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by Jean Conway August 31, 1997 
What better tribute for Blue than this?--to be surrounded by the family
and friends he so dearly loved. I am certain he is here with us today and
smiling down on us from above. I feel it is safe to say that only once in
a blue moon does someone like Blue come along. I want to thank everyone
here for helping me get through the year. First, to my husband, Jay, for
putting up with me while he has also been grieving. Next, to my family,
who have supported me and stood by me, no matter what I asked of them. One
expects th at kind of understanding from a spouse and family, but what is
really outstanding to me-are my friends. I have been incredibly blessed by
many, wonderful friends. You all have my everlasting gratitude for all
that you have done and continue to do for me.
This has been the most profound year of my entire life. One can not
possibly know what it feels like to have a child, to love and be loved
unconditionally, to raise that child to adulthood, only to lose that
child. The entire universe changes and nothing will ever again seem
exactly as it did before.
Blue and I were more than mother and son. We grew up together. This is
not only the loss of a son; it is the loss of a generation. My parents are
holocaust survivors who many years ago lost nearly their e ntire families.
The tradition continues...we remain survivors. Blue had a complex
personality. He was the sweet little boy with the cherub face and the big
blue eyes that stayed with him for life. He was a young man with a
mission, and he could charm your heart away. He had a unique sense of
humor and made us all laugh. Blue was an old soul with enormous energy,
and he always possessed the essence of life. None of us here can see the
whole picture. We now know that his work here was done. We also know that
he left large footprints in the sand behind him. He conti nues to teach
us, charm us and guide us. His gifts to us are never ending.
Blue's life was short life, and extremely full. He walked down paths most
of us do not dream of. He battled a demon at a young age and sadly, he
lost that battle. To his many friends here today, I must ask you now,
once again Please do not travel down the path Blue chose. If he had to do
it again, I know he would do things differently. All of you already
possess what you are looking for. You only have to look within yourselves
to find it. Hold onto life when it is easier to let go. For every moment
is precious and could very well be the last. Some may think this ceremony
brings closure to the grieving. To me, this ceremony symbolizes the end
of a year of "firsts" without my son.
I will always miss Blue and he will always be a part of my life. One can
never have "closure" on one's child. Blue will always be in my heart and
I will always be in his. He will always watch over me, always love me,
and always be there for me. There wi ll never be any "closure" on any of
these things and Blue will never "let go" of any of this either. I will
never "let go" of the wonderful memories of him as my child. I will never
"let go" of being thankful I was his mother. I don't think I could miss
him any more today than any other day. Five years down the road I will not
miss him any less... and I can not miss him anymore than I already do.
My grief is acknowledgment that Blue is still a part of my life. He is not
really gone; He has only gone from our view. However, In all fairness, I
must say, I do take comfort in knowing that he is at peace now and his
spirit is watching over us. The most precious gift you can give us, his
family and friends, is to find ways in which to keep Blue's memory alive.
If you have a memory or thought of Blue give it freely to those who are
left behind. In the sharing of these memories is born the beginn ings of
hope and healing. To me, this ceremony symbolizes the beginning of
healing. Let us allow the healing to begin.
These balloons are a gift to you, Blue. For all the gifts you have
brought us. We will never, ever forget you!Until we meet again Please know: Our love will not fade away. You may release the balloons now.... 
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