By

Jimmy Joe Meeker

There's been a lot of hoopla lately about a certain County Commissioner's concern for new ambulances. Some people are really up in arms about the whole thing but, in truth, it doesn't add up to crap.

But Mac McCluskey, the guilty party, regardless of his unusually frequent losses of sense, decorum, or (for lack of a better word) brains, is not the stupidest member of the Wilson County Commission. Far from it.

Oh, I know…some of you may be saying, "anybody who says the Wilson County Emergency Management Agency should be shut down because the county won't buy them ambulances has got to be a moron of the highest order."

Well, no one is disputing that, but he really isn't the dumbest commissioner we've got. Really. As a matter of fact, he falls in at around the 50^th percentile. And I'll bet he wishes he could take it back and have it to say over again.

Fully 75% of the Commissioners in Wilson County have no business sitting in this august body because they are ignorant, backward "good ole boys" who ran for office to gain some part of that elusive entity we call "power." If you have power, it doesn't matter that you're an idiot. The name "Dan Quayle" comes to mind. McCluskey doesn't fall into this category.

You see, as everyone knows, a public figure saying that some aspect of government should be shut down is hyperbole--an obvious exaggeration. When these yahoos say these things, they don't really mean it. What they mean is that something needs to be done but they're just not smart enough to figure out what it is--they lack the ability to "think on their feet" as the saying goes. So they say something completely stupid to cause a ruckus. It's tantamount to a baby flinging a spoonful of mashed apricots against the new drapes because he'd rather have peaches. The problem here is that the result is often the same. The baby's going to eat apricots and that, as they say, is that.

McCluskey, commissioner for District 8, was taken to task recently for saying, "Damn it, if we don't buy some ambulances for [the WCEMA], let's shut them down."

And if there were any justice in the world, the WCEMA would have shut down that night, Mac would have broken both legs on the front porch, and would have been forced to crawl to the hospital screaming and weeping like a leper. But, of course, there is no justice in the world. At least not in the world I know.

Mac went on to say that the commission "bought the Sheriff pistols and we're not going to have ambulances to carry people they shoot."

McCluskey didn't mean it. He just didn't have the wherewithal to elucidate exactly what he meant. What most people think he meant was, "Look, if we've got the money to buy deputies new pistols, isn't it possible that we've got the money to buy a couple of ambulances? After all, which is more important?"

But regardless of what he may or may not have meant when he threw this tantrum, his comments kicked up a stink of monumental proportions and Mac was harshly criticized by a humorless writer on the Editorial page of another local news publication. This writer evidently expected McCluskey to act and speak responsibly; which, as we all know, would be completely out of character for one of our squires. Personally, I thought the comment was amusing. Everybody knows that Wilson County law enforcement officers shoot people with the same frequency that Kip Puryear exhibits modesty.

McCluskey was accused of pitting one agency (WCEMA) against another (the High Sheriff's Department). But that is not the case. He was merely frustrated that the Sheriff's Department is able to get damn near anything they want short of tactical nuclear weapons and that this is possible because Terry Ashe is able to "lobby" for financial support for his department.

Ashe can usually get what he wants because his department is fairly effective and he stays in the headlines. You have to give the devil his due--while crime hasn't been eradicated completely in Wilson County, at least it's fairly safe to walk most of the streets at night. And the Sheriff's Department is always busting something or other. A lot more people are concerned about crime than with ambulances because crime seems to be more attention-grabbing than the WCEMA having to drive an old lady to the hospital.

The ambulance service in Wilson County doesn't get into the headlines much. They're very effective and even though the WCEMA has its share of madmen on the staff, you can depend on getting an ambulance when you need one. They rarely cry about their funding and their operation doesn't effect as many people as the Sheriff's.

Mac is the head of the Emergency Management Agency Committee and he wants county money for ambulances. It's as simple as that. It would be nice if he were able to take up lobbying as a full-time occupation (as was suggested by one lunatic) but that suggestion is as ridiculous as Mac's statement about the ambulances. McCluskey is aware that the squeaking wheel gets the grease and he was merely trying to squeak louder than Terry Ashe for a change.

Instead of jumping on McCluskey's ass for making an idiotic statement, perhaps it would have been more judicious to editorialize his misspoken plea for new ambulances. His heart was in the right place, but, as is the case with most of our elected officials, his mouth got in the way.

It is becoming increasingly difficult in Wilson County to tell the idiots and the media apart. For every foolish political statement made, there is always an equal and opposite foolish remedy offered by the press under the guise of reason. And before you think I'm gloating, let me say that this rag is usually as guilty as any other.

But you can count on me, I'm not like the rest.

No one here gets out alive.

XXX