Thanksgiving 2005

Okay, so while doing my usual daily surfing through family blogs, I wonder what I can do to be different than the norm. So I started thinking about this  holiday as it has been for the last couple weeks and know this...

If I here "I Will Survive" one more time this year, I'll rip my own heart out and die in place. It was only marginally cute the first time I got it in a email last week.

I will look forward to my annual viewing of "Home For The Holidays" though I likely won't watch it until tomorrow and reflect yet again how much it reminds me of my own family in many ways.

Now that I've written something about this day, I feel my duty is done. But I do have to get serious for just a moment. This is an interesting holiday to me. One month before Christmas and the "gift of giving", Thanksgiving is more about what I get. ME ME ME ME ME. And that's not a bad thing. You see, the day is all about being thankful for what I have. What I've received. And that in turn,  moves me to offer the same to others. If you are reading this, than you can be fairly certain you are on my list of blessings I'm thankful for.

November 24th, 2005

Seasons In The Sun

One of these days I'll upload all the writing I've been doing lately, but then it would help if I would finish some of it first!

For today, just a thought or two.

It's fall. Weather-wise, my favorite time of year. Cooler days (and nights), less sun to hide from, and um...can't think of any more reasons right now. But here are the thoughts.

When I went to change clothes a bit ago, I saw the comforter back on my bed. With all the heat the last few months, I forgot that this blanket truly does live up to its name. When I saw it on my bed, I got all warm and fuzzy inside. It is a nice feeling.

Believe it or not, I can't remember the other thing I was gonna mention! Oh well - I'm sure it was brilliant. If you noticed the October 28th PoCam shot, I am thanking someone for the wonderful present they gave me. A Palm Z22. I don't know if this person wants to be anonymous or not, so I'll only say it after a little bird tells me to. After a couple frustrating days of trying to figure out this "new" technology, It is a blessing for me since hand-writing is getting more and more difficult (as is typing). Anyway - I feel pretty special right now and wanted to share that with you all.

October 29th, 2005

Tell It To The Hand
RSD raises its ugly head

Over a month ago, I did one of those stupid "wheelchair" things akin to stubbing one's toe. Going through a door, my hand reached out and rested on the frame while my chair continued into the room. The farther forward I went, the more degrees my fingers were bent backward. No fractures, but a nasty bit of sprain on 3 of the five fingers and a splint for, you guessed it, that expressive middle digit!

No biggie, right? When a month went by and the healing non-existence, my old friend of 10 years took the opportunity to remind me why I'm "retired" and sporting around in a wheelchair. Bending my fingers was still as painful as the day I went through that door, but a new sensation had cropped up. A burning in my "pinky" and the dreaded middle finger was now as evident as the sprain pain.

This seemed morbidly familiar to me yet I hadn't put that 2+2 together. After another couple of weeks my memory remembered this "bad sunburn" feeling on my hand. It was a slap-in-the-face from the disease I suffer with. Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy!

I got lazy. After years of working on a concoction of drugs and lifestyle to combat the symptoms and misery RSD can cause, I got distracted. I forgot that the changes in my lifestyle will indeed help with the constant pain and needles aimed at my nerve endings, but the monster is still present. Who would've thought I could notice the spreading to yet another part of my body? Certainly I had spaced-out the possibility. I forgot that the disease can spread to unaffected parts of the body just as easily today as when I was first diagnosed.

One of the things that always frightened me about RSD is the possibility/probability of it finding new areas to "attack" just because some kind of trauma occurred. This little fact kept me from the dentist for years. I read enough horror stories of the face becoming effected after a cavity had been filled, to put the fear of God in my head. I finally went anyway and was thankful my face didn't begin irritating me like the early signs of RSD will do. So when I got through the dentist okay, I didn't think about the chance of my hand falling victim when it did a 45 degree bend that happy day in June (or was it May?).

Over the years, I've had to make huge adjustments to my life. Many things I held dearly years ago were now impossibilities to maintain. Sports, traveling, cooking and of course, the fit and trim ego - I mean body. :) Over this time I've surprised myself at my ability to adapt to these new and harshly alien changes. But before I get to high on myself, I've also prayed and prayed to keep the pain of RSD from my face (as mentioned above) and to my hands. The hands that once felt as much at home on a guitar neck as my own. The hands that were nimble and capable of performing minute chores with ease. The hands that allowed me to cut my vegetables and spices for my latest cooking feat. And of course, the hands that still enable me to travel, make music, discover new recipes and communicate by way of a keyboard and the internet. BIG PRAYERS.

So its all coming back. All the pain. All the burning. All the depression and need for ever more adapting to a world with less mobility then ever. I had forgotten. So lately I've had some new prayers to join the others.

"I'm sorry RSD. I didn't mean to neglect you. You are mighty and
I am no match for your power. Please show me some mercy."

There isn't much else I can give over to the disease. But I remain stubborn and defiant. And somehow, I will learn new ways to do what I need to to survive another day. My doctors may be more interested in getting a hold of my diabetes. They may be more concerned about how my liver and kidneys are holding up under the strain of all the meds I take to cope. But I can only focus on the pain that isn't visible and doesn't show up on any machines no matter how high-tech. And yes, there are many a night when I "lay me down to sleep" that my prayer is to "die before I wake".

But most mornings I arise with a positive (if not creaking and popping) mood - because I've made it this far, so I figure I can make whatever changes are necessary to continue with this journey called Life. I am blessed by the Love of my family and friends, and you all make for incredible medicine which helps me to cope. Thank you all.

July 18th, 2005

I've discovered that I'm a USB whore. I paid extra so I wouldn't have to open the computer up to use the device. I mention this only because of the one drawback I discovered with the thing. I can't have both it and the PoCam plugged in at the same time.

TV?  PoCam?  TV?  PoCam?  TV?  PoCam?  TV?  PoCam?  TV?  PoCam?

You can see my dilemma. And if you've checked out the PoCam in the last week you would've noticed that it hasn't been "Live" for a long time. So tonight I take a break from TV completely and brought the PoCam back to life! And what better image to display after the long break?

We now have 2 hamsters. Breaking the rules of number of pets, we added Freddie a couple days ago and are having fun recreating the Winchester Mystery House!

Pictures of the dudes as well as the amazing homes (complete with Tinker Toy structure!) will be up soon in the scrapbook. For now I'll just give you a couple pics of the new additions to my home.

  
Barnaby Thomas Hamster
is to the left.

Frederick Witherspoon Hamster
is on the right.

Yep. Its
Fred and Barney!

June 27th, 2005

WOW! This really is my first addition to this section in nearly a year. That isn't to say I haven't been writing anything at all; just that my words have not gotten penned here. So why the return? I'm almost embarrassed to say. Its much like distant relatives and the only time you see them.

Percival died last night. Unlike the other hamsters, he wasn't sick at all (that I knew of). Earlier in the evening I had him out and played with him for a bit. So when I got up this morning, at first I just figured he was sleeping in his wheel due to how hot is was in here last night. But then I got that bad feeling we can get when we know something isn't right. I checked him out closer and discovered he wasn't breathing.

So its goodbye to another friend. He lived a good life. Lived a long life (in hamster years) and gave joy to me and all who met him in the 2 years he was my roommate. I realized I fell into another normal trap parents can relate to. As I went about looking for a photo to include here, I found that like any third child, I got lazy in taking pictures of him. :)

So here is the best photo I have of him. This one taken about 2 weeks after he arrived here. So goodbye old buddy. Time to find your replacement. Olivia will be wanting one this weekend.

Thanks Percy
for all your company.
2003 - 2005

June 16th, 2005