Snazzy McMascot 11th Year Courtesy Jake and the ass he pulled him from Nancy Bernstein 10th Year Nancy clips her toenails with a chain saw. But she holds it backwards. Bad Girl Mentor Megan Brannigan 2nd Year Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Megan threw it. Mike "Ferris" Buening 8th Year  Ferris’s belly button is actually a power outlet. Big Kids Most Valuable Player, 2004, 2007, 2008 Big Kids Man of the Year, 2006 Nelson Bunn Rookie Nelson has a pet kitten - every night for a snack. Kelli Burke Former Big Kid  On her birthday, Kelli blows out her candles by blinking. Big Kids Newcomer of the Year, 2006 Alicia Carmody 3rd Year (2nd with the Big Kids) There is no such thing as tornados. Alicia just hates trailer parks. Tommy Carmody 3rd Year (2nd with the Big Kids) Tommy uses staples as hair gel. Chris Cruvant  2nd Year Chris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants. Meghan Czechowski 2nd Year In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Meghan could use to kill you, including the room itself. Big Kids Newcomer of the Year, 2008 Brian Davis, Captain 5th Year (3rd with the Big Kids) When Brian had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors. Big Kids Man of the Year, 2008 Jill Davis 5th Year When a tsunami happens, it’s because Jill has been swimming laps in the ocean. Dan Dubaniewicz Former Big Kid If Dan is late, time decides for it's own good to slow down. Libby Dubaniewicz Former Big Kid Libby ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. Mo Efimba Former Big Kid Mo did, in fact, build Rome in a day. Dave Eldracher Rookie Dave didn't graduate from Penn State. Penn State recovered from Dave. Matthew Everett Rookie When Matt was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC. Holly Feyler Former Big Kid If you want a list of Holly's enemies, just check the extinct species list. Big Kids Newcomer of the Year, 2007 Marc Gallant Former Big Kid Marc does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it. Hilary Gazzola, Captain 11th Year Hilary isn’t lactose intolerant. She just doesn’t put up with lactose’s crap. Bad Girl Big Kids Woman of the Year, 2001, 2002, 2004, 2005, 2007 Darryl Gilliam Long timer (1st year with the Big Kids) Darryl doesn't get lost on Metro. He just wills the trains to be the right color line. Cathy Hartman 3rd Year (2nd with the Big Kids) Cathy doesn’t eat. Rather she kicks ass until she’s full. Mark Hazan Former Big Kid Mark can unscramble an egg. Russ Heim Former Big Kid Russ beat the Sun in a staring contest. King of the Bad Kids Old School Big Kids Most Valuable Player, 2003 Monica Hurd 5th Year Monica has never had a surprise birthday party. She can NEVER be surprised. EVER. Big Kids Rookie of the Year, 2005 Emily Klubock Rookie Emily once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. She shot a 54. Keith Knox Former Big Kid Keith snorts lightning and sneezes thunder. Old School Melissa Lee 5th Year Melissa frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never her own. Jide Mbanefo 3rd Year (2nd with the Big Kids) When Jide picks his nose, he really DOES find gold. The Mighty Porkchop Former Big Kid A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Porkchop and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Bad Kid Old School Sarah Osinski Not Actually on the Big Kids Sarah can dribble a football. Bad Girl John "JP" Powers Former Big Kid Co-Captain JP floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face. Old School Big Kids Man of the Year, 2002, 2004, and 2005 Chris "Roach" Rote Former Big Kid The word 'Kill' was invented by Roach. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What.' Bad Kid Big Kids Rookie of the Year, 2005 Mike "Eduardo" Rote Former Big Kid Not everyone that Mike gets mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts. Big Kids Rookie of the Year, 2004 Big Kids Most Valuable Player, 2006 Paul Shaw Former Big Kid Paul doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares. Big Kids Newcomer of the Year, 2007 Erik Segura Former Big Kid Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Erik's first visit to Tokyo. Alexis Stamoulis 6th Year The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Alexis needed a back scratcher. James Stuart 3rd Year (2nd with the Big Kids) Divide James Stuart by zero and you will in fact get one. One badass that is. Jeff Tackett Long timer (1st Year with the Big Kids) Jeff once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone. Lauren Tackett Former Big Kid Lauren eats steak for every single meal. Most times she forgets to kill the cow. Laura Turowski 9th Year   Laura knows everything there is to know - except for the definition of mercy. Big Kids Woman of the Year, 2006, 2008 Jake "Gutter" White 9th Year Jake was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee to pick up his dry cleaning. Bad Kid - Old School Big Kids Rookie of the Year, 2001 Big Kids Man of the Year, 2007 Vera Zimmerman Rookie Vera qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.