Here is the Rocket Tom will be riding.
IT
WILL BE FUN!!!
T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF
PLASTER AND STONE.
I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY
WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO
IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.
I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,
A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS,
NOT EVEN A TREE.
NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,
JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES
OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.
WITH MEDALS AND BADGES,
AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBER THOUGHT
CAME THROUGH MY MIND.
FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT,
IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER,
ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.
THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING,
SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR
IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.
THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE,
THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT HOW I PICTURED
A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.
WAS THIS THE HERO
OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO,
THE FLOOR FOR A BED?
I REALIZED THE FAMILIES
THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS
WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.
SOON ROUND THE WORLD,
THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE
A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.
THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM
EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS,
LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.
I COULDN'T HELP WONDER
HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE
IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.
THE VERY THOUGHT
BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES
AND STARTED TO CRY.
THE SOLDIER AWAKENED
AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
"SANTA DON'T CRY,
THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;
I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,
I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS MY GOD,
MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS."
THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER
AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN'T CONTROL IT,
I CONTINUED TO WEEP.
I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS,
SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED
FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.
I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE
ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR
SO WILLING TO FIGHT.
THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER,
WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA,
IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."
ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH,
AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND,
AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT."
Stephen Brooke
Too funny not to share .
Most of us have now learned to live with voice
mail as a necessary part of
our lives. Have you ever wondered what it
would be like if God decided to
install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing
the following:
Thank you for calling heaven.
For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others
I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy
helping other sinners right
now. However, your prayer is important to
us and we will answer it in the
order it was received. Please stay on the
line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy Spirit, press 3
To find a loved one that has been assigned
to heaven press 5, then enter
his social security # followed by the pound
sign.
(If you receive a negative response, please
hang up and dial area code
666)
For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN
followed by the numbers, 3
16.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs,
life and other planets,
please wait until you arrive in heaven for
the specifics.
Our computers show that you have already been
prayed for today, please
hang up and call again tomorrow.
The office is now closed for the weekend to
observe a religious holiday.
If you are calling after hours and need emergency
assistance, please
contact your local pastor.
Thank you and have a heavenly day.
2. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
3. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Just let it be.
4. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
5. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
6. Crying is blackmail.
7. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
8. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of 30, would look best with your dress?
9. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
10. Come to us with a problem only if you want help in solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
11. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
12. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments we make become null and void after seven days.
13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
14. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
15. Men see in only 16 colors, just like the Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what taupe is.
16. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
17. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know that I have to sleep
on the couch tonight, but did you know that we really don't mind that?
It's kind of like camping.``
Welcome to the Family!!!
Payton Michael VanSteenkiste
Saturday, November 30, 2002
A Good Time Was Had By All.....
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"
Who was the first one who thought that the white thing that came from a hen's butt looked edible?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Why ARE Trix only for kids?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion
stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is
wet paint
somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
A third grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child
in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up
with
the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were
actually
done by third graders, but there are some good ones -- nonetheless
-- their
insight may surprise you.
Better to be safe than............................punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the ..........................bug is close.
It's always darkest before...................Daylight Savings Time.
Never underestimate the power of..........termites.
You can lead a horse to water but..........how?
Don't bite the hand that...................looks dirty.
No news is...................................impossible.
A miss is as good as a.......................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new.............math.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll..........stink in the morning.
Love all, trust...............................me.
The pen is mightier than the.................pigs.
An idle mind is............................the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's..............pollution.
Happy the bride who..........................gets all the
presents.
A penny saved is.............................not much.
Two's company, three's......................the Musketeers.
Don't put off till tomorrow what....................you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and .........you have to blow your nose.
There are none so blind as..................................Stevie Wonder.
Children should be seen and not....................spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed..............get new batteries.
You get out of something only what you..........see in the picture on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind.........................get out of the way.
And the favorite ...
Better late than .....................pregnant.
Next, Summer is lovin her mission. But, she is freezing. It is cold there. She is the only set of biking sister missionaries in there mission. They are having great success teaching and she is lovin that. Boy, I hope all my kids go on missions.
Lastly, Ben and Deena have moved to AZ and it started to rain today.
I think the heavens agreed with me and had a good cry. I will miss
those babies and I will miss them. I guess it will give me one more
excuse to come and visit. Or as Tom and I refer to it. They
are just the advance or scouting party. And I guess we will
just have to bring up the rear.
Red rover, red rover it is winter and time to send Mommy over. I think all the snow birds are flying South for the winter. I think this snow bird is ready to fly before we get that fog. So maybe after Thanksgiving???
How is the weather there in the Iowa? How is Richard? Has
anyone heard from Jennifer??? How many are coming for Thanksgiving????????????
Let me know so I can try to have proper food and bedding.
Well, it is late and passed my bedtime. Love Lisa
Come on guys, lets hear the chatter. I don't know what is going
on with anyone and feel very much alone and unloved. Mommy thinks
that she is nobodies favorite. Everyone has forgotten her and doesn't
love her anymore. I think coal is on the shopping list for Christmas!!!
Signing off to no one. The forgotten.
Lisa & Dorothy
Sister Summer Brooke
3562 Green Brier Blvd. #389B
Ann Arbor, MI 48105
She is loving the mission. She is serving on University of Michigan
Campus. They are assigned to the young married ward on campus.
And they are the only sisters to ride bikes on there mission.
It is going to be a cold winter for her. She said her companion is
a real fire ball and she is loving it. These girls need your letters
of support. So drop her a line. Love Lisa
As for the others.... I will fill you in later.
Love and kisses to all, Margie
From: Russell D. Jorgensen
To: greglv@cox.net
Sent: Friday, September 20, 2002 10:29 PM
Subject: Shoulder Surgery
Greg: Here is the picture. You and Dr. Thomas. This
is at the completion of the surgery needless to say...The goggles are for
protecting your eyes.
The endotracheal tube is to secure the airway. EKG, Blood Pressure,
Oxygen and temperature monitoring were also carried out as was the concentration
of anesthestetic gases and your carbon dioxide. Enjoy,
Love David
I just finished summer term and did really well! I am really excited
for Fall
semester to begin. (I know, that must seem weird for someone
to actually
enjoy school...but I do!) I had some really awesome roommates,
but
unfortunately they were only visiting students and all left this weekend.
:(
But I will have the opportunity to break in a new set next week.
In the mean
time I am working for the Press & Design Dept. on campus and catching
up on my
tan. Can you believe I have only had time to go to the beach
5 times since
I've been here!?!?! It's true! But I will catch up.
;) I am trying not to
slack off and keep focused on my studies...but it is getting harder.
The atmosphere is absolutely incredible!! If you haven't seen
the campus and
temple you are missing out. Laie grew out from them. Not
only is the Spirit
present, but I am loving the diversity of culture and language.
It is so
awesome!! Many of the students in my ward are sponsored students
from the
Pacific Rim. We have everyone from Fiji to India, Thailand to
Tonga. It is
so amazing! My bishop is from New Zealand and has the coolest
accent. It has
really been amazing to see how the gospel blends all cultures together.
Hawaii is such a beautiful place. I had different perceptions
when I arrived,
but have fallen in love with everything! Well...almost everything.
The
humidity is killing me!!! I sweat all the time; I can't even
joke and say I
am "only glistening." But the locals assure me that I will love
it in the
winter!
The only drawback is that I am missing my family terribly...and my bunnies
even more! It is hard not to be able to take a road trip home
whenever I
want. But Mom and Dad assure me all is well and that my babies
are being
taken care of. I can't wait for Christmas when I will get to
see them all
again. I really missed not being able to be there for Jennifer's
baptism. I
heard it was a truly special event and that the Lord's love was upon
all who
came. I know that I will miss being there for Summer's farewell.
But know
that I am there in spirit and will keep you all in my prayers.
I am so grateful for you all. I am so very blessed to be part
of such a
wonderfully supportive and loving family. I am grateful for the
examples
every single one of you are in my life. I can't begin to show
my
appreciation. Thank you for loving me and taking care of each
other.
If any of you decide to take a trip out here, be sure to let me know
(hint,
hint...especially to David & Becky). I would love to show
you around and give
you a "local's" perspective. My address is 55-149 Kulanui St.
Laie, HI
96762 and phone # is (808) 232-2495 or email me at adrianne@aprildew.com.
Love and mahalo (that means thanks) to all!!
Adrianne
1972: Long hair
2002: Longing for hair
1972: The perfect high
2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund
1972: KEG
2002: EKG
1972: Acid rock
2002: Acid reflux
1072: Disco
2002: Costco
1972: Moving to California because it's cool
2002: Moving to California because it's warm
1972: Growing pot
2002: Growing pot belly
1972: Trying to look like Marlong Brando or Liz Taylor
2002: Trying not to lok like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1972: Seeds and stems
2002: Roughage
1972: Popping pills, Smoking joints
2002: Popping Joints
1972: Killer weed
2002: Weed killer
1972: Hoping for a BMW
2002: Hoping for a BM
P.S. I found Robbie on the tramoline. Surprise, surprise.
This is how it goes:
I decide to wash the car. I start toward the garage and I notice the
mail on the table. OK, I'm going to wash the car, but first I'm going
to go through the mail.
I lay the car keys down on the desk, discard the junk mail and I notice
the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk and take
the trash can out. But since I'm going to be near the mailbox anyway,
I'll
pay these few bills first.
Now, where is my checkbook? Oops, there's only one check left. My
extra checks are in my desk. Oh, there's the coke I was drinking. I'm
going to look for those checks. But first I need to put my coke further
away from the computer. Oh, maybe I'll pop it into the fridge to keep
it cold for a while.
I head towards the kitchen and my flowers catch my eye; they need
some water. I set the coke on the counter and uh oh! There are my
glasses. I was looking for them all morning! I'd better put them away
first.
I fill a container with water and head for the flower pots -- Aaaaaagh!
Someone left the TV remote in the kitchen. We'll never think to look
in
the kitchen tonight when we want to watch television so I'd better
put
it back in the family room where it belongs.
I splash some water into the pots and onto the floor, I throw the remote
onto a soft cushion on the sofa and I head back down the hall trying
to
figure out what it was I was going to do?
End of the Day:
The car isn't washed, the bills are unpaid, the coke is sitting on
the
kitchen counter, the flowers are half watered, the checkbook still
only
has one check in it and I can't seem to find my car keys! When I try
to
figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because.......
I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!!
I realize this is a serious condition and I'll get help, BUT FIRST
I
think
I'll check my e-mail...
We will be in California in a few weeks ....He'll pick it there !!!
Love,Us
Thanks,
Greg
This week Girls Camp will start,
I'm so nervous. I've had serveral
MELTDOWNS but things are going well.( yes the valium is beginning to
take
effect) When you hear from me next week I'll be so happy because it
will all
be over. And soon be on our way out to visit everyone. take care wish
me luck
this week. Terry
1. Name the Beatles. _________________ _________________ _________________ _________________
2. Finish the line: "Lions and Tigers and Bears, ____ ____ !"
3. "Hey kids, what time is it?" _____ _____ _____ _____.
4. What do M&M's do? ____ ____ ____ ____, ____ ____ ____ ____
5. What helps build strong bodies 12 ways? _____ _____.
6. Long before he was Mohammed Ali, we knew him as _____ _____.
7. You'll wonder where the yellow went, ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____
8. Post-baby boomers know Bob Denver as the Skipper's "little buddy." But we know that Bob Denver is actually Dobie's closest friend, ______G._______.
9. M-I-C: See ya' real soon; K-E-Y: _____? ____ _____ _____ _____! 10. "Brylcream: ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____."
11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone _____ _____.
12. From the early days of our music, real rock 'n roll, finish this line: "I wonder, wonder, wonder...wonder who; ____ ______ _____ _____ _____?
13. And while we're remembering rock n' roll, try this one: "War...uh- huh,huh...yea; what is it good for? , ____ _____."
14. Meanwhile, back home in Metropolis, Superman fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and _____ ____ _____.
15. He came out of the University of Alabama, and became one of the best quarterbacks in the history of the NFL. He later went on to appear in a television commercial wearing women's stockings. He is Broadway _____ ______.
16. "I'm Popeye the sailor man; I'm Popeye the sailor man. I'm strong to the finish, ____ ____ ____ ___ ____. I'm Popeye the sailor man."
17. Your children probably recall that Peter Pan was recently played by Robin Williams, but we will always remember when Peter was played by____ _____.
18. In a movie from the late sixties, Paul Newman played Luke, a ne'er do well who was sent to a prison camp for cutting off the heads of parking meters with a pipe cutter. When he was captured after an unsuccessful attempt to escape, the camp commander (played by Strother Martin) used this experience as a lesson for the other prisoners, and explained, "What we have here, ____ ____ ____ ____ ___."
19. In 1962, a dejected politician chastised the press after losing a race for governor while announcing his retirement from politics. "Just think, you won't have ____ ____ to kick around anymore."
20. "Every morning, at the mine, you could see him arrive; He stood six foot, six, weighed 245. Kinda' broad at the shoulder, and narrow at the hip. And everybody knew you didn't give no lip, ____ ____, ____ ____ ____."
21. "I found my thrill, ____ ____ ____."
22. ____ ____ said, "Good night, Mrs. Calabash, ____ ____ ____."
23. "Good night, David." "____ ____,____."
24. "Liar, liar, ____ ____ ____."
25. "When it's least expected, you're elected. You're the star today.____! ____ ____ ____ ____."
26. It was Pogo, the comic strip character, who said, "We have met the enemy, and ____ ____ ____."
Click here for the ANSWERS:
(p.s. JoAnn's score 24 1/2)
Mommy (Dorothy) has a request of her children. She would
like some kind of family picture of each family. 5 by 7 inch or smaller.
Even a snap shot with whoever is living at home. You can send her
a updated later. Don't go out and spend a lot of money on it. She
just wants a small wall with all her kids on it.
ASAP Love your favorite Mommy
Jenn Golden
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
June 5, 2002
To: NAW Area Authority Seventies and Stake Presidents
Dear Brethren:
May we ask you to give your attention to the following urgent message:
The daughter of one of our faithful members has been abducted. Her
name is Elizabeth Smart. The details can be found in the Deseret News.
The article can be downloaded through www.deseretnews.com.
Please access this article and review it. If you have any information
that might be helpful to the investigation, please contact your local
police department, the local office of the FBI, or the Salt Lake City
Police Department in care of Don Bell (801-799-3420). He is the
detective in charge.
An alternate website is www.media.lds.org
which has a link directly to
the Deseret News.
Instructions to Area Authority Seventies:
1. Contact every stake president for your regions IMMEDIATELY, and
have
them download from the Church website the bulletin regarding Elizabeth
Sharp who was kidnaped from the Federal Heights area of Salt Lake City
early this morning, June 5, 2002. You may assign stake presidents to
contact other stake presidents in phone tree format, but each stake
president must be contacted.
Instruction to Stake Presidents:
1. Contact each of the bishops in your stake and have them download
and
print copies of the flyer as instructed below.
2. We need bishops, stake presidents, and all members who are available
to help post copies of the flyer in every public place anywhere it
will
be noticed: gas stations, restaurants, grocery stores, etc.
To download the flyer:
1. http://www.lds.org
2. Click on "News Media Resources" on the lower-left hand side of the
page.
3. Click the link regarding Elizabeth Smart.
4. Print.
2. Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old. Squash
their toes with your rocker.
3. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth
waiting in line for.
4. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not
me. I want people to know why I look this way. I've
traveled a long way and some of the roads
weren't paved.
5. Maturity means being emotionally and mentally
healthy. It is that time when you know when to say
yes and when to say no, and when to say WHOOPEE!
6. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
7. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go
back to youth, think of Algebra.
8. You know you are getting old when everything
either dries up or leaks.
9. I don't know how I got over the hill without getting
to the top.
10. The golden years are really just metallic years,
gold in the tooth, silver in the hair, and lead in the
rear.
11. Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be
born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.
12. One of the many things no one tells you about
aging is that it is such a nice change from being
young. One must wait until evening to see how
splendid the day has been.
13. Age seldom arrives smoothly or quickly. It is more
often a succession of jerks.
14. Yeah, being young is beautiful, but being old is
comfortable.
15. Old age is when former classmates are so gray
and wrinkled, and blind they don't recognize you.
16. If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't
have anything to laugh at when you are old.
The mother of a large family was explaining why she
dresses
her children alike, right down to the youngest baby.
"When
we had just four children, I dressed them alike
so we
wouldn't lose any of them. Now," she added, looking
around
at her brood of nine, "I dress them alike so we
won't pick
up any that don't belong to us."
Love,
Brooke
I am looking forward to James graduation. I am definitely ready to party. Parker is soooooooooooo cute. Is he walking yet?
Hey, if any of you are in the Provo area. Summer has a new address.
It is:
(King Henry Apartments)
450 North 1130 East #303
Provo UT 84606
(801) 370-3143 hm (801) 360-7153 cell
She is going to BYU-Provo for the summer, and almost finished working
on her mission papers. She is waiting on her wisdom to be removed here
in 3 weeks. Then her papers will go in. She will be 21 yrs. old in August,
so we will be having another farewell this fall. Our first sister missionary
for this age group. Yeah, baby. You go girl. I think Natalie will be right
on her tail. So move on over boys, the girls are on there way. What can
I say. When the spirit moves you, the spirit moves you. So let's rock and
roll with the work. Every member a missionary. Summer would love hearing
from yawl with you love and support. One proud missionary mom, Lisa
Men always hear "the rules" from the feminine
side. Ok - we are now going to hear the rules
from the man's side. These are Men's rules!
(and yes, they're all number 1.)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a
big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you.
Live with it.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are
never going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on
this one: Subtle hints do not work, Strong
hints do not work, Obvious hints do not work,
Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays
and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us
frequently beforehand.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want
help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy
is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a
problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all
comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's
Secret girls, don't expect us to act like
soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted
two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad
or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway;
it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or
tell us how you want it done, not both. If
you already know best how to do it, just do
it yourself.
1. The relationship is never going to be like
it was the first two months we were going
out. Get over it.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like
Windows default settings. Peach, for example,
is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is a
vegetable. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do
that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will
be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not
proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say
"nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not
worth the hassle.
Adrianne
P.S. Can you tell that I am so excited!!!!!!!!
Humbly yours
Greg
To Owen, Steven, Matt, Matt, Levi, Justin and
Ryan.. Our heavenly Father wants you out there. It will be hard work, but
it will be the best time of your
life. Don't miss out.
Love, Uncle,Greg
PS. How's Ricky and Gail doing???....have heard from you guys in awhile.
...and you too Bob and Margie???
PSS. thanks again to you JoAnn...you are terrific to do all this for
us...we
are NOT worthy!!!! :)
Sunday, April 7, 2002
Just a quick note to tell everyone that sales this year have been excellent.
They start the new year from October to October. Whoever sells over 100
pools get a free trip to Hawaii all expense paid (with the wife). As of
two days ago, I only had 17 pools to go till I qualify. To give you an
idea how good that is, the next closest person has 42 to go! Becky and
I are SO excited. Yeah baby!!!
Love David
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.
You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the
windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you
could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.
7. The air bag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine.
I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY.....
Don't put all of your eggs in one basket,
Walk softly and carry a big carrot,
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears,
There's no such thing as too much candy,
All work and no play can make you a basket case,
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention,
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day,
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits,
Some body parts should be floppy,
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans,
Good things come in small sugarcoated packages,
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket,
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare,
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell.
Happy Easter
Next, everyone studies the history of lighting
methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles.
Then, everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types of
light
bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much change they'll get
if they
buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a five dollar bill.
On the way home, a discussion develops over the history of money and
also
Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the five dollar
bill.
Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from
the
woods, the light bulb is installed. And there is light.
A man left work one Friday afternoon, it was payday,
so instead of
going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying
with the boys
and spending his entire pay check.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night,
he was confronted
by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two
hours with a tirade
befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to
him, "How would you
like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
He replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same
results.
By Thursday, however, the swelling had gone down
just enough, he
could see her a little out of the corner of his
left eye...
I need some feed back here!
Friday, March 1, 2002
Mommie's song
(Lisa's verse)
Oh where, Oh where can my mom-mie
be?
Oh where, Oh where can she be?
Leaving her sad little pup,
she's flown the coop.
Oh where, Oh where has she gone?
Oh where, oh where can my mommie
be?
Oh where oh where can she be?
(Margie's verse)
She promised to come,
but prefers the sun...
Oh where, oh where can she be?
(Joanie's Verse)
Oh where, oh where can my mommie
be?
Oh where oh where can she be?
Leave her alone,
She's found a..... Rich Snow Bird and a New Home!
Oh where, oh where can she be?
(Joanie's Verse)
Oh where Oh where has your mommy
gone?
Oh where?..... She has been
with me.
We'' ve been to the mall to
shop.
She's there till she (literally)
drops.
And that's what she'll do till
she leaves.
LOVE JOYCE
Boom Boom ain't it great to be mommy,
Boom Boom ain't it great to be mommy,
Walking around in that great sun,
Boom Boom ain't it great to be mommy!
Boom Boom ain't it great to be Joanie,
Boom Boom ain't it great to be Danny,
Fighting over mommy, Having so much fun,
Boom Boom ain't it great to be Becky!
(next verse anyone)
My mommy left us with foggy,
She's having too much fun in the sun,
She forgot her address and her doggie,
So send back my mommy to me,
Bring Back,
Bring Back,
O' Bring Back my sunshine to me,
to me,
Bring Back,
Bring Back,
O' Bring Back my mommy to me!
(Next Verse)
When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness...just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so
excited!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues,
And I'll bounce on the furniture...wearing my
shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it
out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll
shout!
(When I'm and old lady and live with my kids)
When they're on the phone and just out of reach,
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake
their head,
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry...I'll run...if I'm able!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels
I'll click,
I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud 'til the end of the day!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,
I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's
sleeping!"
God Bless All Moms and Grandmas Everywhere!
Choir students pipe up to pay way to music convention in Hawaii
January 24, 2002 Posted: 04:40:08 AM PST
By MARIJKE ROWLAND BEE STAFF WRITER
Instead of singing for its supper, a group of Stanislaus County high school students has something just a little bigger in mind.
A dozen students from Johansen, Beyer and Ceres high schools were selected to sing in the Western United States Honor Choir. The choir is sponsored by the American Choral Directors Association.
"We're really proud of them," said Johansen choral director Philip Smallwood, who has seven students going to the event. "I'm quite impressed and excited that Stanislaus County has so many."
As part of the honor, the choir will perform at the ACDA's Western Division convention in Honolulu, Hawaii, Feb. 20-24.
"The highlight of the convention is always the honor group," said Beyer choral director Jennifer Champeaux. Two of her students were selected.
To raise funds for the trip, which will cost the students about $850 each, the group will hold a benefit concert Tuesday.
The 12 Stanislaus County students are among some 150 students selected for the honor from across the five Western Division states. Students were chosen from more than 500 audition tapes from Arizona, California, Hawaii, Nevada and Utah. They tried out for one of the four vocal parts -- soprano, alto, tenor and bass.
"It will be a great experience to sing with people from all over the western United States," said Johansen senior Nicole Ricketts.
The honor choir students aren't the only local singers headed to the convention. The ACDA also invited two choirs from Downey High to give a presentation.
The Madrigal Singers and Knightengales will sing at a presentation on caroling, led by Downey choir director Polly Vasche.
"It's a nice honor for us," Vasche said. "I've been doing this 27 years, and we've been caroling so long that, over the years, we've picked up a few hints."
More than 44 groups auditioned for interest -- or speciality -- sessions and only 13 were selected. Vasche will take the 42 students from the two choirs with her to the convention.
"We'll get to learn from other sessions while we are there," said senior Andrew Taylor, the Downey Madrigal co-president. "We'll have a chance to appreciate music more."
Staff writer Marijke Rowland can be reached at 578-2284 or mrowland@modbee.com.
She promised to come,
but prefers the sun...
Oh where, oh where can she be?
Oh where, Oh where can my mom-mie
be?
Oh where, Oh where can she be?
Leaving her sad little pup, she's
flown the coop.
Oh where, Oh where has she gone?
(someone else can do the next verse Dan, Joan, or David)
My husband and I had been happily (most of the time) married for five
years
but hadn't been blessed with a baby. I decided to do some serious praying
and promised God that if he would give us a child, I would be a perfect
mother, love it with all my heart and raise it with his word as my
guide.
God answered my prayers and blessed us with a son. The next year God
blessed
us with another son. The following year, he blessed
us with yet another son. The year after that we were blessed with a
daughter.
My husband thought we'd been blessed right into poverty. We now had
four
children, and the oldest was only four years old.
I learned never to ask God for anything unless I meant it. As a minister
once told me, "If you pray for rain, make sure you carry an umbrella."
I began reading a few verses of the Bible to the
children each day as they lay in their cribs. I was off to a good start.
God
had entrusted me with four children and I didn't want to disappoint
Him.
I tried to be patient the day the children smashed two dozen eggs on
the
kitchen floor searching for baby chicks. I tried to be understanding
when
they started a hotel for homeless frogs in the spare bedroom, although
it
took me nearly two hours to catch all twenty-three frogs.
When my daughter poured ketchup all over herself and rolled up in a
blanket
to see how it felt to be a hot dog, I tried to see the humor rather
than the
mess.
In spite of changing over twenty-five thousand
diapers, never eating a hot meal and never sleeping for more than thirty
minutes at a time, I still thank God daily for my children.
While I couldn't keep my promise to be a perfect mother - I didn't even
come
close - I did keep my promise to raise them in the Word of God.
I knew I was missing the mark just a little when I told my daughter
we were
going to church to worship God, and she wanted to bring a bar of soap
along
to "wash up" Jesus, too.
Something was lost in the translation when I
explained that God gave us everlasting life, and my son thought it
was
generous of God to give us his "last wife."
My proudest moment came during the children's Christmas pageant. My
daughter
was playing Mary, two of my sons were shepherds and my youngest son
was a
wise man. This was their moment to shine.
My five-year-old shepherd had practiced his line, "We found the babe
wrapped
in swaddling clothes." But he was nervous and said, "The baby was wrapped
in
wrinkled clothes."
My four-year-old "Mary" said, "That's not 'wrinkled clothes,' silly.
That's
dirty, rotten clothes."
A wrestling match broke out between Mary and the shepherd and was stopped
by
an angel, who bent her halo and lost her left wing.
I slouched a little lower in my seat when Mary
dropped the doll representing Baby Jesus, and it bounced down the aisle
crying,"Mama-mama." Mary grabbed the doll, wrapped it back up and held
it
tightly as the wise men arrived.
My other son stepped forward wearing a bathrobe and a paper crown, knelt
at
the manger and announced, "We are the three wise
men, and we are bringing gifts of gold, common sense and fur."
The congregation dissolved into laughter, and the pageant got a standing
ovation.
"I've never enjoyed a Christmas program as much as this one," Pastor
Brian
laughed, wiping tears from his eyes. "For the rest of my life, I'll
never
hear the Christmas story without thinking of gold, common sense and
fur."
"My children are my pride and my joy and my greatest blessing," I said
as I
dug through my purse for an aspirin.
2. A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think
I'm
shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll
just
have to be a little patient."
3. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins
that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls.
One day
his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some
more. On
the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake
them,
he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged
with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
4. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies
with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves
of a
particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When
the
anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye
and
said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
5. Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted
to
produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket
watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west.
It
turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their
compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico
rather
than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression,
"He who
has a Tates is lost!"
6. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory
equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely
nothing
to go on."
7. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip
of
elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew
and
swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine
man
returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said,
"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
8. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his
name
missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to
the
local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have
taken
Leif off my census."
9. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept
on an
elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on
the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw
of the
hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
10. By the way, I know the guy who wrote these 9 puns. He entered them
and
one other in a contest. He figured with 10 entries he couldn't lose.
As
they were reading the list of winners he was really hoping one of his
puns
would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did!!!
Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar
cone
to prevent ice cream drips.
My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for
Pete's
sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating
it
anyway.
*****
Martha's way #2: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter
onto the
hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.
My way: Buy the pre-cooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds.
The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
*****
Martha's way #3: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the
bag
with the potatoes.
My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry
for up
to a year.
*****
Martha's way #4: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of
salt to
the water before hard boiling.
My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells
off
anyway?
*****
Martha's way #5: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them
to
room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen
counter
before squeezing.
My way: Sleep with the lemons in between the mattress and box springs.
*****
Martha's way #6: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet,
simply
add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of
pan, and
bring to a boil on stovetop.
My way: Eat at Chili's every night and avoid cooking.
*****
Martha's way #7: Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray
before
pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.
My way: Feed your garbage disposal and there won't be any leftovers.
*****
Martha's way #8: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan,
use a
bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on
the
outside of the cake.
My way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
*****
Martha's way #9: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still
cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt
for an
instant "fix me up."
My way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad.
My
motto: I made it, and you will eat it, and I don't care how bad it
tastes.
*****
Martha's way #10: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the
refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
My way: Celery? Never heard of the stuff.
*****
Martha's way #11: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before
baking
to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
My way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing
egg
whites over the crust, so I don't do it.
*****
Martha's way #12: Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to
soften
it.
My Way: Brown sugar is supposed to be "soft?"
*****
Martha's way #13: When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar
to help
bring out the corn's natural sweetness.
My Way: The only kind of corn I buy comes in a can.
*****
Martha's way #14: To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it
in a pan
of cool, salted water. If it sinks, it is fresh, but if it rises to
the
surface, throw it away.
My way: Eat, cook, or use the egg anyway. If you feel bad later, you
will
know it wasn't fresh.
*****
Martha's way #15: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and
rub it
on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
My way: Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't
rub a
lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then
the
problem isn't the headache anymore, it is because you are now blind.
*****
Martha's way #16: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into
ice
cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
My way: Leftover wine?
*****
Martha's way #17: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex
dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars
easy.
My way: Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.
*****
Martha's way #18: Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers.
Just
slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water.
My way: Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the anti-bacterial soap
in the
handy dispenser next to my sink.
*****
Martha's way #19: Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer.
* Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes,
brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous
china.
* Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or
cruet,
fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets.
* Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water
and
immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
* Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four
Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
My way: Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the toilet. Add some
Alka-Seltzer and you have solved a whole bunch of problems at once.
http://www.rainbowusa.net/rightnow.htm
Whether you are a mom who cooks for many, a bachelor who cooks on rare
occasions for himself, or a new college student who for the first time
has
his or her own refrigerator -- you will eventually all open the fridge
one
day and say to yourself, "Can I eat this or will it kill me?"
Well here are
some guidelines to help you get through the crisis, so you will know
what to eat and what to toss out.
THE GAG TEST
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled except for leftovers from what
you
cooked for yourself last night).
EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is
probably
past its prime.
DAIRY PRODUCTS
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled
when
it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when
it
starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled
milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar
cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realize
you've never purchased that kind.
MAYONNAISE
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.
(This is the only way you can tell if it is spoiled)
FROZEN FOODS
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem
in
your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled - (or wrecked anyway)
by
the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
EXPIRATION DATES
This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly
good
food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit
by having
a calendar in your kitchen.
MEAT
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block
radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
BREAD
Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots"
that
should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy
looking
white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread
has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment. (Though it
is
usually still ok to eat if you have a headache)
LETTUCE
Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the
vegetable crisper without Comet. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it
turns
liquid. (We didn't think you needed guidance with this one)
CANNED GOODS
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should
be
disposed of. Carefully.
POTATOES
If it looks like it is ready for planting, toss it.
EMPTY CONTAINERS
Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick,
but it
only works if you live with someone or have a maid.
GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster.
Keep a hamster in or nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.
I think you will truly enjoy the message this web site's presentation
has to offer. It's very well done.
Once the site comes up, hit "presentation" and give it a few minutes
to
download.
If only we could have such an interview, especially during these troubled
times.
Have a wonderful New Year!
Love,
Sue
The Christmas season is upon us once again. Thank goodness for
this
precious season to reflect upon that most wondrous birth, of that life
that
set the example for us to follow, and of that love that allowed our
Savior
to pay the price so that we might have the hope of an eternal life.
Truly
this is a season of “peace on earth and goodwill to men.”
As each year passes, we all increase another year in life and 2001 has
been
filled with many changes and blessings in our lives. Adrianne
is now living
in Salt Lake City working at the University of Utah Hospital in their
Perinatal Genetics counseling department. She is an administrative
secretary and is learning tons and loving the challenges of her new
job.
She experienced some of the realities of life by working in the .com
industry as the company she was working for “downsized” and she was
a
casualty in the process. But this was a blessing in disguise
because she
was able to spend a week with Margie in Mazatlan, Mexico. They
had a
fabulous time. She loves SLC, but does miss her ward in Orem
where she
served as Relief Society 1st Counselor. She is still continuing
her
education, primarily by correspondence, and should finish sometime
before
the end of the century.
Rob is now in his junior year of college at BYU majoring in Neuroscience
(whatever that is). With this major, it means that his educational
plans
will not end in another year; he is planning to attend medical school.
We
did enjoy having him home this summer as he worked again for the paving
company and had a “girlfriend”. It was a new adventure for Rob…and
a
complete surprise for the rest of us. Our biggest concern for
Rob is not
the challenges of school, but his well-being. He seems to have
a
“one-track” mind, and once he becomes focused on his studies, he forgets
to
eat! Thank goodness for sisters living nearby to watch out for
him.
Natalie spent the spring semester at BYU then in May moved to Salt Lake
City
(living just one block from Temple Square). She loves it there
working and
attending BYU-Salt Lake. She is currently working for “The Gap”
(a dream
come true!!!) after having worked at Fuddruckers Restaurant during
most of
the summer and fall. She is now a sophomore and is trying to
decide between
Humanities and Business as a major. She is having a wonderful
time
attending an LDS Business College Ward and serving as Relief Society
Secretary. She is always so cheerful which results in her having
many
friends. She is coming home next semester to work and attend
CSI. We’re
sure it has something to do with the fact that she keeps talking about
BYU-Hawaii sometime next year.
Matt is now a junior in high school and is keeping his parents young
and
smiling. He is such a wonderful young man with a heart as big
as his body.
He is now 6 foot 3 inches and weighs 200 pounds. (People keep
asking us
where he came from.) He is a very serious student and is doing
quite well
in school. He was listed
in “Who’s Who Among American High School Students.” And you should
have
seen Rob’s jaw hit the floor!!! He hopes to follow his sibling’s
footsteps
to BYU in the future. He played tennis on the high school team,
baseball
during the summer, and is again playing the trumpet in the band.
He is
recovering from an ankle injury received during an after school basketball
game, which sadly happened just before high school try-outs.
He’s anxious
for Church basketball to begin. He’s one of the tallest players
in the
Stake and he’s planning to “rule the floor!!”
As for Margie, she turned the big 5-0!!!! (Although she now admits
to 39
now instead of 29!) She has had more physical challenges this
year. The
good news is that doctors in Boise have helped in treatment of her
condition. But in spite of health problems, she still finds time
to travel.
She’s enjoyed a week with her Mom in California in the spring,
a trip to
Mazatlan, Mexico in October, and a December cruise in the Caribbean
(celebrating our 25th Anniversary). These have been just some of the
highlights of her year. Falling backwards down some brick steps
in
Mazatlan, as she was trying to take a picture, breaking two fingers
and a
toe, did not diminish her love of photography or the wonderful time
she had.
With three of the children living in Utah, she takes every opportunity
to
visit them.
As for Bob, his life is centered around his work and Church callings,
which
is enough. He continues to have many rich experiences serving
in the Church
and enjoys his relationships with those he serves. He continues
to work in
Scouting and received the Silver Beaver award from the Scout council
this
past February. He, Margie, and Matt had the opportunity of attending
the
Philmont Scout Training Center this summer and had an extremely rewarding
experience. The Caribbean cruise in December was very restful
and
incredibly enjoyable with 15 members of Margie’s family. Seeing
some of the
ruins in Cozumel, with a guide named Mosiah was an incredible experience!
Our most favored memories from this past year are those we have had
with
family and friends. We have been richly blessed because of our
wonderful
family and friends, who continue to influence and enrich our lives.
May the
Lord’s choicest blessings be with each of you during this Holiday season
and
throughout the coming year.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Our love to all, The Thurston’s
Bob, Margie, Adrianne, Rob, Natalie & Matt
a.. The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out
to be
the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging
plant,
providing considerable savings in maintenance.
b.. The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost
effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not
be
condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.
c.. The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves
the
French.
d.. The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail
system,
with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who
the
birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.
e.. The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.
Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have
negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification
into
other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology
stocks
appear to be in order.
f.. The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer
be
afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg
per
goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese
will
be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel
will
assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good
one.
g.. The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better
times.
The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order.
The
current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore
enhance their outplacement.
h.. As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy
scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being
sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no
upward
mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending,
a-mentoring or a-mulching.
i.. Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function
will be
phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the
steps.
j.. Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the
expense
of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to
suggest
replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping
ability
may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we
expect an
oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.
k.. Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case
of
the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback
on
new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right
down
to the bottom line.
We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals
and
other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching
deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in
one day,
service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion
to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing")
action is pending.
Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary
in
the future to stay competitive. should that happen, the Board will
request
management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven
dwarfs is the right number. Happy Holidays!
Happy Holidays All
I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan.
As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for
milk
and cookies, so keep that in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your
local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, 'Bubba Claus'.
His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are
a few
differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus.
He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These
toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
a
Michelob and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba
doesn't
smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty
spit
can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead
of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer
one
time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen" when Bubba
Claus arrives. Instead you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin
and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."
5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely
to
hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have
a
Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."
The
last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well.
One
is a Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and
the
other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee wee on the Tooth
Fairy.
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and
"It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
area.
Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and Smokey and the
Bandit
IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrols
cars
crashing into each other.
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the
wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents
under the tree.
9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs such as "Rudolph the Red-Nosed
Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" will no
longer
be sung about me. This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played
on all
AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be Mark Chesnutt's
"Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox" and "Grandma Got Run'd Over by a Reindeer."
Sincerely yours,
Santa Claus (member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 29)
SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs. TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES -- female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water. WEB PAGE -- female, because it is always getting hit on.
SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER -- female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
ZIPLOC BAGS -- male, because they hold everything in, but you can always
see right through them.
SUBWAY -- male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people
up.
HOURGLASS -- female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years,
but it's handy to have around.
Merry Christmas
Greg
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer,
your
family blames the tobacco company.
If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame
the
school for poor sex education.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk,
you blame
the bartender.
If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot
up with
heroin was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean
ones.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun
manufacturer.
And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill
the
pilots at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother
of
the deceased blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.
So if I die while my old, wrinkled butt is parked in front of
this
computer, I want you to blame Bill Gates, OK
The following were some of the winning entries:
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer
the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run
over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist
immediately before he examines you.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and
actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
How did you do? The point is that none of us remember the headliners
of
yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in
their
fields, but the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.
Easier? The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are
not
the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.
They
are the ones that care. Pass this on to those people who have made
a
difference in your life. "Don't worry about the world coming to an
end
today.
It's already tomorrow in Australia."
----- Charles Schultz
It's that time of year again... I'm trying to update the family
list and
send everyone a copy for the holidays. Please send me your address,
phone
number, work number, new cell numbers, names and birthdates of any
new
babies, etc.
If you would like to have your children (living away from home) included
on
the list be sure to send their information, too.
My only problem is I need the information ASAP! Bob & I are
leaving on our
25th Anniversary Caribbean Cruise on Thursday, November 29!!!!!
(We can
hardly believe we're going.....We're soooo excited!!!) We will
not be
returning until December 10th!
So please respond today or tomorrow at the latest! Even if the
information
is still the same, please respond and let me know.
Thanks to everyone for your help.
I love you all.............. THANKS! Margie nomorebirthdays@hotmail.com
Surprise! Hey, Cool Web site :^) Well, I just wanted to wish you and
yours a very Happy Thanksgiving. We all have so much to be thankful for.
I pray you are all well and blissfully happy. Oh, this may be a little
premature but I'll tell you anyway. David may be transferred to guess where?
Yes, Arizona. Can you believe it! Flagstaff, AZ. to be
exact. So move over David (Brooke), the Booker Family might soon be
moving in on your territory! (Oh oops, did I say that out loud)?
Gods Blessings to The Entire Brooke Family
Love,
The David Booker Family
EVERYONE MUST HAVE A PASSPORT OR BIRTH CERTIFICATE & LICENSE!!!!
EVERYONE SHOULD ALREADY HAVE THEIR AIRLINE TICKETS.
TAKE OFF DATE IS SAT. DEC. 1ST,WE WILL ARRIVE IN FORT LAUDERDALE AFTER
MIDNIGHT...
WE WILL SHUTTLE ($15.00 PER PERSON) DOWN TO MIAMI AND STAY AT THE DAYS
INN.( $70.00 PER ROOM)
DEC. 2ND SUNDAY
GO DOWN TO THE SHIP AS EARLY AS 12:00 NOON.
4:00 PM SHIP WILL DEPART
HAVE FUN!!!!!
DEC. 3RD MONDAY-FUN DAY AT SEA...
DEC. 4TH TUESDAY
9:00AM TO MIDNIGHT- COZUMEL...
DEC. 5TH WEDNESDAY-FUN DAY AT SEA....
DEC. 6TH THURSDAY
7:30 AM TO 4:30 PM- GRAND CAYMEN...
DEC. 7TH FRIDAY
8:00 AM TO 3:30 PM- OCHO RIOS
DEC. 8TH SATURDAY-FUN DAY AT SEA...
CELEBRATE MOM'S BIRTHDAY!!!!!
DEC. 9TH SUNDAY
8:00 AM ARRIVE IN MIAMI...DISEMBARKATION CAN BE FROM 8AM TO 11AM
DEPENDING ON IMMIGRATIONS.
MOST OF US WILL RETURN ON SUNDAY.....
I WILL BE PICKING UP THE PACKETS FOR THE CRUISE HOPEFULLY THIS WEEK...
CARNIVAL CRUISE HAS
NOT GIVEN CABIN ASSIGNMENTS YET, THIS IS A GOOD SIGN... IT LOOKS LIKE
WE COULD BE UP GRADED
IN 0UR CABINS...
PLEASE PACK LIGHT WEIGHT CLOTHING, SHORTS,SANDALS,SWIMMING SUITS,SUNGLASSES,
AND SUN
BLOCK....
THERE WILL BE TWO FORMAL NIGHTS- CAN BE GOWNS TO DRESSY PANTS OUTFITS.
MOST LADIES WEAR A
DRESSY DRESS. AS FOR MEN A JACKET AND TIE OR TUXEDO. SHORTS AND
TANK TOPS ARE NOT ALLOWED IN
DINING ROOM AT DINNER TIME BUT ARE ACCEPTABLE FOR BREAKFAST AND LUNCN.
AGAIN... DONT FORGET YOUR PASSPORT OR BIRTH CERTIFICATE & LIC.!!!!!
ANY QUESTIONS.............CALL ME-- RACHEL :)
*****************
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the
church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
***************
Tuesday at 4 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. Will ladies giving
milk, please come early.
*******************
Wednesday the Ladies Literary Society will meet. Mrs. Johns will sing "Put
Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the Pastor.
*******************
Thursday at 5 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All
wishing to become Little Mothers will please meet the Minister in his study.
*******************
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Jackson to come forward and lay
an egg on the altar.
******************
On Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the
new carpeting. All wishing to do something on the carpet, please come
forward and get a piece of paper.
*******************
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
****************
This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the
Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
*********************
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
**************
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
********************
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.
******************
A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
****************
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
********************
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.
*****************
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.
*******************
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
*********************
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
******************
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
Humbly yours,
Greg
Greetings from Utah! I am back to work after my 3 month long break.
I don't know
if all of you knew...though I'm sure word got around...but I was laid
off from my job with About.com during the end of July. I was sad
for about...mmm.... 2.5 nanoseconds! I was so excited for a little
bit of a break. Thank heavens for severance pay!
So for the month of August I was a lazy bum...as mom and pop kept saying. And then I decided to really live it up and become homeless as well! But thanks to Joanie and Greg, I still had a roof over my head. It was great to spend time with them, Dan and Rachel, and David and Becky during my 3 week sabbatical in Arizona.
After that I headed back to cooler weather in Utah and Idaho until fun
called again in the form of an incredible week in Mazatlan, Mexico!
For my first trip out of the great US of A, it was fabulous, amazing, stupendous...and
many other words my brain cannot think of right
now. I traveled down with Mom and we stayed in a beautiful penthouse
suite. (We just love having friends in high places!) We played
on the beach and in the water, and just fell in love with the Mexican people!
But there was a downfall...emphasis on FALL. The last night in paradise,
Mom fell down 2 cobblestone steps right into a huge iron gate (get this...she
was trying to take a picture when her heel caught the edge of the step!)
So we got the full Mexican experience...ambulance, hospital and all.
The plane ride back was rough; she looked like she had been in a fight.
And when she got home...she had to have surgery on her left ring finger.
She has 2 screws holding her bone together. (She is now officially
SCREWy!)
About a week and a half after our return, I started my new job at the University Hospital in the OB Diagnostic Perinatal Genetics division working as a secretary/admin assistant with 2 genetic counselors. I know, I know...it's a mouthful. Basically, I schedule appts for women with high risk pregnancies and try to keep my desk clean. It's a bit overwhelming, but I am warming well to the challenge. It's a brand new environment. I went from working with almost all men to all women. Let's just say, it's nice not to babysit. ;)
I moved into a great little house on the Holliday-SLC line and have
a fun new roommate. Well, that's the skinny on me! All is well
and extremely chaotic...but that's the way I like
it!!! Love to all!
Adrianne
It's a small world and we are so proud of our missionary.
Greg
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
The following statements about the Bible were
written by children and have not been retouched or corrected
(i.e., bad spelling has been left in.)
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
creating the world, so he took the Sadbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark
Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like
Delilah.
Sampson slayed the Phillistines with the axe of the Apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread-
Which is bread without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses up
on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten amendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand
still
and he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought
with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus
in the
manager.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before
they
do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
It
was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
tombstone
off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the l2 decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony,
which is another name for marriage.
A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
OK now I am asking Come on you guys, one of us must have a picture
of Rick. Go look in your closets, drawers whatever, Do you
have one? Call Gail
and let her know
Example: LAWN SAND JEALOUS (place) Answer: Los Angeles
1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (person)
2. SAND TACKLE LAWS (fictional character)
3. MY GULCH HOARD UN (person)
4. MOW BEAD HICK (book)
5. TALL MISCHIEF HER SUN (person)
6. CHICK HE TUB BAN AN US (product)
7. THOUGH TIGHT AN HICK (thing)
8. AISLE OH VIEW (phrase)
9. TUB RAID HEAP HUNCH (TV show)
10. CARESS TROUGHER CLUMP US (person)
11. DOCKED HEARSE WHOSE (person)
12. THUMB ILL KEY WAKE OWL LICKS HE (place)
13. AGE ANT HUB BLOWS HEAVEN (fictional character)
14. THESE HOUND DOVE MOO SICK (movie)
15. BUCK SPUN HE (fictional character)
Okay, the answers are below. Don't cheat.
ANSWERS:
1. Jacques Cousteau
2. Santa Claus
3. Michael Jordan
4. Moby Dick
5. Thomas Jefferson
6. Chiquita Banana
7. The Titanic
8. I love you
9. The Brady Bunch
10. Christopher Columbus
11. Doctor Seuss
12. The Milky Way Galaxy
13. Agent 007
14. The Sound of Music
15. Bugs Bunny
-.,,.-*"*-.,,.-*"*-.,,.-*"*-.,,.-*"*-.,,.-***~~***-.,,.-
Greg
I walked through a county courthouse square,
On a park bench an old man was sitting there.
I said, "Your old courthouse is kinda run down."
He said, "Naw, it'll do for our little town."
I said, "Your old flagpole has leaned a little bit,
And that's a Ragged Old Flag you got hanging on it."
He said, "Have a seat," and I sat down.
"Is this the first time you've been to our little town?"
I said, "I think it is." He said, "I don't like to brag,
But we're kinda proud of that Ragged Old Flag.
"You see, we got a little hole in that flag there when
Washington took it across the Delaware.
And it got powder-burned the night Francis Scott Key
Sat watching it writing Say Can You See.
And it got a bad rip in New Orleans
With Packingham and Jackson tuggin' at its seems.
"And it almost fell at the Alamo
Beside the Texas flag, but she waved on though.
She got cut with a sword at Chancellorsville
And she got cut again at Shiloh Hill.
There was Robert E. Lee, Beauregard, and Bragg,
And the south wind blew hard on that Ragged Old Flag.
"On Flanders Field in World War I
She got a big hole from a Bertha gun.
She turned blood red in World War II.
She hung limp and low by the time it was through.
She was in Korea and Vietnam.
She was sent where she was by her Uncle Sam.
"She waved from our ships upon the briny foam,
And now they've about quit waving her back here at home.
In her own good land here she's been abused --
She's been burned, dishonored, denied, and refused.
"And the government for which she stands
Is scandalized throughout the land.
And she's getting threadbare and wearing thin,
But she's in good shape for the shape she's in.
'Cause she's been through the fire before
And I believe she can take a whole lot more.
"So we raise her up every morning, take her
down every night.
We don't let her touch the ground and we fold
her up right.
On second thought, I do like to brag,
'Cause I'm mighty proud of that Ragged Old Flag."
Brandon was covered with flour and getting frustrated. He wanted this
to be
something very good for Mom and Dad, but it was getting very
bad.He didn't know what to do next, whether to put it all into the
oven or
on the stove, and he didn't know how the stove worked!
Suddenly he saw his kitten licking from the bowl of mix and reached
to push
her away, knocking the egg carton to the floor. Frantically he
tried to
clean up this monumental mess but slipped on the eggs, getting his
pajamas
white and sticky. And just then he saw Dad standing at the door.
Big crocodile tears welled up in Brandon's eyes. All he'd wanted to
do was
something good, but he'd made a terrible mess. He was sure a scolding
was
coming, maybe even a spanking. But his father just watched him. Then,
walking through the mess, he picked up his crying son, hugged him and
loved
him, getting his own pajamas white and sticky in the process.
That's how God deals with us. We try to do something good in life, but
it
turns into a mess. Our marriage gets all sticky, or we insult a friend,
or
we
can't stand our job, or our health goes sour. Sometimes we just stand
there
in tears because we can't think of anything else to do. That's when
God
picks us up and loves us and forgives us, even though some of our mess
gets
all over Him. But just because we might mess up, we can't stop trying
to
"make pancakes" for God or for others. Sooner or
later we'll get it right, and then they'll be glad we tried . . .
Suppose one morning you never wake up; do all your friends know you
love
them? I was thinking . . . I could die today, tomorrow or next week
and I
wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that
need
rekindling or three words needing to be said.
Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think
they
don't love back, you would be amazed at what those three little words
and a
smile can do.
Just in case I die tomorrow...I LOVE YA!!! °Ü°
Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated
and
fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste
exactly the
same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.
Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients
you
forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't
eat.
Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since
children were
granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation
of the
words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."
Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time
before cooking
a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in,
as well
as when it is removed.
Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces
of meat
and poultry.
Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle
of radar
to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking
compartment.
Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered
by the
average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular
food.
Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party
and you
think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask
him if
he's married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or
less with your hands while you are talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and
I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: What are "dual purpose" cattle good for that other
cattle aren't?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies... but I don't recommend the
cookies!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries.
Are you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects
at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights
in this country?
Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in
the closet?
Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag
his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: True or false...experts say there are only seven or
eight things in the world dumber than an ant.
George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of 'em.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong
with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than
150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put
horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would
like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait
a
while. Why?
Paul Lynde: He's out of town.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your
wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly
believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two
occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should
be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A MOM WHEN...
1. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
2. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
3. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake
to make sure they're
all equal.
4. Your kid throws up and you catch it.
5. Someone else's kid throws up at a party.
You keep eating.
6. You consider finger paints to be a controlled
substance.
7. You've mastered the art of placing large
quantities of pancakes
and eggs on to a plate without anything touching.
8. Your child insists that you read "Once Upon
a Potty" out loud in
the lobby of Grand Central Station and you do it.
9. You cling to the high moral ground on toy
weapons; your child
chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
10. You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only
one your child
eats.
11. You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
12. You hate the thought of his wife even more.
13. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches
into cute
little shapes.
14. You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so
final.
15. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth
when you say,
"NOT in your good clothes!"
16. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
17. You donate to charities in the hope that your child
won't get that
disease.
18. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with
your husband in
ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.
19. You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
20. You tell your husband you are going " poopie" and you
are the only
two people in the room.
21. You find yourself telling your departing guests "nite-nite"
instead
of good bye.
22. You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this
job!", but
you know you wouldn't trade it for the world.
(2) In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
(3) People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
(4) No one expects you to run into a burning building.
(5) People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
(6) There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
(7) Things you buy now won't wear out.
(8) You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m.
(9) You can live without sex but not without glasses
(10) You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
(11) You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
(12) You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
(13) You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
(14) You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks the room.
(15) You sing along with the elevator music.
(16) Your eyes won't get much worse.
(17) Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
(18) Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National
Weather
Service.
(19) Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
remember
them either.
(20) Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
(21) You can't remember who sent you this!
THEN YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY DOG.............
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to
"Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any"
key
is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
hard
to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic
bag
the mouse was packaged in.
3. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy
back
in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold
on and
was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room
to close
the door.
4. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer
to fax
anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered
the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of
the
monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
5. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and
water
and
soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing
them individually.
6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He
told
the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer"
The
user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer
but that
his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
7. An exasperated caller to Dell Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell
Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in,
the technician asked her what happened when
she pushed the power button.
Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing
happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
8. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The
tech asked her if she was running it under "Windows."
The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is
a good
point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under
a window and his printer is working fine."
9. Tech Support: "O.K. Bob, let's press control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now type
the
letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a "P".
Tech: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech: ""P" on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!!!"
THEN YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY DOG.............
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to
"Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any"
key
is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
hard
to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic
bag
the mouse was packaged in.
3. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy
back
in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold
on and
was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room
to close
the door.
4. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer
to fax
anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered
the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of
the
monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
5. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and
water
and
soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing
them individually.
6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He
told
the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer"
The
user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer
but that
his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
7. An exasperated caller to Dell Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell
Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in,
the technician asked her what happened when
she pushed the power button.
Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing
happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
8. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The
tech asked her if she was running it under "Windows."
The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is
a good
point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under
a window and his printer is working fine."
9. Tech Support: "O.K. Bob, let's press control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now type
the
letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a "P".
Tech: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech: ""P" on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!!!"
1. John, Paul, George, Ringo. 2. Oh, my 3. It's Howdy Doody Time! 4. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. 5. Wonder Bread 6. Cassius Clay 7. when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent 8. Maynard G. Krebbs 9. Why? Because we like you. 10. A little dab'll do ya. 11. over 30 12. who wrote the book of love 13. Absolutely nothin' 14. the American way 15. Joe Namath 16. "cause I eats me spinach" 17. Mary Martin 18. is a failure to communicate 19. Richard Nixon 20. Big John, Big Bad John 21. On Blueberry Hill 22. Jimmy Durante - Wherever you are. 23. Good night, Chet. 24. pants on fire 25. Smile you're on Candid Camera 26. he is us
SCORING: 24-26 correct - You're probably 50+ years old 20-23 correct - Most likely in your 40's 15-19 correct - Are we in our 30's? 10-14 correct - Must be in your 20's!! 1- 9 correct - You're, like, sorta a teenage dude?
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