscope.
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.
Abortion. Now I know both sides of the debate are rather heated in their feelings on the issue but.......... Are there really that many Americans who want Roe versus Wade overturned that they are willing to accept the government as it is now? I hear congress critters and the like spouting off about filling their constituents wants and needs and keeping to the agenda. And so much of their agenda has been wrapped up in things best left as religious or moral choices. Or in the limiting of those choices to others who don't agree with others. The whole agenda seems to be wrapped up in saying no to others, No you can't have an abortion. No you can't do drugs. No you can't get married if you're gay. No you can't do stem cell research. No no no no no. I see very little yes out of the right. Instead of pushing for more freedom of personal choice and responsibility I see more of a push to decree what is allowed and what isn't. Because others think we shouldn't do these things. Others believe we are not allowed to make these personal choices. Others believe they have the right to decide how we live and how we don't. And it really seems that the others deciding all of this aren't that big a group. They are loud and pushy in demanding their way. They show fanatical perseverance in making things happen for them. And they have an agenda they will push for until it happens no matter what. Imposing their will on others in the name of God never bothers them at all because they are much better than the rest of us and have so much less sin on their hands.
Now since the God they believe in and the book they read from is the Bible, a book I'm a slight bit familiar with I really want to ask them as a group if they remember any of the lessons of the Pharasees. If they recall the mote in thy neighbors eye and the beam in thy own. If they've even read the book they use to justify their ruling it over the rest of us. Because I believe they don't.
And since these people keep spouting off about agendas I have to wonder if their agenda is to bankrupt our country. To ship our jobs overseas. To allow more illegal immigrants to undercut our pay scale so American workers can't get a fair living wage. To continue borrowing money from China so they own enough of our country to have some control over our political processes. If their agenda was to kill Iraqi civilians in the name of God. To lie cheat and steal their way to power at any cost so they could impose more rules based upon their religious morals. To allow corporations more leeway in abusing the laws for their benefit. I just have to wonder. Is this what the right and right to lifers support. Because I find it hard to believe there are that many Americans who would actually support any of this if it were layed out as is. That perhaps there is indeed an agenda but possibly it isn't one the American people support. Which leads me to wonder exactly who is it that is supporting this agenda.
Always a day late and a dollar short I suggest you click this link for the latest horscope.
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”
I am often suprised by those on the left, and myself during my more foolish moments. Here it is six years later and we keep sounding off like our words will have some effect on Bush or his administration. We said no to Iraq. No connection to the attacks and a host of other reasons and we said no. We all know how that turned out thus far so moving along. We all said no to the tax cuts. We got those plus more. We said the drug benefit plan wasn't a good one. It happened. We balked at the UN pick Bolton. He's now the UN pick. Roberts wasn't the man to be the next Supreme. He's the man now. And now out of left field with no judicial experience we have hand picked my very own bestest buddy who counseled me when to keep my mouth shut and when to open it much like Rove does we get the newest Supreme.
And that is why I am not going to waste alot of time talking about her. About what Bush does. Or anything else. Because most of the folks out there deserve Bush. The rich and greedy deserve Bush because they worked hard to put him where he is now didn't they. And Americans by and large deserve Bush because they have the right to vote and don't. We have come to expect greedy corrupt politicians who lie and cheat and steal and take bribes from everybody who is anybody and work together to cover it up daily. We have come to expect exactly what we are getting. And more and more and more it looks as if our politicians live the lives of mob dons with high profile images. We see the stories about all they've returned to the community with none of the stories of all they've stolen. But I babble.
Sacrificial sheep. England. Brown. to name the latest newsworthy examples. They give up some no names beneath them to a media that has been starved of any serious content and now is willing to accept any scrap thrown it's way. Becoming not the arm of truth but the lap dog to the tyrants. So what was once exactly what it is now is still the same. All the quant visions of a past press that wasn't owned by someone with an eye for money and power. A press that reported all the truth and did real in depth reporting on the important issues. We all look back at a past as if it really was better when in all actuallity its all still the same. Nothing has really changed. We are still the same humans our forebearers were. And in the grand scheme of things everything that is passing has passed before in one variation or another and will come to pass again. So lets not get too worked up about Bush's latest hand picked prize pig. K?
Always a day late and a dollar short I suggest you click this link for the latest horscope.
A secretary was leaving the office one Friday evening when she encountered Mr. Jones, the Human Resources manager, standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said Mr. Jones, "this is important, and my secretary has already left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the secreatry. She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said Mr. Jones as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
Gotta problem with that?
