ADMIT IT:YOUR BARBIES WERE NAKED, TOO
by
Jill Lynne Ness (copyright 1997 All Rights Reserved)
When I was younger, my juvenile-delinquent little
brother, then aged nine, strapped my Barbie doll, naked, to the
string of his kite. I was totally humiliated. To make things
worse, Barbie didn't even know what was being done to her; she
just kept that pixie-like grin, not realizing that she had been
stripped and was now exposed, strung up by her hair
caveman-style on the tail end of a Star Wars kite. She got quite
banged up, never having been able to get off the ground, and
suffered injuries which I shall not speak of. Let's just say she
was run face-first along the tarred and gravelled surface of our
street and the most pronounced parts of herself underwent
irreparable damage.
Now what annoys me is two things: first, that my
brother even thought of attaching a naked Barbie doll to the
tail end of his kite, and secondly, whenever my friends came
over to play Barbies and we changed their outfits my friends
always asked me what happened to Barbie's you-know-what's.
Someone once figured out that if Barbie's proportions
are compared to those of a real woman, Barbie as a life-sized
person would be pretty well endowed: 38-18-34. A 38-D cup, to be
precise. Her waist is unrealistically tiny, and her legs are
extremely long in proportion to the rest of her body. Even with
all today's emphasis on looks and fitness, it would be
impossible to find a real-life woman that models Barbie. Now I
ask you, what kind of role model is this for young girls? Is it
any wonder we have eleven and twelve year old girls going on
diets and becoming anorexic?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against Barbies, I had one
myself. And I'm not about to blame all society's troubles on an
18 inch doll. But think about it, all you women out there, did
Barbie ever engage in any sort of intellectual activity? Every
girl I have ever known who had a Barbie always wanted a Ken doll
to go with her. But what did Barbie and Ken do together once you
got the Barbie clothing set with the wedding dress? Honeymoon
city. Admit it, I know my Barbie dolls didn't keep their clothes
on all the time.
I was quite disappointed to find out that Ken was
androgynous beneath his handsome suit. A quite interesting fact,
in comparison to Barbie's full-bodied figure.
One of my friends was excited to receive her first Ken
doll, the Malibu Ken who had a tan line where his shorts were
supposed to be. We pulled his shorts down and Kim said,
"Look! All's there is a little bump! That's not what a
real boy looks like!"
But Barbie never complained. She always smiled at her
adoring Ken.
In all the Barbie play I have witnessed, Barbie never
gets complemented on her mind, but always her hair or her
figure. In fact, one of Barbie's favorite pastimes is doing her
hair. If you don't believe me, watch some children play Barbies
sometime. It makes me yearn for Barbie to get a crew cut.
My first Barbie was one of the originals, given to me
by a neighbor. It was the doll she had when she was little. The
original Barbies were brunettes, not blondes. Mine had
older-style clothing, complete with sweaters, a modest one piece
swimsuit, pullovers, nylons, bra, panties, and wedding dress.
Today's Barbies don't even wear bras. Now considering that she
is a 38-D cup, I would think that Barbie would need one. Unless
of course she is trying out for Playboy's Playmate of the Month.
Now that there is a Baywatch Barbie, I wouldn't be much
surprised.
Perhaps you think I am being a little extreme. But
consider some of the names of today's Barbie dolls:
"Make-Me-Pretty Barbie," "All Star Barbie," "Feelin' Fun
Barbie," "Animal-Lovin' Barbie" (Ken too, each in a safari
outfit_they look like idealized versions of Tarzan and Jane),
and "Wet and Wild Barbie." The "Wet and Wild Barbie" has a
swimsuit that changes color in cold water. If they want Barbie
as realistically proportioned as a real woman, I could tell the
Mattel company what really happens when women get in cold water.
I know the toy company won't go this far. They'd have
lawsuits against them. But the way they are churning out new
Barbies every day, that evergrowing aisle of pink boxes makes me
wonder. All the advertisements always emphasize Barbie's looks,
never her intellect. Songbird Barbie has a songbird that "sings
and magically balances on your finger." You can "mix and match"
Earring Magic Barbie's Charms. And who could do without Glitter
Hair Barbie or Foam & Color Barbie?
Today's Barbie and Ken are going out on more and more
dates and don't get married quite so often, because Barbie is
supposed to be such a free-spirited woman (like the Flight
Attendant Barbie, in her pink outfit and matching pink
briefcase). But nonetheless, mind you, Barbie and Ken are still
up to the same actions as they were when I was a child, I would
suggest that Barbie pack along a little pink box of condoms, but
of course Ken doesn't need them. (You see that my childhood
disappointment is still showing through here).
And just why is it that the Mattel Company doesn't
have any children manufactured for Barbie and Ken? All they have
is Barbie's little sister. Why can't they develop a pregnant
Barbie, complete with water retention and varicose veins?
No, I am not out to form a coalition against Barbie
and Ken and the Mattel company or anything. I will probably give
my own daughter a Barbie doll (though it will be my now slightly
imperfect, brunette Barbie). All I'm suggesting are a few
alternatives. How about a flat-chasted Barbie? How about a
Barbie with a little tummy, like a lot of us women have? How
about a shorter Barbie, or a Barbie with glasses? How about a
Barbie without a boyfriend, or a Barbie with interests other
than clothes and boys_how about a Barbie who has an extensive
book collection? Yes, it will be a mighty fine day in toyland
when, instead of a fashion magazine, Barbie picks up Virginia
Woolf's, "A Room of One's Own ".
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