ZOMBIE!
The word alone is enough to
fill
most average breathing Joes and Janes with cold sweats and heart stopping dread. When you see that zombie coming down the street, either you flee in terror or freely bash it's brain with the nearest handy blunt object.
Why?
Simple. Because everyone knows, absolutely KNOWS,
that all zombies are unclean unnatural murdering single-minded
brain-eating tax-dogging shambling engines of
destructive doom.
Right?
WRONG!
Ok, sure, SOME zombie fall into the group above. A few. Maybe a lot. Maybe 99.905%* or more. However, it may surprise you to learn that some members of that smelly groaning rotting hell-bound carnivorous hoard chasing you down the street doesn't want your brain (or your foot, your spleen, or even your urethra).
No. They just want your helping hand.
That's were the Zombie Business Bureau can help. The ZBB's mission is to aid the less fortunate zombie. Those zombies who know their dead, know they can do nothing about it, and just want to get on with their lives (so to speak).
MISSION STATEMENT
To support all businesses, groups
and
enterprise entrepreneurs
(regardless
of
gender,
race, age,
or
reason for
deadness)
that promote and advance
a positive social image
for pulseless
individuals and a zombie lifestyle.
To help such groups and individuals
to
live a full and productive death free
from
any social stigmas caused because
the
individual
no longer
happen to
inhale and
exhale
on a regular basis.
We are also hope to market
line of greeting
cards
or tee-shirts.
HOW CAN I HELP?
You can help by supporting business and
web content that promote the inner
beauty and potential of
productive
zombies members of society.
* Based on independent hoard surveys.
Your zombie intelligence results may vary depending
on
on locality and mileage. Numbers usually higher
in
deep south and lower in New Jersey.
Go figure.
The following is a helpful list of web sites and links to business that promote zombies in a good and healthy light:
Tragically, Zombie bias is so prevalent, that's about it.
Hey, wait a minute!
I know a 'positive image' Zombie web site, picture image, or video (Zombie's doing charity work, donating time, or feeding brains to the less fortunate).
How do I contact the ZBB get my image or link listed?
Easy.
Just shoot an email to hireazombie@yahoo.com with a subject line of "Positive Zombie Site" and a copy of any banner graphic.
Our expert staff will review you submission for inclusion next revision of the ZBB site.
This web site is for humor and parody.
All images copyrighted © Jim Emelander
Last Updated
May 3, 2009